Is it ever appropiate......

[Sweet Sabrina]

While I have read similar stories on here before, I was curious to see what if any advoce coild be had with regards to introducing oneself to another CD in public? I was recently at Tysons Corner mall in VA and found myself behind a fellow CD. She was very dressed and put together. The only reason I discovered she was in fact a CD was she ran her hand thru her hair and I saw the lacing of the wig underneath. (We were on an escalator). I wanted to just say hello and see where it went buy I also didn't want to "out" her if others were within earshot. I didn't have any inappropiate intentions other then just saying hi. Not sure about most of you but I want to go out dressed so badly but have some isssues surrounding that area of my cd'ing. I would love to just have a girlfriend that is somewhat close by to go shopping with, chat with or just hang out occasionally and someone who could help me get the confidence to go out. So question is how could I have handled this? I ended up just walking away sad.

Sabrina

[lesli]

i've ran into that before too, and what i do if i want to meet them or give them a sincere compliment is just go up to them and touch them ever so lightly on the arm and give them a compliment on an article of clothing they are wearing, their over all look, or an accessory. most have really appreciated it and are not being outted. a genuine and sincere compliment is always welcome.
hugs,
lesli

[Jenniferathome]

A compliment on her clothes or shoes or purse, etc would be appropriate IF you, in fact, liked any of them. But a ,"Hey, I'm a cross dresser too and you look pretty good," would not be ok.

[Gillian Gigs]

A compliment on her clothes or shoes or purse, etc would be appropriate IF you, in fact, liked any of them. But a ,"Hey, I'm a cross dresser too and you look pretty good," would not be ok.

Yea, what Jennifer says...100%

[Talisker]

I would say hello and see if they wanted to talk.
Compliment their makeup and say you wish you could do it that well.
If they cant handle public interaction then they should stay in the closet.

[Sweet Sabrina]

It wasn't a fear of social interaction on my part. I was in male mode and I didn't want to seem intrusive. I will admit it was the first time that I have had the opportunity to interact and I let it slip away. My main concern was I wasn't sure how she would react. Didn't want to draw attention if it wasn't desired....guess I'll never know..

[Talisker]

Sabrina i meant on the part of the person you saw CDing. People will react differently. Id be OK with it, others may not. You will never never know until you ask and once you start a conversation it should be obvious if they want to talk or not.

[Patty F]

I have only been out a couple of times but at events that it would not be odd to see a guy dressed, but I have gotten some compliments that I think were sincere and it was appreciated. I think that a " sorry for staring but I love that , dress, necklace, earrings" etc. would be acceptable, I would love it if we could be open to anyone with a compliment and not be looked at as some kind of a freak. You don't have to out that person just treat them the way you want to be treated. While my wife is accepting it would be nice to have a CD friend to go out with even if not dressed.

[5150 Girl]

You:"Hi, awesome shoes!"
Her: "Thanks"
You: "Some of my friends call me __insert your fem name here___"

[Beverley Sims]

I only speak to someone about CD'ing if it is a gathering if like minded people, you expect interaction then. :)

[Lorileah]

what would you do to any other person you met (and the wig???Maybe she had chemo or alopecia).

This comes up often, were you dressed? Did she notice YOU? Never hurts to smile but unless she has her dress tucked in her panty hose, MYOB

[bridget thronton]

A simple smile goes a long way towards putting strangers ease

[Melissa Rose]

I see two topics in the OPs post - should you or how do you approach a cross dresser in public, and looking for a cross dressing friend. Both are commonly posed questions here.

The most common response regarding the first is to leave them alone, or if you want to say something, give them a genuine simple compliment as appropriate for any woman in public and not make it about any aspect of their gender expression/identity. While some may not mind being read and approached, others would rather not for a variety of reasons; or you could be wrong and misidentify a GG as a transwoman.

Regarding the second topic, approaching a stranger is usually not a very effective way to start a friendship of this type. Finding a local transgender group or attending some type of trans specific event seems to be a very effective method. I have met 6-7 forum members through the local group and a few are among my best friends. Go fish in a well stocked, small lake (a group) rather than in the middle of a big ocean (the mall, etc.). BTW, do not even bother with Craig's List - you are more likely to catch a STD rather than a good friend.

[Karmen]

It depends from person to person, but I wouldn't recommend approaching a CD so directly in public place. It could be very stressfull for the other person, because she doesn't know your intentions, especially if you're dressed as a man. If you would also be fully dressed as a woman at that time, the situation would be a little easier. But if you really want to speak to her at that moment, you might ask for directions or something like that to break the ice and than give her a compliment and go onwards from there. At least I would prefer events to go this way if someone would approach me in public, but generally I wouldn't like that to happen in the first place anyway. Well, that's just me, affraid of my own shadow when dressed.

[Wildaboutheels]

"The only reason I discovered she was in fact a CD was she ran her hand thru her hair and I saw the lacing of the wig underneath."

THIS ^^^ is called leaping to conclusions. NOT a good idea. Spend an hour on any bench in any mall in Florida simply observing people of both sexes and it's very easy to see that FEmales come in all manner of shapes and sizes as well as men. Even voices are not sure fire giveaways. Even Crocodile Dundee's method might not be foolproof.

