Are there others like me?

[Darla Jean]

I read many posts and seldom reply, but recently have been focused on whether there are other "women" on this site who are like me…if so, what do they do to cope, how do they satisfy their feminine side and desire to dress…

I am in awe of the various women who are able to dress full-time, present themselves in public without flaw, shop with their SO’s, work on their makeup, maintain a closet of shoes and manage their femininity with such grace and ability. They simply stun me and are such role models…I am jealous!

But, that’s not me. I’m big and tall and muscular, could never pass, and would require a lawnmower to remove all of the hair that covers my legs, arms, chest and fingers. I am married but do not have an agreeable spouse for this hobby/desire and I do not consider crossdressing a deal breaker in my marriage. But I have had private makeovers and photos, been once or twice out in public with other “women” and keep my collection of panties, bras, slips and nighties hidden but available for use when I can dress. Fortunately I am not a bit afraid to shop for clothing or makeup in male mode.

I love to dress, but also love many other things. I cope by dressing when I can, sometimes underdressing and doing those things that allow me to express my femme side…and it feels good. But it comes in ways that, at least to me, seem to be rejected by many others on this site…I have a feeling that for many crossdressing is an all or nothing proposition. Either you dress 24/7 or you are not really part of the sisterhood. While my aspirations may be to play NFL football and then put on a beautiful gown and dance the night away in the ballroom late into the night, neither will happen. Nor am I compelled to make either happen...I seem to be satisfied where I am...

Are there others like me, happy to do what we do, but who also recognize and accept the limitations? Who enjoy the fun of dressing, but do not dress daily, enjoy underdressing, but know they will never be JLaw or even one of the other beautiful women who post to this site? Are their others like me and if so, how do you cope with the physical and other limitations on your desire to dress and be feminine?

[Maggie O'neal]

I know what you mean , as for hairy legs I have used either black tights or busy patterned black nylons . The latter makes me feel sexy when I am wearing with a garter belt . I may be wrong here but how you are dressing I believe is whatever you are comfortable with . Maybe I am being selfish but I do it for my own pleasure not anyone's approval.

[lovetobedani]

I understand exactly what you mean. I like you, have a large athletic build and if hair was my only problem I'd be happy.

All I can tell you is, enjoy who you are to the best of your ability. Who and what we are is both a gift and a curse.

[Jenniferathome]

I think I am very much like you. I'm a strictly a part timer. I deal with my body hair by shaving. I am only 5'7" and a fairly low fat 155 lbs, but I in no way pass. I camouflage my arms with sweaters or jackets when I go out. I'll never be more than a part timer but that does not stop me expressing myself. I "underdress every day and when needed, I go all out. That's how one copes.

[emma30]

Darla, my guess is the gorgeous ones see flaws in themselves too. I feel feminine alot, I do a very masculine job but i stopped looking in the mirror and now my mind is my mirror. We all have different shells and we all have different minds and inside that mind i can be who i want to be. Your question is a good one to bring up but i deal with it in my way and you can find your way too.
Emma x

[PatChick]

Yeah I guess I'm a little similar, except that my SO does approve. I also had dreams of playing NFL, but had to settle for the arena leagues. I'm 6'0 200 lbs, so yeah I don't look the way I would like to in a dress, but I still have a kit if fun with it.

[Katey888]

Darla Jean - I think I'm with you in many ways. I have limitations to my time and I just have to say to myself: I'm having one or two sessions a week when Katey can be Katey to some extent, and the rest of the time I have to get on with life. I have no desire to live that life entire as Katey.
I've been developing more of how I look and might 'pass' as Katey recently, and I suffer some of your constraints in that I have quite an athletic physique, my legs are quite muscular (unless you get the right camera angle :)) and all those other things that generally come with being male.
I don't feel that this forum is pressuring me or anyone in any way - I know what you mean that there are probably those who have very firmly held opinions and we don't necessary align... Well pardon me for being who I am but tough :D - I have a right to an opinion too.
I think it's good that you come out with this perspective - you might find that us more 'casual' CDers are more of a silent majority and don't participate much because they're not driven by the mysterious pink fog (which has never materialised around me).
At the moment I'm coping with my time limitations by focusing a bit more on the technical side of being girly; the makeup is an art in itself - I'm loving it :) Maybe one day I too may venture out, but I have a suspicion that getting that far will pale quickly - we'll see...
Good question - enjoyed thinking on that one :hugs:
Katey x

