Wanted to Tell Wife Then....

[Shellycd12]

Hello,

This was the year that i planned to open up to my wife and tell her about my CDing. We have been married for almost 29 years and i love her very much. I do not like hiding anything from her so i was planning to tell her on my Birthday which was on January 21st. But something happened 2 weeks ago that has me questioning how she will take it. My wife and I went to lunch with my older son ay a local fast food place. The lady behind the counter was a CD. She looked very nice but her deep voice and other features, you could tell as did my wife and son.
Well my wife is a new Yorker and very vocal about things. She is really a kind and good hearted women but the laughs and comments i heard really set me back a bit. It was nothing very bad but it has me questioning now if i should tell her.
I do not want to hide anything from her and nothing would make me happier than her acceptance but i do not want to disturb my marriage.
I guess what i am asking is what do you think i should do. I am looking for any advice. Should i tell her or keep hiding it from her for the time being. Was this a sign to me to see how she will accept it.
Thank You.

Shelly

[KayleeTaylor]

You have kept it hidden for 30 years, how will your wife react to that? There is no way to know for sure how your wife will react to any of it. You had already planned to tell her, so it's time to put your big girl panties on and get it over with.

[Shellycd12]

Thank You Kaylee. You are right.
I have only been CDing for a couple of years but had these feelings a lot longer.

Shelly

[Rachael Leigh]

Shelly this is a tough one and I'm not sure how to advise on it. The reaction she had at the fast food place would concern me for sure. Women don't like a lot of change when their world has been so good.
If your marriage is strong and she knows you love her it may be ok but go slow and maybe when the time is right again then tell her. Wish you well
Hugs Leigh

[Shellycd12]

Thanks Leigh

Yes i was thinking about taking it slow now and trying to ease it into conversation now and see how it goes.
Thanks for the advice.

Shelly

[MissTee]

I'm never a fan of deceiving inside an otherwise healthy relationship. Even if you don't come clean you run a risk of being caught, and that certainly won't go well. However, "coming out" can be a game changer and can result in many, many different outcomes ranging at or between full acceptance and divorce papers. Given that, the decision needs to be carefully weighed and you need to be prepared for any potential fallout.

Thus, the decision is not so much should you or shouldn't you tell as it is are YOU ready. Really ready. Good luck, sweetie.

[Wildaboutheels]

This looks pretty simple to me.

1] Do you thinks your wife suspects at all? Keep in mind that more than a few GGs have come to this Forum and stated they NEVER suspected anything [TILL they were told] and some of them say they wish they had NEVER been told.

2] IF you managed to successfully "hide it" all those years, it's easy for you to have gotten your "courage" from this Forum. Is there some reason after 29 years you NEED to tell her?

I hope you are smart enough to NOT listen to those here who will claim that ALL GGs suspect or know. Pure Bullpoop.

3] You do realize that some have come to this Forum and gotten the courage to spill the beans in just a couple of weeks here and then disappeared never to be seen again.

I hope you have a good reason to roll the dice because that's what it is.

[MissTee]

I hope you have a good reason to roll the dice because that's what it is.

. . . And I'm still looking for the "like" button for wildaboutheels' answer.

[Rachelakld]

Ummm, I probably wouldn't mention it, since you couldn't get a positive conversation going over the incident.

For me, I like to push boundaries, so I would probably ask when it's cold, if I could wear tights under my pants, or in bed to keep my legs warm and see how that goes. But your wife and son seem somewhat non-tolerant to different life styles so as above, I wouldn't bother mentioning it to them.

[Shellycd12]

Thank you all for your answers. I appreciate them all very much.
It makes me think about what i should do.

Shelly

[mykell]

just had the reveal 10 days ago,
so if having your stomach tied in a knot sounds appealing,
flashes of court room drama, outing to friends and family, maybe neighbors,
size 11 shoes strewn about the front lawn, yes your ready, worst case,
didn't happen to me but that's what i was prepared for,
currently DADT, box is open (once open cant be shut) and she has the upper hand, i live in NJ,
words of wisdom, when i told her i thought i could follow my script, didn't happen, all she heard is i like wearing dresses,
write a letter, compose your thoughts, re-read your thoughts, make corrections and have it with you for back up,
photo album of past good times, pictures are worth a thousand words,
for me things are close to normal but a song on the radio or stupid comment can change everything at any moment,
i would wait till after valentines day, good luck in whatever you decide, its a tough call....


