The DADT LICENSE do you give as well as you receive?

[kendra_gurl]

A very common theme among post express our need for our wives or girlfriends to just accept us for what we are, cross-dressers. We need them to either be involved in our desire to dress in feminine lingerie, outer clothing, makeup and wigs or some variation of them. If they cannot be involved at least give us a "DADT LICENSE" to do it in private.

Question is: What do you accept of your wife or girlfriend? Is there something you give here that dadt license to do?

I'm not talking about everyday common things like her wearing more masculine clothing or not enough makeup. Not keeping the house as nice as she once did. Spending too much money shopping.

We as males do some pretty dumb things that cause our partners lots of grief so I'm asking is this really just a male thing? Do women ask us to accept anything of them remotely as serious as we ask of them?

[Caden Lane]

I think more often than not, we expect our SO to accept us as readily as we accept them. In the SO's eyes, we are broken or less of a man because we xdress. We may feel our SO is broken or broke a vow at the very least by not accepting us for better or for worse. So we are simply wanting what we felt we should have had from the beginning... and oddly enough, so do the SO's.

[Kate Simmons]

My GF is an independent woman in her own right. I don't question when she needs her space. :)

[kendra_gurl]

Kate I certainly understand you not questioning when she needs her space. Do you know of some activity she needs that space for that you really don't understand or care for is the question?

[Kate Simmons]

Not really Kendra. I guess we are just too close to each other for that to happen. Nothing she does annoys me or vice versa.:)

[Gillian Gigs]

Quote from Kendra, "Do women ask us to accept anything of them remotely as serious as we ask of them?" Yes some women do this also, and I will liken it to this. Do we want to open up the hornets nest and then sit on it with our naked butts? I have been married long enough to know that it is easier to just leave sleeping dogs lay. The expression, "hell has no furry, like a woman scorned", had to have come from more than one incident. I don't need a license to know when to not ask, or not tell, it's like it has already been implyed!

[kendra_gurl]

Gillian I totally agree with your comment.
I'm pretty much like Kate in that I just cannot think of anything my wife has ever done or wanted to do on a regular basis (as in my dressing 3 times a week) which I would have a problem with.

[UNDERDRESSER]

There's no DADT, but I have a tendency to want to know everything. She doesn't like that, and doesn't react well to it. It requires a conscious effort on my part, to not ask about every little thing. This is not about me trusting her, it's more I like to poke my node into everything, I'm very cat like in that regard. I am getting better, and I have made some headway with her about keeping me informed about stuff that I need to know, i.e. stuff that impacts me.

[Kristy 56]

Gillian I totally agree with your comment.
I'm pretty much like Kate in that I just cannot think of anything my wife has ever done or wanted to do on a regular basis (as in my dressing 3 times a week) which I would have a problem with.

Kendra, I 'd have to agree with you. If the shoe was on the other foot so to speak,I'm not sure how I'd respond. Yet in my mind it's perfectly reasonable to dress and go out like a girl and go to salons etc. I guess deep down I'm guilty of the double standard.

[Lorileah]

It happens, probably more frequently than we think but it doesn't bother our lives at that moment.

Line from a TV show last night
Husband (paraphased)- "I know you have secrets and I am good with that. But it is hard for me because I have no secrets from you." I think often this is the only MAJOR secret in a relationship. So we don't have a point of reference. What exactly could your SO do that would make you say "OK go ahead but I don't want to know about it"? Can someone give me an example that isn't illegal (i.e. doing drugs or stealing) or immoral "having strange people over for sex). What would a man allow in a DADT relationship? One thing on one thread right now is smoking. That person tried to use smoking as a bargaining chip to dress. "You are doing something I don't like so tell you what, you let me do my thing I will let you do your thing" Not the most stable rock to build a marriage on

[ReineD]

Can someone give me an example that isn't illegal (i.e. doing drugs or stealing) or immoral "having strange people over for sex). What would a man allow in a DADT relationship?

I can think of something. Maybe. lol

It's not as taboo as the CDing, but there are loads of people who simply do not like spiders and snakes. If a wife was an avid herpetologist or arachnologist and she had dozens of species in the basement living in their controlled natural habitats (including the big, scary ones), plus she spent lots of time there feeding them live mice and what not (what do tarantulas eat?), plus she spent a lot of time studying them in the wild and attending herpetology and arachnology conferences, I can see where a husband might put his foot down and have a rule that the creatures belong in the basement, and not in the living room or bedroom. I also do not see the husband spending any time in the basement or attending the conferences with his wife if he hates spiders and snakes.

And I wonder how well he might sleep at night, wondering if one of the creatures had escaped and was busy slithering or crawling its way into the bedroom. :p

[kendra_gurl]

Lorileah Smoking would be an example as would drinking. Gambling might be something that could be kept very secret and might have very serious effects on a relationship but still since both men and women abuse these things the do not compare with crossdressing.

After thinking all afternoon about this I did a search for weird things women do and all I found was weird things men ask women to do. Kinda makes my point the us men have some really dumb ideas :).

I never thought this would be so difficult to find a female trait, activity, hobby, compulsion what ever you might call it that comes close to what we are asking them to accept of our crossdressing.

