Coming out fully at work

[Angela Campbell]

The little coming out party for me at work is set for Feb 4. They will be calling all the employees in my area and have a meeting with them in the morning, then break for lunch. After lunch I will come in for a Q&A.

Wow this will be interesting. Something I certainly have never experienced before. What could possibly go wrong.

Just for anyone who doesn't already know, I have the court date next Monday
(Jan 27) to change my name, then the rest of the week for working on the Drivers license and other stuff I have to change.

It is getting close. What I always dreamed of for all of my life is going to happen and it is going to happen soon. I am not sure how I feel. WOW

[PretzelGirl]

Can I guess the WOW is how you feel? That sounds like a great setup. I would think Q&A would be unusual but I think it would be great to get the elephant out of the room.

[Angela Campbell]

Well, I figure I have to face them eventually and a controlled setting is as good as any other. The Q&A is something I wanted so I can measure how they are reacting and so I can answer any questions instead of letting them wonder and talk among themselves thinking who knows what.

Wow is some of how I feel, combined with holy crap and WTF................

[Leslie Langford]

Good luck, Angela!

Just hope that there won't be a Katie Couric wannabe in the group for the Q&A who will try to do a Carmen Carrera/Laverne Fox number on you. Best to have the same type of dignified answers prepared ahead of time as those two ladies did in order to artfully dodge the intrusive and inappropriate genital-related questioning that they had to deflect.

[arbon]

Thinking of you and hoping it all goes well. I am sure it will. Just be true to yourself.

[steph1964]

I'm excited for you Angela, especially since I have just been in your shoes. The work situation was more terrifying than I expected but I got through it and so will you. I just past the four month mark and I am old news at work now. I am now very comfortable interacting with everyone and have attended several meetings with people outside the department. I didn't want to leave my office at first and I would dread the walk to and from my car. I'm not trying to scare you, just letting you know that no matter how prepared you are, you will be very nervous but that is OK. It does get easier fairly quickly.

Good luck with the name change. It is a pain but a fantastic feeling to have a driver's license and bank card with a name that matches your presentation. It also feels wonderful to know that your female name is now legal and helped me to feel legitimate.

[Angela Campbell]

Leslie, I really do not expect that as the meeting before I arrive will be a reading of a letter I wrote for them and a presentation by HR about company policies concerning inclusion and non discrimination. The questions will be polite.

Later in a less public setting some of them may ask those kinds of questions but I will have little trouble there.

Steph, It will be unusual for me as these people although in the same job title as me, rarely see me at work. I usually work alone, but I do go to customer sites and interface with customers on a daily basis. That should be interesting. I really cannot think of any way to let the customers know what is coming. I mean what do you do send them a letter telling them we now have a transsexual on our staff and she will be coming to site tomorrow? There are a few who know me well and will recognize me if I go to site, while others will not know me at all. I recommended for a while allowing me to avoid the few who know me very well. Other than that I really do not know what to do.

What will be difficult is walking into a room with 50+ people who know I am a transsexual and knew me before as Michael all staring at me in Judgement. I hope I don't throw up.

[dreamer_2.0]

Wow is right! Congrats on your accomplishments! :)

[GabbiSophia]

Congrads Angela.!! I have never heard of a coming out party at work is this normal? I would be a little apprehensive myself but I am big chicken! Congrads on the ID's too

[kimdl93]

First of all, congratulations, Angela, for reaching your latest goals! I am anxious to here how the QA portion of the party goes. I do think it's a good idea to do this in a controlled setting...a little peer pressure may help temper the behavior of your least enlightened coworkers.

[emma5410]

Good luck Angela and congratulations.
I made the announcement in front of two groups. One of all the women and one of all the men. I was then around the office for a couple of days before leaving and coming back full time. I received a lot of support but nobody asked me any questions. It was very strange. I would have preferred some so I could gauge people's reactions. In the UK gender is a protected characteristic and there are legal protections from harassment. The company also has a zero tolerance policy to harassment. Maybe people were worried about getting into trouble and so opted to say nothing.

[Angela Campbell]

I kind of expect easy questions because the management will be present moderating the meeting so it will be very controlled.

My company has an additional 9,000 or so of us in the US so I imagine the cell phone traffic is going to increase greatly at lunchtime. When I arrive I will be me and I will be full time.

[I Am Paula]

Congrats!
I've found throughout my life that in situations like this, the anticipation is much harder than the event. I spent my life on stage. The fifteen minutes in the dressing room before show time is terrifying. The time on stage is gratifying. The Q&A sounds a bit tough, but use it as the ultimate way to clear the air. You may come out of there feeling ten pounds lighter.

