Crossdressing and the loner.

[suzy1]

First a definition of a ‘loner’ [Not to be confused with lonely!]

The Loner is a quiet creature. It has no one natural habitat, but is found usually on its own in a quiet place. The Loner is a solitary creature; the human counterpart to the Lone Wolf. Loners are subtle and charming, however they usually tend to be single simply because being a Loner mostly means that one does not have to care for another person. The Loner is rarely seen with more than 3 people at any one time unless at a concert, dance, or other social gathering. Loners are usually very kind, as what small amounts of contact they have with others means a lot to them. The Loner doesn't need other people to define their existence. Loners don't need to rely on others, and as a result are completely self-sufficient. Loners can be one's lifelong friend, voice of reason, and an all-around great person if someone takes the few seconds and tries to be worthy of a Loner's precious time. Loners usually have a smile on there face. Loners usually have a stress free life. And loners are for the most part mentally strong people.

So do CD\TG girls like me have the best of all lives?

Food for thought perhaps.

A happy Suzy mulling over her breakfast this lovely sunny morning.:)

[Lynn Marie]

Oh yes, Suzy, I'm a card carrying member. The thing is that with me I also love entertaining, and flirting, and learning about others. I find just about everyone really fascinating. Maybe it's just getting old, or getting over myself, or even growing up a little, but I really enjoy people in addition to really enjoying my alone time. For me, it's a balance.

[kimdl93]

I can appreciate solitude, but I'm not a loner by any means. I really do need those people at the core of my life...wide, children and extended family.

[suzy1]

You are either built this way or you are not kim. Simple as that. You can't become a loner.
I too have a family that I love. But I can and do go for days sometimes without seeing anybody other than the people around me in shops and such.

I love people, I just don't need them if that makes sense?

[Madilyn A.]

Suzy, Such deep thought ! All I can say is I would love to be "built" like you !! How was your breakfast ?.......Hugs Maddy

[suzy1]

porridge made with milk. And thanks for asking my friend. And the rest of my day all to myself..............heaven.:)

[Charlotte Haynes]

I'm very much like what you described..Some think I'm lonely...they couldn't be more wrong..My true friends know how I work..I have quite a few..I know I'm appreciated by them..
C

[Being Paige]

I would have to say that I am a loner also even though I am happily married with 2 daughters and a grand daughter.

[Tracii G]

I too am a loner always have been.
My friends I pick very carefully as well. I don't have to talk with friends everyday or even have contact with people in general to be happy.
There can be days on end where I don't I don't utter a word because no one around to talk to.
I like being alone most of the time.

[stephNE]

I think its an issue of the label, and what it means to each of us. I don't think of myself as being a loner, and certainly not lonely. I look at my life as being independent. I think I have a number of friends, but may go for many days at a time without talking to any of them (not counting wife, kids and dog). I just have lots of things I want to do, and need my "alone" time to be able to do them.

[Beverley Sims]

Suzy,
I like your description of me, I do share this with my wife these days.
She is so tolerant of everything I do. :)

[Kristy 56]

Oh yes, Suzy, I'm a card carrying member. The thing is that with me I also love entertaining, and flirting, and learning about others. I find just about everyone really fascinating. Maybe it's just getting old, or getting over myself, or even growing up a little, but I really enjoy people in addition to really enjoying my alone time. For me, it's a balance.

Lynn you could be my sister. Your self description fits me to a tee.:)

[suzy1]

I too am a loner always have been.
My friends I pick very carefully as well. I don't have to talk with friends everyday or even have contact with people in general to be happy.
There can be days on end where I don't I don't utter a word because no one around to talk to.
I like being alone most of the time.

Join the club


I think its an issue of the label, and what it means to each of us. .

Have to disagree with you here Steth if that’s O.K. with you. If you are totally fine with your own company, you can and always do sort out your own problems without any need for help from anybody and if you don’t know the meaning of loneliness or what it feels like, then you are a loner.


[I] The thing is that with me I also love entertaining, and flirting,.

If that includes cyber flirting then Suzy does a lot more than just flirt!:heehee:

[Alice Torn]

Suzy, You described me pretty well. Except, I find it very hard to smile. My dad is a loner, and always implied that i be one. I was a loner all through school, but had several friends, was alwys shy around girls, and later jouined the baseball team in high school, but had almost no confidence, did not get to play much. Was very lonely , and wanted a girlfriend, but never had a steady, or SO. Strted dressing about age 14, then, not until decades later. Dressing reinforced my lonerdom. Found this site, as a place to communicate some, share pics. I don't desperately want a wife now, like i did much younger. My income is very low now, so i have nothing to offer a SO. I like living alone, had roommates, but those did not go well. I don't like being around crowds at all. Very individualistic for the most part. Sometimes, there is just no one to tall to, about my sorrows, and concerns, and i try to tell cashiers, or waitresses. I have no family that is safe, or good or healthy, to talk to. Most all my friends have left me. I am a loner.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Suzy, the thing that I love about you is your loner attitude. You live life on your terms. You are a treasure . Peace, melissa

[Karen kc]

Gee, I'm not the only "loner" in the world! good enough

[Alice Torn]

Not a loner totally! I have cats! Crazy cat lady? Crazy cat guy? Crazy cat CD. Crazy cat loner? OK, I stop.

[Jenniferathome]

Suzy, when one gets to choose a definition, one can certainly make the most of it. I do not think that the average human would agree with your definition. It may work for you but for the vast majority, loner = lonely

[suzy1]

Suzy, when one gets to choose a definition, one can certainly make the most of it. I do not think that the average human would agree with your definition. It may work for you but for the vast majority, loner = lonely

I don't mean to be rude here but how can anyone miss the point by so much? Google loner then Google lonely. [Or read my thread perhaps?]:)

[Jenniferathome]

I did Suzy. I just live with clear glasses on.

[suzy1]

I did Suzy. I just live with clear glasses on.

No hard feelings my friend, I just seem to be using a different version of Google than you?

Wikipedia
‘Loner’ Being a loner is sometimes depicted culturally as a positive personality trait, as indicative of being independent and responsible’
‘Loneliness’ is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship’
Two different words with two very different meanings.

Can I clean your glasses for you? [Said tongue in cheek Jennifer]:)

[kimdl93]

You are either built this way or you are not kim. Simple as that...

I love people, I just don't need them if that makes sense?

Of course it does. I'm really not built that way, but I understand.

[Jenniferathome]

Suzy, I think you have failed to read my original reply in full. Again, as I wrote, "It may work for you but..." I do not question that YOU are ok being a loner.

[paulaprimo]

suzy, love the definition...i am for sure a loner, but not at all lonely, and loving every bit of it!! :)

[suzy1]

Suzy, I think you have failed to read my original reply in full. Again, as I wrote, "It may work for you but..." I do not question that YOU are ok being a loner.

Yep, think I did.:)


‘loner = lonely’ you say? No, ‘loner’ not =‘lonely’ Two different meanings.
Google good, Google help, Google place to go for meaning of Loner and lonely.

Suzy talking about ‘loner’ Suzy not talking about lonely. Suzy go now.:eek:

[suchacutie]

These characteristics Suzy has outlined are often ascribed to the positive traits of an only child: selr reliant, independent, self assured, and well able to amuse one's self. That's not saying that we (only children) are antisocial, but we are often fussy about our choices.

[GretchenJ]

Albeit that I am very happily married, and would not change a thing in my life, I am extremely introverted, and from the Myers Briggs test that we took before we got married, it was told to me that I will need time alone to recharge my batteries. My wife is totally the opposite, so we were told that it was going to be a bad marriage, or a great one. It has worked out perfectly.

So that is why to me, that cross dressing is a totally personal issue, and a rather private one to all - except to those here.

So Suzy, I totally get what you are saying, but maybe it's not Loner, but Private?

[Katey888]

These characteristics Suzy has outlined are often ascribed to the positive traits of an only child: selr reliant, independent, self assured, and well able to amuse one's self. That's not saying that we (only children) are antisocial, but we are often fussy about our choices.

Hey - I represent that remark. Only child - not antisocial - but often a loner. And I'd agree with most others here who have expressed their affection for family and friends; I'm rarely lonely - even when alone... :thinking:

So I agree with that aspect Suzy, and would add: 'Loner' not= 'lonely' not= 'alone'

What an eclectic bunch of allsorts we are... :cheer:

Katey x

[Hell on Heels]

I would also consider myself a loner. I live in a very remote area, am self emploted and work from home.
I have a dog and horses for companions. But even before becoming self employed I worked with a group of about 24 people. Very rarely would I ask for someones help. I love to be able to get things done on my own.
If somebody else can do a certain task, I feel I should be able to do it also. I learned a lot of things because of this.
I would never say I was lonely, I agree It's fun to go out with a few people, and with larger groups I feel a bit out of place and have trouble socializing.
Thanks Suzy for teaching me a bit of who I am.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[ReineD]

Is it possible to define oneself as a loner, when one seeks human contact or affirmation through cyberspace? If a person actually prefers time away from in-person contact, is that not called isolating (social lack of contact between persons)?