If you need to go out "bad" I would suggest going alone using baby steps if you have no organizations near you.

Past threads at this FOrum have shown that perhaps 1 in 10 here would have no trouble being"busted" out in the RW in a friendly manner.

I feel quite positive it's because they HAVE had major interaction while dressed out in the RW and discovered that Society is NOT out to get them. This can only come from actual experience.

[Rachelakld]

For me, if you had come up, smiled and said "hi, I love the dress your wearing, I have one similar at home, but not quite as nice", then I'd probably let you buy me a coffee :).

I tend to carry a business card with my girl photo, email and web address that I may hand out if they want to meet later for a coffee.

[Cheryl T]

I would say just smile and continue on ... I personally would not want to be approached by someone who was either asking if I am or acknowledging that they are too. Unless you're at a social event where many are, like Southern Comfort I would say let it be.

[celeste26]

I'll always go with a nice compliment and leave it at that. Puts the ball in their court and they get to choose if, and how they respond. And it does get any potential conversation out on a good footing. But it will be their choice not yours.

[Stephanie47]

The last time I saw a CD in the wild was at one of my local Wal-Mart's. She was build like an NFL lineman. Her ankles buckled in her boots. She could not walk one step without looking as she would keel over. She held her purse as if she were carrying a lunch bucket. One a scale of 1 to 10 she was a 1. In my mind I did give her credit for venturing out. Should I have approached her and complimented her on her moxie to get out and be herself?

I wouldn't approach a GG nor a CD just to tell her that her dress was great or her makeup were exquisite. To me it would seem I am intruding upon her private zone. That does not mean I will not approach someone who appears to be lost or is dropping an armload of packages all over. A courtesy nod is about all I do or if there is mutual eye contact a cordial hello.

[JessicaColeridge]

I often see them in London and think they're very inspiring, jealous too for not being dressed up :)

[Amy07]

What you saw is common in the DC area. I live here too, and hair care for GGs is a mystery to most who would chat here. If a CD went to a salon to have a great head of hair, good for them.

[Marcelle]

I believe the OP was "en boy" at the time? As a I guy, I would not approach a woman and say "nice shoes" or "pretty dress" unless I knew her well so I would not take that approach. In addition "hey I am a CDer as well" would be off the table as you can never be sure if the person is CD or a GG. My approach to this is to smile if I make eye contact (polite thing to do) buy keep on doing my own thing. If she wants to engage then fine but for the most part I leave people alone.

Hugs

Isha

[Sometimes Steffi]

As a guy, I quite regularly approach a woman and complement her, typically on her shoes, her nail color, her perfume. I've even asked where they got the shoes or what color nail polish it is. A genuine complement is always welcome, IMHO, especially from a random guy who is not using it as a pickup line. And you can always see it in their faces.

But to the OP, I think Jennifer at home has the right answer.

[curvyFiona]

I would have probably approached her and complimented her on her dress or her hair, whatever stands out. We don;t have to be friends and go beyond compliments just because we are both CDs, we can just share a quick 1 min conversation and walk away. It's nice anyway!

[NatalieMN]

If it comes up, a nice compliment can be given, but I don't know if I would want someone else to to make any indication that I am a crossdresser if I was out en femme (maybe some day I will be :) ). I think a lot of us want to go out en femme and try to pass, and I think if I were "clocked" by someone else, my confidence would probably suffer a blow as it would prove I was unsuccessful and I would think twice about going out anytime soon.

[Terri Andrews]

Hi Sabrina ,
I think part of her response would depend on how confident she is with herself .
I thought I observed another girl at Macy`s ,several years ago ,so I asked her what time it was .
When she answered I knew I was wrong and thanked her and when on shopping .
Hope you are doing well .

[Vanessa Rose]

I have had that situation twice and failed at connecting twice. What a shame or each of us. Great post!

Interesting in my past of ten years when I did go out it was a GG that came up to me dressed in drap with female shoes with a pretty buckle and slight 1/2 inch heal say " where did you get those I have been looking for them for years. I told her and she said thanks and that was that. To say I passed even remotely would be impossible!
Vanny

[Suzanne F]

I saw a sister at a trade show in San Francisco yesterday. She was taller than me with real long beautiful hair wore in a feminine style. She wore no make up by had hoop earrings with girl jeans and a top. She was very pretty but made no attempt to hide her maleness either. At least that was my perception. Of course I did not say anything but I wanted to ask her about her situation. It was encouraging to see her going about her day with confidence.
Suzanne

[Vanessa Rose]

I am so respectful for those that have gone out and helped us be where we are today. Much room to grow but if you think about the risks of doing this even ten years ago, they were very brave and special sisters!

So much respect and admiration for all those that came and braved the world dispute the risks before me.

Vanny

[Chickhe]

Think of it like this... if you wear a party wig sometimes would you go up to an old 80 year old lady and tell her you are just like her because you wear a wig sometimes too? If you did, what kind of reaction do you think you would get? It is all about tact.

[julia marie]

If you're in boy mode, make them feel comfortable with a comment about the weather or how crowded the mall is, not her necklace or shoes. It's the same as you would if you were talking to a strange woman or man. If you are en femme, a simple compliment on an item you genuinely like could work. Or, in either case, just smile and say Hi.