I sort of like being in the "Closet". Anyone else?

[JennyLynn]

I know this might be a bit of a contradiction to some of my previous posts, but there are times when I think being in the "closet" is kind of the attraction to dressing in a way. Let me explain. I am a man. I live as a man, I work as a man, I act and react as a man. Everyone knows me... they know me as a man. They know me, or think they do, as me... a man. When I'm "Jenny", I'm myself. I'm a secret. I am private. I need a bit of privacy to be the other part of me. I don't want everyone to know "Jenny". Yes, it might be nice if someone special knew me that way, but having that private side of me is necessary sometimes. We all need a small sense of privacy.
Does anyone else relish being their "private" selves?

[kendra_gurl]

JennyLynn it is your escape from reality. your chance to get away from everyone and everything that troubles you and just enjoy yourself without having to explain it to anyone

Perfectly understandable.

[Rachael Leigh]

Yes for me Jenny I agree, this part of me is very private in many ways, don't get me wrong there are times how I wish I could share it with people I know so I would not have to hide it. I mean it is me I am Leigh and yet I'm not when I'm in full male mode. So yes I get it.

[JessHaust]

Never want to hide Jess" ever again. Once I outed myself I discovered all the issues were in my head, not others. Wife, family and friends were, and still are all supper supportive.

[Nadine Spirit]

JennyLynn this probably goes without saying, but yeah I don't get it. I spent too much of my life alone as a child, not by choice, thus the idea of getting to share makes me quite happy.

[Kristy 56]

I do understand Jenny Lynn. When I came out involuntarily (wife caught me on this site) life became more complicated and less carefree. However, at least I can say I've lived my dream. I got to go out and be accepted as Kristy.

[bimini1]

There are days I wish I could share it with the world but realistically speaking it would change everything and not for the better. I'll have to keep Karen confined to the few others like me who know me socially. It is frustrating but the best for everyone involved.

[Jenniferathome]

JennyLynn, I understand the safety of the closet. I lived it for 40 odd years. But along with the hiding and "privacy" is the burden and shame of doing just that. The kind of privacy you mention I think makes sense for where you keep the map to the gold buried in your back yard but people are social animals. For me, it was boring, alone. Are you sure safety is not part of your fondness of the closet?

[marsha leanne]

Jenny, I have to agree with you. I have the same circumstance, but Marsha allows me to disconnect for a few hours, if for no other reason then a chance to step back, look things over, and feel free of the percieved pressure around me. I sometimes need Marsha ,just to 'recharge', as she brings so much creativity to the table. That time alone with her/me can sometimes carry me for days. I really dont think i want that area to be 'invaded' by the world.

[erica12b]

The quit time and privacy can be addicting , so yes at times

[mysticalkatie2014]

Jenny I know how the feeling goes but when I met that someone special katie came to life now my g/f shops with me and helps me dress life is so good right now x

[Kate Simmons]

If we are in charge and in control of our own life and destiny, it really doesn't matter where we are Hon. :)

[Suzanne F]

I have to agree with Jennifer. For me the closet was a shameful place. I know that is not true for every girl here. Coming out has been the biggest step of my life.
Suzanne

[Eryn]

JennyLynn, It's your time to do with as you please. If you want to spend it quietly by yourself that is your prerogative!

[mykell]

ive been comfortable there for many years and anticipate many more,
the only thing i could compare it to was boating, after the first swell all of life's burdens would melt away,
no cell phone, just me and the mrs. with a day away.
with my recent reveal to the mrs. i think i would like to attend a private function with some of the local members though,
maybe next Christmas....

[prettytoes]

I have to agree also. I venture out onto my front porch to retrieve the newspaper every morning (at around 4:30am), and once in a while at my cabin in the woods. My wife sees me in nightgowns, women's PJ's, capris; but never in skirts or dresses. She has requested not to see me in a skirt or dress, but I actually prefer it this way as well. It is kind of my private time thing to do.

[heatherdress]

Jenny - if remaining in the closest is right for you - it is right. Everyone has different needs. I understand yours and continue to try to understand mine.

[Beverley Sims]

Privacy is great therapy.
It helps you gather your thoughts.
You do not need to be out at all if you don't want to.