[Madilyn A.]

I too, would consider myself a loner. I cherish my time alone, as most of my time is currently around family. I do like an occasional outing with friends, but left to my own choices, I would almost always chose to spent it alone. Funny though, when I am here on this site I never feel alone, many of my friends are just one click away !

[suzy1]

Is it possible to define oneself as a loner, when one seeks human contact or affirmation through cyberspace? If a person actually prefers time away from in-person contact, is that not called isolating (social lack of contact between persons)?

No, its called fun.

To say I am seeking human contact or affirmation through cyberspace Is a wrong assumption Reine. What makes you think that? Did I ever say that?:eek:
This thread has gone from interesting to irritating to annoying now.

You lot carry on, Suzy will just enjoy her lonely....…no wait a minute, I mean loner life.:heehee:

[Janine cd]

I,too, am a loner but happily married and a father and grandfather as well. The extent of my activities and interests are not widely shared with my family. I spend most of my days at the computer or in my workshop doing those things which I like most alone. So I guess that defines me as a loner, but never lonely.

[Donna June]

You and I have a lot in common, Suzy

[ReineD]

This thread has gone from interesting to irritating to annoying now.

Didn't mean to offend, Suzy. Sorry.

[suzy1]

You never offend me Reine. [Well maybe a little tiny bit this time]:heehee:

The thread was fun though wasn’t it:)

[julia ann]

Suzy you had me pegged perfectly right up to "loners usually have a stress free life"

[Diane Edwards]

I would have to define myself as a loner as well, though like many of you I have friends and family I enjoy spending time with.

I have to add a little to the definition, though: Being comfortable with being alone. I have always been comfortable being by myself, even for extended periods. (There have been times my job has required me to be on my own and for the most part I actually enjoyed the alone time.)

I think that there is also the misconception that being a loner automatically equates with being anti-social or misanthropic. Not that anti-social misanthropes can't be loners, but I'd have to say they are in the minority. Goodness knows from what I've read on this thread we loners are anything but anti-social!

[sonialexis]

I too have always been a loner and yes sometimes I have been lonely too but mostly I love my space. I have stopped daydreaming and find this or that to do. I am not anti-social or sad, I know how to have a good time, if I interact with a stranger I'm confident (sometimes its faked), I have a sense of humor, good friends who I can laugh with and love, but I don't feel the need to talk to them or meet them too often, more is not merrier for me. Like any other person I'm down and I'm back up again but it's not because I walk alone.

[Anna H]

I think there's 2 definitions of "us" who are loners. Those who aren't seem
to think we have problems...of varying sorts. They tend to think it's a bad thing.

I go for months without seeing anyone but my wife. She does the same
sometimes. I'm certainly not lonely or sad or depressed or missing anything
the world has to offer. I'm just so busy taking advantage of what it does
offer.

That said, before the internet, I'd have to go out sometimes and just be
around people. But now, I have lots of friends that I'm in contact with
daily....So...maybe I'm not so much of one as I think i am....(?)

I just find so many interesting things to do and try that clash completely
with settled defined cliques. I'm always busy playing around with something
new & different. I just have too much going on to ever be defined.
Bouncing all over the place seems to define me as the loner type
by others, though....

Bye Ya'll! Moving to another thread...but that doesn't mean I don't love ya!

:happy: ♥

[Jocee]

Me to a T

[Maria 60]

You nailed it. Yes I have children and married but all around my kids have there friends and my wife has a few close friends but my wife pointed out to me on Super Bowl Sunday not calling me a loner but calling me anti social that a few people did call me to watch the game but I didn't go and she pointed out that I don't have a close friend and when I do projects that I want to do them on my own. We have a summer house a few hours away and once a month I will go and check it out and my wife tells me to bring her father or my mom just to keep me company but I tell her when you travel alone you eat when your hungry and you sleep when your tired and you don't have to worry about what others want. You are so right if it wasn't for my wife pushing me to do things I would just stay home and be a loner. Good observation Suzy.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Suzy, I'm only a loaner when I'm dressed the other 16 to 20 hours I am spending with my wife of 50years we're a DA/DT Couple.

[Melissa_59]

Another Loner responding, Suzy. I can count my friends on one hand with fingers left over - I'm very very choosy whom I call a friend. I don't even have that many "acquaintances" either. I work from home, and I'm perfectly happy not going out much. My family back east cannot understand that I'm not lonely, and that I choose to live in this little west Texas town in the middle of nowhere because I have the peace, solitude, and insulation from all the drama that comes with a lot of people. My days are quiet, my heart rate is low, and my blood pressure is excellent because of that lack of drama.

