Why do we desire to go out in public?

[Michelle13]

Hey everyone, I know there was a similar topic about going out in public made not too long ago, however this is a sub section of that and is specific to my girlfriend and I's debate tonight.

I casually mentioned going out dressed tonight, just for a drive (it was just past midnight with no one really out) and to my surprise my girlfriend was all for it! After getting into details on it though I soon realized that she missed the part of the conversation about my being dressed up in "girl mode", and once she heard that part again refused the whole scenario and then got upset with me and asked why do I always want to go outside? Her and I both want to keep my CD'ing private, she supports me and even buys me outfits without me even asking, however she's very private about it just like myself.

I understand her concerns with keeping it private, and we've only gone out once before with me CD'ing and it went off without a hitch. I don't want to just run outside and say "HEY EVERYONE, LOOK AT ME I'M A CROSSDRESSER!" lol I want to plan things and do something that is 100% fool-proof, it's not like I desire to go and order food from where her best friend works and out myself. And I do pass as female nearly 100% the only thing left to perfect is my female voice though it's passable currently also.

I'm pretty confident that if someone who's only saw me in guy mode seen me in girl mode, they'd never recognize me anyway. I think my gf may forget how dramatic of a transformation it is since she's now seen me CD so often that she sees both the guy and girl elements in my appearance in either form.

So anyway, I didn't really have an answer for her as to why nearly all CD'ers have this desire and it kind of upset me that I couldn't answer her questions and sort of left her hanging and wondering. Is there a general reason why? Can anyone here explain this better than I can so I can show her?

Again, she's an amazing girlfriend and supports me always, and is even attracted to me as a girl, she just doesn't understand some aspects and frankly neither do I. lol

[Launa]

Why do you want to go into public? Hmmm, I do it because after years of being in the closet I've finally said to myself that the closet is boring, dull and plain old sucks. Why hide I said to myself?

Don't get me wrong I still hide somewhat but I do go out when I can and that's who I am, I also don't have the good fortune to pass.

[Adriana Moretti]

I cant speak for everyone....cause I think people have the desire for many different reasons. For me personally, it is about having fun,socializing and enjoying my fem self....and yes the closet is not a fun place ...especially alone.....dressing with others behind closed doors is fun ....but alone gets old real quick.....

[Rachel_B]

Michelle, I will say that you have an amazing girlfriend.

As far as your debate, I will say to each her own. I started out in private but graduated to public. I do it because I want to be treated like a female and accepted as one. When I go out dressed, I enjoy being called ma'am and I know I pass as a female as much as you can call milk that's a couple days expired good. It just feels good to go out and be acknowledged and addressed as the gender you are expressing. If happiness was a light, the light around a CD'er will get brighter and brighter each time she is referred to by any of the female pronouns, I know I do :D

[heatherdress]

Michelle - I understand both your desire to go out dressed and your girlfriend's obvious caution. The best reasons you can give to your girlfriend for wanting to go out in public fully dressed are your own personal reasons. Just be honest and speak from the heart. Crossdressing with an understanding and loving partner can promote deep intimacy - a sharing of feelings, understanding, love.

I think there are many things that drive each or us to want to dress in public - and they may vary depending upon our location, our mood, time of day, who we are with, etc. Maybe it's for excitement. Maybe validation or acceptance. Maybe it's sexual. Maybe we don't know for sure - but we know we want to be outside, with other people, dressed as a female.

Just be honest and open - and respectful of her concerns.

[Rachelakld]

I tend to go out in public for the same reasons GG go out in public (to relax, shop, exercise, see a movie, have a meal out etc).
I wear a skirt out, for the same reason as a GG - comfort, image etc.

[Eryn]

I'm pretty much the same as Rachel, I go out because I enjoy doing things. I seldom dress just to stay at home.

Most of the time I am accompanied by my wonderful wife, but sometimes I'm with friends or my daughter. The other day I went to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art with my daughter to see the Calder and Turrell exhibits and I simply had more fun seeing them as Eryn than I would have as my male self.

One of the major concerns my wife and I have is that of running into people that we know. We address this concern by designating the city where we live in as a "no-fly zone" where Eryn does not go. Outside of this area are plenty of places to go and we can both relax and enjoy ourselves. Honestly, we do a _lot_ more fun things with each other now than we did before I started to go out en femme!

Your wife's concerns are quite valid and I'm sure that she has your best interests in mind. Talk to her honestly about what you want and your own concerns. I'm sure that, with patience, you can arrive at a solution with which you are both comfortable.