30 years for me....

[Karren H]

Don't tell her.... better odds it will ruin your relationship.... than live happily ever after...

[Shellycd12]

Mikell, Really appreciate your comments. Thanks.

I am originally from New Jersey and use to party at the Jersey Shore almost every weekend.

Stay Warm.

Shelly

[MatildaJ.]

I have only been CDing for a couple of years but had these feelings a lot longer.

Do you want to tell her because you can sense that you are going to want to dress more, or start going out of the house dressed more? As a GG, I think I might prefer not to know if the whole cding thing would be minimal. But if keeping it secret meant losing many hours each week of shared time, because he started living a secret double life, then I'd rather be told.

[Shellycd12]

Yes. I want to dress more and venture out hopefully with my wife. That is why i want to tell her. Do not get much dress time.

Shelly

[MatildaJ.]

If you're hoping she'll find it fun to share this with you, banish that thought. The odds are high that even if she wants to stay married, she'll see this as an unpleasant new reality, like facing cancer.

Very few wives are happy to learn about this. If she suddenly anounced she wanted to dress up like a Klingon several evenings a week, would you be thrilled or irritated?

[Jenniferathome]

The truth is never a bad thing. Think of the weight removed by opening up. Also, keep in mind that her comments could have been made out of embarrassment, concern for your child or just plain lack of knowledge.

You don't know how it will play out but if your relationship is on solid ground, you will be ok.

[Katie_Did GG]

I want to dress more and venture out hopefully with my wife. That is why i want to tell her. Do not get much dress time.

Then this isn't something you actually want to share with her this news I mean. It is a means to an end. :facepalm: Not a good reason to turn her world upside down IMHO.

It's been your secret all this time keep it. If this was the only reason my husband had for sharing with me he is a cross-dresser I would not want to know. Why? It would have shown me that the dressing was more important than my well being or happiness. It isn't actually sharing so much as getting permission because once the cat is out of the bag many feel they have free rein to do as they want. They wrongly assume the worse that could happen has already when that is not true.

I know my words will not be welcome news. I am sorry for that. But do not expect her to welcome this news. Don't expect her to think it'd be a good idea to go out with you dressed to the 9's. Chances are very strong it won't turn out that way even if she stays with you. Not all stay and of those that do several are never comfortable with the news. Do not discount the reality for her is you will become a stranger. And it will be true, she never really knew you. Not like she thought.

We are not talking about a young couple who grew up in the Internet age and at a time when things like CD are not as shocking. Look at the new GG members and you'll see the older the couple the harder this news seems to be for the wife or g/f.

I wish you well but do some more thinking before you decide to tell her. Do not get dutch courage here and false security that all will be great. There is no way to know for sure but based on her reaction to the cashier do you really think she'll enjoy seeing her hubby dressed?

So I have to second Jess' words that telling isn't always the answer. And hope reason and compassion rule the day rather than a case of "I want" I have simply seen to many hurt when it was not something they ever "had" to know.

[heatherdress]

Sorry Shelly, but the only thing anyone here can do is offer an unprofessional opinion without appropriate knowledge of your wife or your relationship. It's your call. Seems you have a lot to risk, a 29 year marriage, for the possibility of dressing more frequently with her knowledge and support.

You don't what to hide anything from her but you have already been doing that. Why? Maybe you already know after 29 years she will be hurt or unaccepting?

Seems like you have several questions to ask and decisions to make:

- Tell her or let your crossdressing continue to remain hidden
- If you decide to finally tell her, how are your going to do that
- If you decide to remain silent, will you be satisfied with the inability to increase your crossdressing activities
- If you don't tell her, will your guilt increase
- Are you willing to risk eventual discovery if you don't tell her

Good luck. Do what is right to do, not what is easy to do.

[Stephanie47]

If you reveal your cross dressing your relationship will forever be changed. She will never see you in the same light. Several of the GG's have given you the female perspective on cross dressing. Put yourself in her place. There is no easy way to slip this into a conversation. She will have a mental image of you in a dress-a man in a dress and not a woman in a dress. If you have been married for almost thirty years she has become accustom or familiar with you. She knows your quirks. Some of your faults may just roll off her back like water off a duck. This is a big rock to throw in a small pond.

