Massive Existential Crisis, it's not the end of the world

[rachael.davis]

A couple of days ago I managed to not have my car Tboned at an intersection when an idiot didn't bother clearing their side windows (it was a heavy frost day), and just drive using the force when they made a left turn into traffic.
Back when I was trying to just be the nastiest hardest male ever (isn't denial, and self hatred wonderful?) I trained in a number of martial arts, fairly hardball, and really didn't care what happened to my body in the course of competitions. The upside to this is that my reaction time is very good. So I managed to swerve, control my car on black ice, and not have actual contact between our cars, I think at one point there was maybe a half inch....
They sped off, I pulled over, shaking, crying, and thought this isn't fair, I almost got hurt or dead, and I haven't been really alive one day in my life. To the best of my knowledge this is the first time I really gave much of a *vulgarity* about being alive or dead.
Oddly it was my GID therapy day, and I met with my therapist a couple of hours later, we had a long serious discussion focusing on "I haven't been alive one day".

So off to the real world, and maybe a real life.

[I Am Paula]

Thank you. An interesting new way to think about it. I've only really been alive since July 12. I look pretty rough for not even having passed my first birthday.
Glad you're OK tho'.

[mikiSJ]

Your awareness of mortality is somewhat inversely relational to your age.

[Dawn cd]

It strikes me that you were suddenly alive at that moment (maybe even "awakened," altho I doubt that). Isn't it wonderful to be alive? Scary but wonderful. And worth celebrating.

[Jorja]

Unfortunately, it usually takes a near miss to wake us up and make us realize, we are here for something more than taking up space. So now you know it, get out there and make the most out of what time you have left in this world. Life is too short to waste it. Glad you're OK and didn't have to learn that lesson the hard way.

[rachael.davis]

I intend to carpe the living snot out of each and ever diem I get going forward.

[CarolynO]

Almost similar to when I hit a patch of snow/slush at 70 mph on the NY thruway.My car went sideways and skidded to a stop on the left lane.Lucky I did not flip over and no cars were near when it happened!I was shaking awhile after that one.
Glad you're okay and hope it's a reminder that your life's worth living no matter where you are in your journey!

[StephanieC]

I've had last rites twice due to critical accidents...I think these events help us see things in a different light.

[lingerieLiz]

Having my life flash through my mind I found it peaceful and interesting. The rest of my near death experiences hurt a whole lot. I finally realized that I needed a change in occupation.

[sandra-leigh]

In spring through summer 2013, my doctors found a condition of concern. My imagination took it up to, "What if they need to remove it? What if I need a transplant?", and then "What if they tell me I only have a year to live?"

My answer to "What if they tell me I only have a year to live" was an immediate, "I would change my name, get implants, and live as female for the rest of that time." I didn't ponder until I hit upon that response: it came as soon as I asked myself the question. And when I asked myself "What if it was 5 years?" then the answer was "I might not rush as much on the implants, but I would change my name, get implants, and live the rest of my life as female."

The health scare came to nothing, but thinking about my answer and how little I had to think about it, led me to realize that transitioned really is how I want to live my life.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Your awareness of mortality is somewhat inversely relational to your age. Some of us have to get pretty old before we begin to become young.

I saw the word "existential" and went straight to this post. Feel free to show me all the pretty girls you want but this kind of post is lasting. A change from a martial arts person to a person who feels femininity. A wonderful transition.

You did not need that martial arts training to do what you did. You needed far more.

Namaste and :hugs: robbin

[rachael.davis]

Robbin
One of the odder stories I've had back was from one of my former students in Naginata (a japanese slashing spear, it was considered an appropriate weapon for samurai caste women to study), I've been "out" to her for years, at one point she said her husband was a bit puzzled after a series of long, private phone conversations between us, I said I didn't want to create a problem in her marriage, so if you need to tell him what we're talking about go ahead.
Sooo she sat back with her husband and said my old sensei from the east coast is discovering that he is at some level or another transgendered
She called me the next day and told me she had an unusual response to the comment, her husband looked at her for a moment, made an "I'm thinking" face, and then said "Oh, that really makes a lot of sense"

[Robbin_Sinclair]

"Oh, that really makes a lot of sense"

Words like that give me hope for the human race.

Thanks, :hugs: