Speed of pressure

[GabbiSophia]

After committing that I have to take steps to ease the pressure during high times of GD, I have found that the period of time for less GD seems to be getting less and the amount of time needed to ease the pressure is growing longer. I am sure this is another step in the fun world of GD but it is rather disheartening due to the fact that is solidifies that the GD is real and that the future is somewhat written. I get to see less and less of the old me and now it is more of a question mark as my own reflection haunts me. I am not one to ever give up but I could see where the path of least resistance is a much less painful path on my psyche. Now I am not talking about a physical check out I mean a mental one that allows total submersion to alleviate the GD. I am trying to walk the line, although I admit it's thin, to live in both worlds but the more my toes dip in the female world the more my mind lets the GD build.

Seems the more steps I take to alleviate the more it changes and the faster the pressure builds... I guess it's time to find the next thing I need to due to get some thing of time between the "high" moments. It sucks rather bad that pressure on the whole chest that makes it seem that someone is squeezing you. That when combined with the thoughts is a ton to bare..sheesh.. I do get a break while rather busy but one can not stay so busy all the time and when I slow down that is the door way.

I am seriously contemplating starting laser as other have said and I agree that it really doesn't effect my male world. I am just curious as to how fat or how much GD does it alleviate. Also at what point does this all become a bad dream and you wake up?? ( I already know the answer)

[stefan37]

How it effects you or to what degree is an individual thing. You may find removing your facial hair does the trick. Yes living in the middle is a difficult thing. Although I believe I may be able to live in the middle it is a path I do not want to pursue. Suppose I am able to live in the middle, at what point does the gd take over again and I have to proceed further. I am taking the steps to live in one gender and endure whatever pain I encounter at this time.

I honestly believe the introduction of estrogen into your system combined with the suppression of testosterone will greatly relieve the GD and slow the train down considerably. But that is a path you have to commit to on your own. There are major ramifications to going down that road. That is why you need to explore other options to see if you are able to find a balance to allow you to live your life in peace.

Once I introduced estrogen into my system, My anxiety went from a +10 to 0 in three days. I no longer had that urge to crossdress and i no longer felt I was on a runaway train. The physical effects of hormones have been lackluster for the most part, however the mental effects have been very dramatic. This has been my experience. Everytime I come to a fork in the road and I take the road towards transition it just feels right to me.

You have the knowledge and information to make the best possible decision for you. It is not an easy one and there will many WTF moments.

It is not a bad dream. Transition for me has been the most positive thing I could ever do for myself. My business is thriving for and we grossed a mil for the first time in 30 years. That would never have been possible had I not started transition. It certainly is not all roses and cream. My marriage is dissolving and at some point we will be divorced. Overall my experience has been positive and I have been well accepted and respected.
That said this experience does have its surreal moments and I marvel where I am and how I got here. Living as an authentic person is just an incredible uplifting experience.

[Angela Campbell]

I have to agree. The mental effects were like turning on a switch. Night and day very quickly. On the other hand I did get reasonable physical effects. You never know.

I have noticed that I have slowed down. At work for instance I would get in do the job and run to the next job, walking as fast as I could trying to speed things up. Running to get to ....nowhere. I don't do that anymore. I take my time and notice the little things. I am not in a hurry anymore to go "nowhere". I notice smaller details and enjoy what I am doing. I smile.

I am less aggressive, I don't get all angry at the other drivers, or other things I cannot control. I actually have moods now. I cry easily but I come out of it quickly too. Anxiety seems to be so much less.

[GabbiSophia]

wow congrads on the mill ... My business is not that big yet.. yet.. LOL.. running toward transition is not what I want to do I care not about living a life that my brain may want .. I want what I want .. yes coming to terms with stuff is inevitable but who says I can't do it in 30 years vs tomorrow. Like you said this is my decision and I am trying my best to live out how I want. I rather like my life now and came to my own terms 8 years ago and just stopped with the past. One thing about all this, it will learn you about not only yourself but also your resolve. I am not sure that I will be happy about transitioning. I just can't put my heart behind it because it is not what I want. How is it that your suppose to get into it and enjoy it? That is a huge deal to me

[Angela Campbell]

I enjoy it because it is all I have wanted since I was very little. I never had any doubt whatsoever. I just had fear.


I think a good question is....why do you not want to?

Is it fear of loss? Fear of some other kind? Is it because you do not want to be a woman?

If it is fear of any kind, ask yourself would you do it if whatever you fear was not an issue?

[GabbiSophia]

if fear was not an option then as a whole we would do lots of things.. its fear that allows me to make a choice .. maybe a wise one .. also it is not all fear holding me back. The loss of what I want, which is a reality, is an issue for me. Also I don't care what I am a dog, a cat, a purple yellow polka dotted zebra I just want to do the things I want and this is a hindrance to them because of the time and money along with my energy. I am trying to do my best and also not make fool hearty decisions or rushed decisions that would hurt me in the future. Even if I were to transition I would still need money and I am pretty sure my jobs would not survive.

[Angela Campbell]

That response tells me it is all about fear. That is the single largest obstacle we face.

In this stage the fear allows us to make excuses (what we rationalize as reasons) as to why we cannot move forward or make a decision. Yes fear can help us avoid some foolish decisions but it can also paralyze us into not making any decision.

The reason I asked the questions I did was because I first had to understand what my real motivations were. They were based on fear, which is a large part of what can make GD so miserable. Once I realized and recognized this fear, I had to look at how to move past them.

Yes when someone transitions there is loss. There are a lot of hard things to go through. It is a lot easier to look at those hard things and the possible losses and find a way to minimize them rather than to fear them.

I am not saying someone should just go full speed ahead and take whatever losses they may. In fact it may be the best decision not to transition. But realizing the fear and dealing with that does help some. It comes down to how much GD you are willing to live with in order to avoid those losses.

YMMV