Question for your friends and coworkers

[Briana90802]

I was at work one day and happened to ask if they could accept a friend that was transgendered. Most said yes. However, when I switched it up and asked if it was their spouse the tune changed and they said that they could still be friends but they wouldn't stay married.

I remember thinking how sad that friendship is more tolerant of transgender issues than love is. And yet love should be based on friendship.

So, would you mind asking your coworkers and friends about transgender acceptance with a friend and then with a spouse and report back what you find?

thanks.

[lesli]

i've asked this in the past, almost all of them are tolerant of transgender, but non that i currently work with have said they would stay with a spouse if they found they were seeking the switch.

[Heather W]

Sounds like classic case of "not in my backyard" Brianna. It is easy to accept any concept on the theoretical level it is when it directly affects us personally we see who the true believers are and who the lip servicers ae.

[Stephanie Miller]

I have found in most cases Briana that people will be more than obliging to take the high road when giving advice to others from a glass house.
( They will say one thing others should do, but when it affects them directly its another matter)

[Sheila11]

I think you are crossing parallel lines.

Tolerant of transgender, yes.
Married to the same sex, no.

Two different issues.

[Erica_xox]

My company and co workers are tolerant and actually very accepting of me being transgendered. I started off just dressed all male, then with Human Resources help I got the word around. No one seemed to care. To this day some days I am all fem and others all male and most days half n half. But they got to know me for who I am and they still treat me exactly the same as before they knew. I don't know about spouses, except that I over heard one woman say she could not believe my wife lets me out this way, because she would not. But for the most part I have proven that I am still the same person, and I do a good job.

[Stephanie47]

I agree with you. In most professional environments co workers are tolerant. Tolerance in no way confers acceptance. The vast majority of people conform to societal norms and expectations. Co workers only have to deal with these issues in a very limited way.

As to a spouse? If one does not tell the spouse up front so the person can make a decision based on the facts as presented, then that spouse is entitled to reassess her association with her husband. She married a guy, not a woman. She has societal expectations. Frankly, those of us who are in DADT relationships have a wife who can see past the visual appearance of her man attired as a woman and see his inner self. I cannot fault my wife for choosing not to see Stephanie. Each marriage has its own level of tolerance. Some women just fall to the herd mentality. We just have to make sure both spouses are playing with the same deck of cards, and, not playing solitaire.


I think you are crossing parallel lines.

Tolerant of transgender, yes.
Married to the same sex, no.

Two different issues.

[Tina_gm]

If you said the word Transgendered, it is likely that people thought you were referring to someone who is TS or living mostly as the opposite sex, and feel that way mostly as well. Most women are not going to want to be married in this way, and that is quite understandable. Try asking this question and switching it to occasional CDing and see how that will change for some of the women.

[steeve]

I was at work one day and happened to ask if they could accept a friend that was transgendered. Most said yes. However, when I switched it up and asked if it was their spouse the tune changed and they said that they could still be friends but they wouldn't stay married.
thanks.

For me my co workers accept , my friends also, quite a few of them are married ,and the consensus was , (in my own words) we are all the same, the same energy in a body,social indoctrination destroys what we are,.

[Erica_xox]

I just asked a couple female co-workers and they both said because they would think he was going to turn gay. That is the #1 mistaken assumption made by everyone. And one woman said she still likes a manly take charge guy at home and in her life. She can't see that if he is in a skirt.

[sometimes_miss]

I was at work one day and happened to ask if they could accept a friend that was transgendered. Most said yes.
Because that's the politically correct thing to say. No one wants to be seen as bigoted or prejudiced against anyone, especially if they actually are. Everyone wants to be seen as compassionate, kind, accepting of others, and open minded. But when you really get down to it, they aren't, especially about something as personal as what turns them on or off sexually, and they will rarely ever discuss that.

[kimdl93]

Hypothetical. One may say they couldn't accept a spouse who CDd but that's an abstraction. One can only know for sure when they deal with a real situation.

[Jenniferathome]

Do you really think it odd to think that a husband or wife would want to stay in a newly same-sex relationship? Remember that when you said "transgender," EVERYONE thinks Transexual. I would not stay with my wife in marriage if she wanted to be male. I'd be her friend and treat with with respect and make sure she was equal in our children's lives, but I am not gay. I think you expect too much

[Briana90802]

Jennifer, are you in love with your wife because she's a woman or because she's a wonderful person. Isn't that the point? We are who we are and if we only love someone because of the package they come in or the clothes they wear then isn't that rather hypocritical? I love my wife because she is smart, funny, accepting and not to mention beautiful(to name a few reasons), but if she came to me and said that she wanted to be a boy I'd still love her.

In addition, the women I talked to seemed to be the most quick to say that they wouldn't love someone because of their appearance. strange.

[Jenniferathome]

Briana, I am in love with my wife. A woman and mother. I love her unconditionally and she me. If she wanted to change genders, I would love her unconditionally but we would not be husband and husband. The marriage would be over not our love nor friendship.

[Michelle789]

The closer you are to someone, the harder it is for people to accept you being transgender. I would say acceptance goes in this order, from least accepting to most accepting.

1. SO (least accepting by far) - remember your wife wants a man, not a woman or third gender
SMALL GAP
2. Parents - a lot of this comes from our parents being much older than us, and growing up in times where there was less tolerance - also parents may be under lots of pressure from their siblings or peer group - since if they accept you as being trans than to their peer group they're guilty by association - I don't agree with this it's just a cold hard fact


A HUGE GAP


3. Brothers, sisters, cousins, children
4. Employer (supervisor, the company itself)
SMALLER GAP
5. Friends
6. Co-workers (other than your supervisor)
7. Neighbors
SMALL GAP
8. Complete strangers (most accepting)

This is an average case-scenario. It also depends on where you live, and how open-minded the people are on average. It is possible to have your parents accept you but to lose friends, although on average friends will accept you more than your parents.

[Beverley Sims]

Brianna,
I have had similar conversations with co workers, usually about someone we know who is in transition.
Asking your question, I have already had the same unanimous replies.


It's okay for a friend, but it would be a deal breaker for my husband.

[Alaina R]

These are completely different issues. You don't live with or devote your life to a friend, you do with your spouse.