I'm not going to tell you what to do. I will recommend that you analyze the consequences of your actions. The worse is fairly obvious. There goes one half of the community assets. There goes one half of your pension plan. There goes the house, the sale of which can be ordered by a judge. Of course, your wife may say, "hey, that's great. Let's go downtown and buy a new wardrobe for you!" That is not realistic. You may end up in a DADT marriage with established mutually accepted boundaries.

I would also do some self reflection and try to figure out if there is a 'trigger' that caused or encouraged you to start dressing several years ago. Is there stress in your life?

I really hate to see a mature person in a long term marriage thrown it all away with the throw of the die. I also have to wonder what you really expect your wife to get out of this revelation.

The comments made in the restaurant by your wife may give you an indication of her viewpoint on cross dressing and transsexuals. When my wife and I had that conversation, she asked why I had not told her. I asked her if she remembered the conversation she and her cousin had about a mutual female friend who tossed her cross dressing husband out the door at the first mention of cross dressing? She didn't. I told her their reaction was ingrained in me. You would have thought that husband was a child rapist. How was I to come clean with their position so anti cross dressing. We'll I'm in a nice DADT marriage. However, it took more than a decade for her to reconcile the fact that I was otherwise the nice husband I am.

Tread lightly. Think it through.

[Sissy_in_pink]

Why not just ask her about her reaction to the CDer at the fast food joint, if she gives you very negative answers then I suggest keeping it to yourself.

[laciewhite]

Hello,


I do not want to hide anything from her and nothing would make me happier than her acceptance but i do not want to disturb my marriage.


shelley i wish i could give you advice but your quote above basically describes my exact same situation. i wouldn't care who else knew about my CDing now..but my wife of 20 years still does not know and its agony for me but i'm so afraid of the trouble it might cause. let's hope we both sort things out eventually/
love
lacie
xxx

[PaulaQ]

@Shellycd12 - listen to the GG's here. There ARE women who'll enjoy your CDing - but as near as I can tell, they are nowhere near the majority. Most of the women I've talked to here don't like it.

A couple of more things to consider as reasons NOT to tell her:
1. YOU may feel better getting this off your chest - but unless you are willing to be OUT, she now has to keep your secret.
2. You'll likely make her question a LOT of things that aren't easily answered:
- what's this say about her sexuality
- what's this say about your sexuality
- how does she deal with the notion that you aren't exactly "normal" anymore
- how does she deal with the notions that SHE isn't exactly "normal" anymore if anyone finds out

The odds are not good that she'll enjoy sharing this with you. It does happen, it really does - but it's not probable.

[Teresa]

Hi Shelley,
Like many of us you're in a no win situation, you know if you don't tell her it's going to screw you up (my thread about going ballistic) or if you get caught out is that worse than telling her ? Have you thought back to when and how it started, if you understand yourself you may be able to put it over better if you decide to tell her. Mikell could have a point try writing it down, I am more convinced now that we are born like it.
,

[VeroS]

I agree with Stephanie who said you need to analyse the consequences. If you tell your wife, what is the worst that could happen and is this outcome acceptable to you? I know at least one CD who decided that his marriage didn't mean as much as being able to dress and go out. He's still with his wife but the relationship is different and probably not stable long term. But I don't get the impression that you would be prepared to sacrifice your marriage.

[Marcelle]

Hi Shelly,

I feel for you as there is no right or wrong answer and not one of us can truly answer this for you. In my case when I finally came out to my wife after 24 years of marriage it went exceedingly well and she is fully supportive but it could have gone the other way as well. However in the end, only you truly know your wife and what reaction she may take. Those who comment and say don't do it or do it are going on their own experience and know little about you or your lovely wife. I would take a bit of time and think of the following: (1) do you think your wife would be accepting - you should know her level of tolerance for differences after 29 years; (2) could she extrapolate that tolerance to her husband wearing women's clothing; (3) how solid/committed is your relationship; and (4) should this go south, what is your plan.

The only person that can truly make this decision for you is you. Good luck sweetie.

Hugs

Isha

[Rogina B]

I blame you for not starting conversation long ago and opening your family's minds to the ways of the world. And it is never too late to pry open their mindset...