[Nicole Erin]

As any TS knows, the normal questions we get are -
How long did you know, does your family know, what do they think, have you had the "full surgery" (as they call it), do you date men or women... Then maybe the less common things like, "I knew this one TS but with her she was beautiful and you would never guess... (real polite statement there yes) or maybe something of shock if we prefer to date women.

I imagine the questions you get might be -
what restroom will you be using, what name do you prefer to be called, do you want to be called "he" or "she"...
If anyone asks anything. I doubt anyone will act stupid though cause even haters are not going to risk their jobs just cause they disagree.

If you seldom see these people, the meeting and Q&A will probably be really uneventful.

[Angela Campbell]

Nicole, that is why I am doing this. I want to see the reactions face to face. The ones asking questions will likely be more friendly to me and the ones who just sit there staring are the ones I will need to watch out for. They will be informed that I have had some surgeries but I am not going to be specific on which ones. My dating preference is no one at this time, and I will explain that my ID clearly shows me as female so yes everything about me will be female including bathrooms, pronouns and privacy with discussions on sexual history and preferences.

[Suzanne F]

Angela
Congratulations! It is so encouraging to hear your story. I hope all goes well!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Rachel Smith]

:cheer:Big congrats to you Angela. From reading your posts I know you have been looking forward to this for a long, long time. I know how I felt on that day and I have been happier than I ever thought I could be. I wish the same for you.

Hugs
Rachel

[Marleena]

I wish you all the best Angela and hope it goes better than you expect.:)

[Leah Lynn]

Congratulations, Angela! Do let us know how it goes. I'm paying close attention to all these posts, to prepare for my turn.

Hugs,

Leah

[Angela Campbell]

Thanks for the nice words everyone. I have so much to do, and the pressure is building and will likely be another one of those "why was I even worried" events once it is all done.

Wow I just looked at my calendar and I have actually been full time since Dec 20. That was the last time I went to work as a man or answered to a male name. It has been a month now.

[Nicole Erin]

well if you been full time than people probably already know, seeing how work gossip goes.
I started my job as Erin so there never was a "coming out". A few people have mentioned it about my TS'ness but never in a rude way, just asking if have been to this or that club, if I knew some drag queen...

Real soon life will be boring and normal and on some mornings as you dress nice you will think, "why did I want to do this again?" Like on mornings when I have ti be at work at the ass-crack of 6 AM and think, "This bites, I have to get up early AND look pretty"

[AllieSF]

Congratulations, and I agree that your anticipated big event will probably be closer to a non-event. I always hated public speaking to an audience where I was supposed to give a well worked over message. I do much better with those unexpected moments in the limelight, which I never recognize as being in the limelight. It will be over before you know it. Your best Q & A's will come after in those rare moments when someone approaches you to ask a personal question. From what I have read of your journey so far, you will handle the "party" and whatever comes after it just fine. You may even be disappointed in not much comes afterward! Enjoy and keep moving forward with a great smile. Thanks for sharing and keep these experiences coming. They help all of us.

[Angela Campbell]

No....no one will know. I live 250 miles from the area I work in. I haven't actually worked away from home since then. A few may be wondering lately since I have been changing, but no, they didn't expect this.

I also normally get up around 4 or so anyway. But yeah it is a little tougher to get ready in the morning.

My daughter told me that being a girl is hard. Yeah, and it is harder if you looked like a man first.

[traci_k]

Congratulations! Please let us know how it goes.

Hugs,

[Angela Campbell]

I feel better about the meeting now because I can use makeup and a wig, so I can look a lot better than I thought I would. I will walk in with my chest out and knees together and be proud to be a woman.

What else can I do?

[stefan37]

Be yourself, show confidence and your commitment. Own what you are doing. People need to see your convictions. You'll be just fine.

[paulaprimo]

congrats to you, such good news!
i do wish you the very best :)

[dreamer_2.0]

Good for you!! Hope everything goes well and would like to hear about it.

[Ellie52]

Good luck and best wishes for the future..The story has just started, please keep us informed...Ellie

[Vanessa Rose]

Angela,

Congrats on your next steps. I hope this is not rude, not trying to be, but when my friend came out to me years before the family, i simply told him "oh, i knew that for years" their mouth dropped and there was confusion. I could only imagine the pain and angst of saying the words, then the relief of "oh...".

I hope there is a peace about you for your party and you get hugs from each and every person, and people show you pictures of you smiling from ear to ear as you begin your new life as Angela....

Thanks for sharing.

Vanny

[Angela Campbell]

LOL there will be no hugging in that good ole boys club.

[Angela Campbell]

Tomorrow is the big day. It starts with several con calls and then some meetings, I am to show up at 1:00 so all the natives can get a gander at me. In the meantime I will spend hours in front of the mirror trying to look as good as I can.