[Ellie52]

This is my honest opinion and I hope I don't offend anyone.
Im confused! If it was just cross dressing (Wearing clothing of the opposite sex)why not just wear a skirt and blouse or a dress. Why do CD's who have no intention to become a woman want to wear breast forms, hip pads and a wig and parade outside. It is dishonest. If you are honest in your heart and really ONLY like the clothes then why must you have to wear all the bits to make you look like a woman. There are several websites dedicated to wearing skirts outside without all the other stuff. I can understand the feeling of wearing nice underwear and skirts etc. I even wear a wig at home as it completes the picture I have in my mind, but I have no intention of trying to fool other people into thinking I am a woman when Im not. In the safety of my home I can be relaxed as Ellie but I get bored with the whole thing after about 2 hours and return to male mode. I cant see the attraction of parading around the shops (which I hate in male or female mode) trying to fool other people into thinking I am a woman.
I have been out several times and found it initially enjoyable then progressively silly. Like going to a fancy dress party. It wasnt because people were laughing at me (I never once had an adverse reaction)or anything like that. I just couldnt see the point. So maybe all CD's arent the same and maybe Im a little weird in my viewpoint that going out is deception UNLESS you truly believe in your heart you are a woman, but then are you a cross dresser or TG or TS...Ellie

[Georgina]

Ellie, I agree with you although, I can wear the clothes all day without getting bored.

[Beverley Sims]

I think early on we wish to find out whether we can pass.

[jjjjohanne]

When I dress up, I do not modify my head. I present male. Therefore, for me, it is not about being female.

Going out started for me as a part of the "progression". Just as, when I first met my wife, holding hands was exciting, but lost its power later and then kissing was exciting.

It used to be:

Thinking about dresssing was exciting.
Then dressing was exciting.
Then dressing in certain ways was exciting (some color other than nude hose, or with a skirt).
Then taking a walk around the yard.
Then underdressing to work.
Eventually, hose with shorts in public.
Ultimately, all femme in public (androgynous).
Then all femme with a skirt/blouse or dress in public.
Doing something productive while dressed such as Christmas shopping.
Flying pretty.
Currently, going all dressed to events where I get to know people and I am not just shopping.
I feel like this is pointing toward getting a job or volunteering where I dress.


When I say "exciting", it has changed over the years. It used to be more connected to a sexual excitement. Now it seems to be much less sexual and more connected to anti-boredom/pro-achievement.

After going out a lot, I find that I am motivated toward it for other reasons. When I dress at home, it is for short amounts of time. I do the same things each time (browse the web, watch a movie with my wife, or work on our finances). These are things I do in my bedroom where the kids won't show up. Going out can be a thing I do on a day off for 8 hours. I also find that dressing at home can be poisonous. Boredom leads to bad or weird behavior. Getting out of the house dressed makes me act like I act when I am dressed male. It is more healthy, I think, than dressing at home in secret.

[Ellie52]

I think early on we wish to find out whether we can pass.
Bev - youve hit the nail on the head as usual, (for me anyway). It was a challenge I set myself and had to do to maintain my self seteem. Once done dont need to again. Like a test. The trouble with human nature is what you have is never enough. You always want more. Its like being a drug addict or alcoholic......Anyway Ellie still likes nice clothes but outside is not for her......Ellie

[Marcelle]

... Why do CD's who have no intention to become a woman want to wear breast forms, hip pads and a wig and parade outside. It is dishonest . . . I cant see the attraction of parading around the shops (which I hate in male or female mode) trying to fool other people into thinking I am a woman.
... So maybe all CD's arent the same and maybe Im a little weird in my viewpoint that going out is deception UNLESS you truly believe in your heart you are a woman, but then are you a cross dresser or TG or TS...Ellie

Hi Ellie,

Interesting point but one I cannot agree with. I don't feel I am being dishonest as everyone knows who I am when I interact (a guy in a dress) as I am not fooling anyone. I don't go about demanding a right to be addressed as a woman but if people choose to do so they are doing it on their own.

I dress complete not because I want to be a woman but to complete the illusion and just blend in the world when I am out "en femme" as it makes it easier. Just putting on a dress and walking around with a scruffy beard to be honest does not appeal to me as I like to be out presenting "en femme" even though I know and others do that I am a boy. I am still me "male" or "female" garb. Much the same way I am still me when I put on a military uniform, the outward appearance is just a shell.