[Jenny Doolittle]

Should I jump off of a 100 foot cliff or should I gently walk down the path to get to the bottom of the hill? Perhaps the preferred way of allowing your wife to know you cross dress is enlightening her of your views over time. Maybe you missed a real opportunity when seeing the CD'er in the restaurant, let her know that just because someone is different it is not a bad thing. You may get a glimpse of her view with some open discussion before coming right out and declaring your own situation.

[Caden Lane]

I want to be clear in my advice here. I will not suggest you tell her or that you don't tell her. That is something only you can and should decide, based on what you know about her and your relationship. My advice is simply that if you must tell her, undergo thrrapy first. Reveal all to the therapist, and see if between the two of you that you can formulate a way of telling your spouse, even if you have to tell your wife during a mutual therapy session.

But again, only you truly know the can of worms you are about to open if you do. I've told every SO very early in marriage or relationship, with mixed results. You are in a very long term relationship, and even though you only began dressing recently, you'd hard pressed to convince her its only a recent change.

[MsRenee]

All I can do is wish the best of which journey your gonna persue.

Having hid it from her all those years is not gonna make her too happy.

If you chose to tell her hope for the best but be prepared for the worse.

Good luck

Renee

[Caden Lane]

Rogina, I do not think assessing blame here helps. You know as well as any of us the mental things we go through in dealing with this aspect of our life. The shame we feel which spawns being secretive. Fear of rejection, fear of ridicule. I think every one of us at one time or another kept this aspect hidden and secret. Very few of us are fortunate enough to be open from moment one.

[Annaliese]

Telling is a personal choose, one has to weight all the options, how well will your wife act, will it end your marriage or will it change your marriage for the worst. At this point will it be any worst if she finds out by mistake or you tell her. I think one should tell at the first of a relationship, I did not like many here, wish I had. That is water under the bridge now, my wife found out when I had come back from a conference, in Denver. I thought I had wash of all my make up from the night before, I did not, she notice, and ask me about it. I opened up to her and she had me get all my clothes out. She is tolerant most of the time, open other, and hostile every once in a while. I did change my marriage for the worst in some areas, and for the better in others. One never knows the out come.

[Lorileah]

This looks pretty simple to me. Everything is simple in your eyes, you are the voice of impending doom here


Is there some reason after 29 years you NEED to tell her?

I hope you are smart enough to NOT listen to those here who will claim that ALL GGs suspect or know. Pure Bullpoop. I pray you are never in a situation where your SO keeps something from you, something that can or would effect your life. Not your feelings toward them but the idea that they believe that you cannot handle the truth or that you didn't need to know (you are an adult, don't you think you should make that decision?) I have been there and let me give you my "dino" opinion. IT HURTS. It hurts badly. You are talking about someone who you promised to be honest with and to be your life partner. This isn't the neighbor or the grocery clerk. It took me two years to even get to the living with the idea that she could not trust me with some information, information that would not have made me lover her less, but which I think I should have known.

I side with the GGs (yes there have been a very few who didn't want to know here. But at least they got to make that decision, it wasn't made FOR them by a person who thinks they know what they will think). If you are married (or life partners) to someone, anything that CAN or WILL effect their life is something you should share. This isn't that you don't like peas or that when you were 18 you drove 120 miles and hour through a school zone. This is HER life. She has equity in your relationship. She built that equity on what you have told her. It is like if you don't share details of your business with stockholders. It is unfair. This is why I say tell her early on so she can decide if she can "invest" in this relationship.

Look at it from the other side. Don't you think you deserve to know anything that will effect YOUR life? Maybe you would rather be a turtle...until that comes out sometime and you have to wonder "Why didn't the love of my life TRUST me?"


I hope you have a good reason to roll the dice because that's what it is. Great so you see being honest as a gamble. Now I understand, you like to stack the deck.

[Tina_gm]

In just about any situation, I would say yes, tell. And with yours, certainly depending on how you are feeling, and that there is always the risk of getting caught, never a wrong thing to do...... But, in your case, wow, 30 years. Unless dressing is somewhat new for you, you have obviously pulled off hiding it well. Most people get found out long before this if they haven't told. And, you have survived living this way for so long as well. If for some reason, your need for dressing and expressing your fem side has increased to the point of misery then of course you should tell her. perhaps..... just perhaps in a situation such as this, maybe continuing to live the way you have lived for so long might be a good way to go.

