The long road ahead

[Billiejosehine]

So Im creating this post to get everyone's experience and advice. If you have read my other threads I have been struggling with a lot of things in my life: my SO, marriage, and need to start my transition. Having created this life of trying to be the typical male and fitting in, I'm afraid to loose it all, but I can no longer wait and watch life go by. Has anybody here created a certain life by having children and getting married; only to realize later down the road things are falling apart and you can no longer wait make a transition? Was there any support somewhere in your life? How did you go about and handle everything? How did if affect your children if you have any? How or did you find balance? And what was the final outcome in the end?

[I Am Paula]

Welcome. I think you are going to find a lot of us have been there, done that. It is far more common that you would think for a 'man' to realize, in the prime of his life, with an established career, and happy family, that he must transition NOW. I fought it for 54 years. Married (many times), semi retired with a house in the country, and suffering dreadfully with GD. I must keep this short, I have dinner on, but it has not been easy, but it has been gratifying. My wife and I are together, but live as room mates. Coming out to family, and friends, was hard for me, but surprisingly easy on them. Most just said 'Congrats' and went about their business. My family prefers Paula, as I'm not so distant, and I'm clearly happier. No one will kid you that this will be a cakewalk, but it can be done, and it has been done many times. Until you establish face to face support, lean on us at this forum, we are behind you.

[Megan G]

Has anybody here created a certain life by having children and getting married; only to realize later down the road things are falling apart and you can no longer wait make a transition?

Sounds just like my life, I worked hard trying to hide my GD and live a normal male life, did all the macho things trying to mask my inner self. I have been married 10 years and have a 7 year old son. From the outside people may have thought things were good but in all honesty I was suffering greatly until I snapped and could not take it any longer last year.

I don't have a lot of advice as I am still "new" to this and only 5 months into my HRT. I am still learning my way..

Trisha

[Angela Campbell]

This is the story of many many transsexuals. Me....I got married young, had 3 kids, they got to be teens and then I divorced, married again about 6 years later and it ended as well. I was fighting this so hard for so many years I was making everyone else miserable as well as killing myself. I finally had to begin transition.

I got therapy, I began treatment (transition) and I told everyone. That is when things got better. My kids are all over the place. Oldest - son - is avoiding me since I told him in August, middle girl is ok with it, and youngest girl.....is too busy for me, not sure about her. The rest of my family is firmly behind me.

[Billiejosehine]

It feels like my life is spinning out of control as I try to figure things out and it is emotionally draining. It is official, I will soon have an ex-SO and she wants to finalize divorce as of yesterday telling me I'm not in charge that she is and I have no say. Wants me to take responsibility for how things are because she has done nothing. Wants we move out and be as far away from her and the kids as possible. Since they need some stability in their lives and already does things with them and tells me I can't be included. Is she trying to alienate me? I don't know how true this is or if she's just dangling a carrot in front of me, but tells me if by chance we get back together in the future; after I figure things out and show her a lot of things that I have yet to show her, then she'll be all for getting back together. Mind you, I have never in 5 years met her standards. I do something it's not good enough. I have all this to deal with while coming to self acceptance and starting my journey in transitioning. As I said I feel like my life's spinning out of control and this is just the beginning. Is this how transition is and the long hard road I face? If so I got to find ways to keep myself sane; I think I'll just have to get back into painting again since I never had time.

Has anyone been through what I'm going through? What do I say to my 4 year old and 2 year old about the changes to come ( divorce and my transition)? The hardest thing is that my 2 year old daughter is a daddy's girl and loves me to death. This has made my SO jealous and telling her that she's a traitor. To top it off she has taught my daughter to come up to me hit me for no reason and say be nice. When I get mad about that my SO says in taking it personally.

[Rachel Smith]

I just received my divorce decree. It's not fun. I had/have my friends Michelle and Rick to lean on and their families acceptance of the real me was the nudge I needed to find out I am OK. Yes they knew the "male" me first. Then I discovered this site and the ladies here and found out much to my surprise I was NOT the only person on God's green earth that felt the way I did. FREEDOM!

I have only one daughter, step-daughter actually but I hate that word. She told me this is hard for her as she saw me as a manly man even though I wasn't. I am going home for Easter for the first time in a year and a half and I am not allowed to come to her place as the real me. She is afraid how it will affect her daughter who is 13. Hopefully she will see how truly happy I am now and that will set her on the road to acceptance.

My final outcome was happiness, a happiness I have never known. Live YOUR life whatever it may be. I no longer feel I have to do this or that to try to fit in, I just fit in. You need to have somewhat of a thick skin if you undertake this as there will be some collateral damage and learning to leave go of those people was difficult for me. I also had to learn that in MY life I come first because suicide is not a good answer.

My parents were surprisingly accepting of me. Dad 82, Mother 81. I have 1 older brother and 2 younger sisters. 2 out of 3 are OK. My youngest sister is not happy at all about it. She hasn't talked to me since I started transition other then to ask me about a sweater that my Mom accidentally put in my things when I moved to VA. She thinks I am being extremely selfish. She is not my daughter or granddaughter and to her my attitude is TOUGH S**T deal with it.

I was worried too about losing my male life and all that went with it. Simply put I found out I had NO life before as compared to the life I have now. I was merely going through the motions of life, now I am living life and loving it.