Do you think this is really wise?

[Wildaboutheels]

To post "misleading" information in these Forums. For either Newbies or "partners" of Newbies to read? Might they get the idea that SOMEthing is wrong with themselves or their partner? Or possibly that it is inevitable that they will fall ever deeper down the rabbit hole of CDing?

Just in this past 2 days alone, 2 quotes from a couple of very new members. Of course both of these expressions [or very similar] are tossed about here at this Forum all the time like beads at a parade.

"Hello.
Oh the pink fog, yes they all have it at times."

And from a different poster...

"It's never just clothes and makeup either. There is a lot more to it than just clothes."

And IF both ^^^ should apply to someone, it's a safe bet that you have no problem with either statement.

I think what IS important to keep in mind that even IDENTICAL twins will have far more differences than similarities.

[Katey888]

I'd agree that gross generalisations are just that.... Gross!

I've also personally always accepted that on a public forum like this, ALL comments and ALL opinions and ALL advice comes with an obligatory public health warning - but I'd accept that some may think scattered opinions like this come with more authority than they really have.

Probably needs one of those disclaimers like DVDs: "The opinions and comment of our members are theirs and theirs alone and should be taken with a pinch of salt..."

I don't think we can prevent folk posting their opinions - even if we think they're wrong - we always have the opportunity to chip in with a counter viewpoint...? Isn't that the strength of a forum..? :D

Katey x

All the above opinions are mine and mine alone and you use them at your own risk!

[PaulaQ]

I try not to make generalizations like this. I don't think they are helpful nor accurate. Most here will not progress. Some will. You can't tell who will and who won't until after the fact, so there isn't much point in worrying about it.

[Nigella]

So do you have a solution? Why is it an issue with you? Does the cap fit?

[Deedee Skyblue]

I don't like it when someone says 'you can never quit' or 'it always progresses'. I wish people wouldn't say these things as facts - they are not facts, they are opinions. But I don't see what anyone can do about it. Somebody would have to read every post, and either edit, censor or delete the ones where opinions are stated as facts - and there would still be the bias of the censor in the remaining posts.

I find it very easy to not read things that annoy me, so as soon as I find a post getting annoying I usually skip on to the next one. There is always a next one, and I always find something I enjoy.

Deedee

[Annaliese]

This is why this is such a great place, all the diversity. The mod's do a great job of motoring this site, I have been slap down a few time, and rightfully so. I am here to learn, like anything I make up my own mind what to accept and what not to. I have to choose what right for me and what isn't. The internet it self should read reader be where. There are some that believe everything they read and I hope they read (DO you think this is wise), I have found there are no bad post here, if one just stops, think and ponder before acting.

[Caden Lane]

There are those that do not yet understand that their words carry weight and can do harm. There are a great many ladies who come here seeking some basis of knowledge about an inner aspect of themselves. We all have an obligation to be accurate and dilligent in the thoughts we casually post on a "banter" thread, just as we should be selective on what we say in a thread where someone is seeking advice. There really can't be a pat answer or "throw-away-one-liner". I think a great many of us do a great job of policing ourselves, and I have seen the response from multiple ladies when some ones thoughts or advice were...ill-fitting. So I truly believe the dynamic here works.

[Wildaboutheels]

Different threads pop up from time to time where numerous participants will complain that THEY feel other members are putting them down and/or consider them somehow less worthy to participate. It's not too surprising is it? When they see [possibly longtime] members flatly declare " DADT can't work". Or "DADT won't work" Or "your marriage is doomed because "DADT never works"...

When in FACT DADT works for many here. In other words, you are calling ALL of those who utilize DADT [to make THEIR marriage work for THEM] liars. No wonder they feel as they do.

Another thing folks are prone to do here is flatly declare that everyone needs to tell your spouse or it's LYING. The old "since it worked for me, it's the RIGHT thing to do and EVERYone should do it".

SORRY but the RW simply does not work that way and it does not help Newbies or their partners to read such declarations.