[teri g]

My situation is mostly like yours. DADT marriage but I very much enjoy my male life. I work in a male-dominated industry, active in male-predominant sports, handle all the home maintenance duties etc. I wish for more time to indulge in our pursuit and this may eventually end our marriage. But I think you have the wrong impression of the makeup of our membership. I've not posted much but have been lurking for a long time and it seems to me that our members cover the entire spectrum of dressing. I would be hard-pressed to lump a majority into any one category, in fact there a few topics that seem to reach consensus. I think that if you dug a little deeper that you would find that your circumstances are well represented here.

[Zylia]

Well, if there's a sisterhood of full-time/daily dressers here, I'm not a member either :) I'm a guy first and foremost.

I also think there are no more than a handful of dressers here who can 'present without flaw'. We all have our limitations, but some people don't show it or talk about it.

[Jaime77]

Holy crap Jennifer! Great guns, and great form, and in my opinion, quite attractive and passable! You rock girl!

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Darla Jean, I am a kindred spirit, perhaps with a more accepting spouse. You've gone much further than I have, so kudos to you. I'll always look like a guy in a dress, but I still enjoy it.

I get flak from some people for only showing pics from the waist down. I don't care...it's my fetish/illusion/fantasy/hobby, so as long as it satifies me, that's what matters.

You are among friends--please stay.

[RADER]

Darla Jean:
I am rite with you, I’m big and tall and muscular, could never pass, and would require a lawn mower
to remove all of the hair that covers my legs, arms, chest and fingers.
You hit me on the head. I like to dress when I can, I stay in the house, but under dress when I can.
My wife was OK with my dressing, even picking out outfits for me to get. Sadly she passed last April.
So hang in there, we are all CDers, just some more so than others. You are defiantly part of the club.
Rader

[teri g]

You've got to be kidding Jennifer, if I could present half as well as you do I wouldn't hesitate to be out in public. I agree with Jaime, go ahead and flaunt it.

[Cari hart]

Beautiful pictures!

[docrobbysherry]

Carla, we all CAN do the best with what we have. However, not many of us r willing to spend the time, money, or make the dedicated effort that requires.

To me? A closet dresser that can only pass on Halloween, it is all or nothing. Slipping on pantie hose, heels, and a bra does nothing for me anymore. I've never been one to "settle" when I want something badly. And, Sherry's looks r but one example. I cheat in every way possible to create an attractive female in my mirror. And, to me that effort is completely worth while!

Most of started out quite like u. I did. In my opinion, if anyone really wants to look better? They can and will!

[Rachelakld]

Every few years I like to hit the pools to re-build my arm muscles and reshape my body to the V shape men are supposed to have.
I like to have strong, efficient legs that can walk for days.
I still like glam shoe string dresses, little tops, short skirts, heels
I'm not one for accepting limitations as limitations prevent growth.

[Darla Jean]

Jennifer, you look fantastic...strong safety in a beautiful skirt and sweater!

[Darla Jean]

Thanks ladies for all of the excellent responses...I am not alone...love your ideas and support...each of us has our own way of approaching our femininity and each is as valid as the other... and lookin' pretty good is better than not lookin' at all...always in sisterhood...Darla Jean

[Beverley Sims]

Darla,
I think we are all like you in some way.
Only the very young and slim built ones have it all.
I know because I was fortunate once.
I have gone to the pack now and the image of my former self has disappeared.
I learn to live with it and adjust accordingly.
These days I can look sharp still but not pass so well.

