Stuck in a CD rut

[TinaMc]

Haven't posted anything for absolutely ages! I just feel like I'm stuck in a bit of a CDing rut at the moment. I have a lot going on - two year old toddler and a 3 month old baby keeping me and my wife on our toes. At the same time my work is super busy. I'm studying as well so don't have much time after work for much.
In terms of CDing, well in the last two years I've probably got dressed up four times. I've bought loads of clothes and jewellery and make up though and just never get a chance to wear it. I feel a bit like I'm in a pink fog in ways, but I can't do much about it, other than buy a few things.
I spoke to my wife, she doesn't have a problem with me dressing. Thing is, I just can't schedule it in. Well, maybe I can, I just need to be OK with the idea of not having to go the whole hog and maybe just not take nearly an hour to get ready, bring it down to something a bit more reasonable...
But yeah, I find it hard to kind of put myself forward in this situation. My wife is breastfeeding the little one, and she doesn't get a lot of sleep. So I do as much as I can to help out, it feels a bit self indulgent I guess to dress up and spend all that time doing so.
I've been trying to kind of improve how I see myself and my CDing too as a sort of ongoing project, by trying to force myself into situations where I need to face it a bit head on, mainly shopping, but eventually moving on to other things. It's not going that well, I'm really a massive wimp. To be fair, it has improved, I can go into the ladies clothes section without having palpitations. Oh well, baby steps. I'll keep trying. I do have the worst paranoia though, someone gives me a funny look and I'm outta there, and then after bailing I somehow convince myself that security has followed me and are watching through the windows. I'm trying to cultivate an attitude of "I care not what anyone else thinks" but it's easier in theory than in practice. I just need to bite the bullet... But the worst thing is I end up loitering around like the weirdo I'm trying my hardest not to be. It's annoying, considering dropping the whole thing and going back to online shopping ;).
I also think I would benefit hugely from a support group, there is one local (Manchester Concord? Northern Concord? one of the two). But again, I can't find time at the moment, and it feels self indulgent again so I've not really bothered pursuing that in terms of discussion with my wife, getting her to give it the OK which I'm sure she will.
Well anyway, just venting my frustrations. I'm sure it will ease up eventually and I'll get some Tina time...:daydreaming:

[Stephanie47]

I use to sleep in a nightgown before our first born came along. My wife asked me to revert to my guy PJ's. I did not get any meaningful time for Stephanie until the second born was in first grade-ugh!

[Princess29]

I'm trying to face up to this myself, Tina. Despite going out many times, I still haven't reached a peace within myself over it. I can try and suppress it and think of other things that I once enjoyed but now don't miss at all. I have the capacity to go cold turkey on things and never do them again. I just don't know if that is what we need to do with crossdressing. Its something we enjoy but it seems to cause more negative feelings than positive within us

[Marcelle]

Hi Tina,

Hang in there sweetie. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and perhaps "boy" you is more needed right now than "girl" you. However, I have no doubt you will find balance once things settle a bit.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

For both your wife's well being and yours, invest in an electric breast pump. She can express milk at more convenient intervals and freeze an ample supply for your little one.

[Tina B.]

Hang in there girl, the kids will be sleeping all night before long, and nursing doesn't last for ever. But in the mean time you have to do what you can to keep it all together.
I've learned to go from having to have the whole day, down to grabbing a couple of hours in the early morning before the world comes alive. I've given up make up, no time to get it off in the morning, and some days just a pair of leggings while I have my morning tea, before I get "dressed" for the day.
Just try to squeeze in enough to hold you for the time being, and enjoy those babies while you can, thrust a senior citizen when say it doesn't last long, not long enough.
Just think, you can mother those babies yourself in a lot of ways, even if you can't wear the dress.lol

[Vanessa Rose]

Tina,

Every person except the one that argues with me on this post(wink) has fuddled and been unsure... how are we supposed to be sure. We are guys dressing as women. My suggestion, you have a lot going on...and some great comments are
1) breast pump
2) may be conflicted because parenting changes an all. parenting is biologically hard wired in so many crazy ways... you may be experiencing so many things due to this.
3) if you want to go shopping...and are nervous...call the shop, say you are transgendered and would like to come in this afternoon, would they be there tohelp give advice and set up a private dressing room for you.

