So you are out dressed and a man comes up and hits on you...

[Vanessa Rose]

I was reading some posts about pavlov (yawn) and DNA (ZZZZ). Regardless of that chain of confusion, I thought about a bigger issue...as CDers....

Understanding that the very success of what we are doing could lead to this situation how would you handle and disarm?

Situation:... if a man came up to you and hit on you while dressed, what would you do...all orientations welcome...:straightface:

V

[bridget thronton]

It can be unnerving the first time it happens (even in a virtual world)

[PaulaQ]

"Sorry sugar, I'm a lesbian."

[donnalee]

In your deepest male voice, say "I appreciate the compliment, but no thank you.".

[Lexi_83]

I'm not really passable to a sober male within five foot range or more but people drink and clubs can be dark. The few times it's happened I've said "I don't think I'm your type" and my voice makes it pretty clear I'm CD. I not usually alone at clubs so it's not a safety issue, and can be very flattering. And sometimes, they know already....

[felicityefeminata]

although it is unlikely to happen, I think it would be extremely flattering, and yes, exciting. Not sure how far I would like it to go, but the thought has always captivated me.

[KristyE]

How cute is he?
Love KristyE

[natcrys]

I just calmly say... "I'm not into guys.. still want to buy me that drink?".. 9 out of 10 they still do. :)

[Anna H]

Happened to me once at a Halloween party. I told him, "you
know I'm a guy, right?"

He said he didn't mind. Luckily my girlfriend rescued me.
Some people drink too much, --way too early.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm with KristyE on this one. :)

[Marcia Blue]

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. I usually, politely, tell them I am married, to a jealous wife.

[sweetshauna]

Would be very flattering, especially if he was cute. Being married and bi-sexual, it could be tempting. But only after I had wife's approval, and he knew I was a CD.

[Marcelle]

Well sweetie, not very likely to happen in my case but I suppose I would do the same thing I would do if a woman hit on me in bar if I were "en boy" . . . very flattered but I am married.

Hugs

Isha

[Sally24]

When it happens I just show my engagement and wedding rings and explain that I am very married!

[Caden Lane]

Likely tell them they aren't my type...or I have a Loving girlfriend.

[Sarah Marie]

You have to be careful in this type of situation, especially if you're at a bar and the guy might be a little buzzed and/or with his buddies. If the guy doesn't read you at first, but does once he starts talking to you he could freak out a little if he thinks his sexuality has been compromised. On the other hand, like Kate Haze said, maybe he doesn't care... It comes down to a personal choice on whether you want to take the dream/illusion to the "fullest" conclusion. What do the kids say....YOLO

[MarciManseau]

How cute is he?
Love KristyE

Yes, that's the question, good one, Kristy :) And if you're already with a man, and the new guy is cute, get his number.

[Jillian Faith]

When it happens I just show my engagement and wedding rings and explain that I am very married!

It's only happened to me online but if it happened in real life I like Sally's response and would shamelessly steal it

[adrienner99]

This happened to me once when I went to a gay bar to see a drag show. I wore a black satin skirt, red silk blouse, black patent leather pumps with five inch heels and searing red lipstick. I am not gay, but he obviously thought I was pretty hot. I let him buy me a drink, and the whole scene did make me feel somewhat womanly...

[I Am Paula]

It happened more often when I was 25. At 55, it's rare. Happened to me at the check out at Costco before Xmas. I was with my sister, and she said, 'That guy was hitting on you'. I didn't recognize it, but it made me smile the rest of the day.

[kimdl93]

I had a man buy me a drink. I thanked him, bought him a round and left it at that.

[Vanessa Rose]

Bridget,

I think The glue off the back of my breast forms would melt and I would go I to a panic. Then again if they are as liqueurs up as they would need to be for me to pass, then the makeup dripping off my face due to terror sweats may likely not be a problem. That is after I pick up my jaw and put my teeth back in. Lord knows what would happen to the glue on the back of my press on nails. It would be a wet, hot sticky mess for sure.

Something I am familiar with. How can one remain a lady with all that going on?

Thanks for posting

Vanny

Paula,
That presents an entirely new defcon threat yes? They will take one look over my bad makeup technique and out me. I would never make it that far. By the way Paula, has a woman ever hit on you out and about and been mean when they find out. I don't understand men and I certainly love looking at women however their wiring is different. After reading your post, I couldn't help but think they may get mad and mean?