[Finally Happy]

Such a tough situation. There is never a black and white answer with this stuff. You can kind of equate to divorce with kids: stay together and suffer and realize the kids suffer. Or end it, go through quicker pain (hopefully) and hopefully come out better in long run.

If you tell her there is no going back. You risk ending the marriage, will your future as a single person offset that sadness? Can you accept never telling her and also accept that you can only dress in secret and that will be enough to keep you happy? And of course you could land somewhere in between: DADT to her fully embracing.

We aren't qualified to give you the right answer, at least I know I'm sure not :)

[Beverley Sims]

I do not think you are being dishonest by not telling her, maybe a few more years of happy marriage first.
Do what you want by yourself and just try not to be deceitful.

[Kathy Smith]

Oh... what a can of worms this can be!

I eventually told my wife a while ago. She'd already guessed because she'd found one of my bras that I though was pretty well hidden - but she'd said nothing. You don't know what she knows and you don't know what she thinks.

My wife is now accepting, but not encouraging. She's given me little presents and even helped me choose foundation. She doesn't want to see Kathy under any circumstances though - not even photographs. She's told me that she always wants to remember me as her husband. I can accept that, as I can accept the fact that she doesn't want me to have pierced ears. It's all about compromise. I asked her how she feels about my dressing. She said that she's accepting it because she realises that this is a fundamental part of me that probably isn't going to go away.

Don't think that you'll get to dress more even if you tell her. It doesn't always work that way.

Advice? Only you can decide. If you love each other then there's probably a good possibility that the outcome would be positive, but if there is any instability in your relationship at all then this sort of news is certainly not going to help. It's tantamount to handing her a loaded shotgun. OTOH, if your relationship is that bad and you get found out then the result of not telling her could be even worse.

At the end of the day, she didn't marry you to become a lesbian. She probably has very strong feelings on that point!

[AKADonna]

Like you, Sheely, I have been married 29 years and have had a very good marriage, which I treasure. Just last week, I left my laptop on and she discovered my posts on the Men Wear Bras Forum Site. At dinner, she said, "We have something to talk about! I know your little secret" Well, she accepted that I've been wearing bras and panties for several years when she is not around. Her main concern was about me being exposed to our friends and neighbors, but more importantly that photos of me en femme would make their way back to the kids and grandkids (I'm 70). We left it with me assuring her that I would not dress in our local city nor around friends and family and would not permit photos being taken for any reason. Even though she obviously disapproves, she did not react violently as I had always anticipated she would. I even told her that I was going out of town to get a makeover and she simply said to 'leave Donna there when you come home!". At least the air is somewhat more clear, even though I am not free to fully dress as much as I would like.

Shelly, your situation is very personal to you and you just need to decide. I had decided to keep my secret for fear of jeapordizing my marriage (as I have done for a long time), but my secret was blown. I value my marriage more than my CD'ing, if it ever came down to that, but you must make your own decision on this one. Gook luck with your decision!

Donna

[char GG]

I am a GG who agrees with the other GG's here. I can't speak for your wife who may be very open minded. However, if you do decide to share your multi-year hidden life, you may want to be prepared for numerous questions (I mean lots!!) and possibly some drama (i.e. tears). She may wonder if there are other secrets out there. Best of luck with your decision. I wish you the best.

[Janet Doe]

We all have our own reasons for not coming out to our SO early in our relationship. Some may be founded some not. Just be sure your going to tell her now for the right reason. I`m in the same position as you ( 25 years ), some days its all I can do to concentrate on my work, to block out the thoughts of how to bring this up. I have been hurt before in a past relationship, for me to bring this out in the open now would only be for my own selfness needs.

I doubt very much it would lead to divorce, but i`m not prepared to take the chance, my families happiness means more to me than that.

I hope whatever decision you choose works out for you.

[Wildaboutheels]

Here's more to chew on... http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?194674-Question-for-the-GGs&highlight=

[sometimes_miss]

The truth is never a bad thing. Think of the weight removed by opening up. Also, keep in mind that her comments could have been made out of embarrassment, concern for your child or just plain lack of knowledge. You don't know how it will play out but if your relationship is on solid ground, you will be ok.
This concept goes against most people's experiences. Very, very few women (<1%) find crossdressers sexually attractive, and once that is gone, the romantic love, and the relationship, can easily fall apart as well. The odds of your marriage surviving is slim at best. I know you want people to love you for what you are, but it usually doesn't wind up the way we want just because we want it do.

