My time as an Accidental Wife

[ChristineNYC]

Out of respect for my friend, I've removed this original post. He's a very good friend, and I'll always be there for him, no matter what he needs. Thank you, each and every one, for your words which have helped steer me during a difficult time. Thank you so much!

[Beverley Sims]

Christine,
Just being good company for him probably makes him happy.
I would follow my heart if I was in your situation.
Even if you are there only to listen, there is no guilt in that.

[Lorileah]

I can only say one thing...you live but once, you need to be happy while you are living. If being together makes you happy, then that is how it should be. This story sounds a lot like the movie Love Story. Which will bother you more, saying I am glad I had this time with him, it made us both happy? Or saying, "I wish I had lived that part of my life, I wonder what would have happened?" I would take the do it one, then I would be sad when I lost him but have memories of how we had time together that could never be replaced.

Trust me it sucks big time to watch someone fade away, I have been there. But now I can remember the fun times. I find myself recently doing just that. I will be driving and pass a place we went to and the memory will make me smile. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Walling off your heart isn't the answer.

[Annaliese]

Beautiful story, about two beautiful people.

[mikiSJ]

Ditto everything above.

You should feel privileged for him to want to spend his last moments with you.

I really can't blow off my career for a dream that may very well last only a couple of months.
Why not! You'll have a chance to rebuild your career, but if you don't leave for Wyoming, you'll have lost that chance forever!

[Bria]

Christine, what a wonderful story of a loving relationship, even if it is very different from any I've heard before. You are providing comfort to someone that very much needs to be comforted. I totally understand your reluctance to get too close given the losses that you have suffered in the recent past. I don't consider myself to be really emotional, but I lost both of my parents about 8-9 years ago and it still is tough. I alIso understand that you need to look after yourself. If you are not on an even keel you can't provide emotional support for friends or a SO. I hope all turns out well for you and your friend, I will keep both of you in my prayers.

Hugs Bria

[Caden Lane]

You could always take a leave of absence or hiatus from work. But as was said, you only live one life. Perhaps if you've found happiness, you should hang onto it. But from your account, you are emotionally invested. So go all in, the regrets will hurt worse than the memories you make and enjoy.

[Dana_Drake]

Christine, I have a lump in my throat. In spite of the cruel hand he's been dealt, he's a very lucky man to have you in his life. I try not to give advice. Follow your heart. It knows exactly what you should do. Never mind the background noise.

[AllieSF]

I can only echo Lorileah's and Miki's comments. You only live once, today is the first day of the rest of your life, carpe diem, and so on. One thing that may help you decide is to ask your employer, if you have one, about taking a short sabbatical to help out a dying friend. Maybe you can take that plunge, live that life, share with him what you have so elegantly and clearly shared with us about your feelings and hesitance about joining him. Be honest and open. As always, only you can decide. We can only give you some things to think about. Good luck.

[stacycoral]

Wow girl, I am really to cry, lady you are doing some much good for him, but I understand you must protect the heart, I will be thinking of you, thank you for telling your story, I can only wish you the best girl, many hugs, also your pictures are very beautiful!!!

[ColleenA]

I won't apologize for my skeptical nature, and I must put in my two cents worth ...

The key to me seems to be the final words - "I don't really know how this story will end."

Christine, there are other sites far more appropriate for what you've put up here.

[kelly10]

These are tough moments when we have to choose between our own self interest and protection and our desire to follow what our heart tells us and yet still protect ourselves. I have done it both ways, ie made both types of choices, as have most of us who have been around any length of time. My most durable and best results have been when following my heart even if that meant foregoing a layer of self protection. One of the most difficult decisions for me, one that left me totally vulnerable and unprotected, was telling my SO of my CDing 35 years ago. If you knew how self protected I was, this was totally out of character for me. My theme song at the time was Simon and Garfunkel's 'I am a rock, I am an island, and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.' (Sniff sniff LOL) Best thing I ever did was muster up the courage to tell her. Still together 35 years later, 3 kids and 1 grand kid today. No regrets.
Your heart may be devastated again but look what you will have sacrificed to protect yourself. Only you know how much you can bear but I vote for your heart. Being a 'rock' is safer but lonely.
Hopefully you can get a leave of absence so the choice is not so stark and irreversible.

[MsVal]

While it is easy to see this as a lose-lose situation where you choose between losing your love or your career, I see other, potentially better choces.
What does he intend to do with the ranch and other assets when he is too ill to manage his affairs? He must have given that quite a bit of thought and perhaps shared those thoughts with you. If those plans are pulled ahead, he will have the freedom and possibly money to live with you, near your work. If that must be in the city, he will have faster access to better medical care, and more support options.