There will be stress. Building up to the moment I drive up to the location the meeting is held, walk across the parking lot in full view of the 50 or so participants in the meeting who will be watching through a plate glass wall, walk in the door and across the room with all eyes on me.....and then it will be all over I expect. The stress will be all up to that point and then I suspect it will dissipate.

I don't know what will happen from that point. No clue at all. I will be the center of attention and that is not something I enjoy. It has to be done though and really what is the worse that can happen?

I am about to become the most interesting person these people know. A strange concept for a person who spent 50 years hiding this.

[Rianna Humble]

Angela, please try not to stress yourself over this. You are a beautiful woman, you just need to go out there and knock them dead. You can do it and you can get through the day no matter what little worries may try to insinuate themselves into your head between now and then. Believe in yourself.

[Angela Campbell]

The advice my Mother gave me....."chest out, knees together, and smile."


"little worries may try to insinuate themselves into your head between now and then"



oh god.....

[Kathryn Martin]

... and head held high......

[Rogina B]

You will do fine! Can't wait for the story later today!

[Emjay]

Congratulations Angela and good luck today! I'm hoping everything goes smoothly for you! :-)

[Jorja]

Good luck today Angela. Breath girl, breath!:)

[Leslie Langford]

We're all rooting for you today, Angela!

Be sure to tell us how it went when it's all over... :thumbsup: :hugs:

[arbon]

Thinking of you and wishing you the best today :)

[traci_k]

Good luck - Hope all goes well!

Hugs,

[Angela Campbell]

It is over.

My HR rep told me to text her when I arrived and she met me at the door with my manager. They had the others in another room. No one in the building has ever seen me as a woman. They told me the meeting they had to tell the others went very well and they all wanted to see me. I was shaking so bad but I knew this had to be done. We went down the hall and into the large meeting room. (around 40 men and 1 woman) Everyone began clapping. I almost lost it. The one other woman there besides myself and my HR rep was a manager of the training department, she gave me a hug. (and told me I looked really good)

We had a rather interesting Q & A session, many questions and I simply reverted to being my regular smart ass self...but with a higher voice and boobs.

After the meeting I stayed around for a while and most of the guys came to talk to me one on one, save for one or two who I know to be quite homophobic. They just got up and left as soon as they were allowed to. Most told me we were still and would always be friends. And they wanted me to get back to work. One of the guys told me I looked better as a woman anyway. Well....duh!

Overall it went as well as it could possibly have, my HR rep and management team deserved and got a most sincere thanks from me.

And I didn't cry or throw up once.

[traci_k]

Wonder, wonderful, wonderful - so glad to hear things went so well. Maybe the world is becoming more accepting.

So happy for you!

Hugs,

[Angela Campbell]

One of the men asked me "wouldn't it have been easier to just come out as gay and live a gay lifestyle?"

I told him, yes it certainly would have been much easier, except that I was not a gay man, I am a woman. My preference has nothing to do with this at all. I am not becoming a woman, I always have been and now I am only changing my body to look like it.

[I Am Paula]

That's so common. 'I didn't even know you were gay' seems to pop out of thier mouths.

[Marleena]

Yay! Congrats Angela but lol @ coming out as gay.:D

I'm glad it went so well for you.

[crystalann]

Congrats! I'm glad things went well today.. Its funny it seems like everyone falls back to the default question "O YOUR GAY?" :)

[Starling]

Good for you!

:) Lallie

[Dawn Gurl]

So very happy for you and glad it went so well..... it's wonderful !! My day is coming, I hope it goes as well as yours.

[gonegirl]

Right on Angela. You Da Wo-man! :)

[Allison_Leslie]

very glad to hear this most excellent news! CHEERS!! CONGRATS! That's so awesome!

[GabbiSophia]

Congrads!! I am sure it's an over the top experience. Happy it went well

[Megan G]

Congrats Angela!!!!

[Leslie Langford]

Fantastic! And good on you for having made this into a teachable moment for the "muggles" ;) - especially the "Why didn't you just come out as gay?" part...41 "educated" individuals down; millions more to go...

[PretzelGirl]

I don't know how you didn't cry. I would have lost it. Congrats! The stress should be melted away now. You work with some great people.

[Rogina B]

You will sleep better tonight!

[Suzanne F]

I am just blown away by your courage! You go girl!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Leah Lynn]

Congratulations, Angela! Glad to hear it went so well. I hope it goes half as well when I get to do it.

Hugs,

Leah

[SometimesJen]

Congratulations Angela! It's fantastic that you have such supportive coworkers. Now keep your head held high and enjoy being the real you. :D

[Nigella]

Congratulations on showing your colleagues the real you. :hugs: