irritatingly unrealistic

[erica12b]

With my job ,and my son being in my current location i have tryed to be as optomistic and positiveas as i can. Im 48 years old this month ,single, and looking like i will be for lifetime. With the death of my space, i used the location and area to find and start conversation with gg`s here in wester colorado, some would talk (type) some would not, some would or could understand some of my (our) plight, others would not even try. out of all of the friendings and trying to just talking with gg`s in my area and months to years .i worked at it. I came away with two girls that tryed to date me and maybe three pen pals that just could not see me as a guy but loved to talk on line, all of this is just background fluff,

My irritation is there are just so few gg`s with open minds and loving harts ,in my rural area my aspect of ever finding one, drop ever year i get older. My son is in his early teens , i need to be here 6 to 10yrs more for him. Moving my job and prospects of finding a job drop evey yr if i could move.

I may find one or two gg frinds here in town that know, i my find love again (maybe) but as for erica she may just stay in the closet and have a online existance .

Its just irritatingly unrealistic (i hate getting smarter and older)

[Katey888]

Erica - it may feel irritatingly unrealistic, but you never know, weirder things happen.

You seem to me as a genuinely caring person - that will come across and ring bells with the right GG, you just have be prepared to both continue searching and be patient for that person to appear... :)

And yes - smarter and older - there's something in that. What we all do if we could it again and we know what we know now... :thinking:

Worse things could happen - keep being positive and optimistic - you have to... :hugs:

Katey x

[erica12b]

im trying to be positive, im just so frustrated , i did not think it would ever be eazy, lol just feeling old today cant take on the world like when i was a kid lol

[Kate Simmons]

The real skill is to just be yourself regardless of presentation Erica. :)

[Beverley Sims]

Erica,
You have your son that must be a plus, I am optimistic girls will come into your life, even in Grand Junction.
Yes I do know where it is. :)

[reb.femme]

Hi Erica,

Unscientific analysis at best here, but trying to find the right person online can be difficult insofar that I suspect few people as a percentage of the population, look for contact, love or whatever in this way. I suppose that compounds the problem for you, with the US being so large geographically, how to meet people without being online? A big conundrum.

I understand the frustration (for reasons I will not go into) but I suppose the GGs of any age and experience will have been through some form of relationship breakdown in their past and maybe are just looking for an uncomplicated scenario initially. However, it does seem that life conspires to kick us in the soft parts when we least need it.

Rebecca

[kimdl93]

My basic advice to others like us is get to know the person and let them get to know you....and be patient about it. No one should rush into a relationship, even if they have the unfounded fear that there won't be another chance. Let the relationship mature slowly, always putting your sons needs first. And if the bonds between you and the woman feel strong enough, then have the conversation. If you tell too early, she may miss the chance to know you as a whole person and focus on just the one thing. Save that till she knows and is clearly interested in a longer term relationship.

[erica12b]

Im not trying to bring others down(sorry if i do) , i think its like 1 (fully excepting) gg to every 1000 of us, and 1 (kind of excepting 20/80%) to like 200 of us but like over 25yr of age it all starts to get harder and the odds longer all of this is around people, large citys , take gj its po-dunk nothing here, nice place but not full of open minded single ladys its like bashing your head against wall looking for soft spots (just might not be in the wall)

Just woke up buming ,frustrated , sorry to vent on the forum , there is no fix , just keep on looking for that soft spot lol

[kimdl93]

Don't look. Let them come to you. There something to be said for acting like you're confident,,even if you're not.

[erica12b]

What do you do? To try an meet gg in your area?

[Secret Drawer]

I have had the unfortunate (or fortunate?) situation of moving from place to place on a few occasions, including new friends, jobs, everything! I always tried to get into a couple of groups such as local bicycling clubs that ride a couple nights a week, and joined a bowling league (mixed gender of course!). So if there are interests like this you may have, then that is a start. Another is if Grand Junction or close by has a college that you could take a couple of random courses... just a way to be more social and less isolated in your situation? Maybe even do something with your son, and get the double bonus!

[Anna H]

I do know better than to try to hand out advice. I do...
But it's sooooo so tempting at times.

I've lasted 25 years with my wife. Just fine and as Great as
it will get. Hard times and good times, we've stuck together.

The important thing was that there wasn't any pressure
from either one of us pressing for a relationship. We were
just friends that came together through a common interest
in crafts type work.

She came over unexpectedly one day when I was dressed up
and there was no time to undo being dressed up. So I had
no choice but let her in and take whatever came.