Sorry GG's. Nothing personal.

Vanny

Good Donnalee. I am now wearing coffee on the front of my blouse

Swell

Vanny

[Sabrina133]

Its happened to me. As am bi, it depends on the venue - if in a gay bar/club, i go with it and assume he knows. If in a straight bar or club, i tell him pretty much right away.

[Vanessa Rose]

Hi Lexi

That seems to be a common thought and approach. I would not want to be surprised in a situation like that if I was under the impression they were the other sex/gender.

Thanks for posting

Vanny

Sabrina. You are like a smorgasbord of gender (wink). You little Buffett you!!!

Vanny

Kristy Felicity. You are funny. That never stuck my mind.

Bad, very bad. Too much to ponder


Ha

Vanny

[Stephanie Julianna]

In my younger days I did the NYC scene with friends. So this was not uncommon in gay or straight bars. I was honest and up front but always surprised when I still got the drink and the company stayed. I think they liked the fact that I could look pretty good and still talk cars and sports.

[Beverley Sims]

I usually explain my orientation and get dropped like a hot potato. :)

[Lynn Marie]

I seem to get hit on more by girls! It rarely goes anywhere, but it's fun. I have a few male admirers at the club I frequent, but "I'm really not that kind of girl!" I have at least a dozen CD girlfriends who provide all the company I need with no commitments or baggage to contend with.

[Jaylah414]

My first response to the question would be similar to Kristy's. I just doubt that I'd use the word 'cute'. Then, on more reflection, I'd probably feel more like Vanessa and wind up stammering something unintelligible.

In reality, I've been hit on by men in gay bars, but I was already with someone - My wife. I'd politely let the man know I was married. Then, pleasant conversation would follow and a little later on we'd go our own ways. Of course, I was in man mode and those coming on to me were bottoms imagining me to be a strong top.

If I were to actually go out dressed as a woman, I doubt I'd get hit on very often. But, if I did, and the guy was very masculine and self-confident, both my wife and I would ask for a phone number.

[Lorileah]

Let's see. The first time the guy bought me a drink, his boyfriend joined us, they bought me more drinks...then went home together. The second time the guy just wanted to talk about clothes and wanted me to take him home and "dress him" up...he went home alone. After that it is a blur, most want sex and when I tell them I don't do that but if they want to date me for awhile, it may happen. I go home, alone. Three men have taken the challenge and have seen me on a regular basis...one ended up to be a jerk, one was married and the third freaked when he did get me home and left his own apartment.

So to answer the question, what do I do now? I smile, listen to their stories, let them but me drinks, maybe kiss my neck...then I send them home...alone

[MatildaJ.]

As a GG, my usual response to a stranger's advances is to make sure I'm not sending out any encouraging signals. I don't smile, I don't make eye contact, I go about my business. If he continues, I leave.

[Vanessa Rose]

I always wonder if I were born now how would my life be different. I think it would be largely the same bar other friends and geography I also think if I waited twenty more years not a lick would care except radicals and homophobe/rednecks (wink). I just think except in some very specific geographies and situations the younger generation is not bothered by these things as our parents and our generation

[VickyMI]

I get hit on at straight bars a lot and it has taken me quite a long time to get used to it. I think it is just like girls in their teens you have to experience it to get comfortable. Most all of us never went through that training so now in our later years we are novices. My advice is go with the flow. We regret rarely what we do but what we didn't do.

[Vanessa Rose]

You vixen lynn! Nice to have such a nice mix of friends and admirers I suppose. Thanks for sharing. I hope to be as brave as you one day!

Hugs,

Vanny

Wow,

That is incredible for me to comprehend. I am worried about the simplest things and doing a rather poor job of just keeping my wig on my head lorileah. I also don't find men attractive in reality (at least that is my situation now), but find the story an amazing adventure for fantasy. Thanks for sharing

Also, I love the amount if fold here that go out and have braved the world before us. Used to go out many times but not currently. You all may not give it the bat if an eye but us folks do get the courage and strength to move forward with our inclinations due to the inspiration you provide.

Respectfully.

Vanny

Jaylah. I think you would be surprised about what would happen vs our perceptions. It never ceases to amaze me about how much the ladies bash their hands, feet and height etc etc. then you read the posts and we are just being too difficult on ourselves.