Me, I had it all figured out; all my good qualities, I was sure, would easily outweigh the negative about crossdressing. Oh, how I was so very, very wrong. My wife went ballistic. She accused me of lying to her, cheating on her (which I never did, but she assumed I must have), of being gay or TS, she didn't know which, etc.. We saw a therapist, and wifey acted fine for a while, even bought me a couple of dresses, and took pictures of me dressed as a girl. THEN.......with pictures as evidence of my evil behavior to be used against me, everything went downhill pretty quick after that. She blackmailed me, she got the house, our assets, and I got all the debt. She threatened to out me to our families, my friends and coworkers. I was crushed.
SO: If you can accept the worst case scenario, then by all means, go for it. Worst case? Yes. She will hate you. Consider you a liar for all the years you pretended to be something you're not. She will carefully plan removing you from her and your children's lives. One day you will find the locks changed, your credit cards cancelled, your bank accounts drained, and be served with divorce papers potentially with a restraining order from your house, should she decide to make up a tale about her being abused so the divorce proceedings will move forward faster so she can get on with her 'new life' without you in it. A woman's anger about being fooled into marrying a 'sissy' can be tremendous; she may feel very embarrassed in front of her friends, family and coworkers, consider the potential feelings should they find out and she has to put up with overhearing other people refer to you as her girlfriend. They, and she, may wonder if she harbors lesbian feelings hidden deep within herself, subconsciously perhaps attracted to your feminine side she didn't know about, and she may become angry that you have subjected her to this. She may out you to your family, hers, your friends, relatives, and coworkers. You may very well wind up living in your car, wind up paying for the home you used to live in, alimony, and child support if any of your kids are still in school AT ANY AGE! Unless you have any homosexual desires, you may very well in all probability spend the rest of your life alone, because there is no waiting group of women to date crossdressers ANYWHERE. NONE. There is no clubs for crossdressers to meet straight women. None. There is one websight called date a crossdresser; it's inhabited 99.9% by men. The few GG's there are usually ringers to get you to pay for membership, then they will never respond to your messages. And, GG's there are impossible to search for, because every guy over there lists himself as female. So unless you want to date guys, you're in all likelyhood going to be alone for the rest of your life.

How do I know all this? Easy. I lived through this type of scenario. Be prepared for it. One sentence, "I like to dress up as a girl", can destroy your entire life.
So yes, after coming 'out', you will be able to dress up as often and as much as you want. But it probably won't be with anyone you know. Your own experience has already shown how she probably feels about the subject, and wishful thinking on your part will not in any way influence her viewpoint on the matter.
So good luck. Because if you come out, you're going to need a lot of it. Finding a woman attracted to crossdressers is akin to the same odds as winning the lottery.

[MatildaJ.]

There are clubs (and websites such as FetLife) where kinky crossdressers can meet kinky women. For some of us, our interest in kink goes deeper than our heterosexuality.

[Ellie52]

If Sometimes_miss hasnt put you off you are a braver man than I am. Good luck in whatever you decide to do....Ellie

[Jenniferathome]

Very, very few women (<1%) find crossdressers sexually attractive, and once that is gone, the romantic love, and the relationship, can easily fall apart as well. The odds of your marriage surviving is slim at best. I know you want people to love you for what you are, but it usually doesn't wind up the way we want just because we want it do....

This is a widely misinformed statement. There is no basis in fact or research supporting such a notion. Romantic love is based on a relationship, not cross dressing alone. The fact that your relationship failed only supports the idea that your relationship was not on solid ground.

[MsVal]

Without doing the math, I can see risks in waiting, telling, and approaching:
Waiting until your wife finds out on her own is a very high risk plan.
Telling her flat out is likewise loaded with risk.
Approaching the subject gradually may have lower risk. Consider having a months-long plan that begins with some very occasional and very offhand remarks, increases over time in frequency and specificity, and ends with "The Rest of the Story" (sorry Paul Harvey). It will take patience and discipline, but I believe it is less risky.
Be prepared for an early reveal. Your wife could get to the end before you, and ask why you're so interested in CD.