Does it?

[Princess Chantal]

"Oh you are 100% passable, you'll have no problems out in public Hun!"

This one makes my skin curl everytime....

[Kate Simmons]

I choose not to live in the so called RW WOH so don't know what it's like really. I create and maintain my own situation and interface with others as needed.:)

[AllieSF]

Opinions are opinions. Unless someone, i.e. Mods or Admins, make a new rule to not use superlatives and/or absolutes like always, never, everyone, and so on, it will not change. Humans use our wonderful and sometimes confusing English language in many ways. These opinions that seem to bother you, are someone's view of the topic. I will sometimes disagree with a poster who uses those types of words, because as most of should know by now, there are very few absolutes in real life, except for death, taxes and a few other things. I personally always try to use qualifiers in most of my responses. But writing and communication styles vary all over the place from person to person from real life to cyber life.

I recommend that since we have to be adults to even join this site, that we should just deal with these types of comments by questioning the poster when our own personal need for clarification or caution arises, or just ignore the specifics of the comment and maybe realize that some people really mean "some" or "most" when the use "all".

The one thing I don't get from your post and some of the others is, how do people get hurt? Again, being adults, even if consumed by the pink fog, still requires them to take what others say with a grain of salt, to question unreasonable (absolute) recommendations, boasts or complaints, and, most importantly, to take full responsibility for their own decisions and actions. They have lived this long and, yes, they still need to make their own mistakes and learn from them if they can. If someone irresponsibly acts on another's recommendation, the one responsible for the negative results is the one who acted, not the one who recommended. This is a cyber support site populated by every type of person that we meet in the real world. I think that we are pretty cautious on the whole in the real world, and here in this cyber one our antenna should be way up there and we should be even more cautious of what we read and see.

Chantal, I have told people that they should share their looks or take their show on the road many times because what I see in that best picture of the hundreds that they took makes me believe that with the correct attitude, confidence, location and venue, they could do just that successfully and not suffer from the clubs and pitchforks of our detractors. Being adults I expect them to realize that the attitude, confidence and the rest are also necessary for taking those first steps out the door, and most threads on the topic include those very same recommendations.

I sometimes think that some here think that these newbies have not read any other posts here before posting their first threads and asking questions. If they haven't that is their problem. We can always try to help them be more cautious, but they also have their own responsibilities to watch out for themselves and not take everything at face value.

[(Sara)]

Another thing folks are prone to do here is flatly declare that everyone needs to tell your spouse or it's LYING.

Equally I disagree when this statement is made. New relationships fair enough, learning about each other and gaining trust over a few years is reasonable. Getting married and secretly dressing and posting on here, now that is pretty shady business when you vowed to spend the rest of you life with her.

But to the point, yes people generalise, I can imagine lots of people who lurk here will think holy crap. I stumbled on this site years ago when I was only wearing knickers occasionally as a teen, I was like "WTF!?" way to much to take in. Even though I'm past just wearing knickers and developed and accepted my feminine side, some things today still set me back a bit on here... Though any forum on the web is much the same, broad range of opinions. People can only say what they believe to be evident (if they are posting what they believe is truth) can't blame them for that. Maybe here is affected more so by differences we all have in our habits, needs, circumstances and situations.

[Wildaboutheels]

This thread IS about and for the Newbies. They ARE quite impressionable unless of course they have possibly participated in other Forums and understand how things work.

Everyone here was a Newbie at one time.

It's simply common sense, ESPECIALLY when a Newbie posts a question, NOT to use All, Never or Always in the replies.

Maybe some folks simply don't understand what those 3 words mean?

Stringing words together is THE sole method of communication here. Using those 3 words in the wrong or improper context IS the equivalent of calling some members liars.

[kimdl93]

I agree. Two mistakes are common here. First giving advice or making a comment with any assertion that something is absolutely true in every or most cases. We seldom possess that level of knowledge or certainty. The second, and perhaps worst is projection...seeing our experiences reflected in the circumstances of others and presuming that our outcomes will be their outcomes.