[laciewhite]

hi jenny
i totally get where you're coming from. like you, i lead my life as a man and am happy as a man in my public persona. my femme time has always been a special secret thing that i do just for my own pleasure. as i just stated in another post, i do feel a certain amount of guilt because i've been keeping this big secret from my SO for 20+years but things like 'passing in public' and leading a more militant trans lifestyle just aren't on my agenda at all. i keep myself to myself and i'm content that way. being able to finally talk about it on public forums like this has been very liberating though, and i sometimes think it would be nice to have some CD friends in the physical world, but apart from that, i'm happy to remain in my little closet/boudoir...

[suzy1]

I have always suspected that the vast majority of crossdressers including most of the members here never leave the so called ‘closet’ because of the reaction they will get [or lets say perceive that they will get for the benefit of all the ‘we must all go out or we are snivelling cowards' member’s here] Or do not go out because they have no need to. [Me]

Enjoy you closet Jenny…….I do!

[Marcelle]

Hi Jenny,

The good part about this thing we do is it provides each of us in our own way solace and comfort. I really don't believe there is a right or wrong way to be. If being out and about (as many are) brings you joy that is a good thing. Likewise if staying in the privacy of your own home and enjoying the "en femme" side brings you joy then that too is great.

We each have to make our own decisions and sweetie, if being private makes you happy then I am happy for you. :)

Hugs

Isha

[Dawna Ellen Bays]

When you're as self-conscious as I am, the closet is a great place to be. I don't feel like I'm missing out on all that much by not being "out." There is something to be said about having a secret that no one needs to know about...

[Ellie52]

Hi Jenny,

The good part about this thing we do is it provides each of us in our own way solace and comfort. I really don't believe there is a right or wrong way to be. If being out and about (as many are) brings you joy that is a good thing. Likewise if staying in the privacy of your own home and enjoying the "en femme" side brings you joy then that too is great.

We each have to make our own decisions and sweetie, if being private makes you happy then I am happy for you. :)

Hugs

Isha
Jenny - I totally agree with this sentiment. Its your life, live it as you alone want to. Everybodys circumstances are different. I have the total support of my SO and she buys me nice clothes/underwear etc but I am happy to stay in the house. I have been out on several occasions and found its not for me. So no more. This was my choice as I found I felt silly when walking around the shops.
You stay in the privacy of your closet and enjoy the time you get in there....Love Ellie

[kimdl93]

Nope, always hated it. It felt like confinement. Every tentative step out of the closet added a measure of freedom to my life.

[~Joanne~]

I don't see a problem with being in the closet, or even staying in the closet if that is what you chose. a little privacy can go a long way to keeping one sane ;) My SO is the only one that I have told so while not completely in the closet, I still have quite a bit of privacy. I agree with your statement fully :)

[Katey888]

Jenny - I'm in there with you (metaphorically) being poked in the ribs with coathangers - and I certainly don't anticipate any need or desire to fully out myself for the foreseeable future. I admit to a hankering (not due to pressure) to go out dressed, but not initially to interact - and I think probably some of that is the thrill of doing something 'wrong' - or at least unusual (for me, that is...) :devil:
Others have said it here before: to each their own, and their own way of doing this thing we do... :hugs:
Katey x

[Ressie]

The closet has been good for me. I don't feel a need to share this with family, friends, clients, etc. Of course, I told a select few about CDing long ago. Keeping it a total secret wouldn't be mentally healthy. OTOH, If I felt I was a TS I would have come out long ago to everyone.

[DanaInME]

Your choice to keep your femme self private has my complete understanding and support. The world as it is today makes extreme demands of us and a little "girl time" alone can go a
long way to keep one's head together and sense of self strong.

[Lynn Marie]

My trips "out" are always to places where I get to hang out with others like myself. Therefore, the destruction of my "closet" has been more for social reasons than to "prove" anything to myself or anyone else. The funny thing is that now I pretty much only dress for going out with the girls and stay in boy mode home alone!

[sheilagirl]

I can relate, 100%, to your love of the "closet". While I generally consider myself a pretty generous person, Sheila, is for me only, at least for now.

