Your Victories

[dreamer_2.0]

A couple days ago I resumed therapy. I shared how dark the world has been feeling to me lately, how I'm running away from my dreams and choosing a life of inadequacy. It was a hard session full of doom and gloom.

Like many have suggested here, she emphasized focusing on small goals, small victories and asked what I could do between sessions. Thinking small, I told her I've always wanted women's earrings, something more interesting than the studs I currently wear. She thought that was perfect for a small goal and made me commit to it.

Immediately after our session I went to the mall and shopped for earrings. Admittedly the dysphoria was strong being surrounded by women but I got through it because, inside, I was a woman that day too. That said, on the outside I was shopping for my "girlfriend".

I found a few pairs that jumped out at me as well as a nice necklace. After arriving home, I tried them all on...and smiled when looking in the mirror. This wasn't some small, superficial smile, it felt warm and deep. I felt good, calm and perhaps even happy. Despite my obvious male image in the mirror, I liked what I saw which is an extremely rare occurrence.

Now, I won't pretend to say I've been cured and have had joy return to my life because of a mere pair of earrings. Bad Tranny commented in one of my previous threads that identity runs deeper than clothing (though I would argue that clothing is an integral part of many women's lives), and I do agree with her. The point of this exercise was to accomplish something small to see how I felt. It was a small goal with a small, but satisfying, victory.

Enough about me though, tell me about your own victories in transition, regardless of the stage you're in (early stages preferably emphasized though). I want to know small victories, large victories, how you felt before and after. How challenging were they to accomplish? How long did they take you? What or who gave you the needed push to get you past any obstacles? Actually, there's another question, what obstacles were in your way?

There, a significantly less depressing thread than I usually write. I look forward to your responses. :)

[Michelle789]

Here are some of my victories. Mine are extremely early stage. I haven't even seen a therapist, and I'm not officially transitioning yet. So maybe I'm in "pre-transition" phase.
1. Firing the psychic (Aug 12, 2013). Eliminating her influence out of my life and beginning to deal with my gender issues without her negative influence, and her constantly pushing me to date, and her transphobic views.
2. Joining this forum. (Sep 5, 2013)
3. Buying a new wig. (Oct 1, 2013)
4. Getting a makeup lesson at MAC (Oct 3, 2013) and practicing my makeup skills at home on my own.
5. Dressing as a girl as much as possible on weekends at home. I still haven't left the house yet as a girl, but at least dressing at home is a good start.
6. I now finally feel comfortable posting on the TS forum. 4 months ago I didn't feel like I belonged on the TS forum. Now I feel more comfortable here.
7. I emailed the L.A. LGBT center explaining my situation, what I'm looking for, and that I'm seeking a support group and therapist.

Obstacles that I had to overcome
1. I was unemployed at the time I joined this forum. I've now been back to work for 3 months.
2. Fear of posting on the TS forum.
3. Fear that being transgender comes from the devil. (This idea was planted by the psychic)
4. Fear of being caught by someone I know when I'm shopping. I know that most SA's in L.A. are gender friendly, it's just the fear of being seen by someone I know shoppping for women's clothes or makeup.
5. Fear that I'm being delusional (I still have to work on this one)

Dreamer_grl - questions for you
1. Have you started attending any support groups yet or just seeing a therapist? I'm debating over whether to join a support group first or start seeking therapy.
2. Does my post qualify as early enough for you, or am I in a "too early" phase?

[sandra-leigh]

Sounds like you already have pierced ears? There are tons of earring places in Winnipeg, and you might need to try lots to figure out what styles you prefer. I have a bunch you could try. Perhaps at the next Masquerade meeting (yes, this is incentive to get out to a group activity :) )

I went through a number of steps that could perhaps be called "victories". Unlike many, I would not list "my first time in public" as one of them: the hard part was in realizing that I wanted to dress in public, and after that it was just a matter of finding an opportunity. Perhaps I would list my first time out to a club dressed, wig and makeup and all.

But the steps that felt most like I had "overcome" something were: 1) the first time I wore a skirt in public in broad daylight in a public place, no wig; and 2) similarly but wearing a dress. Yes, at one level these were "just clothes", but at another level, they were two key steps in going out into the general public as me -- not in the safety of a club, not in the safety of the night, not "disguised" by my wig, but me making an expression to the public at large that this is how I am.

[rachael.davis]

Last week I had a rough day (avoided a car accident), a major breakdown (OMFGdess, I almost got dead, and I've never been alive), and a really good session with my GID therapist - all of this happened in a space of about four hours.
I went to a new spa on Tuesday, I really wasn't happy with some petty stuff at the one I had been using for waxing. Got my waxing, discovered this place was a lot more reasonable, and made a comment about maybe a manicure next time...it turned into this time, my nails got shaped, and buffed to a light gloss. They're part of my body, not presss ons, glue ons, or tips just me with longer nails that are sort of shiney.
no retreat, no surrender.