Movie set me back

[Jackie7]

Last night we watched the 2007 movie Lars and the Real Girl (netflix streaming) about a troubled young man who buys a realistic love doll, names her Bianca, and presents her to friends and family as his girlfriend. He squires her around in a wheelchair, while the whole town buys into his delusion and goes along with it, including a funeral when she "dies."

I was planning to dress en femme for a party tonight. I got to thinking that my Jackie persona is my Bianca, and our friends are humoring my delusion. I'm going en drab while I continue to think about it. My wife fell asleep midway so we plan to watch the movie again soon.

[Genny B]

I had trouble staying awake in that movie too! I think you may be reading to much into it Jackie. I thought they were just trying to be funny. Not saying your wrong. I just will not let it bother me. Enjoy the day and go to the party as you like!
Genny B

[Julie1123]

There's probably no way to determine if your friends are just humoring your delusion or not, unless you outright asked them. Of course if they are just humoring you, than an outright question might only get a humoring response.

However, if they are just humoring your delusion than at the very least they care for you. Especially if the delusion is not harming you or is even helping you.

I'm not sure what your particular delusion might be but we all have them at times. Some good and some bad. The important thing is to deal with the bad ones and either accept or understand the good ones.

[kimdl93]

I totally loved that movie. Ryan Gosling is my guy crush, and the whole setting is so Minnesota!

But to your point. Bianca was created by Lars out of his fears of real relationships and fears of losing loved ones. Did you create Jackie to cope with some problem or fear? I would ask if you see Jackie as another being. Do you dramatically change to present this alter ego? Are you able to discern that Jaclkie is not a real being, but rather a manifestation of yourself. Are you able to have meaningful relationships with other real people, regardless of how you're dressed? Fair questions. I'll be interested in your answers.

[Stephanie47]

That is one reason why I would not follow much of the advice given on this forum. Most people are prone to follow the pack and adhere to established norms and expectations established by society. The other factor is NIMBY (not in my back yard). If it does not directly affect me, why make a big fuss? I have friends and acquaintances who erroneously make the assumption I adhere to their particular bias thinking because of a long time association.

I've encountered cross dressers when I've been out and about. I mentally make a note as to their presentation. I do not make any comments. I also scan the immediate crowd, and, basically the vast majority of people observe and do not comment. If a person really does not know what cross dressing is about, I think they just chalk it up as deviancy. If they know you, then maybe it's just chalked up as a 'quirk.'

Society seems to be accepting if a person is transitioning from male to female because of medical/psychological conditions. Just like wearing women's clothing? Nope!

[LaraPeterson]

Pretty astute Stephanie, except for one thing. A lot of the advice on this forum IS good; you might not need it now, but be assured it'll come to you sooner or later, maybe to confirm what you already know and maybe to bring enlightenment to a new situation.

Jackie, don't let it get to you. And don't ever worry about what someone else thinks or says. By yourself and enjoy yourself.

[Jackie7]

Kim, very astute questions. And no, I don't see Jackie as another being, but as an aspect of my self. Friends have noted that I'm pretty much the same person en femme or en drab, I agree despite my best efforts to mount a female presentation. Thpugh i came out as a C D when my exwife became detached and there was no female presence, in some way I needed to create or release one. But sure, unlike Lars I have meaningful relationships with men and women, however I'm dressed.

What hit me was the metaphor, with Bianca representing all manner of delusions and psychological appendages, my Jackie persona for example. I think I'll be OK, I just needed to put it aside while I think it through.

[Confucius]

To those outside the cross-dressing community, we are like Lars, trying to find happiness by living a delusion. However, this is a false assessment of our condition. The cross-dressing condition is not a mental construct. It's just the way our brains are hard-wired. When we cross-dress our brain goes into action releasing a host of neurotransmitters which produce sensations of well-being, comfort, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding. It affects the reward centers of our brain, instant gratification, and thus it mimics the addiction response. It is more a biological condition than a mental one. The response is completely automatic, involuntary, and life-long.

I believe cross-dressing is a form of synestesia; a a neurological phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory pathway. In this sense, the majority of the male population can wear some feminine clothing and feeling nothing but silly embarrassment, and believe that cross-dressers must be delusional for thinking that it feels good, or makes them happy. However, the true cross-dresser's brain is hard-wired to actually release dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and a host of other neurotransmitters which produce a completely difference response.

No, you are NOT like Lars. No, you are not delusional. Your brain is really releasing neurotransmitters and the sensations you experience are REAL. We just need the scientific community to confirm this.

[Beverley Sims]

Jackie we all find unusual parallels with lifes events one way or another.

[Jackie7]

So last night, rattled by the movie Lars and the Real Girl, I went to the party en drab instead of en femme, and talked about the movie and my response. I got a lot of thoughtful discussion and validation from our friends, and was grateful for that.

The really interesting surprise event of the evening was that Jennifer, a transgender girl in our larger social circle, showed up in androgyne fashion -- female from the neck down, bald guy from the neck up -- and announced that she had begun hormones, though she had not yet decided whether to seek surgery. She said it was like adolescence all over again (she is 50), and I must say she positively glowed.

I had two strong responses. One was gratitude to my younger self for having thought and worked through those questions of HRT and SRS many years ago, with the clear decision that hormones and surgery is not my path. The other was genuine pleasure is seeing Jennifer take center stage and take her first strong steps toward a new female identity. I admired her courage and adventurous spirit. And on a minor note I was glad to be en drab, so as not to find myself competing with Jennifer nor being compared to her, because we really are on different paths.

[Leah Lynn]

Hmmm.... I've owned the dvd for two years, but haven't watched it. I may have to, now.

Leah

[Bunty]

My wife and I found that film charming and touching. This thread makes me feel like digging it out to watch again!

[char GG]

That is a great movie! I presents a whole new insight into overall acceptance which can manifest itself in many different areas of life, not just CDing.

[Mink]

been meaning to see this movie for some time now and this thread has inspired me!

will report back!

[Caden Lane]

All that matters is if the Jackie facet of your life makes you happy. What everyone else does is of little consequence unless we allow it to matter. Besides, most people are too self absorbed to notice much else anyhow.

[Jesse Six]

I liked 'Lars and the Real Girl'. It struck me as a very compassionate movie.

There was some of the usual "tee hee, can you believe it?" type humor, but to me, it was ultimately about people trying to accept someone even if they don't fully understand him. Despite the fact that he was easy to ridicule.