[Chickhe]

If you don't like what someone says just ask the moderators to delete it. That way there is no risk of gaining any different viewpoints...

[Lorileah]

Never say never and always avoid always.

When people speak they tend to say things in this manner. "I always eat oysters" when they really mean "When oysters are available I eat them" Or "I think everyone should just chill". Well everyone won't we know that. And as far as newbies are concerned, the majority will read and digest and take things for what they are worth for them.

So, what is your solution? Should we ban all the alls? Never allow never? How about we always delete threads that have the word always. This is a tempest in a teapot.

[Mistyjo]

I am new on this forum but not on others and the one thing i have learned is you are not talking to someone face to face you are just reading words on a screen not there expressions as you could if you were talking to them in person so for me those words don't upset me

[Beverley Sims]

I do tend to generalise a lot but I usually word it so as there is a warning or caution in it.
One thing I do not do is tell someone they are looking good if I think they are unacceptable.
I would not recommend people go out half dressed and invite ridicule.

I often make fun of the pink fog and encourage others to snap out of it.
I will be first to admit I have made some pretty crass statements here and misunderstood more posts than I can remember.

Do I have egg all over my face. NO!

When I have, I just lick it off.
I like eggs. :)

Now back into the fray.

[Aprilrain]

I don't like it when someone says 'you can never quit' or 'it always progresses'. I wish people wouldn't say these things as facts - they are not facts,

can you prove these statements are not fact, or is this just your opinion?

[Zylia]

Can you prove that 'you can never quit' or 'it always' progress' are indeed facts, or is it just your opinion?

They're actually not really hard to disprove though thanks to the absolute nature of the statements. You only need to find one person who has learned to suppress his cross-dressing urges. This guy (http://healingcd.wordpress.com) said he did.

[Aprilrain]

hes lying:heehee:

[Claire Cook]

There is the old Mark Twain saying that "It's the difference of opinion that makes a horse race." Maybe one of the hard things about starting out here is to appreciate that no two of us have exactly the same ideas about CD -- or have exactly the same experiences and situations. If you follow a thread, especially one that invites a spectrum of responses, this is pretty obvious. I guess it's up to us individually to decide how to interpret dogmatic statements -- we get that chance often enough listening to TV pundits! I agree with Lori -- censoring out the "all's" and "never's" is not the way to go.

[Vanessa Rose]

This is a tough post to muscle through and some of the posts are a bit, over the top and snobby wouldn't you say?
This is a crossdressers discussion forum not the League of Nations or WHO ? Get a grip really sheesh. And newbies really? That is mean and elitist and makes you look like the people that we seek acceptance by but can't quite understand why we can't get it from them. Why they don't understand. And you are as bad or worse that the general public making these types if hateful comments because you should know better and be more compassionate. But no, I come to a forum and a read this dribble. I am an executive and so are many people here. We don't need anyone talking down to us or being mean and classifying our number of posts and NEWBIES. Many of the people here CERTAINLY DONT NEED your approval if it comes with the baggage you propose regardless of "always" or "never" or "like" or whatever! Sorry, I hang with a different crowd that I was hoping I would never read such rubbish on this forum of people looking for answers to their challenging questions. Sorry but not one comment that was mentioned is either hurtful or will harm anyone. Your opinion is that they are harmful but the fact is you cant prove it and it is patently false. There is a wealth of great posts from seasoned and beautiful people here, and it is my belief that after reading this thread that we would take the concerns you have and use them for how NOT to act going forward (you know who you are). To edit posts because of grammar snobbery or the phrases or word that have been proposed is scary, almost high schoolish and most importantly MEAN and screams in the face of acting in a manner that we complain others act against us when we want to dress etc.

Here is what your forum would sound like and be factually correct conveying with what I read as the proposed changes. Bird chirping. Bird chirping

Let me know when you pull this trigger and I will go elsewhere. Now to go finish my makeup and find some nice common folk who are nice to be around. (Not all but for those who deserve it). If the shoe fits then wear it.