[Alexis.j]

I personally hate being in the closet, I don't like having to hide who I really am, and how I feel most comfortable. Unfortunately my coming out process it is going too slowly for my liking.

[lesli]

i totally understand, and i have to lives... one with those that i'm out with and one with those that i'm not. it is so nice to be with friends and people that know me as lesli, but also the private side where lesli is my kind of retreat into solitude. yes, nice to see it's not just a me thing.
hugs,
lesli

[Amanda22]

Jenny, although I don't share your love of the "closet," it seems obvious from your text that you've achieved a very comfortable balance between crossdressing and the rest of your life. That's a great thing! Isn't that what we all want? I think so. We just need to recognize that "balance" means so many different things to different people. Thanks for your post -- I like it.

[Talisker]

I got bored of the closet pretty quickly.
More fun outside.

[Lorileah]

You are happy in the closet...and yet you came here to interact :thinking: Maybe not so happy not sharing?

I don't care if you stay in the closet. I care that you are comfortable and that you defend your rights to do what you do. I also care that if you WANT to be out, that you know you can be with little effort or fear. I was hidden for years until I decided I needed to please ME not the world. The world had 50 years of my attention, life is short, I needed to be me and that included being in public. If you are you at home, good for you. I will say that when I stayed home, I saved a lot of money and didn't worry about my car or me. :)

[Lacey New]

I think there might need to be a bigger closet. I'm in the same one and generally quite content there. I am the father / husband figure and happy to be that but also enjoy Lacey when Lacey can be lacey

[Vanessa5]

I like my closet. Lots of outfits and I don't have to be "made-up". However, now I have decided that in order to get more clothes I am going to go as Vanessa. I won't get the weird stares from SA's when I take a dress into the fitting rooms.

[Jaymees22]

I agree it's easier and fun to stay in sometimes. I do get the urge to go out but not too often. It's also exciting to have a secret life.

[Lexi Moralas]

I am right there with you Jenny Lynn ! Don't get me wrong I think going out in public is awesome and a big part of the thrill for me and even made an friend or 2. I like being around people ect. But it all has to be 100% separate from my male side , Lexi is Lexi and my guy side is my guys side. I always intended to keep Lexi a secret from every one and anyone in my guy life and vice versa. But my SO discovered my secret and now Lexi only exists is the closet in my mind , oh well it was fun while it lasted xx

[AKADonna]

I like being in the closet. Recently my wife of 30 years learned my little secret when I left my email open! We discussed it and decided that DADT is the way to go for us and I also assured her that my photo en femme will never get out. Other than that, I am free to be on this and a couple of other sites privately and even go to Phoebe Cross for a transformation periodically ( She is the only other woman that knows my CDing and has discussed it with me.) For me, that outing fulfills my need to fully dress away form home without embarrassment and possible humiliation from getting 'caught'.

So, I can maintain a balance in my life between my marriage which is sacred to me and my feminine feelings. For me at this time, this setup provides the best of both worlds! I am happy!

[Lucy_Bella]

I didn't at first because my fetish was never satisfied unless I shared it with others..It really took control with urges to " be seen" ..I am very thankful I survived that stage with little or no damage ..I have very little desire now to leave the safety and secluded closet..

[RADER]

I love the "Closet" so much that I expanded it some 10 years ago. LOL
I added a room addition.
I enjoy the closet because I can just throw on a dress and not worrier about
make-up, wigs etc. Just a bra, panties and a dress or a skirt and slacks.
I would never pass anyway, just way to big in the hands, arms shoulders,
etc. And more hair than what could be shaved in a week.
So, I am closet bound.
Rader

[Lygophilia]

It's really not a requirement nor special thing to out yourself. No one needs to know everything about you and what you wear.

[Karmen]

Not really, because it's stressfull being affraid all the time that someone will find out and expose you. But on the other hand, I think it would be even harder if I would come out and have to deal with everyday problems I'll have as a CD.

[Stephanie47]

Cross dressing is my only thing. I feel no need to share it. It is a stress relieve for me. It is therapeutic. It is a method to escape. To mingle in life as a cross dressing man would negate the solitude I so enjoy.