Nonetheless, I respect your opinion and views as I have thought the same thing several times. However, I am at a place in my life where I am who I am and how I chose to dress, present is not a lie as I know I am not fooling anyone. :)

Hugs

Isha

[Katey888]

I think early on we wish to find out whether we can pass.
Likewise, I think Bev has got there again, and always so concisely :cheer: - and I also agree with Ellie's point about self-esteem.
However, one might still justifiably ask the question - Why..? Why do we (who have no apparent desire to live as a woman) want to find out whether we pass? Just academic interest..? Exhibitionism...? Rebellion...? I'm beginning to think there is more to it. I've certainly pondered the idea - and particularly reading of someone like Isha who is able to have a fairly active social life as Isha - that's an attractive thought for me... and perhaps that is related to what Adriana has said about the loneliness and the solitary nature of what this is for us sometimes. Maybe we just want to share this expression of our femme side to the world..?
Needs more thought and a good slug of cabernet to ponder on this :D
Katey x

[AnnieMac]

Let me toss this into the discussion mix here about whether we do it because we like just the clothes, or we do it because we like feeling female, and being accepted as being female; You don't see a whole lot of CD's here dressing in maternity clothes as pregnant? Can't get much Girlier than, or wanting to be more female that? Anyone doing that?

[Jenniferathome]

...If it was just cross dressing (Wearing clothing of the opposite sex)why not just wear a skirt and blouse or a dress. Why do CD's who have no intention to become a woman want to wear breast forms, hip pads and a wig and parade outside. It is dishonest.....

Good call Ellie. Absolutely it is more than just wearing clothes. When I am out, it is a validation of myself. No way to hide in shame when you are out,


.... I don't want to just run outside and say "HEY EVERYONE, LOOK AT ME I'M A CROSSDRESSER!" ...

And Michelle, this is exactly what you are doing, except without the screaming.

[Lynn Marie]

For me, I have no interest at all of going out alone in public. I have lots of CD girlfriends from meeting others while out at clubs and support groups. I love going out with others of my ilk. We talk, we drink a little, we eat, we dance, and we flirt with everyone in sight. We make friends, we present well, and we love and care about one another. Without my CD girlfriends I'd be building model airplanes.

[DanaInME]

Our reasons for going out are as varied and diverse as our reasons for dressing. Let me stay on topic and answer from my own experience: I like the attention. As I do not "pass" or even try to pass with my feminine expression, I get a lot of it. I identify as GenderQueer and for me that means combining styles into an expression that makes most people questioning and uncomfortable. I do make an effort to choose appropriate venues and not make people have to explain me to their children, but, I seek to provoke thought and discussion. And in all candor, it is an expression of my sexuality (sapio-pansexual) and it can be arousing.
Blessings to all.

[Tracii G]

I don't get how you consider going out enfemme is trying to fool anyone.
You will get clocked by some and others won't know or care that you aren't a female so a 50/50 chance at best.
If you don't want to stay inside of your home enfemme then don't,get out and do as you wish go anywhere you want.
To bash people that want to have the experience Elle just because you don't isn't fair to that person.

[Ellie52]

Tracii - I understand what your saying but it was only my honest opinion. Just look at how many threads on this site are about crossdressers trying to attract mens attention. The ones that I find dishonorable are the CDs who are married then get dressed up looking for guys then go back to their wives as if nothing has happened.. This is very disrespectful and dangerous. How would you feel if you werent a CD but complimented a 'lady' on her appearance only to find out its a guy. No wonder we get bad press, and people get beaten up.
I know many of the members on this site thoroughly enjoy trying to pass as female to the general public, what I dont understand is why? What is it that you expect to gain from this practice? Again, Im not bagging the people who want to do it, but I just want to understand the reasons behind it. I can understand the clothes as I love these myself, its just the extras (wigs, breast forms etc in public) I dont understand. Please help me understand....Elie
If I have offended anyone I apologize and please put it down to ignorance. But I would love to find out what the appeal of dressing up for the general public is.....Ellie

[Katey888]

To continue Ellie's extension of the question: why breast forms, wigs, etc. - I can't answer with respect to actually going out, as I don't. But if I did (and that feeling comes and goes), I couldn't go out with guy hair, guy chest, guy watch, guy sunglasses, and so on. I would (I believe) want to complete the picture as much as possible in order to look as convincing as possible. While on one level you might see that as trying to fool people, I don't think my voice would pass and like others here, I'd probably just adopt the approach of: I like looking like this, but underneath I'm a guy. Aren't a wig and forms really just a part of the exterior, and help to complete that picture in the same way as a hairband, jewellery, a handbag and so on? To steal a phrase from other worthy contributors here, isn't it more about blending with everyone else rather than standing out via some obvious omission?
Katey x

[NickiStoner]

Last year my two girlfriends who are girls, got me all dressed up, and we got on the train and went to SF. I'm not a skinny guy, but i'm not fat, but somehow I have D-cup breasts that look phenomenal. Anyways, I had my breasts out in this little cocktail dress with heels and sunglasses and a long auburn wig, and as we were sitting on the train, this group of guys boarded and sat right next to us. My friend is a little promiscuous so she started up a convo with one of the guys, and that led to the other guys talking to us. We got off at the same stop and the guy I was talking to grabbed my butt so in the manliest voice I could, I said "Back Off". His face was too funny.