Every once in awhile I'll think "It would be nice to have someone closer that I could share my life with" but then again I remember all of my past relationships and the constant noise that came with them and that thought is quickly banished. I'm at peace in my life. Finally.

A lot of people just don't seem to understand - we're alone, but we're not lonely. Some of us like the quiet.

[Melissa_59]

I think we should have a "Loner Exclusive Group" (LEG). It will be a great group because no one is ever expected to show up for meetings...

;)

[Anna H]

ooops! I thought we already did! I've been not showing up at all the
wrong places!

:happy:

[Ally 2112]

Im with you Suzy and totally get what you saying :)

[Annaliese2010]

Yes I agree Suzy. You can be alone but not lonely. You can be in a state of ultimate freedom. No one relying on you. No one depending on you. No one needing you. Everyone attracted to you but no One someone loving you - and where you neither desire nor bemoan the fact. One can go through a phase like that and be fine with it. A perfectly neutral state of existence. But then what happens? You have a moment when your aloneness gives way to loneliness. All the normal distractions that fill your time, everything that money can buy somehow seems shallow no matter how hard you try. Shop till you drop as you do but now even that's not enough, no matter how many pairs of shoes.

Now you're vulnerable. Because loneliness emanates outwardly in all directions. An invisible beacon propagates through a matrix undiscovered, one that lies beyond the realm of modern Science. A homing signal unintentionally sent yet... Detected! Guiding coordinates transmitted/received just as much unknowingly. Then when you least expect a girl appears. You're attracted but you don't know why. You're not 'Looking' but for reasons you don't understand you simply can't resist. You swallow her bait then it's too late, she's got you hook line and sinker. Suddenly you lose times track, your whole world is changed - and you find yourself going "Hmm.."

As if in a dream you try and try to recall when lonliness was your only friend. The infinite time. Infinite freedom. No pressure. No love. No responsibility either. Nothing of import. Nothing of significance. Then you smile as you reflect, take it all in, your lifes new purpose, the big pic. In the back of your mind you hear yourself saying "Gee I'm lucky she found me, saved me. How, I haven't a clue". That's the mystery of two like-souls yearning, coming together as one. Shared love is a blessing divine. Outside space and time, once ignited, it never dies

[Vanessa Rose]

Can I say..."all of the above are true?"


Maybe for some this would be true.... but I think, if you asked many, and went below the surface, this would be proven false. I think the key ingredient is if acceptance were the norm, then would this be true? Nope...


Sometimes the struggle for many is burdensome... for me, it changes, but overall...who wants to be alone.. add friends into the mix possibly..






Vanny

[UNDERDRESSER]

Albeit that I am very happily married, and would not change a thing in my life, I am extremely introverted, and from the Myers Briggs test that we took before we got married, it was told to me that I will need time alone to recharge my batteries. My wife is totally the opposite, so we were told that it was going to be a bad marriage, or a great one. It has worked out perfectly.

So that is why to me, that cross dressing is a totally personal issue, and a rather private one to all - except to those here.

So Suzy, I totally get what you are saying, but maybe it's not Loner, but Private?I'm wondering if Suzy is talking about being an Introvert?

http://twentytwowords.com/a-simple-explanation-of-how-to-interact-with-introverts/

My GF is very definitely an Introvert. Me? Not so much, I do have an introverted nature, but it's.....muted in comparison to her. I have had to learn to give her space, let her approach me on her own terms. It's been difficult, as where she is concerned, I want to be very touchy feely. I generally don't like crowds, but I'm usually fairly happy interacting with lots of people on a one to one basis.

[suzy1]

I just had to come back one more time after reading all your comments!

We have comments here saying I am really lonely, not a loner.:eek:
We have comments saying I am really an ‘introvert’ :eek:
One member saying I am just isolating myself from human contact by having friends in cyberspace.[that one made me smile]
A member saying I am only a loner until I fall in love and then I will realize that I was not a loner but lonely before I met my ‘one true love’:heehee:
And several that read my thread understood it because they are also blessed [yes, I did say blessed] with being a loner.
Alice says she is a loner but must have her cats. That makes you a cat lover Alice, not a loner.:)
We have one member that commented three times criticising my definition of ‘loner’ that apparently has little or no grasp of the English language whatsoever but is convinced that she is an expert linguist? [Gave up on that one]:eek:

But a refreshing number of comments from members that understood because they have the one thing you need to be able to understand what it means to be a loner.
To understand what it is to be a loner you need to be……..a loner, like me.:)

[CynthiaD]

Yes, I'm a loner. I'm a scientific researcher, and this sort of work requires one to be alone with one's thoughts for extended periods of time. But it's my nature that brought me to this profession, not the other way around.

