Help! Work Knows

[Transboy]

Hi Girls,

Recently ive been having problems at work with the girls last year i have told 2 work friends about my dressing in which i can trust,

Apaarently before xmas another girl guessed my issue because i brought some halloween costumes, The girl that already knew laughed at her when it was mentioned and walked off, so she somehow knows i dress up, We dont get on because ive got her in trouble in the past as im a supervisor, But im scared now because everyone will find out and i will be forced to leave my job.

I dont know what i can do and its causing stress with my girlfriend and me...

Any suggestions?

[Katey888]

Hi Transboy,
You can't lose your job because of something you do in private - the question may be how much you have taken into work before now? Unless you mean you feel you will have to leave your job because of the pressure of others knowing what you do? That's a little different...
You have told others and once told, it can't be untold. If they do not reveal what they know there is no reason you should be forced into a confession.
Deny, if possible. Otherwise this is your personal business, no one from work has any right to go prodding into it.
Do you have a union at work and are you a member? That may help.
A lot depends on the nature of the work you do and your employer and their policies/ attitude...
PM me if you want to share in private or reply on here if you're happy for a general discussion :)
Katey x

[Christine Andrews]

May I ask, why, if this individual were to say something you would have to leave your job?

Taking Femme Halloween costumes into the workplace was always potentially going attract a lighthearted comment whether for yourself or for your friends. Maybe this individual thinks she knows, maybe she doesn't know anything. The safest advice I can offer is to not make any rash decisions until you know for sure what this individual may know.

I may not be the most qualified to answer this and others may be able to offer better advice but I would suggest talking to your two friends. They may be able to help you or offer you specific advice as they will know your workplace and it's politics better than we can on a forum. Other than that, other members may be in a better position to be able to offer advice.

[Transboy]

Hi,

No i brought the halloween costumes from there, I feel i would have to leave if everyone was to find out, Im a supervisor and that would be highly scary for the management to even know aswell.

The person said to me i know you crossdress, The 2 people that i told denied everything they said they thought i told the person causing me the problems.

This person that knows hates my guts she said she wont say anything but i know she will

[Beverley Sims]

Whatever you do in your private life should stay with you, if there are issues you may need to get something on your supervisor and tell her, lay off or else.
It 'aint black mail, just smart manouvering. :)

[Zylia]

The halloween costumes you talk about were something from work? As in uniforms? I don't really get it.

I can't imagine that companies (in the UK) can fire you for doing some cross-dressing in your own time, but if you're a McDonalds supervisor for example and you wore a ladies McDonalds uniform that obviously may be a problem. People who know may give you a hard time if you let them use it against you. You don't have to deny anything, it's just none of their damn business.

[Talisker]

Since your from UK im not sure how you can be forced from your job. You may decide to quit through embarassment but thats your choice.Does she have any proof, photos etc? Otherwise deny it or say anything which happens away from work is your own business.

Report her to HR & unions. Your word against hers and unless you have done something in work time its noones business but yours.

[Kate Simmons]

Nothing you can do really except go about your business. What is going to happen is going to happen. Just make the best of it.:)

[Stephanie Miller]

Sounds like your scared for no reason and now you are running. I say stop running, turn around and OWN the situation. if you did nothing against the law and nothiung against shop policy...look her in the eye next time hshe or anyone else says anything and say "so what? Doesn't involve you and none of your business" and walk away with your head up.
you will have then just taken all the power away from them.
Like I said.. it's your life. Own it and enjoy it.

[Jenny Doolittle]

There is a saying about "taking the wind out of the sails" to squelch someones advantage. Sense you have already told two co-workers.and you know she will tell others, own what you have already said to them, make as if it is no big deal and no ones business, and it will pass as the latest office gossip more quickly. The great thing about everyone knowing also is that there is no long fear in your secret.

[donnalee]

Do not volunteer anything. If you are asked about it, there is no reason to respond, legally or any other: it's none of their business.

[giuseppina]

... We dont get on because ive got her in trouble in the past as im a supervisor, But im scared now because everyone will find out and i will be forced to leave my job.

I dont know what i can do and its causing stress with my girlfriend and me...

Any suggestions?

Well, spreading a supervisor`s personal business all around the workplace is one of the reasons this person can be labelled a troublemaker. In my books, it should be the troublemaker that leaves, either voluntarily or by dismissal. From what you post, it seems to me this person should be written up, at minimum, if they cause trouble along this line. Their attitude leaves something to be desired, even if they don`t out you.

If they do this after being let go, they become a disgruntled ex-employee. Sounds to me like they`re well on the way to that already.

There is a way to fire anyone with justification: keep a file of everything they do wrong.

[DonnaT]

Quitting your job because of what others have found out does not make it all go away. They will still know.