I think the reason we desire to go outside, or at least my reason for wanting to go out is validation of my femininity.

My first recollection of going outside as a girl was when I was 8 or 9 and my cousin dressed me up and sent me to the park across the street to play. No one knew I was a boy. I remember sitting on the stairs of the playground with these two boys who kept telling me that my legs looked sexy in my heels and that my outfit looked pretty. For some reason, what they said to me made me feel, a away I can't even explain, a way I can only feel when i'm dressed as a woman. Maybe because as a guy I don't get many compliments, yet as a woman I get tons? I don't know.

[Ashlynn Marie]

I had one word in kind before reading your post then you had it in yours.

Validation. If we go out and strike up convo with people and get no dirty looks we have been validated.

It's a great thing. A little nerve racking until you get the courage to do it.

I always see posts about needing a feminine voice and the rest to pass. Today there are so many women with lower voices (not always so feminine) that are born that way and it is accepted because that is who they are. Therfore if we just change our timbre a little we should pass easily without a problem. There are many ladies out there as well who are not supermodels and that is who they are. We don't have to be a supermodel, just passable which is easy to do as we'll in most cases.

Enjoy it and go out and have some fun.

Ashlynn

[AKADonna]

Ellie, I completely agree with you! I have the strong feminine urges to dress as we all do, but I don't see anything to be gained by going out in public to either try to get away with something or to validate my sexuality. I am male and plan to remain that way; I just enjoy dressing female at times. I do go to a makeover/transformation specialist and when I'm with her, I let go completely and try to be fully femme (although, even with her professional makeover, it's really hard to get a 6'2, 250 lb guy with size 15 feet to really pass!). I really enjoy those sessions and the frank and open 'girl talk' that unsues. I have had the discussion with my wife of 30 years and I told her that I am content with dressing femme at home and at these makeover sessions, but not going out publicly dressed en femme. That is the setup that we are both content with at this time and that way, there is no risk of there being pictures, etc that would make their way on to Facebook or the internet - which would be embarrassing and problematic with kids and especially grandkids. For me, its about balance. I have the best of both worlds - my marriage, family and friend relationships while maintaining my CDing in private. As with everything else in life (money, sex, personal relationships, etc) there are some things that are just private. My CDing is private and I prefer to keep it that way! It's about what works for you!

[Chickhe]

It is to not be locked up behind closed doors. It is to feel free. To do normal things and to validate yourself. The real question should be, why not?

[natcrys]

As with pretty much all of these questions and answers... this is how it feels for me.. I know most of my CD-ing friends in real life agree with me, but the world is bigger than that.

With that disclaimer out of the way: why the desire to go out? For me, after taking the umpteenth bunch of photos with a tripod and the self-timer.. I got bored being indoors! While I'm huge geek (love to read, play videogames, etc.) for which I usually stay inside, I love doing stuff outside the house. I love to go shopping, I love to go to movies, love to go to restaurants and bars and have beers or cocktails. Why wouldn't I also want to do that while being dressed up?

My brother and some of my male friends (most of them dress like slobs though.. :facepalm: ) put on a nice suit if we're going out to dinner, my female friends put on make-up and wear dresses. I like to wear dresses.. so why wouldn't I sometimes wear them while going out?

I admit there are/were other reasons as well... it's also exciting, I get compliments, "can I get away with it?". Like mentioned above.. it's also about validation. For me, it's not just about wearing the clothes, but also feeling free to express myself in whatever way I feel at the moment.

Mind you, I'm 36.. and I feel completely comfortable in my male body (though I hate hair.. so I'm having that permanently removed).. don't want to transition or anything. However, when I dress.. I do want to present myself as what I think is a good looking woman. So yes, breast forms, the occasional corset and hip padding will be there when I go out in the world.

I'm sorry if this sounded a bit rant-ish.. but I sometimes get a bit miffed when we get into the whole "no true Scotsman" thing about crossdressing. Everyone's situation and desires are different.

[KaceyR]

I kind of skimmed over responses..some may duplicate.

For myself it's a bit more.