I welcome your comments and will not edit a one even if the grammar is bad and you only have only one post. I will be your friend.

Utter Rubbish

Vanny

[robindee36]

We are a collection of unique individuals brought together by a common attraction to things feminine. Our experiences are diverse as are our feelings about these things. No one here is expert in all things but most have some personal experiences to share.

So, as other girls have wisely indicated, its a zero sum game to judge any postings in the absolute. No matter how forcefully stated, everything, well most things, here are colored by our personalities. Recognize that and accept this forum is a means of diversion and entertainment. It is not chapter and verse infallible.

Back to my basic premise about this entire lifestyle, HAVE FUN WITH IT. Otherwise, better take up a new avocation.

Yes there are trolls here who would bait you, but don't give in to the temptation. Flame wars benefit no one and give our lovely Smurfette Dolphin way too much work ;)

Hugs, Robin :bunny:

[Lorileah]

C

They're actually not really hard to disprove though thanks to the absolute nature of the statements.

You can't prove a negative. The problem with people saying they quit is that it is a "at this time" thing. You would have to follow someone the rest of their lives and take their word that they didn't do it on the sly.

Can someone quit? Sure, we do what we want to do as long as we have the initiative. It is easy to physically not dress: time, money, promises to your SO all can keep someone from physically dressing. However, mentally leaving it al behind is different (though not impossible). In most cases (notice the caveat) when one is a transgendered person, they will remain a transgendered person. Then the question comes into being "if you do quit...were you really transgendered or were you trying something as a lark?"

The issue with the OP is that they want things to be concrete. To stop people from speaking as they would in everyday life. This is a fluid environment, no there is not always and there is no none. I think the people who read these forums have enough intelligence to not take things as unchangeable gospel. They are adults and they are able to analyze and take information, use what they want and discard what they don't want. This is why there are other web sites who cater to those people.

[DonnaT]

A number of times, when someone posts a generalization, a following post will call them out on it, or make a contradictory statement.

So, if you find an opinion to be a generalization, simply quote it, and post your opinion to the contrary.

[rachael.davis]

I've seen comment on a different board Your Mileage May Vary - we're all living different lives, there is no one answer.
This board is very handy for getting a "that's probably not the best idea you've ever had" sort of answer to a bright idea.

[Zylia]

You can't prove a negative.
You actually can prove the inexistence of cross-dressing in an ex-cross-dresser's life, hence the theory 'no-one ever quits' is quite falsifiable, theoretically speaking. I don't know if the 'healing cd' guy will remain an actual quitter for the rest of his (natural) life, but assuming that even he will rebound is conjecture at this point. Even then, it just takes one other former cross-dresser to disprove the statement yet again.

[Wildaboutheels]

I'll bet few here realize that there is no such "thing" as Cold? Cold is simply the lack of heat.

We can't be having folks who are freezing their A$$ES off be confused.

SO, if there are any cold newbies lurking, that is one less thing to worry about...

Lack of heat or a raging blizzard should not stop you from wearing a miniskirt if that is your cup O' tea.

[AllieSF]

And some say that the color white is just the lack of ..... "color"! Oh, I already was familiar with the cold versus heat situation. But, sometimes I wonder why it is not that heat is the lack of cold, or black is the lack of white?? Too much thinking, I need to go out and have fun!

[kendra_gurl]

I'll bet few here realize that there is no such "thing" as Cold? Cold is simply the lack of heat.

.

There also is no such thing as Black or White. black is the presence of all color and white is the absence of all color.

This site is supported by every conceivable shade of Gray their is. A light gray will have a slightly different opinion on some things than a dark gray might have.

I would hate to see the words never and always banned from use the same as a rule requiring every post to begin with the quote " In my opinion".

I think its obvious to most of us that post are just the posters opinion.



Sorry Allie I had not refreshed the page to see you had already mentioned this