If you choose to be with him until the end, and he has family members, you are certain to face significant hardship.

[Alice B]

It's a beautiful story, in many ways a happy story and yet a sad story. A Hugh amount of emotion that most of us can't truly or fully relate to. Your heart must be your guide and where it takes you is only your decision. But, I wish both of you the best and some love from me.

[Morgan Matthews]

Christine, thanks for sharing your story. I wish both of you the best of luck.

[Lorileah]

I won't apologize for my skeptical nature, and I must put in my two cents worth ...

The key to me seems to be the final words - "I don't really know how this story will end."

Christine, there are other sites far more appropriate for what you've put up here.



Rude. You can be skeptical but the last line is rude. And you can't prove it.

[DonnaT]

As it is, this has been, and will be, difficult for me on an emotional level, and I just don't think I can handle taking this anywhere further than where it is.
At this point, I don't believe the emotions you are apparently trying to avoid, when the tumor completes its work, can really be, or even will be avoidable. Regardless of whether you keep the relationship as is, or take it further.

Thus, if you want to take it further, don't let the emotions you are apparently trying to avoid stop you.

As for moving to Wyoming, I'd suggest not going there. Too mush more to lose.

[Ceri Anne]

This is a beautiful story and I can see how you are torn about what to do. This can only be resolved with a hear to heart for both of you. You have to look out for your future, and not having a job if he dies down the road, can be difficult. A lot depends on his condition and how treatment is expected to go. I have a friend who had brain cancer and it can be treated depending on the circumstances. If there is promise of long term probability, then it makes sense to follow your heart. If not, then spend what time you can, but don't give up your career.

[Jeannie]

I am about to start crying and I don't cry as a rule. I so hope this turns out good for both of you. I think just being there for him means more to him than anything else in the world. Good luck Christine. Hugs!

[Hell on Heels]

Christine my emotions were, and still are spinning in circles reading your post. I have no advice to offer, wouldn't know where to start. I just hope you figure out what is best for you, and realize whatever you choose is the right choice if it makes you happy. Best wishes.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[PaulaQ]

Honey, true love in this world is a rare enough thing that I think it's a mistake to turn it down. I know his brain tumor is frightening, but the truth is, none of us know how much time we have in this world. In this case - you have a hint the time may be limited - but the truth is he could die in an automobile accident tomorrow.

I'd seriously consider going to this man. What you two have shared sounds like real intimacy to me. Sex is great, but it isn't the be-all end-all that it's made out to be, and you may find ways to enjoy that aspect of your life together as well. I guess I'm just saying that you shouldn't let a plumbing issue get in the way of love.

I sincerely wish you both the best, and hope that medical science hits a home run for him.

[Jordan]

Very touching story I hope all works out in the end for you two

[RADER]

Christine;
You are the real hero here, this is a very touching story, I was crying while reading it.
Just the fact that you met and cared for this lovely person like as you said, a pretend wife,
show that you are the special person.
I have a relative that has a terminal illness, just how long he has we do not know,
It could be a year or less. It is hard to talk with him as his speech is now affected.
What is worst is knowing that he will be gone soon, and nothing can stop that.
All we or you can do is to make their final days happy ones.
Rader

[ChristineNYC]

Thank you all, for your very kind words, I've read each and every post, and your words have been a comfort during a very trying time. I guess that I just needed to 'unload' or vent, and I thank you for giving me the opportunity. Thanks so much!

[Lorileah]

with the price of cattle, the amount of work involved and his illness...I would really push for him to give up Wyoming. However, being in Colorado I know I would be very hesitant to move to NY or LA or somewhere else.

It sounds like you are heavily invested as of now, you have to make your decision. I wish you the best

[ChrisP]

When you each can afford it, fly out and visit the other (or even meet somewhere inbetween). As you have more time to spend together you'll know what's right.
It's a young relationship, and both of you will be more informed about it the more time you spend together.

I hope you both find happiness; you both deserve it.

[Katey888]

Christine, that is both heart-rending and so sweet that the two of you have found a relationship that just seems... without wishing to over-dramatise... just seems such pure affection, friendship and love.

We do not take anything forward with us but our experiences - we do not leave anything behind us other than what we have done for others... Your career will have helped others, I'm sure, but actually I think you should be thinking of what will make you happy first and foremost. In the past year I've had to completely give up a fairly reasonable executive career in order to care for my wife who has become disabled over several years, but in the past 18 months is pretty much totally dependent on me.

Would I love to have her back to full health again? Of course...

If she were, would I go back to my career? Forget it! I'd give anything to spend more time with her healthy, but that isn't likely to happen.

Follow your heart. It strikes me that you are more than capable of supporting the direction your heart really wants to go.

All my thoughts and wishes for you - Katey x