Being as there was no real relationship...(commitment), there
wasn't much chance of her being put off and scared away.
I was embarrassingly humorous about the whole thing and
it became a lot of fun that day.

We got so we played dress up together when she came over
regularly. Our personal fun together came to bond us closer
I guess.

In time...not a terribly long time...we just grew closer and became
more than just friends.

In my life there have always been a girl here & there who tried
to be friends with me. When either of us pushed for something
more than just friends, it usually went badly. Or, I had ideas
of finding someone 'better' and often overlooked what was right
in front of me.

If you can find a friend...a Real friend...and let it go naturally,
no pushing for commitment....then there's a chance it can
work similar to how it did with me.

I never had to hide or feel guilty or deceitful. I know how i
am and won't change long if I have to for any given person...
(i was married for 3 years before to someone who wasn't going
to tolerate even thinking of anything CD related. Doomed from
the start if i can never be 'me' again)

It's tough when one is dying for love, but if you can get an
honest "friend"....it has a better chance IMHO.

Being oneself is the hard part. Not putting on a show to gain
love/respect/etc. Just be your natural real self. If she goes,
another friend will come along sooner or later.

Lots of girls are interested in guys who'd never believe it.
They just like to take things really-really slowly sometimes.

I accidentally shared something deeply personal, so she trusted
me as much as i trusted her. 25 years later....all is Great!

Again, sorry for offering "advice"...but if you find anything
even remotely useful, it'll have been worth it.

Wish you the best...
♥ Kate

[BOBBI G.]

I have quite a few years lead on you, and after 38 years with my ex, I kind of enjoy the alone. Don't get me wrong, I would really like having someone around to talk with and just be good companions. But, I'm not searching. Fast approaching the senior, senior time of my life, finances are a prime consideration. I don't do bar scenes or any possible social venues. I am forced to have a part-time job. and the days I am not working, are filled with doctors and support groups, (gender and non- smoking type stuff).

If does get frustrating, but every day gets better than than previous. So I keep looking for the next day and am always pleasantly surprised and rewarded as a result.

This is not a lot of help, but these are my thoughts after digesting your post.

Bobbi

[erica12b]

Thank you all, i my try to find a group thing here (not much to choose from ) ,i have not been able to for the past 3 yr was working 2 jobs , my greates fear is meeting a gg hitting it off then finding she would not except anything about erica, then do i try and hide her so my male self has a companion (did that with my ex- not fun)


Any one good with facebook ? Can i find local single there?

[Tracii G]

Find a trans support group and get to know people, that in turn will put you in contact with people more likely be accepting of you.
I met a few nice GG's at our meetings and have come away with some solid accepting GG friends.
Let confidence in who you are shine thru and don't be pushy or needy.Act like if you go out fine and if you don't thats fine too.
Trying too hard sometimes works against you.

[docrobbysherry]

U r very lucky, Erica. On the dating sites, there r a zillion pretty women in their prime looking for men your age! Most r divorced and may have a kid at home. And, many r much more realistic as they look for a man the second time around!

As far as finding one that will accept u and Erica? No advice on that one! But, keep trying. Eventually, u could find just the rite woman!

[erica12b]

Have not done a dating site yet (holding out tell the end-its the guy in me) i did find that there is a trans group but there is not very much about there meetings or other info , i just heard about it one or two months ago, but have no other info (dont know where to look to be honest)

Im oldenuf to know not to be needy or to hopeful just take it as it comes , i do get frustrated some times thou ,so frusteted , sayla vee

[Stephanie Julianna]

Although I have been out of the dating game since Johnson was president I have been surrounded by younger relatives and co-workers and have learned something. Three of my nephews ( in their late 30's) all found their spouses on line. Supposedly 50% of all future relationships will have started on-line within the next few years according to a news item I just read today. May not be a bad way to get to know someone and even drop the bomb. I don't know. I have actually met a few women at CD events who just love the scene. They are out there. Maybe you need to be more active in CD activities where these GG's might be. Good luck. Finding a caring, accepting GG who actually wants to be involved with a guy's dressing is the Holy Grail of CD relationships and not to many of us have that. I'll say a prayer for a successful search,

[erica12b]

Thank you,


Holy grail , it is that , i have alwasys found it funny and frustrating that there are a lot of cd sites to meet girls ,but they are just cd 2 cd ,no gg `s

Ok you girls have me thinking overly hard here, how do i find out if any sisters are around me from this site the advanced search is mor for topic than location

My thinking is they might be in the trans group here in town , if any of you dont know there ar two citys in my area of the world denver and salt lake both are like 5hr away and major passes to get over with not very much along the way , (armpit of the states)

[Anna H]

For whatever it's worth...little actually...