[natcrys]

I can totally understand the safety of the closet.. and I can also understand the excitement of having a secret. :)

But for me, that closet became a very boring place. So first came the posting of pictures on the internet, getting in contact with fellow t-girls (CD, TG, TS) and going out with them. Then came telling my friends and showing Tassia to my friends and with that.. all the stress of hiding all my stuff like a spy whenever friends visited me... all that stress disappeared.

Still, in my first few years.. that closet was good for me. :)

[JennyLynn]

Thank you all for your responses- even the negative ones. I see value in all of them.

[monalisa]

Although circumstances keep many of us in the closet it would be nice to have a circle of friends to dress with.

[Amy07]

I think this room allows us all to chat freely here. For me, don't feel you have to go out dressed, we don't do that well, and depends on where you live. Your rights in America may be in question, so review the local laws.
Love to dress at home, and chat with nice people. Thanks.

[curvyFiona]

There is nothing wrong with the closet! You should be comfortable with what you do whether you are in or out of the closet! That is up to you!

[bomba]

i agree we must keep things separate and hope for the best

[Ellie52]

I love the "Closet" so much that I expanded it some 10 years ago. LOL
I added a room addition.
I enjoy the closet because I can just throw on a dress and not worrier about
make-up, wigs etc. Just a bra, panties and a dress or a skirt and slacks.
I would never pass anyway, just way to big in the hands, arms shoulders,
etc. And more hair than what could be shaved in a week.
So, I am closet bound.
Rader

Rader - My sentiment exactly. Mostof the time I am quite content just to wear the clothes. All the silicon and padding can go to hell as far as I am concerned (silicon is for waterproofing the shower), except occasionally I like to see the full Ellie in the mirror. In these instances I will primp and pout in front of the mirror and my wife will just shake her head at me. What more do we need? closet dressers unite.Ellie

[suzy1]

Lets start a closet crossdressers club. The C.C.C. We will have monthly meetings in a………….. closet?
Its about time we started to fight back against the ‘we must all go out and flaunt it’ brigade.:eek:
Suzy will be the ring leader because she does love to stir things up.:)

[JennyLynn]

Some of you are way too funny. The "Closet Brigade"? That is hilarious. My vote if for Suzy.....lead the way girl!!

[Stephanie47]

Suzy, you're dead on with your comment concerning 'we must all go out and flaunt it.' Too many times I've seen advice given to who I would consider to be very young crossing dressing men to strut their strut. Strut without any consequences given to the negative reception of friends, coworkers, family, employers, etc. The closet offers me the opportunity to dress and enjoy the peace and serenity being en femme brings me.

[gwencd158]

I'd like to say I enjoy the private side - but it would be great to be out of the closet in a perfect world. Sadly, that will not happen in my life-time.

[maya1love]

I realized from this thread that one of the reasons why I haven't told more people is because I do enjoy the thrill of the secret! What can I say -- I'm a bit perverted and sensual!

[MaryBeth29]

My closet is comfortable. It has so many pretty, soft, frilly things. Why in the world would I want to share that?!? Seriously though, although I am a very private person in a small town with a little too much to lose, I also quite enjoy the feeling that I'm doing something "naughty."

[Helen_Highwater]

Can I make the distinction as someone who is in the closet as far as family and friends are concerned but takes the opportunity as and when it arises to go out into the big wide world.
I've decided to keep the secret as far a family and friends goes because Helen is a different persona. When I dress then I try to adopt as many fem traits as I can. To do this around those who know me would just seem far too strange, almost schizophrenic. OK it limits my dressing but being out wouldn't change that and carries great risks, ones I'm not prepared to take.
Like others on this thread I enjoy the escapism. The form of solitude that takes me away from the "Hum drum". Perhaps the fact that it's limited is what help make dressing so special.

[Anna H]

It's becoming more of a sensible thing for me to continue with.

I'm still new to being active in our type of communities. So, I guess
I'm going through excitement and fascination with many different
aspects.

One of those is getting out and about. But when I start thinking it
through and asking myself what I would get from it, my own situation
makes it impractical.