[Caden Lane]

I once went to a marriage retreat with my second wife when we cared about saving the marriage. Durind the retreat, the instructor said that whether we believe it or not, it is possible for any person to have an affair outside of the relationship, but the twist is, it may not be another person they become involved with. A tiger mom who is over involved in her kids after school activities. Or a man who is overly involved with his golf habit. A boyfriend who cannot put the XBox down, or a girlfriend who spends too much time with her best girlfriends.

The key to anything, is balance. Once you have balance, you must fight to keep it, or elselkke an unbalanced washing machine, it will spin out of control...and may just shut down.

[kendra_gurl]

Reine that is certainly an odd one. Made me feel like things were crawling all over me. After reading your post it did make me think of Hoarding. From the TV show Hoarders it seems this is a lot more common practice for females than males. And it does create a lot of stress in a relationship.

[Lorileah]

After thinking all afternoon about this I did a search for weird things women do and all I found was weird things men ask women to do. Kinda makes my point the us men have some really dumb ideas :).
:rofl:

I started thinking about this and although minor I can think of relationships where the man sat back and let the woman do a certain thing just because "he loved" her. Don't think this is quite the same as DADT because he was there when she did it and didn't really ask her to not do it in his presence but you could tell he didn't like it. Just tolerated it.

[Gillian Gigs]

I can think of something, maybe!
If a woman has a bent towards bondage, she may keep it hidden for fear of it being used against her at some point in the future. Then again, most husbands would probably get into it also...if it would increase them getting more sex per week! Lets face it who knows what secrets we keep for fear of it being used against us, or shaming us.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I can think of something. Maybe. lol

It's not as taboo as the CDing, but there are loads of people who simply do not like spiders and snakes. If a wife was an avid herpetologist or arachnologist and she had dozens of species in the basement living in their controlled natural habitats (including the big, scary ones), plus she spent lots of time there feeding them live mice and what not (what do tarantulas eat?), plus she spent a lot of time studying them in the wild and attending herpetology and arachnology conferences, I can see where a husband might put his foot down and have a rule that the creatures belong in the basement, and not in the living room or bedroom. I also do not see the husband spending any time in the basement or attending the conferences with his wife if he hates spiders and snakes.

And I wonder how well he might sleep at night, wondering if one of the creatures had escaped and was busy slithering or crawling its way into the bedroom. :pThis made me laugh, my SO IS, into bugs and creepy crawlies big time! She hasn't asked, or even suggested that she would like to keep said bugs, but there are many "bug" related pieces all around the apartment. Also a her bookshelf has many books which others might find a little..."disturbing" in subject matter.

It isn't a problem to me, but I could see another guy having issues with it.

[kimdl93]

Doe this only apply to DADT relationships? I would be willing to venture that every spouse gets a pass now and then for something they have done, routinely do, or things undone. For example, I'm still prone to a measure of road rage...not Jim out of the car and pound on someone rage, but more easily angered thane other my wife or I would wish. Does my wife do things that annoy me...sure, but I refuse to write them down!

[sandra-leigh]

My wife uses her independent income to buy things over the Internet. Books, clothing, jewelry, imported food, gadgets... I see some of them by chance but I try not to get involved. Every once in a while I will remind her that we don't have space for more things in the kitchen. I DADT her spending the money on low priority things when we could use the money for more important things.

Also, for several years my wife went drumming up to 4 days a week -- more if there was a performance upcoming. And she was usually angry or stressed when she got back. So I had to deal with her absence from the relationship and with her stress and complaints about what she was doing. From time to time I would point out that she could quit, but it took her more than 5 years to listen. We couldn't do anything together because she was either drumming or trying to pack everything else in to the rest of her time. Her drumming was more important to her at the time than her attention to the relationship was.

[Beverley Sims]

All these answers show "compromise" and that is what it should be about.
Men and women are all the same, there is some annoying habit that annoys the other and it is better left unsaid sometimes.

Tit for tat, does not work.
It drags a marriage down.

[mariehart]

Well my wife always wears my masculine clothes when she's relaxing at home. The irony sometimes is that occasionally while she's wearing my male clothes I am simultaneously wearing my ambiguous female but could be male clothes. The further irony is that she's started wearing my female clothes too.

I don't restrict or even attempt to restrict anything she does. Not that she has any real vices except chocolate and a tendency to worry about what people think of her. She works too hard and too long. But nothing I can do will stop her.

I just wish she was a bit more responsive to my needs sometime. It's a bit of a one way street at the moment. I do all the understanding and listening. She doesn't know about me officially but I do suspect she has worked it out. I just wish she'd let me know her actual feelings on the subject.

[mykell]

ok not sure if this is what you looking for
very new to DADT,
taught my wife about football when we met, rules ect..
she was a gamer, would buy her Nintendo and such for birthdays and anniversaries, never thought twice about it,
then she got into madden games and i even downloaded fantasy app to company phone for her. she could go down to the basement and play for hours, always gave her some space, and i am not interested in these things.

so me knowing my secret and her liking these activities Ive always thought of role reversal when i would always here other wives complaining about their husbands doing these things.
to me it was just natural....

her new game, me new shoes....

[kendra_gurl]

I'm still trying to imagine anything I have ever heard that would come close to what we ask of our wives to accept of our crossdressing and have not come up with one thing ( other than a few sexual acts we can't discuss here).
Perhaps I should have phrased my question differently.

More like is there anything your wife can't stop doing that you'd be embarrassed for your friends to know about?

I would think that cheating or infidelity would be on most of our list that we would hate to have to tolerate but some wives even tolerate it that too.