[Dana_Drake]

How do I know all this? Easy. I lived through this type of scenario. Be prepared for it. One sentence, "I like to dress up as a girl", can destroy your entire life.
So yes, after coming 'out', you will be able to dress up as often and as much as you want. But it probably won't be with anyone you know. Your own experience has already shown how she probably feels about the subject, and wishful thinking on your part will not in any way influence her viewpoint on the matter.
So good luck. Because if you come out, you're going to need a lot of it. Finding a woman attracted to crossdressers is akin to the same odds as winning the lottery.

Thanks for offering your tough experiences, Alex. I for one appreciate the reality check.

[Jacqueline Winona]

This is a widely misinformed statement. There is no basis in fact or research supporting such a notion. Romantic love is based on a relationship, not cross dressing alone. The fact that your relationship failed only supports the idea that your relationship was not on solid ground.

I have yet to meet a woman who has ever said "I really hope I marry a crossdresser." All the anecdotal evidence I have ever seen, with a few exceptions from people here, supports sometimes' post, this is HUGE turnoff for almost every woman. And neither of us has any right to confirm or deny her assessment of why the marriage didn't work. Romantic love lasts a lifetime for some, decades for others, and years for some. As much as I doubt that half the people who get married think in their minds they will be divorced in less than 10 years, the statistics prove this is true. Throw in crossdressing and your chances of a romantic, charming marriage, drop. Its just the way it is, so approach this very cautiously if you're still just an occasional dresser. Sometimes is absolutely right in comparing your odds of winning the lottery to finding a woman who finds this attractive and wants to participate.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Shelly, Just remember one thing, Once you ring the bell, You can't un-ring it !!

[Jenniferathome]

I have yet to meet a woman who has ever said "I really hope I marry a crossdresser." ...Sometimes is absolutely right in comparing your odds of winning the lottery to finding a woman who finds this attractive and wants to participate.

At no point did I suggest that a woman "wants" a cross dresser nor that any woman would be turned on sexually by a cross dresser. Both these concepts were inserted by you and Sometimes. What I did write is that a relationship, on solid ground, can be ok with a cross dresser's disclosure.

[Jacqueline Winona]

At no point did I suggest that a woman "wants" a cross dresser nor that any woman would be turned on sexually by a cross dresser. Both these concepts were inserted by you and Sometimes. What I did write is that a relationship, on solid ground, can be ok with a cross dresser's disclosure.

Ok, not sure what you meant by the "widely misunderstood" comment then, Alex's first sentence that you quoted concerned spouses' attraction, romance, etc.

And the marriage can be ok, but it is far from certain that it will be, after disclosure. It is a roll of the proverbial dice IMO.

[MissTee]

Today, dressed in coveralls and boots I fixed the fence, installed a new garage door opener, swapped out a faulty electrical breaker, and re-plumbed a leaking toilet. This evening, my wife and I prepared to go out. We bathed, shaved our legs, did our faces (moisturizer, Skin Medica products, her light makeup and me none.) Together we rummaged through the panty bin after bathing and picked each other out what panties we would wear. Out to dinner we went, then on to Ulta for some girl product shopping. Back home and into our nightgowns, we then did each others nails with the new polishes we had just bought. Talked about the kids and grandkids, local news, schedule of the new addition to the house, and our upcoming out of town trips. A normal happy couple we are.

I share this to show it is possible to have a happy marriage and have CD-ing in the mix. My wife's attitude is that it is just clothes, and she l-o-v-e-s having a lover and a close friend all in one. Couples like us may not be abundant, but we do exist and it is possible. I have to say that if I announced I wanted to transition or be a woman full time the relationship would likely change for the worse.

[sometimes_miss]

At no point did I suggest that a woman "wants" a cross dresser nor that any woman would be turned on sexually by a cross dresser. Both these concepts were inserted by you and Sometimes. What I did write is that a relationship, on solid ground, can be ok with a cross dresser's disclosure.

If you believe what you write, just start a straight girl - crossdresser dating site. Make membership free for GG's and CD'ers, but each of us CD'ers will promise you oh, a few grand if you match us up and we successfully wind up in a relationship (the 'successfully' has to be in there to prevent the hiring of pro's just to collect the fee). If there are all those women who are truly ok with crossdressers out there, you'll be rich in no time. So here's an easy opportunity for you to get rich and help millions of men everywhere. If it works, we might even try to get you nominated for sainthood!

[Shellycd12]

Thank You all very much for all the comments and advice. I appreciate everyone of them and will give this some serious thought. I Thank You all very much again.

Shelly