In drab, my male self is a wallflower. Doesn't talk much. Doesn't express as much. I sit back and analyze. I don't "experience". (as seen in several posts I guess :))
Kacey is my outlet for that. (well to a degree anyways). Kacey is my second half, some of which I wish I could get my drab side doing more often. I knew from the start that I would be wanting to get out and to let Kacey explore a bit.
It's kind of equal to the feeling that I sure wouldn't (obviously) want to be locked up in jail.
Yet if I didn't go out, Kacey would be the side that is "locked up".. (a better jail, but still a jail-the apartment).
And that would feed back to regular life too...to always feel like a part of me is locked.
Because I try to have Kacey be a bit of the person I'm not.. if I kept Kacey at home then it'd just be like sitting spinning wheels. No overall advancement. Then it'd seem to me that the fun would wear down more, and in the end Kacey would be just a female duplicate of myself.

While I know others may not really be wallflowers,etc like my situation, that's _my_ take on it.

Now as far as going the full works with forms,etc...that's asthetics. And comfort. And feeling. Myself, I didn't feel as 'girly' until I had the weight-a-hangin' and especially with their realistic shape (get the point(s)? :)). Without the boobs I don't feel complete. If I didn't have something up there, no female clothing would look right on me. And no amount of makeup would really work as well. Makeup completes the look..but doesn't affect the 'passability' as much to me.

Continuing with that.. 'passability'. I go out to "experience". I don't want to necessarily experience tons of long duration stares while people try to make sense of what they're looking at. Without the boobs I can guarantee I'd have had all 4 people in the nail salon staring frequently while I was there. (none of the 4 even knew till it was told and that was even with my main voice..I didn't 'try' feminize it much-they just thought I smoked). Who knows how many would have stared while at Target or while I sat in the restaurant. But because there was plenty of feminine cues (makeup,hair,boobs) most won't outright stare. Some might look and wonder.. if they're _really_ observant. And that's fine. But for the ones that aren't or are too self absorbed, then what I've done is enough. I know I've done all I can to minimize the uncomfortable side and that's about it. Now the Kacey side thinks "let 'em stare anyways" but I'd rather they'd be staring at how awesome I look than how strange :)

So now i can be out, feel feminine, and experience life that way without much of the added negative side. And that's a good thing :)

I agree others situations may be different, especially with added external influences (wife,family,etc) are present. My situation's lucky in a way-no wife,no partner, no kids,+ the 1 or 2 friends that may have issues and work are kept out of it. So I'm free to fully explore in,out and about both drab and Kacey to the fullest.

[ArleneRaquel]

I just adore to show my female side as often and to as many as possible. I love living as a woman.

[kendra_gurl]

It's called VANITY "In conventional parlance, vanity is the excessive belief in one's own abilities or attractiveness to others."

Yes we want to validate if we are attractive to others, Not necessarily to interact with them or to attract anyone too us directly but just to see if by even the slightest of looks or nods from others we can assure ourselves that we appear as good to others as we do to ourselves.

How we dress while out determines the extent of just how Vain we are. Blending in or streetwalker its still our own vanity we are expressing.

Michelle:
Ask your girlfriend to really think about how she feels when she really decks herself out and thinks she looks great. How does she feel when she knows others are secretly checking her out? How it boost her ego? Can she understand that so many men never experience that feeling.

Ellie : Wow I don't understand your logic. Look at your own photos. Are you saying as feminine as you look in your dress, lingerie, hose, makeup and wig that you are not wearing a bra? If so is it a padded bra to help give some shape? have you no interest at all in knowing what the weight and bounce of wearing breast forms would feel like? Have you never worn a tight skirt that would benefit a lot if your had a little padding in the hips and butt?

As for those who do go out looking for men all I can say is there are lots of Bi CD's of which I am not one but I know better than to group anyone that seeks to go out and be seen as going out just to hook up with men.

[Tina_gm]

My response is going to be quite different. I do not go out, and do not have the desire to. IF.... I could do a transformation that was 100% bulletproof and no one would know, I would likely change my mind about this. But as most here will get clocked, and there have been numerous posts and threads about what happens, both good and bad when you do, personally, I do not want any part of this. It is a personal choice, and I respect those who do go out and enjoy themselves for the good things that happen and roll with the not so good things that happen.

For me, even the good things, people respecting you, helping you etc etc, but still, I am a man presenting as a woman, and if I were to work hard enough at it, I might pass without close scrutiny, but doubtful that I would survive a close inspection. I just do not want to be a man presenting as a woman. I wouldn't want to be "different" Personally, I dress for comfort, its fun, I like the physical sensations of wearing women's clothes, I connect to my inner femininity. I guess I just do not have the need to take that out in public and face being different, even for the good things that happen, let alone the not so good things that happen. It is all just personal for me, I am very much a live and let live girl inside.