Thanks for taking time to post your thoughts

Vanny

[Tracii G]

I've had it happen a few times once at the car wash I was having my Mustang detailed and the guy doing it said You are a perfect match for this car.Are you busy on Sat I would love to take you out for dinner.I said yeah sure that sounds like fun. He was cute and the date went really well.
He knew from the get go and was very cool with it.
I was shopping at an Ace hardware for a few lawn and garden items and the older guy(SA) more my age LOL complimented me on my hair and outfit.
I thanked him for the nice compliment then he asked if I would like to get coffee sometime.I declined and said I'm married sorry but thank you for the offer.

[Violet-13]

I would thank them and a say I'm sorry I'm taken by the most beautiful girl in the world

[Amy Hepker]

Act like a Lady would, I am not interested in males, so I just ignore their advances and I do not make eye contact. This works, and if not I tell them I am only into female, I am Lesbian.

[Dana_Drake]

"Sorry sugar, I'm a lesbian."

You kill me!

[Hell on Heels]

I've only been approached once. Was a late night stroll in a town square type setting. Fairly dimly lit, some guy caught me off guard by riding up on a bicycle. He rode by and turned around and rode back to me.
All he said was hi, but I knew what was going on. Scared witless, more of being clocked, than personal safety. If the situation had turned for the worse, he may have found out what Hell on Heels is. All I could say was hey, and I turned and walked away from him back to my car. Needless to say he headed in the same direction at a distance, kind of paralleling my path. When I got to my car he was about 20 ft. away. He said "your beautiful and I thought you looked upset. I just want to make sure your OK, and that you know your beautiful". Still slightly in panic mode, I just drove away. I finally calmed down, and the reality sank in. How flattering it was to be noticed and appreciated.

[Taylor Ray]

yes please!

[ArleneRaquel]

I would be polite, and hope that she would be the same. I would also have thoughts about her eyesight.

[PaulaQ]

By the way Paula, has a woman ever hit on you out and about and been mean when they find out. I don't understand men and I certainly love looking at women however their wiring is different. After reading your post, I couldn't help but think they may get mad and mean?


No, I've never been hit on by a woman, other than my current GF, and her approach was so tentative and shy that it's arguable that once she touched my shoulder and gently initiated contact, I took over from there. I'll report back if this happens. I don't go to many places where it would be likely - when I go to the lesbian bars now, it's with my GF to listen to music. (I don't drink.) I'm not sure what happens if a woman makes a pass at me, and I tell her "sorry honey, I'm taken, and I'm trans, but my gosh I'm flattered - you are stunning!" My understanding is that a lot of lesbians are fairly cool with trans women, but you know, everyone's different.

I give off a "she's a prudish librarian" vibe I think, so I don't get hit on a lot. I'm really NOT a prude, but you wouldn't know it by looking at me. I'd thought for a long time this happened because I was presenting as a male, but am not really one. However, my GF thought the same thing, and she's only ever known me as a woman. So apparently, it's just me.

[PretzelGirl]

You mean this happens? :sigh: :sniffle

[jayme357]

Stephanie, it also helps that you are a knockout!

[beatriz]

well you england people are too calm .. i never allow a guy hit me, it never happend to me, but i hit him with anything i got, no matter if we finish at the police station.. no way ,it should never happend...

[Eryn]

The fellows who aren't deterred by my wedding ring would likely reconsider after they came closer and saw my face!

[heatherdress]

I would help him find his glasses.

[Allison Quinn]

I'm taken and have been for four years :3 so thank you but there are single people elsewhere

[LydiaG]

If this ever happened to me I would just go with the "I'm taken" route. Seems like it would be the least awkward.

[ShelbyDawn]

The chances of this happening to me dressed are on the low side of slim and none. :)

When I was much younger I used to get hit on by other men who seemed to think I was gay.
Never did figure out exactly why but I found that the best answer is to just say "Thank you. I am very flattered but I am not interested in men."
I still got several drinks and made some friends. Most all appreciated my being honest and the one time I did "try," I couldn't go through with it. Just not my cup of tea though I have to admit, he was a very good kisser. :o

:hugs:

Shelby

[Shelby]

I've been hit twice I think. The first time was Halloween and I went out to a bar for Kareoke. As I sat at the bar, a guy approaches and asked me what song was currently being sung. I told him I didn't know without trying to disguise my voice. I found it puzzling to know how he couldn't realize I was actually a dude. The second time was a place called the Gay 90's in Minneapolis. I needed to just get out and that place seemed like a safe zone. I stood around watching the Drag Show when a younger man comes up and compliments my look and offers to buy me a drink. he tells me he's bi but I tell him I'm straight and interested in women (just typing that in this context sounded weird) and he moved on. Come to think of it, later that night some woman wanted me to dance with a guy she brought with her. He wasn't remotely attractive and I wasn't interested in dancing with a man and he looked very nervous. That made me very uncomfortable.

