Sue Too
01-15-2014, 11:46 PM
Well, here it is 2014. A lot has changed in my lifetime. I'm coming up on sixty-five years of age. I'm single (widower) and I believe I am suffering from GD, I am an avid reader of this forum and I'm looking for guidance in my course of action.
Here is a little of my background: I was an only child with no bumps in my family situation. Mom and Dad were both wonderful. My first remembrance of. wanting to be a girl was around age four. My community was having a celebration and most of the women and girls were wearing pretty long dresses. They all looked so pretty. I make the mistake of telling one of the girls in the neighborhood that I wished I had a dress like hers. She told everyone in the neighborhood and I had a very uncomfortable time until we moved. About this time I was also sneaking into my mothers girdle and hose and loving every minute of it. This continued until about age nine when we moved.
Pretty much normal times until about age thirty. During this time I was always interested in feminine fashion. I helped my wife buy most of her cloths. I spent a lot of time looking and dreaming when looking at the Sears and Frederick catalogs. As you might expect I loved the lingerie sections. This continued until age thirty nine. By this time I had been married for a number of years and was the father of two wonderful children.
One day I was home alone on a day of vacation . For some reason I opened the dresser drawer and found my wife’s lingerie staring me in the face. First, I donned the bra and panties---then the slip ---- then a pretty yellow dress and a wig off of the closet shelf In an instant, my life was forever changed. I felt so complete. I felt whole for the first time in my life. Through the next years I accumulated lots of cloths and was caught several times by my wife. She would not listen to my explanation and made it perfectly clear that dressing in woman’s cloths was a gay thing and if I continued it would be the end of our marriage. I pleaded “I'll never do it again” and things always seemed to calm. Also, as you would expect, the urge always returned and the cycle would continue. At one time, I rented a cheap apartment near my work so I could dress during my lunch hour and extra time when I was at “work”. I retired and we moved to Arizona.
To keep my stash, I rented a storage locker and would occasionally rent a motel room where I could be Susan without concern. During these times in the motel, time I walked over the threshold for the first time and eventually became very comfortable dressing en femme in public. My outing of choice was a trip to the large mall. Never was I challenged. With each trip my confidence grew.
My life changed dramatically about six years ago. My wife suffered a stroke. We tried making it work with her living here in our home but about a year after the stroke she suffered an devastating break in her leg that required extensive hospitalization and rehab. She fell into a downward spiral and finally passed over two years ago. While she was out of the house I was free to dress any time I wanted (or needed) During this time my need to be Susan grew to the point that it is almost insatiable. I'm now at the point that that I am out en femme on a daily basis. I shop, run errands live my life as a woman. My condo is situated in such a way the I can come and go from home with hardly any risk of detection. When en femme I find an inner peace that comes to me no other way. Never in all these years have I ever been openly challenged Now, with the exception of a few outside activities my life is lived en femme but I still find it to be incomplete. Those times when I have to revert to male mode just tear at my soul. It is not me. Where do I go from here??
I feel I need to live my life as a woman. To verify my feelings, I am going to seek the guidance of a qualified counselor. If the counselor agrees my objective is to get “The Letter” and begin HRT. I feel I have few ties so my objective is to come out to everyone involved and live my life as a woman. I fully expect lots of shuns and few outbursts of support. I don't know how far my transition will go. When I find the right spot I think I will know.
Why am I making this post.? I'm looking for input from those that have walked this road before me. Have I missed any important signals along the way. Are there steps I should undertake before I seek out a counselor? Any thoughts about living my life in
post HRT time. Yes I will be starting laser hair removal very soon.
I would appreciate any well intentioned thoughts and suggestions. This is a life changing experience and God knows, I have to get it right. I know this was a very long post but I had a lot to tell. Thank you for your time. For the most part you are a wonderful group.
Susan in Phoenix
.
Here is a little of my background: I was an only child with no bumps in my family situation. Mom and Dad were both wonderful. My first remembrance of. wanting to be a girl was around age four. My community was having a celebration and most of the women and girls were wearing pretty long dresses. They all looked so pretty. I make the mistake of telling one of the girls in the neighborhood that I wished I had a dress like hers. She told everyone in the neighborhood and I had a very uncomfortable time until we moved. About this time I was also sneaking into my mothers girdle and hose and loving every minute of it. This continued until about age nine when we moved.
Pretty much normal times until about age thirty. During this time I was always interested in feminine fashion. I helped my wife buy most of her cloths. I spent a lot of time looking and dreaming when looking at the Sears and Frederick catalogs. As you might expect I loved the lingerie sections. This continued until age thirty nine. By this time I had been married for a number of years and was the father of two wonderful children.
One day I was home alone on a day of vacation . For some reason I opened the dresser drawer and found my wife’s lingerie staring me in the face. First, I donned the bra and panties---then the slip ---- then a pretty yellow dress and a wig off of the closet shelf In an instant, my life was forever changed. I felt so complete. I felt whole for the first time in my life. Through the next years I accumulated lots of cloths and was caught several times by my wife. She would not listen to my explanation and made it perfectly clear that dressing in woman’s cloths was a gay thing and if I continued it would be the end of our marriage. I pleaded “I'll never do it again” and things always seemed to calm. Also, as you would expect, the urge always returned and the cycle would continue. At one time, I rented a cheap apartment near my work so I could dress during my lunch hour and extra time when I was at “work”. I retired and we moved to Arizona.
To keep my stash, I rented a storage locker and would occasionally rent a motel room where I could be Susan without concern. During these times in the motel, time I walked over the threshold for the first time and eventually became very comfortable dressing en femme in public. My outing of choice was a trip to the large mall. Never was I challenged. With each trip my confidence grew.
My life changed dramatically about six years ago. My wife suffered a stroke. We tried making it work with her living here in our home but about a year after the stroke she suffered an devastating break in her leg that required extensive hospitalization and rehab. She fell into a downward spiral and finally passed over two years ago. While she was out of the house I was free to dress any time I wanted (or needed) During this time my need to be Susan grew to the point that it is almost insatiable. I'm now at the point that that I am out en femme on a daily basis. I shop, run errands live my life as a woman. My condo is situated in such a way the I can come and go from home with hardly any risk of detection. When en femme I find an inner peace that comes to me no other way. Never in all these years have I ever been openly challenged Now, with the exception of a few outside activities my life is lived en femme but I still find it to be incomplete. Those times when I have to revert to male mode just tear at my soul. It is not me. Where do I go from here??
I feel I need to live my life as a woman. To verify my feelings, I am going to seek the guidance of a qualified counselor. If the counselor agrees my objective is to get “The Letter” and begin HRT. I feel I have few ties so my objective is to come out to everyone involved and live my life as a woman. I fully expect lots of shuns and few outbursts of support. I don't know how far my transition will go. When I find the right spot I think I will know.
Why am I making this post.? I'm looking for input from those that have walked this road before me. Have I missed any important signals along the way. Are there steps I should undertake before I seek out a counselor? Any thoughts about living my life in
post HRT time. Yes I will be starting laser hair removal very soon.
I would appreciate any well intentioned thoughts and suggestions. This is a life changing experience and God knows, I have to get it right. I know this was a very long post but I had a lot to tell. Thank you for your time. For the most part you are a wonderful group.
Susan in Phoenix
.