I try to give a tiny clue that I'm a bit...er...unusual...
to anyone paying any attention to me. Some people
like 'oddballs'. I do!

If I act like a big tough guy and that's the initial impression
someone begins with, then it throws them off if I ever
do anything that's not 'tough'. So I used to wear a little
odd strip of leather around my wrist that wasn't quite
'girly', but clearly wasn't all that 'manly'. When anyone
asked, and anyone interested in me nearly always did...
i just told them I like weird things.

It helps to let someone know right off that I'm not all
that 'regular' of a guy to begin with. Weird T-shirts, ponytails
with pink elastic, strange little barely noticeable jewelry
things.

I'm mostly interested in others who also like the unusual,
so any tiny little clue that lets them know that I'm one of
them has always helped a bit.

It'd take a Special open minded woman to ever handle my
quirks, so it worked out for me. She knew right off that I
...um..."wasn't right"

I'll shut up now....
Kate :happy:

[erica12b]

Lol i do some things like that to ,

i did find a group (here- in town)that excepts me but they are into a heaver sexer fetish lifestyle my crossdressing is mild if you know what i mean.theggs are looking for more thrills than i can give .

[Anna H]

Yep, that's the sort of thing I do avoid. Leads nowhere.

Hobby groups, though...they usually have a passion. Learn to
sew...you'll be surrounded by women. Especially if you can
fix their machines.

;)

[Vanessa Rose]

Deceitful?

I posted on several dating sites with two profiles, one stating I was a cd and the other not. it was interesting, i got replies from women my age that could care less. That way I did not blow my cover to the local crowd if they would see my picture.

is this deceitful or not....I stopped because it did not sit right. by the way, I never contacted any of the women.

After reconsideration, i think it is fair...no one gets hurt, you can be your normal self and when you tell the person if they like you, you will know they are TG friendly.

Thoughts?

Vanny

[Anna H]

Go with the CD profile. If it took a little longer to find someone
who accepted that...isn't that the ideal thing?

--assuming you want a girl who likes CD gals?

[AmyGaleRT]

You should come out here for a visit, Erica. :) I'd be happy to have you at our Second Friday crossdressing meetup, and then over to the Black Crown afterward where there are always plenty of us to socialize with. Sadly, I don't know much of what the scene is like out on the Western Slope...

- Amy

[Alice Torn]

Erica. Sounds like the area i live in now. I have not had a date, since moving here, in 2010. Singles are very rare here, let alone dressers! I left this are, several times, because of being single in it, but was forced to leave the Seattle area, and return, to help my very much no fun father, who is 93, and seems to be reverse aging! If only i could have chosen my parents! Maybe something good will happen for you. A real relationship , with a real person, is more important than lots of dressing, to me.

[erica12b]

Getting to denver is almost a impossible , i work Tuesday thru sat tell between 5:30 to 6pm then the drive (unrealistic )

I did the cd side of my stuff and did ok on the myspace, but my facebook sucks ,lots of cd and tv friends but no gg`s

Something that pissed me off so much was all the (suppsed) strait guys that hit on me on myspace, are there any new or recomended sites anyone would recommend?

[erica12b]

this site has helped in a lot of ways ,but im missing the one on one talking and lol fighting , trying to understand each other ,eye to eye stuff

[AllieSF]

Erica,

I just Googled "Grand Junction, CO LGBT", and got a lot of results. Try it and you may find the local support that you need. Find a group that has regular meetings, contact them and go in male mode the first time. Be yourself, open and curious. You may be surprised at the results. Good luck.

PS: Google is such a wonderful tool!

PPS: Use the meetings as a networking source. Talk to everyone and see if you connect with any of them, meet their friends and keep at it. It takes work, tolerance and patience, and it does work for most.

[Jenn0714]

I just wanted to comment that when I first met my husband I was living in Wisconsin and he was living in southwest Georgia and we met online and I met the femme persona 1st. At first we chatted, then talked on the phone and things progressed from there. Not the perfect situation being so far apart but its a possibility.

Jennifer(GG)

[erica12b]

thank you for the rays of hope , lol

[erica12b]

AllieSF

i did the lgbt google did the nearest to you centers , bolder co new mexico and salt lake ut all are about 5 to 6 hr from hear , there is a bar in town has been two or three , and there is a group at the collage , (the collage kids don't wont a 48 yr old saying hi ) did not find a group here , but ill keep looking .