[Princess Grandpa]

Not so much a loner as socially awkward. I find your description of a loner very much how I see myself in many ways. However, I think that's more because I feel awkward and uncomfortable in social situations not because I prefer to be alone

Hug
Rita

[KellyJameson]

“I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel." Audrey Hepburn

Being a lover of solitude comes from the love of having a relationship "just with the self".

I would never give this up because to do so would be to lose myself.

[grace7777]

I am a loner. I am very comfortable being alone and and have even spent many holidays alone. Now at times it is nice to socialize with others. As a child I had a very had time making friends. Also, I tend to be on the shy side. Many people were amazed a few years ago when I traveled to Europe and while there traveled all alone. For me I am just very comfortable being alone. Also, I do chat with.others online.

[ArleneRaquel]

As a male I would consider myself something of a loner, as a female I am more outgoing by far. A "limited loner" may be a more apt description of me, by which I mean I can be alone or with others, as a female I'm more wanting to be with someone or even a group.

[KimCal]

I'm a loner as well. Seems we uncovered a somewhat common trait here? Or, maybe it's simply easier to dress if one keeps to themselves?

[Vickie_CDTV]

I am a loner too :( Always have been socially awkward and misunderstood, always tended to keep to myself.

[melanie206]

Being a loner is probably an advantageous condition for people like us since our favorite behavior is restricted by the real or imagined attitudes of others. Looking at the bigger picture, we are becoming a nation of loners - less church, less bowling, McMansion neighborhoods with no sidewalks, consolidation of the media, the emphasis of violence and fear of others in entertainment and of course the way we use the internet. It's always good to ask why these are trends and who benefits.

[Jordan]

I would say you hit me right on the head with this thread as i feel that way also

[Joanncdnj]

Have to agree, I'm a loner. I have friends, work in a team atmosphere, but deal with my insecurities best alone. Will they notice my eyebrows..... did I get all the polish off.... are the marks still there from the earrings..... panty lines.... shaved legs..... the list goes on and on....

[Allisa]

Loner a term I haven't been called in quite some time almost forgot what I was thanks for the conformation.

Bye-Bye Lisa

[sometimes_miss]

Not always loner by choice; initially, as a kid I was outcast because of my appearance, and had very few friends, often, only one, and that one was taking advantage of me for his own purposes. I had the deformity corrected, and gained friends and relationships. As I grew older, I discovered many of my friends weren't very nice people, to others, to me, even to their family. And I discovered that many were not exactly accepting of TG people, either. So now I'm down to a very few, and spend most of my time outside of work, alone. And I'm fine with that, I guess I got used to it all those years as a kid. Sure, I need companionship once in a while, but can go days or weeks without it completely.

[Christen]

You are either built this way or you are not kim. Simple as that. You can't become a loner.
I too have a family that I love. But I can and do go for days sometimes without seeing anybody other than the people around me in shops and such.

I love people, I just don't need them if that makes sense?

Got me to a tee, there Suzy. Always been that way. Always felt like I didn't quite fit in, but that was absolutely OK.

Christen x

[rita63]

I have to agree with Lynn Marie, I love to entertain and am starting to learn to flirt. I have some very good friends whom I have known for over 40 years and only 1 lives near me. But I am also a person who does things by myself. When I found a trans support group I just went and walked in the door. I went to Toronto Pride last year and met some friends there and made some new ones who I marched with. I go to Toronto to visit the Art gallery by myself regularly. I have developed from an early age a sense of fearlessness, I see something I want to do and I do it without worrying about support. If I don't like something or it doesn't suit me I stop doing it. I am out there for me.
I admit my dressing has been something I kept in the closet until recently but I always accepted it as a normal natural part of myself.
And like Alice I always have at least one cat and often more.
Kim I used to think it was easier to dress by myself. But since joining a support group and getting out dressed I have found a new part of myself and a new freedom in being more myself. unfortunates I now have two lives that I will bring together soon.

hugs. rita

[Sharon B.]

Loner here too and still in the closet but would like to find someone who wouldn't mind me going out with them as a woman. I would really like to start going out shopping as one.

[lovetobedani]

I've always been a loaner. I really never "fit" anywhere in particular. As a child I wasn't athletic enough to compete with the boys nor was I quite a girl. To this day I fell like I don't belong with either males or female but do understand and identify more with females than males. In the past I've been called a frustrated housewife by females.

I'm happy to find many others like me in this forum and hope to establish some real friendships some time.