I've been to a few Halloween outings and had a few rides in the car
fully dolled up, so I get the excitement and thrill of it. But when I
consider what may go wrong...for me personally...it's not a good idea.
I'm not in a safe area for that to happen. Not that people are mean
or dangerous here, they're quite the contrary, but they're also not
used to what they'll perceive as "deviant behavior".

I'd like to go to a convention and decide than if I join a group of us
for shopping or something dressed up. That would be safe I think
because the conventions keep safety and a good time in mind for
it's attendees and know what's cool and what's not.

But as far as going out on my own, it's probably not a smart idea for
me. I get a good deal of satisfaction just participating within our
little groups. So, for me anyway...that may be plenty good enough.

I can be as off-kilter as I want to here, and for the most part...it's OK.
I'm safe, the best I can tell...

♥ :happy: ♥

[windycissy]

I can totally relate to that: having and keeping an amazing secret about myself is a big part of the rush. But I'd go stir-crazy if I could never leave my closet. I love to go out and about as a woman, and I've made some wonderful friends who only know me as a she. It's like I'm getting to live two lives, one as a man and one as a woman.

[Rosie87]

I'm quite happy in the closet for now as I also quite like the having my own little secret (which is still manageable due to my small wardrobe of women's clothes). But I must admit that clothes shopping with my girlfriend recently was a bit of a torment. Sooo many dresses I wanted to try on but couldn't.

[Crissy Kay]

I do have to admit that I am very happy to remain in the closet, even after all this time!!

[Barbara Maria]

I don't mind the closet either.Sure,I'd like to be able to pass and go places en femme,but I can't pass and I've accepted that.When home alone as a woman,I like what I see and feel,and I can relax and enjoy it and don't have to make excuses to anyone.

[Amy07]

Yes, I love the closet. Fortunately, it is the whole house for me. It's nice to be Amy when I want too, and chat with nice people like you.

[Cheryl T]

It was too private for me for so many years.
I longed to share this part of me with someone who would accept me and allow me to feel how I felt and be who I was.
Yes, I spend much of my time in male mode and always have. That being said it is such a release to be able to express the female side and be recognized as such after being so private for so long.

[Samantha_Smile]

I think there are pros and cons to either 'out' or closeted'.

Closeted - Nobody knows and there can be a nice security in this. As the OP stated, you get to just, 'be yourself' and theres no judgements from anyone because nobody knows.
But with the hiding and lying comes the fear of being found out or caught. And I know from personal experience, it sucks to feel that way when you're not hurting anyone.

Out - Everyone knows and there are judgements, even potential conflict associated with this. You may lose family and friends if they decide their lives can not merge with this side of you.
There is no hiding though, and there is no fear of being found out because everyone knows. You may well have strengthened bonds with your family and friends because of it.
One of the greatest things I ever did was telling my oldest friend, and she loves it, she has even said she felt "Honoured" that I chose to tell her.

The long and short is, you do what works for you.
If people don't need to know, they don't need to know.

[PaulaQ]

I hated being in the closet.

[Candy Cox]

Very interesting points of view shared here. I am new to the forum, have been dressing for about a year. I am in the closet, and thought I wanted to get out!
In deed, it would be very awkward around friends and family if they knew. I dream of a place I could be at, where I was out with good friends having a nice meal,etc.
I would never pass, I am tall, big hands, broad shoulders. So I guess I will be content with loving the clothes, jewelry I wear!

[CynthiaD]

It's your life, live it however you please.

In my case, I hate changing clothes to go out somewhere, so mostly I don't.

[Chrissy52]

I understand I feel the same way only I have not been able to have that private time

[Saikotsu]

This is such a complicated question for me. On the one hand, I've been relishing in my recent midnight forays as Adyson. I've even come out of the closet with a very dear friend, who I knew would accept that side of me. And yet, I don't want to share Adyson with everyone. Even the people who know, I don't want to appear before while en femme. For me, Adyson is a very private creature. Like you, I live as a man, I present as a man, and in many ways I AM a man. And yet, when I'm by myself or with my girlfriend, Adyson can come out to play. I enjoyed the relative safety of my apartment, of being able to be the other me when in private...but...Eventually, that closet became a prison cell. She wanted out. And I've been letting her. Right now, I'm trying to figure out where Adyson wants to be. I enjoy the closet. But I hate it too.