When I am a man shopping, and engaged the staff, many fears left. I can't explain... so maybe their help will provide some more support for you..

Lord I am a mess girl about all this and struggle like you however, I will go out shopping for clothes in the next two weeks if it kills me. After these two weeks, I am planning in another two to go out shopping again dressed with my partner. I will do what I said for you to do because it makes me feel organized...prepared and honest about what I am doing. I am not a freak...damn it, I am ok....so, I will do it, it will be ok and I am determined to feel ok with what I am doing moving towards fabulous...

God Speed... and congratulations on your new bundle. Babies are proof that miracles exist.

Vanny

[TinaMc]

Thanks for the responses! In terms of breastfeeding, well to be honest my wife loves it, keeps her close to baby etc. She's on maternity leave for a while longer, so it's OK, she can miss out on a sleep here and there. Baby 2 is pretty good sleep-wise for the most part. But I have upped my game big time and do loads to help out anyway. I'm happy doing that, it's not an issue. Just kind of all the things I'm doing mean something has had to go, and to be fair there have been quite a few things that have had to go! At the same time, it's not like my wife is living the good life while I flap around her, she's exactly the same, which I guess is why it feels self indulgent to think about putting my needs/wants first.

Same time, I don't want my CDing thing getting in the way of family stuff at all, so that's another thought that kind of halts me in my steps... Well, I remember with baby 1 that it eventually eased up sort of, so I'll be patient, maybe just do a bit more dress-down dressing up.

The shopping thing, it's just frustrating and can feel a bit counterproductive. I think Vanessa's suggestion of calling ahead is probably a good one, I had thought of that as well. Kind of commit myself fully to it rather than wander around giving myself an easy way out... To be fair, I have progressed a lot in that regard, I absolutely could not in the past do some of the things I do now. Maybe I should just accept that it's small steps and that I am progressing, and that there will probably always be an element of feeling a bit out of place... I'd just like to feel a bit more self acceptance about it, and I don't when it feels like I'm doing something shady...

[(Sara)]

I shop in Manchester plenty, my advice is shop when it is busiest. Yes, sounds counter productive but for me it helps me blend in since I always shop in guy mode. I do get a bit red faced if I need to get a new bra or something in the underwear department, because young girls are everywhere and they spot everything! But really, its self-acceptance that is the main issue. I never used to be able to shop for clothes, without terrible fear and wandering around the place looking like a deviant, but since I started accepting that I am who I am and I ain't no deviant, its been so much easier.

Good luck, and see you around! ;)

[Beverley Sims]

Tina,
I have already preached my sermon for today.
"When you have another greater interest in your life, dressing does take a holiday."
With two young ones, enjoy them for now and when you get time and come back to dressing, it will all be new again. :)

[Katey888]

Yeah, what Bev said... :)

A lot of us have been through that - there are responsibilities in life that sometimes override what we want to do and those important things have to come first.

Enjoy your family and your studies - your Tina time will come again... :D

Katey x

[TinaMc]

That's just the reality check I needed, I think. Will wait until I have time rather than stupidly force it. Thankyou :)

[reb.femme]

For both your wife's well being and yours, invest in an electric breast pump. She can express milk at more convenient intervals and freeze an ample supply for your little one.

And in typically British fashion, if you ever run short of milk for tea.........er maybe not!

Hi Tina,

Sounds like you have a heavy life schedule at this moment in time, it's no wonder you can't / don't think about dressing. Sometimes, nature takes over and as Vanessa Rose said, we are biologically hardwired to be parental, so let time and nature take its course.

Oh, and the breast milk in tea is a definite non-starter in this girl's PG, I can tell you!

Rebecca

[windycissy]

To quote Ecclesiastes (and Pete Seeger) "to everything there is a season" and though it may be hard on you, your responsibilities right now are to your wife and children. As my mother used to say (in an entirely different context) "Don't wish your life away" - these precious days will go by before you know it, and there will be plenty of time after the kids are into their own interests for your inner woman to reassert herself