And getting a new job could be a problem when they ask why you quit, and follow up your answer with questions for your employer.

Stand your ground.

[reb.femme]

You can't lose your job for crossdressing, unless you have brought your company into disrepute or the like. You can go to HR and have this kind of behaviour stamped on too, but I suspect your secret is probably a little wider known now, than confined to just a couple of people.

Effectively, your choices are complete denial, say nothing, own the situation or leave. It is nobody's business but yours how you conduct your life unless it impacts upon the company for which you work. This should also serve as a salient lesson to others who may wish to confide in people at work. If you want to keep a secret, tell no one.

Rebecca

[Jaylyn]

I'm with Kate on this one, just go about your business and act as if nothing unusual is going on. I have found that probably 90% of what we worry about doesn't come to pass anyway. If the damage has been done then just keep going full force at work till it passes or you have to mess with the problem. If you have to tackle it then do it head on and act like it's no big deal.

[Tracii G]

You shouldn't have told any of them.I'm being brutally honest. Girls chat among each other and I'm sure the word is out there and not much you can do about it now.
My advice is go about your business and if some one bullies you over it go to HR and have them handle it.
You could just admit it if asked and act like its no big deal.If you let the people get to you they win.Stand up for yourself and don't let them win.
You have learned a good lesson grasshopper next time you will keep your mouth closed about your personal business.

[Candice Mae]

Why did you buy the costumes from work? Have you not heard of don't poop Where you eat?

[Saikotsu]

Most likely she'll tell people, and nothing will come of it.legally, they can't fire you for it, and if everyone knows, you no longer have to hide it. This may be a blessing in disguise.

Consider this. You're a superviser. No one is going to call you out on it for fear of retaliation. Maybe seeing you as you are normally, and knowing you're a crossdresser will make them realize that there is nothing wrong with you dressing up. Try to keep things in perspective.

[Deedee Skyblue]

You can't lose your job because of something you do in private

Of course you can. Unless you have an employment contract, you can be released. If the company needs a reason, they can make one up, or say you don't fit in, or they are eliminating your job, or come up with hundreds of other perfectly legitimate reasons. You may KNOW it is because of your crossdressing, but unless someone actually says so, it could be very difficult to prove, and even with a great lawyer, you might not be able to make a case.

I'm not defending this; it isn't right. But it's real. You read about it all the time, especially when someone's 'private actions' become public.

Crossdressing, even if your company knows, will not necessarily get you fire. It shouldn't. But don't feel invulnerable in your job.

Deedee

In a dispute between two employees, the company usually tends to side with the supervisor over someone in a lower position - presumably the supervisor is more valuable to the company than the other employee. This is with all other things being equal; for example, if the supervisor has a lot of issues already on record, that might change things. In addition, an employee who deliberately sets out to make trouble for another employee is bad for the company, and often that gets realized. Unless you have done something wrong, on the job, and the two of them are in a 'your word/her word' type of situation, your word is probably better.

[kimdl93]

Chill out. Keep your head up and do your job.

[RenneB]

Of course you can. Unless you have an employment contract, you can be released. If the company needs a reason, they can make one up, or say you don't fit in, or they are eliminating your job, or come up with hundreds of other perfectly legitimate reasons. You may KNOW it is because of your crossdressing, but unless someone actually says so, it could be very difficult to prove, and even with a great lawyer, you might not be able to make a case.
.

I agree. Although I don't know the labor laws in the UK, here in the colonies most of us are "at-will/no-cause", save for a few in the few remaining strong labor unions. From this point on, I'd be caring a voice activated digital voice recorder. It may come in handy for the 'after' what ever happens.

On a side note, the best time to look for a new job is when you have one. In my business my entire company is without any job security. At any moment, the boss can come in and dismiss any one of us..... I never should have left my union....

Renne.....

[Lena]

Why did you buy the costumes from work? Have you not heard of don't poop Where you eat?

My thoughts exactly - LOL

[Katy120]

Forge ahead. Be the best employee you can possibly be. Be professional and scrupulously fair in your judgments. Prove your worth to the company day in and day out. You can't control the wagging tongues of other people, but you can demonstrate your value to the company.

[SuzanneS]

From this point on, I'd be caring a voice activated digital voice recorder. It may come in handy for the 'after' what ever happens.

Renne.....

Renne is right! Even if you don't quit or if they let you go, it would be a good thing to have for anyone....it's really not a big deal....until it is. ;)


..........oh yeah. And if anyone confronts you about it.... like was said earlier, just own the situation, don't back down, you're a supervisor because you do a better job than the rest of the employees. Now do it! ;)

[rachael.davis]

ask the women involved to take a walk with you to human resources for a long heart to heart chat about the firms policies.