[JennyLynn]

My thoughts on this, for what they're worth, is that I think we want the world to know that we are pretty, we are feminine and we just want to be accepted for who we know we are inside. We are men....all day....every day. We want to have the same freedom and acceptance to be the women that we feel and know we are inside. I only go out during the dark hours, but so get a thrill out of thinking someone will see me. We are such curious creatures, aren't we?

[Stephanie Julianna]

What a hard question Michelle. I read a few of the rep[lies but didn't want to read too many to cloud a true answer from me. I have to agree with Adriana. I love the ability to socialize as my complete self. I am very outgoing as a man. Sometimes too much. As Steph, l listen to others more, take in my surroundings, chat with salesgirls, shop, and enjoy intimate meals while chatting with friends. Recently I met two CDers from this site on two seperate days. They opted for drab while I went en femme. All I can say is that we had really lovely afternoons and very nice lunches. The fact that neither waiter or waitress ever questioned my gender just added to the experience. Passing in public is a kind of validation that this person inside you can be accepted by the public. It does help me accept myself. That's what works for me. I adore women and my effort to pass is a tribute and outward expression of my admiration.

[njcddresser]

If I can only choose two, the first would be my bra and forms. The second would be my make up bag. If I'm on a deserted island, I guess going commando isn't an issue

[Kristy 56]

I guess for me it's just the fact that Kristy has spent almost her whole life trapped inside. When I can go out she becomes alive . Sad to think that our other side is usually hidden away in our closets.

[Stephanie47]

Michelle, back to your original question. It seems many have digressed from your question. First, dealing with your S/O. I suspect she does not want to go out in public with you because she fears two things (1) you will be identified and reap the negativity associated with cross dressing, and (2) she will be identified in some manner negatively. I've mentioned in comments before that many women will question why another woman would associate with a man who cross dresses. Frankly, going out for a drive is a very tame experience as long as you do not have a wreck or a plane falls on you or the car engine blows up or a deer smacks into you or.............. It is the fear of the unknown. To minimize some of these possibilities, namely a police officer pulling you over for a defective taillight, let her drive. If you are a passable as you say, then suggest she drive to an area that does not have a lot of foot traffic and stroll together.

As to why we would go out in public. I guess it's like the child who is told not to cross the street. The spectre of something wonderful, forbidding, etc is on the other side. The child wants to experience it, but, there may be a cost associated with it. Mom may find out and beat my ass. Or the cross dresser thinks a neighbor, the parish priest, etal may encounter you.

But, how do I minimize the fear of discovery. If it was just the clothes, then, sure forget the breast forms and wig and makeup. But, alas, many of us look into the mirror and declare, "Heck I look like a guy in a dress!" How do I change that image. Well, it's a wig, makeup, enhanced chest with a bra and forms or water balloons or tissue paper. Now, I have convinced myself that it's OK to wear those fun clothes because I look like a woman. At least in my mind I look like a woman. If I'm lucky I will not be chased by neighbors with pitch forks.

But, I have wanted to go out en femme. And, I did. I crossed the street to the other side. The wind blew up from the floor boards of my car and caressed my stockinged legs. I parked the car. I heard the sound of my clicking heels. Heck, a guy even honked his horn and voiced approval. It was dark! I was blond at the time. I went out because i wanted to see how it felt to walk down the street. I have no desire to mix with the public and risk the hoards with pitchforks. Maybe I would end up like Lynn Marie and have like minded friends. Right now, no. And unlike Marie Lynn I do model aircraft and military vehicle, but, not en femme. I would have some reason to mix my pleasures with my cross dressing, other than to say I went to the other side of the street.

I personally choose not to "Enter the Twilight Zone!" Your S/O is fearful of the unknown as many of us are too.

Good luck, offer to her some low keyed experience.

[Ellie52]

Ellie : Wow I don't understand your logic. Look at your own photos. Are you saying as feminine as you look in your dress, lingerie, hose, makeup and wig that you are not wearing a bra? If so is it a padded bra to help give some shape? have you no interest at all in knowing what the weight and bounce of wearing breast forms would feel like? Have you never worn a tight skirt that would benefit a lot if your had a little padding in the hips and butt?

