Surprise! Starting therapy tomorrow

[Miri]

Got a call this afternoon that they have an opening tomorrow. I was scheduled for next month, I'm happy that I don't have to dwell on it any more although I'm quite nervous. I've only ever talked to one other person about any of these gender issues.

I'm not sure what to expect or even what I want to get out of it at this point. I feel like I want to transition but don't at the same time.

I guess I'll just keep an open mind and see what happens.


Miri

[I Am Paula]

Finding out where you are on this spectrum is the first and most important part. You don't have to label it, but you do have to understand it, and eventually embrace it. Good luck!

[sandra-leigh]

Both wanting to transition and not wanting to do so is pretty common. One of your tasks will be to examine the reasons why you do not want to transition; they might be compelling reasons, or they might be matters of confidence that could be worked on, or they might be negotiable, or they might come down to a matter of priorities.

"It's so hard to transition" can have a lot of truth to it, but it is also common that some of the parts that we expect to be hard turn out to be easy once we take the step.

As a quick example: eventually I asked my physiotherapist clinic to refer to me as Sandra. Even though I had had to mention the hormones along the way (because they change muscles), I had felt like I was crossing some line... and yes, I admit, part of me felt like I was asking them to partake in a 'perversion'. The response to my request, though, was an immediate, "Of course!" and "Why did you wait so long? We would have been willing to call you Sandra any time." And they do. For example when I called one day to change an appointment, they cross-checked that I was referencing the right time and person by reading from their appointment book and say, 'That's for Sandra, right?" -- as in, that is the way they enter it in their system now. I had worried about how I would get people to call me by my preferred name, it was something that had seemed "hard" before hand, but all it took was asking.

[Miri]

So the first appointment went pretty good mostly. It was mostly a get to know you type of thing. The therapist is basically the go to person in town for gender issues so I was happy that I chose well.

It turns out that I am an atypical case since I didn't really know that something was amiss from a young age. I did enjoy dressing but didn't really remember having feelings that my body was wrong for me.

The appointment has got me thinking (which I assume is the point :)) more about the past and what my motivations were for getting into all this when I was younger. I've already remembered a few things that I'd forgotten like lying in bed wishing for breasts when the girls in my class started developing them.

I think this is going to be a really interesting journey. Excited to go back in a month.


Miri