If you could, who would you come out to first ?

[Vanessa Rose]

I would start with myself first (wink) because I don't understand my motivations some times.

For me I think it would be my siblings. Why, because I think they would not lose a kidney over this type of news.


Vanny

[dana digs sweaters]

Male or Female siblings Vanessa?

[Vanessa Rose]

Mostly female

[dana digs sweaters]

Well no brothers for me and came out at 12 to my next oldest sis under circumstances that were "in my favor".
She kept quiet for me until I told another sis 3 years later.

[heatherdress]

Individuals who would not be hurt, individuals who I think would be accepting.

[Beverley Sims]

Vanny,
I would leave siblings out of the mix completely, or until they showed some interest.
I would be inclined to come out to a friend first, that is if your wife already knows.

If your wife is not your first choice as a confidante, then there is something lacking in the relationship that needs patching up.

[Rachelakld]

I waited until they did sex ed and understood what would happen it their friends would find out.
my 3 youngest know, oldest not tolerant person and would blab to family members who like causing trouble.
I started the outing process by wearing cotton tights at home during winter to keep warm, then in to spring with lycra because it felt nice, by summer they knew about my dressing. Now my makeup and clothes disappear regularly on to the floor of their rooms.

[Vanessa Rose]

Thanks for your post heather dress. I don't have those types of friends...Frankly and I hope this makes sense to people, I don't want more than one or two close friends. I don't like people in general...I am a very private person typically.
Don't get me wrong there may be a point where i don't care about the overall implications of my coming out, but well it is complicated.

None-the-less, i agree with ideals to target those folks. Have you told folks?

Jeff

I like you...I hope to be brave one day... I chuckled at the story. Thanks for sharing.

Vanny

Hi Beverly,

Hard to explain the friend issue, so trust me, I am ok with it. I figure when I get to x age, I will do what i want and the hell with the consequences. Because I can.

I take it that everyone knows for you.... When did you tell them? How did that go?

[Marcy]

For me, my wife definitely.

[bridget thronton]

Wife first - others on need to know

[PaulaQ]

I came out in this order:
1 myself
2 therapist
3 wife
4 best friend (male)
5 kids
6 other close friends
7 mother
8 sister
9 everybody else

[Lexi_83]

If this is a "wish I could" thread I guess aid say my boss, so I could dress at work!

My sister knows I crossdress on a recurring basis, not much more.

[Jaylah414]

My wife and I have no secrets - At least, none that I'm aware of! Anyway, we've always been very supportive of one another since we first met decades ago. However, at this point, the only other people I would consider sharing this with is my brother-in-law and his husband.

As for my family, my father and brother both passed away last year. That leaves my mother and sister, and they're much happier believing that we're all happy little suburbanites that never fail to show up at the polls, vote republican, drive an SUV or a sedan, host traditional dinner parties and always, always remain in good standing with the local social elites. In that sense, I've always been a rebel, but CDing would be one step over the line.

Let them have their fantasies.

As for friends... NEVER!

Maybe, I need to find a more congenial group of friends...

[Vanessa Rose]

Thanks for your post Jaylah.

So sorry for your brother and father passing Terrible.

I am glad that there is another rebel like me that dresses and that you have the support if a loving wife.

You are a rich man in my mind with a very loving wife

Vanny

[Vanessa Rose]

Well if you go that route you have our support.

If I said that to my boss. Lord I would be miserable. Hopefully you would get support and understanding

[Vanessa Rose]

Paula,

Thanks for sharing. Did you lose any friends along the way and if so, did they come back as friends over time?

Thanks. Vanny

[Shari]

No intention of ever coming out to anyone except my wife and she already knows.
Anyone else would be a no win situation. I can see no positive outcomes from it at all.

[natcrys]

Have shared it with pretty much all my friends.. starting with my best friends.. then other friends.. some good colleagues. After that some family members.

Haven't lost anyone yet.. for which I feel truly lucky! :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Vanessa, Out to my wife only I don't feel the need to burden anyone else.

[kimdl93]

I can and have. Wife, step daughter several neighbors, several former coworkers ...all after some consideration. But also to our vet, my optometrist, dry cleaner....if you go out in public you're out to a lot of people.

[Kristy 56]

I used to go running for over 10 yrs. with a GG,and we became pretty close,so I guess it would be her.In fact I even thought about it the last time I saw her. However,I decided it was better to just let sleeping dogs lie.