[MissTee]

I wouldn't say I like being in the closet completly. Rather, I like the safety net it provides. Outside of this forum the world is much different, less accepting. Though people may notice the subtle femenine signals we transmit and not say anything within earshot of us or not convey any disdain, I've heard what they say when we're out of earshot. I've also witnessed firsthand how they apply their prejudice. I've seen how they strike a private bais and withhold jobs, promotions, opportunities of all flavors.

Yep, I'm in the closet. For now.

[sonialexis]

I understand what you're saying, I too have no desire to come out to my friends or family. Maybe I would want to tell my SO as I share my life with her and if I did go out and people saw me, I de want them to be strangers.

[Vikky]

Hi Jenny

I am with you and, for the time being at any rate, am happy in the closet.

Vikky

[tfguy]

I am fine with staying in the proverbial closet, except as it relates to my wife, whom I should have told several years before. We are in the early stages, but she is initially accepting and never made me feel ashamed of my desire. I hope with sometime it is something that we can share together. (I am trying to be patient, but it is difficult sometimes. Fortunately, I have read much good advice here about moving slowly.) As long as she accepts me as I am, which she as kindly done, I am happy to stay in the closet (and the bedroom).

[Erica Anne]

I came out to only 4 individuals in my life, well that exploded since my ex-sister in law had roomates and such. My wife and my biological sister I trusted that they would not share my secret with others. The ex-sister in law on the other hand, well it is like this, I get a call from my ex-wife's mother and she said "do you know what my daughter is saying about you? She says you are a crossdresser." This was out of retaliation since I kicked her boyfriend out of the house (way too long of a story here). In some ways I wish I did not come out. But it does not matter much anymore. Where I live now, I feel I would be strung up in a tree if I were to come out. So I am okay being in the closet once again.

[anaissa]

I'm never comfortable with the idea that we all have to go in the same direction. If one wants to remain closeted, then find your happiness there. If you want to be "out" and about, then find your happiness there.

As for me I prefer being out of the closet. The friends and relatives who love me for me are the ones I want to be with. I know there are some who just can't accept my feminine persona. I don't miss them at all.

[Barbie Anne]

I'm in the closet to pretty much the world, excluding my sweet wife. And I hate it, but for now......needs must.

[Devi is here]

We like the staying at home thing and dressing up.

[Sharon B.]

For the most part I do enjoy my time in the closet but yet I have spent so much on clothes, shoes, makeup and jewelry that there are times I want to go out and enjoy myself as a woman. As of now that only has been for drives or to the post office after hours to snail mail something.
I really want to go out as a woman to do my grocery, clothes and/or shoes along with shopping for makeup and perfume. I would also like to go to a beauty salon, have my hair styled, eyebrows shaped, manicure and ears pierced.
It would be nice to find an understanding woman or an understanding man to share my life with, much prefer the understanding woman.

[ArleneRaquel]

I live 24/7 as a woman. No closet for me ever again !

[Launa]

I hate the closet, I'll say it twice, I hate the closet!

The closet is for clothes!

[suzy1]

I hate the closet, I'll say it twice, I hate the closet!

The closet is for clothes!

And Suzy :)

[Angie G]

Yes I always love a little private time.:hugs:
Angie

[Karen kc]

Yes I would like to get out but, the way things are now the closet is just fine!

Suzy when I stir the pot, I use a biiig snow shovel! lol

[Aeslyn]

Hmmm... not sure myself but I have often wondered if I would enjoy dressing as much as I do if it were my normal public self. Would I take it for granted if it were normalized? Is the reason that it is something different why I enjoy it some much, a little break from me? I mean, honestly, when I am out I have that change to look forward to when I get home and it sometimes brightens up my whole day. Without it home would be no different than not at home.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

I had left the closet behind for years, but had only told a handful of what I thought were friends. I lost everyone of those "friends" I have gone back into the closet , so to speak, as i am more comfortable just being me with my wife (and it is a lot more fun to us) when I get home i don't dress unless I ask as i underdress when on the road and know she would enjoy her husband when i get home (at least the first night) after that if she needs her girlfriend she lets me know. It works very well for us.