Firstly Kendra, yes I am wearing a bra in the photo's but not breast forms. I don't own, and never will own breast forms. I cant see the point of them. My wife gave me one of her bra's with Water/gell type pads in it and I use this to get shape that is all. I am not trying to be a woman and I have no desire to be a woman or to have or feel the weight of breast forms. I have short skirts but again its all about the feel of the clothes, not trying to be a replication of a female.
Clothes are only the outer appearance. We are always male underneath. Whether its the shape of your shoulders, your hands (always a give away), the facial hair the adams apple you cannot be 100% woman so I cannot see the argument in validation. Validation is in the mind of the CDer herself - not anyone else.
I am happy to sit at home with only a skirt on - no wig or bra or anything. I thought this was crossdressing. Not trying to convince the general public I am a woman.
If you stood on a street and asked 50 people to come and give you an HONEST answer on how you look would you accept the answer if it was negative or just say that the 50 people were wrong? We have to understand we are fringe dwellers but have every right to wear what we want when we want. It doesn't mean its acceptable in other peoples eyes.
Just look at how many CDs get divorced after telling their SO their desire to dress. It is not readily acceptable, but this doesn't mean you cant do it if you enjoy it.
Again - this is my opinion only and I realize what I am stating goes against a lot of what people hold dear, but I am trying to understand where I fit in the crossdressing scale.
I do dress at home with a wig and makeup and like the look of what I see in the mirror. But it is only a reflection of the outer skin. If I take off the wig I am back to me unlike a true GG who is always what she sees in the mirror.
Please dont take offence at anything I have written, but please help me understand...Ellie
Michelle - we seem to have gone off topic so I apologize for hijacking your thread.

[Ressie]

We? Is there an assumption that all CDs have a desire to dress in public? This is a recurring topic that makes me feel like I'm in the minority here. But if I did have the desire a wig and forms would be part of it. It's too easy for a man to look ridiculous in women's clothes.

[marsha leanne]

my take is a bit different. currently i do not go out and in fact am pretty much a homebody. however, there is very unique time stamp a few years ago where i did go out, several times all in the space of a couple of weeks. It was both an amazing chapter and had both extreme highs and heart wrenching pain of being clocked. (and not so much being clocked but how it was handled)
when i feel a bit more comfortable here i will share those thoughts and that week as i kept a journal dring those times. There are times the tug of 'outside' is very strong, if for no other reason to see if i can, or more importantly, to see if Marsha can. She is still slowly becoming her own person, and I am content to give all the time she needs.

[Nadine Spirit]

Lots of good thoughts.

This was also kind of a sticking point between my wife and I as well. She just could not wrap her head around why I would possibly want to go out in public. The only response I could give her was because I was totally afraid to do so. I am all about facing down my irrational fears, thus she knew I was set and it was going to happen. And it did and continues to. Now it's just about getting out and having fun!

I will say it has made me question my own personal status as only a cross dresser. And those thoughts have made me realize while I will never transition, as I do not think I am actually a woman, I realize now I am not just a male. I am comfortable existing somewhere in-between. I get to experience life as a man all the time and now I get to experience some of my life, if not as a woman, at least dressed as one. Gosh I just don't know if that makes any sense. Hmmm......

[Linda-x]

I wish I had a definitive answer, but I don't. At a young age when fantasizing about dressing as a girl, it almost always played out with being in public. Well one morning, over 20 years later, I woke up with an unstoppable compulsion to not only fully dress and present as a female, but to also to go out. I spent that week in frantic excitement buying a wig, breast forms, heels, cloths, bra, make-up, and learning how to put it all together, like a science project! Later that week, I put myself together, and went downtown Seattle, just like in my earlier fantasies.The first night I just walked around, but two nights later I went to a bar that had a drag show going on. Even when I dress, and try to stay at home, I have this strong desire to go out, like a caged animal! Well, I guess that is just the way I am wired, ( or was re-wired). LOL.

[Samantha_Smile]

I want to go out.
But I want to go out to do normal stuff, get the supermarket shopping looking nice but not have people take issue with it.
I'd like to go trying clothes on en femme, but I don't want anyone to bat an eyelid.
At my height, doing this will unlikely ever happen, and if I had to speak to anyone, well then its curtains for me.
Im more of a dreamer on this one. I'll dream that the world suddenly accepts CDing to be as normal an activity as cycling.
People look at the nutter in the lycra one piece, fighting their way through traffic, but nobody hurls abuse (unless it's deserved)

In reality, going out will probably be a lifelong limitation of the LGBT bars and clubs. I'll settle for that I guess.

[Sarah2770]

No one should hide. Women shouldn't feel pressured to look a certain way and neither should men. Giving in to social pressure is never going to inspire change. I know it's not easy, but who cares what other people think? When I go out people constantly are judging me. For my hair, my clothes, what I drive. That's what some people do, they judge. But it shouldn't matter. Everyone has a beauty inside them unlike any one else. Wear it with pride.
(I should mention I'm a straight woman in a relationship with a CD)
If you want to keep your CD life to yourself and vail it from friends and family, take a mini rd trip and go somewhere no one knows you. Go shopping, get your nails done, do whatever. You'll never see those people again. I'm a strong believer of living life to the fullest and no one should ever be afraid to do so.

