Iv'e known all along

[Lucy_Bella]

I have a question that would be great for honest replies..

If you are ( please this is not a label thread so lets not go there) GID/TS...

When did you first accept that part of your spectrum?

Have you ever had any signs before you accepted?

I understand that this is a deep question and many folks here say they have a " male " and a "female" half..

Please explain that to me how you can justify having a male and female half at the same time and when did you first notice you were different?

[Teresa]

Hi Lucy, I posted a thread about being part female if that's any help to you.

[suzy1]

A very good question and one that really applies to my situation Lucy.
Let me start by saying the word ‘justify’ is a little misplaced if I my say so. I do not need to justify myself in saying I am transgender for example.

So when did I notice I was different? When I was old enough to realize that boys should not be interested in girly things.
But it took me a long time [joining this forum helped a huge amount] before I new that I was transsexual.
Male and female halves? I do not have halves, I am just me.:)

[Lucy_Bella]

It does no matter what the reply is, most certainly.. Because this is a Forum to discuss all forms of Cross Dressing as open ..So even if it seems we are beating a dead horse, to some...POINTS are being made and we do learn about each other and as members we can NOT close a thread with a personal note of our own opinion about the subject..

This Forum is very helpful for all ..

[JessMe]

Hi Lucy. I was very young when I first started doing cross-gender things. As I explained in a previous post, I was making "dresses" from my sheets before my (4 years) younger sister was born. I remember vividly incidents throughout my childhood; things like wearing the clip on earrings at the dress up table in kindergarten, asking when I could get my ears pierced, wondering when I would wake up and be a girl, etc. ...but as a kid on a military base in the 80's and 90's, from a very conservative family, I also learned quickly that this was not acceptable, and that I "needed" to go out and play war and baseball and such with the other boys. I've decided against transition for manifold reasons, but mostly it can be summed up as wanting to live a "normal" life with my girlfriend, family, and friends. My mindset might be different if I could "pass" and be "the woman that... she who... with her..." but I'm more likely to be a football player than a cheerleader. ...as for the "two halves" thing: what we consider to be gender norms are largely a social construct, and vary quite a bit from place to place and community to community. Around here, a lot of girls drive big 4x4s and hunt, etc. ...all people have "masculine" and "feminine" traits to some degree or another. For instance, my niece will go for a doll first... but she always ends up on the tailgate of a toy truck at some point. Lol ...sorry for the wall of text, but I hope I've answered your questions!

[gwencd158]

My two cents - I have known since I was about 4. When I was around 12, I found the book everything you should know about sex - I think my parents left it out on purpose. There was a chapter on transvestites in the book. At that point I at least knew what I was. It was not until the Internet though, that I came to grips and accepted 'what' I am.

[Cheryl T]

I know that I felt 'different' from about age 4, began dressing at about 7, had my first full wardrobe at about 17.
I don't have 2 halves...I have 2 parts that make up my whole and they both require expression. For years I denied my feminine part and it was driving me wild. Finally I found the courage to accept who I am and come out to my wife no matter what the cost. Fortunately in my case she is accepting and fully supportive so I have my world intact and am at last able to be ME.

[Beverley Sims]

I have both halves and I would say since about three or four.
I did not dress much but I liked playing princesses from an early age.
I liked the flowing robes bit.

[kimdl93]

Like Cheryl, I knew I was different early in life...most of my earliest recollections revolved around feeling different in a vague way and an interest in feminine things. I learned to suppress those interests, but they were always lurking below the surface.

Unlike Cheryl, I never allowed myself a wardrobe of any kind for most of my life, although both my first and present wife knew of my interest in women's things. It's only been over the past decade that I've gradually allowed myself to fully express myself. As I've said before, I suddenly realized that I could dress completely as a woman and not look absurd. When I accepted that possibility, the world seemed to open up for me and now I live more than half my life as a woman. Fortunately, like Cheryl I have an accepting and supportive wife too.

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Signs where there for me from a very early age but was not in till my mid 30s that i accepted who i was and came out. But have had way better life and been happier for accepting.

[Michellegryl]

Like most here I knew when I was 4. I remember the day like it was yesterday, when I realized that I had strong feminine tendencies and a knowing that I should have been a girl. I've spent most of my life trying to deny it and cure it.

I finally realized that I do not have two halves I am just me with a larger spectrum of what it means to be me than most, but not uncommon among most of us here on this forum. I have fully embraced who I am and with the support from my loving SO I am happy to be ME.

[Nikki A.]

I realized it also at a very young age that I gravitated towards female clothing and things. That said I don't see it as two halves but rather that knowing there are times that I can present as female and times that I can't. I'm comfortable dressing either way and there are few places that I won't dress.
In a few years I will be able to retire and whether this will change how much I dress will be determined at that time.

[Tina_gm]

Looking back there were signs from early childhood. I always felt a sense of not being able to compete or be as tough as the other boys. Not that I didn't necessarily want to, but I felt overwhelmed often times when it came to sports and games. I lacked some of the aggressiveness. And I think even at an early age I felt a sense of worry about how I treated my friends and certain other things.