[Marcelle]

I came out to my wife first, daughter (28 y/o), sisters, friends and work colleagues (mind my friends and colleagues are mostly the same).

Hugs

Isha

[sweetshauna]

Wife already knows, so my Stepdaughter would have to be 1st. (I think she already has an inkling).
Then I guess I would just go about my daily life and let everyone else discover as we came upon each other.
SURPRISE!!!!!!

[PaulaQ]

@Vanny - I lost my wife coming out. I told her that I was TG, but hoped to not transition. Didn't matter - we were over. I've been incredibly lucky otherwise though. My family and friends are largely all supportive. I lost most of my friends in Oklahoma - but not all. (They picked my wife's side.)

My childhood friends from Texas are all still friends with me. I think it helped when I came out that people like me, and I'm known as pretty stable and sober, so when I came out as trans, people were sympathetic.

If I could've stayed in the closet - there is no doubt in my mind that I would've. None.

[grace7777]

I have come out to one person who is a life coach. I have no spouse or so. No plans right now to come out to anyone else. Since lately i have been out more in public where I live the odds increase people I know may find out. Not sure I will ever come out to family but they do not live close by.

[Katey888]

If I could, perhaps obviously my darling wife...

But that closet door is bolted, barred, latched, locked, padlocked, chained, alarmed, deadlocked, battened, dogged.... well, you get the picture... :o

Katey x

[Ilsa]

My former girlfriend, who at the time disclosed to me that she was a Lesbian and that she didn't mean to hurt me. I comforted her by telling her that it was all right and that everyone carries some sort of secret in their lifetime. I would like to have seen what her response would have been if I had disclosed my secret.

[Karmen]

To my family.

[Hell on Heels]

My SO would be first, possibly sister second, but if things didn't go well after telling the SO it wouldn't matter.
Everyone else that matters would be told by her.
A quote from Dr. Seusse (sorry not sure how he spells his name) "those that mind, don't matter, and those that matter, wont mind".
I wish I knew this to be true.
Muuch Love,
Kristyn

[Alice_2014_B]

My wife first.
After her I have no clue.

[Caden Lane]

Knowing what I know now, I wish I had come out to my girlfriend first.

[Christen]

My Wife (she knows), my kids (they know..ish), then my brothers and sisters, the friends. The secrecy and having to hide everything is a wearying thing.

[KayleeTaylor]

I came out in this order:

1. Myself
2. Making new friends at a TG support group
3. Therapist
4. Mom - very unsupporting :(
5. Daughter - she is 9 and she is very happy for me :)
6. Rest of family - only 1 family member will talk to me now
7. Male Facebook - nobody friended me on my new FB account, my male FB account has now been deleted
8. Neighbors - sort of, they see me sometimes as Kaylee and sometimes as the other guy.
9. Everybody else, friends etc.

I lost a lot of friends and family, but I gained a lot of new friends, family and a support network. I couldn't be happier with the way things turned out :) I have accepted the fact that the people who I lost were never really in my life to begin with and I am better off without them.

[Suzanne F]

So far I have come out to wife, about a dozen friends, therapist, psychiatrist, mother, sister. I am going to tell my two daughters who are 16 and 21 in April. Someday I hope I am all the way out. My 11 year old son does not know.
Suzanne

[PretzelGirl]

I think some of the sequence can be affected by opportunity instead of plan. My son, mother, and siblings don't live within 2000 miles of me, so they don't know yet. I went something like:

1. Myself and my wife (pretty much advanced with her knowing every step)
2. Friends
3. Two daughters
4. More friends
5. Niece and nephew
6. More friends.

Nothing negative yet. Some cherry picking of who to tell and some luck sure helps.

Now it is time to plan the son, mother, siblings, and in-laws.

[Allison Quinn]

The first person I came out to was a friend well along in her transition ;o we talked a lot and I ended up blurting out things, that I never said to anyone else before. Before long I talked to my girlfriend about it and stopped hiding from myself shortly after :)

[reb.femme]

Came out to my wife almost two years ago - April 2012. We agreed that she could tell her sister, so that she had someone close to discuss her feelings with. Apart from me that is.

Told my three sons. Youngest two were told on Christmas day, just after dinner. My eldest son was told on 6th Jan. Didn't sit well with him at all but we will be meeting soon for a beer, so that will be sorted one way or the other. All of their SOs know too............and a myriad of others now I'm sure. :heehee:

Rebecca