[paulaprimo]

a CD'er hit on me once and i told her i wasn't interested...but we are still friends and she still tries...

the only guy to ever hit on me, was a sucker punch to my head outside of a bar...this was my 2nd time out.
got real ugly after that with police and ambulance had to come. thank God there were witnesses
as he tried to press charges against me. i was more scared when i had to give the cops my info,
but when the one cop said as far as he was concerned, "justice has been served" that made me feel a lot better. the case was later dropped.
now, the cop was cute and if he had asked me out, i would of said when?

[Lexi_83]

I've only been approached once. Was a late night stroll in a town square type setting. Fairly dimly lit, some guy caught me off guard by riding up on a bicycle. He rode by and turned around and rode back to me.
All he said was hi, but I knew what was going on. Scared witless, more of being clocked, than personal safety. If the situation had turned for the worse, he may have found out what Hell on Heels is. All I could say was hey, and I turned and walked away from him back to my car. Needless to say he headed in the same direction at a distance, kind of paralleling my path. When I got to my car he was about 20 ft. away. He said "your beautiful and I thought you looked upset. I just want to make sure your OK, and that you know your beautiful". Still slightly in panic mode, I just drove away. I finally calmed down, and the reality sank in. How flattering it was to be noticed and appreciated.Yes, I prefer to be flattered without being scared out of my wits as well!

[Lexi Moralas]

I had been in this situation a few times , I always wore an woman's engagement and wedding ring set. I would just hold up me left hand sorry but I am happily married. Which is actually the truth lol.
I think wearing the rings kept some guys from approaching me in the first place which is kind of why I wore them.

[prettygirl4]

I'm bisexual (and a pretty sexual person in general), and it happens fairly often so usually i'm all in. There can be a lot of CD's at gay bars, which always makes for a fun evening

[GinaD]

If he is polite and attractive, I smile and introduce myself and see where things go. If he is rude or unattractive, I do what GGs do, and let my body language and disinterest speak for me. If he is persistent, I tell him straight out I am not interested in meeting anyone. IF he still doesn't get it, I get rude right back.

[Lexi_83]

It also helps if you have a male escort or are with a group, your friends run interference....

[meganmartin]

It has happen a few times and it is very flattering.
But all i said was sorry I am happily married.
that typically shocks them and they go away.

[Persephone]

At my age, and wearing engagement and wedding rings, it doesn't happen very much! But it does happen and , just like when it happens to any other woman, feelings depend upon circumstance.

1) It can be terribly annoying - got together with a TS friend one day, we were having a quiet drink and chat but some lounge lizzard kept hitting on us. Hard to have a pleasant conversation with a girlfriend when lizzard keeps butting in and won't take "No" for an answer.

Same with the "stalker" that kept hitting on me (click here) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?135317-Mystery-Solved!-Now-I-Have-A-Problem!&highlight=stalker) on my morning run.

2) At parties guys ask you to dance - very nice! Very flattering! But don't want it to go further after the dance.

Men are frail creatures and I believe that such encounters should be handled as nearly every other woman would handle them - use your charm and feminine wiles to let him down easy, to tell him no without really hurting his feelings. Catch and release.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Tara D. Rose]

I always take the nice approach to the situation.

[Alice Torn]

I recently had a nice conversation about fishing with a VA nurse, and finally asked her if she was single. She just said, "You're funny!" Maybe i would say, that, plus a big thank you much!

[Alice Torn]

Tara Rose, That guy sounds a like like Curley of the Three Stooges!! Hey there "toots"!

[Jennifer Devine]

Buy me a drink and i'm all yours ;-) Is what I would say in my dreams lol

[Kristy 56]

Probably ask him when the last time he had his eyes checked. Seriously,I'd be flattered and then politely tell him I'm into women. :)