[Julie Denier]

You're definitely not alone. I'm a big, tall, fat dude who loves cigars, bourbon, sports and, for some reason, wearing dresses, nylons, makeup and heels. I also have a nonsupportive wife who's repulsed by the idea of me dressing up. My family is my highest priority, so I resist the urges as best I can; I haven't dressed for several months now, and I feel I'll need some relief soon. This thing of ours, it's indeed a crazy thing ... ;)

[Jenniferathome]

Julie, that is a perfect description of this insanity! And family does come first. But what are we going to do? We're born with it. We cope.

[Ally 2112]

So true Jennifer and Julie Family does come first and even thou it can still be hard we cope with it in our own ways :)PS yes it can be insane lol

[Wynnsomcd]

Darla, I am in no way passable. Fat, old, wrinkled, with a beard. But I just love the feeling of stockings and high heels. My SO has no idea (I think) about this other side of me. I dress when I can. I am very careful to keep it secret. So in many ways we are alike. But I can't imagine ever stopping.

[LaraPeterson]

Darla, I've worked with more than one statuesque woman who had large muscles and more than a little lip hair. I've never met an NFL player in a ball gown though. But, wait, I've never met an NFL player at all. Sweetie, that's how I cope--not with jokes, but certainly with some humor. After many years of trying, I do get to go out more than ever before and I do "pass" for the most part. I just make sure I go to dark places where all the people are near-sighted.

I'm encouraged that you are satisfied with your limitations. I'm glad you put your feelings into words that are easy to understand. I hope you never let anyone think you are less than you are. Coping is necessary, it doesn't have to be crippling.

[Wildaboutheels]

Most CDers are like you Darla, but most just have far fewer issues than the "need to get out and pass" ladies here. Look at any thread with huge #s and the REAL truth emerges as to who is doing what and what matters most to most of the members.

And I would not put a lot of "faith" in the pics here either. One, they are simply 2 dimensional, 2] they are small and of low resolution [per site restrictions] and 3] many ladies freely admit to their good buddy Photoshop or some other program. Nothing wrong with that at all but Photoshop will not help anyone "pass" out in the RW.

I would bet a weeks pay that very few here would throw up high res/much larger pics if the site allowed it. Besides that, IF at home, someone has full control of everything [especially the lighting] in a pic and can easily knock 10 years off their age with nothing more than "good lighting".

"But it comes in ways that, at least to me, seem to be rejected by many others on this site…I have a feeling that for many crossdressing is an all or nothing proposition. Either you dress 24/7 or you are not really part of the sisterhood."

While it is true that some in the "sisterhood" ^^^ here are very closed minded and have rigid beliefs, I believe they are in the minority. I think most here realize there is no right or wrong way to CD.

So ask away. The worst that could happen is that your Q gets deleted.

[laciewhite]

from what i can gather from your profile pic you make a very respectable looking lady darla.

and i'm like you, strictly part-time dresser. i don't even care about passing in public. i'm a stay-at-home solo player. never gonna be accepted in the sisterhood, lol!


Maybe I am being selfish but I do it for my own pleasure not anyone's approval.

well i'm exactly the same as you maggie. and i don't see how that can be classed as 'selfish' behaviour. we all need to spoil ourselves a liitle in this life, don't we..?

[Abbyru1]

I'm gonna chime right in on this one. I'm pretty sure I could not "pass" for female in a dark room filled with blind people. But then I look
around and I see all kinds of women and there is some satisfaction in knowing that some females just almost don't fill the bill of the great
looking gal we all try so hard to be just like. I still couldn't pass!

[Brittany CD]

I'm more like you. I like to dress often, but I do it privately

The limitations can be tough. Washing off the makeup and going back to male mode comes with some reluctance and I've wanted to get my nails painted but can't for obvious reasons

[Lorileah]

I would bet a weeks pay that very few here would throw up high res/much larger pics if the site allowed it.

you could lose a lot of money that way.