wife decided to purge my stuff so I bought new heels

[DeniseNJ]

well the title says it all. I know it can be hard for SO to deal with us crossdressers. It is not like I do it every day. Lately it has been far and few between. She knew where I kept my stuff and she threw out 7 pair of heels, some dresses, skirts and blouses and bras. She won't even tell me she threw them out. (I asked). Yes we had a big fight for her to do that. I stayed away from the house for like 3 days then she calls me and says (I know you need to dress like a woman and I don't give you the chance. You need to dress like a girl more lets get a divorce. ) I was like wow she is being civil, not the crazy out of control scorn woman. Guess what I am back in the house and things are calm. Good thing most of my good heels and other girly stuff I hid in the garage. So I wanted to feel better so I bought me some new heels. They have a 4" heel and are a dressy sandle she is away and Denise decided to play!!!

[Joan_CD]

So she wants a divorce even though you haven't been dressing lately?

[DeniseNJ]

I wish it was that simple . I know I am not perfect but either is she. It was a way for her to get back at me and get me to come home. It is rough splitting up after 25+ it would be a MESSY divorce years of stuff accumulated she would let the lawyers take it all so for NOW I will just deal with this life.. and see what the future brings...

[Vanessa Rose]

take this with a grain of sand...

my marriage was mostly supportive if not all. but when the power trip came up, I looked her right in the eyes and told her "if you don't like her, you certainly don't like me" and "I will not have it. you knew about this long before we got hitched and so enough... if that's what you want, lets go speak with the lawyer tomorrow if you need, but don't pull that card out ever again. it is mean and spiteful"...and it was never raised again.

And..i was married for many many many many many years.

Vanny

[Beverley Sims]

My wife did that to me "once" many years ago.
It never happened again.

We are still married.

[Vanessa Rose]

Denise,


For me, any partner that would throw out my things, regardless of what they are is a red flag. I am not spiteful, nor would I throw out objects but at a certain point, if the pattern repeated itself, a certain number of items may disappear for a period of time, then they would be back (poof). ]


I would not throw their stuff away ever. it is not fair fighting and not what a LOVING person does. so thus the red flag.
This approach may be offensive to some but so be it. I tried so hard to be amicable...


I wish the best for you. A relationships growth, maintenance and failure (if one is that unfortunate) is based on two people not one, but when actions begin to get hateful, spiteful and such, it is sad. It does not have to be that way.


You will find a path for you that works. In the mean time you have great shoes and what else could a girl ask for? Ok great purses! And then jewelery... Ok forgot dresses.. forget it . you are lucky! Enjoy when you can.


Vanny

[Eryn]

Marriage is a partnership built upon compromise, and partners do not deliver ultimatums to each other. If you have been making or receiving ultimatums you need to sit down with your partner and resolve the issue. If either partner insists "my way or the highway" then the highway is likely the better choice.

[Glenda58]

I did the same thing when the wife made me get rid of some of my things. I went out and bought some boots that I saw on a young lady that day and the best part they were on sale.

[FeliciaCDSNJ]

Cute heels, sorry to hear about that though. I like that pink polish you have as well. I don't what reaction I would have if my wife did that to me, I never throw anything of hers out so I would expect the same from her but then again she is trying her damnedest to understand what I'm going through internally. I hope everything works out for you. :)

[CarlaWestin]

I can only comment from my own experience. My ex played the excepting wife ruse just long enough to get me all dressed up with perfect makeup, to get a picture, as ammo for her divorce. I love that picture and I have been happily divorced from Satan for a long time.

[Stephanie47]

Even when it is not evident we may wear women's clothing with varying frequency women visualize their man all dolled up. I'm in a DADT marriage of forty plus years. My wife knows I cross dress, although she has no idea to the extent of my cross dressing time or my wardrobe. It's strictly DADT so, if I make a purchase she does not know. It has worked well because I do not flaunt cross dressing in front of her. I know she hold the trump card or the 'nuclear bomb,' if she chooses to lob it. We went through "the talk" decades ago. Once she told me that if we ever got a divorce she would destroy me with the cross dressing card. It seemed a little weird at the time because there was no demand for me to stop cross dressing. A couple of hours later she did retract her statement and told me she would never disclose "our" secret. Over time a threat loses its punch.

The only suggestion I have for your situation is to sit down like civil adults and discuss the issues. Her; what is bothering her after 25 years. You; what are your needs and expectations. It could be there are some boundaries that may have been breached. Time to renegotiate? It was dead wrong of her to toss your stuff. I don't care if it was heels and dresses or fishing tackle.

[Kristy 56]

I can't even begin to imagine what you're both going through,but I hope it turns out well for both of you.

[Abigail Flame]

Carla,

That's the funniest and saddest story I've ever heard. Good for you for keeping that photo. It's equally lovely and doom-laden at the same time. Big hugs!

Abby