Good luck to all the beauties here!! Be happy and stay positive. This world will change, be the change you want to see!!

[kendra_gurl]

Just because a CD enjoys trying to be as passable or as feminine looking as possible in public in no way makes her believe or think she is female.

Come on we all know what we are. We just enjoy the extent of the way we dress in differing degrees. Some of us do not want to be noticed while others enjoy the reactions from those who do notice us.

That does not make one right or the other one wrong

[grace7777]

When I first started dressing en femme. I was happy to do it behind closed doors, but that just does not cut it anymore. Also, now when I go out in public I want to do things that a gg would actually do. I like the idea of being out in public and presenting myself as a woman. It is a great feeling when I am called ma'am or someone compliments me on my dress or shoes.

My goal is to now outside of work to present myself as a girl in public as much as possible. I cannot say I totally pass but am working on getting better at my presentation each time I go out. At one time I never considered transitioning or hrt but now I find that I am at least giving it some consideration.

[Melissa xox]

Thank you Sarah!

[Tracii G]

Well put Sarah I agree.

[SatinSarah]

I guess the answer is simple for me. Although I have only braved walking my neighbourhood about 3-4 times over the last 20 years it was a natural conclusion to the process of dressing. When I spend an hour getting dressed and have taken all the photos I don't want to feel constricted to home. I have seen so many girls here who have enjoyed their trips to the mall that I feel the need to complete the process and join others outside. I want to pass of course but I also learned that even if you don't - so what? I have seen a few other TVs across London when out in drab and realise that nobody else has even noticed them. So I have thought what the heck! Even if I am read nobody is going to do anything. I dress for my own desires but feel I should be able to relax in girl mode at home and at the shops...

[MsVal]

Beneath it all we're mostly a bunch of guys and most guys can relate to cars so I will use the analogy of an old car.
A fellow may find a beat up old car that appeals to him on one level or another and he will begin to fix it up. The car may sit in the garage for years while he tinkers with one thing or another. The personal enjoyment of getting away into the garage for a couple hours of tinkering satisfies his urges and that's okay.
Some guys want to work on the car with the intent of taking it out on the road for short trips or local parking lot showings, weather permitting. They will get it painted a fancy color, replace the dull pitted chrome, and put on new tires with shiny new wheels. While they are proud of the work they have done, they are also quite aware of the many things that still must be done before it can pass for 'new'. Other guys want to go all the way. They want to have a showpiece that will get the approval and admiration of even the most critical observer.

[jessw]

I think the greatest feeling when I first started going out in public was knowing I could be the person I wanted to be and still live my life as normal. Of course there were some social challenges that I did have to face and those were scary and still are today. I think facing the challenges and overcoming them not only makes us stronger as people, but it also makes us appreciate our selves more for knowing we have that strength. For me facing that fear and living how I want to live has made me happier than ever!

[Karmen]

Because it's exciting, I guess. Being dressed at home is cool, but a bit boring. I don't even bother putting makeup on when I'm at home, unless I'm trying new style of makeup or learning how to do it better. I usually just wear something comfortable at home if I don't expect any visitors. When I'm at home during the day I mostly wear normal male clothes and put on only panties, pantyhose and high heels, because it's very practical in case of unexpected visitors and I need a quick change to male appearance.

[Valarie]

I think we just want to go out and have the world see us and accept us for who we want to be. This was something that my therapist wanted to talk about at our next meeting, my desire to go out, and not feel scared.

[MeDeanna]

Very well put Kendra. Your words exactly mirror my feelings on the subject.

Enjoy who you are. Life is short.

BTW, that red hair works for you. Is it natural?

[Jessicajane]

This something I have thought about a fair bit, not that I have the answers I guess it is different for everyone, but I must admit that I love going out in public and being treated in a different way to that of a man, not that I am a woman, I am well aware of my ability to not pass, but be it to extract my money or be it by obligation I love being given a glimpse of what it is like to be treated as a woman and to enjoy the inner pleasure of buying a dress that fits and looks good, or having my make up done to create a new look...I believe that often shop assitants dont mind us because we are a bit of interest in an otherwise repetitive day and maybe we create a slightly different challenge that is an interest for them.

Of course the other side of our more feminine personalities mean that we like a bit of drama and to be centre of attention...hmm well maybe that just me lol...!!

[kendra_gurl]

Thanks MeDeanna: It was my natural color back when I had hair :)