My 1st true experience of feeling the desire came when I was a teenager. But I did all I could to deny and repress this desire. It has been fairly recently for me that I have begun my path to acceptance. I am finding it is a longer harder road than I thought, but a road that I have needed to travel down for a very long time. I am not entirely certain and may never be as to why I began to change from denial to acceptance. I have theorized many things about it, and maybe there is more than one reason as to why.

I do know that the desire has become stronger. That began happening about 2 years ago. I guess also, even before I began reading and participating on this site, I began realizing that I was ok, not some sick perverted person or mentally damaged, psychotic etc etc. I began to think of myself as a good person, but one who is a man but more feminine than most guys. A guy who likes to dress and feel the physical sensations of being a woman. To accept that I have certain thoughts and emotions that are more feminine in nature. That I have natural tendencies to have feminine mannerisms.

I also have the masculine side of me. For whatever reason, I have actually become a more aggressive and competitive person after hitting adulthood. I have many male oriented likes, such as fast cars etc etc. I also exude masculine type mannerisms as well, and often simply feel like the guy I am. I enjoy dressing as a guy as well, especially formal attire. I am learning to not try to get rid of the feminine side, it won't go away. I am learning to just roll with it and my masculine side. It is what it is, I don't need to try to make it bigger or different than what it is. I still have a ways to go, and my true start to acceptance has been for just over a year now. the journey of acceptance may take me the rest of my life, and that is ok too.

[PaulaQ]

When did you first accept that part of your spectrum?

In March of 2013, just before my 50th birthday. I'd fought this and denied it for my entire lifetime. Everyone said I was a man? How could I not feel like one? That had to be insanity on my part, right? I mean, how could everyone around me in the entire world be wrong?


Have you ever had any signs before you accepted?
Sure, starting from a very young age, I was fascinated watching women in my family dress / apply makeup. They assumed that I was too young to remember this stuff - they were mistaken about that.

My favorite composer when I was about 8 was Walter Carlos. She's Wendy Carlos now.
I noticed every single story about a transsexual woman when I was growing up. It fascinated me.
I knew by age 10 I wanted to be a girl, but didn't feel I could - nobody would accept me.
I started cross dressing by that age. I mostly played with the girls at that time, including my sister.
My attempts to suppress this in high-school and college led me to depression, small psychotic breaks, and ultimately, alcoholism.
I stopped CDing for years during my second marriage - but I just couldn't stop it, ultimately I started back up, as my emotional stated deteriorated to be worse off than when I was in high school. I spent months contemplating suicide.

Yeah, there were definitely signs. I just ignored them out of fear and shame. I knew I had to be sick to feel such things, I just knew it. But it turns out, I was not.

[MsVal]

I don't know when it started, but I have had a decades long fascination with things feminine. It went beyond just liking the look, smell, sound, and feel of women, I wanted to experience those sensations personally. I wanted to feel soft, smell sweet, look pretty, and sound soothing. For a long time I thought this was just some kind of misplaced desire and shook it off. Real men don't have those feelings.
But I never was the "Real Man" type. I am short, and small of frame, uninterested in playing any sports, and not at all confrontational. A couple years ago I began softening even that presentation. My favorite summer garments are shorts and my many colorful Hawaiian shirts.
A few months ago I began researching my feelings and discovered, as have several others, that the desire to crossdress is something that other men experience. That was a valuable thing to learn. I am now trying to understand whare I fit in the spectrum.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Again, without reading other threads I would like to answer this. I do not have two halves. My female and male parts are more fluid than that and, depending on how I feel on any given day, I'm a little bit more of one or the other. Some women wake up and want to wear dresses and heels and other days slacks and sweaters. Although I don't always have that option I have the same feeling. I like to think of myself as a completed puzzle made up of pieces with "F's" and "M's" scattered throughout randomly with no pattern. My feminine and masculine psyche is soo interlocked that it would be hard to seperate themwithout destroying the whole picture. It's just who I am. I've figured this out in my thirties, a long time ago.

[suchacutie]

Unlike Stephanie, my F's and M's are localized incredibly. I had no clue about my F's until I was 55, and on that day it was an epiphany that came crashing down in 48 hours, aided and abetted by my most wonderful wife. Our curiosity sent us digging into who I really am, and it became clear very fast that there were two distinct sides, and nothing in the middle. Put together and averaged they are who I was, but now it's clear that the separation is dramatic. It's been 8 years and the bi-line here on this forum is still exactly right: we are making a life for Tina, and the more she exists the more we see which details of my life before age 55 were really her. It's a fascinating adventure!

[Dawn Gurl]

I knew I was "different" from other boy's when I was in grammar school. I am 58 now and unfortunately back then, it simply wasn't discussed and until the internet I suppressed my female self with great pain. It wasn't until recently that I came out of my little closet and explained myself to a co-worker, who has noticed my differences. I owe her an awful lot, and she has been a tremendous help.
I do have a very female side, I enjoy it now that I have at least one person to share it with.

[Monet's dream]

I just wish that I had someone I could share this part of me with on a regular basis. It gets lonely keeping something so lovely and fun hidden away.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lucy, The short simple answer is , It's just who I am and It's just what I do for over 66years now.