Neither, yet both?

[LenGray]

Let me explain. I'm a female who enjoys dressing as a man on occasion.

And yet, I don't feel like a man, per se. I'm still me, still female but now I can 'be a man'. I can go around other men without them viewing me as a sex object or their girlfriends viewing me as competition. I can be all the things that being a male entails for me: Confident, headstrong, and aggressive among other things.

When I'm dressed as a female, I don't feel like a female. I still watch lame movies, make perverted jokes, and generally act manly. When I wear dresses, skirts, etc however, I'm able to 'be a woman' and all the characteristics that THAT entails such as nurturing, peacemaker, and submissive among other things.

So, the main question that keeps popping into my head concerning this whole gender business is: I don't feel like any particular gender at any particular time unless I make a concentrated effort to 'act' like that gender. So then, what do I do? What am I?

The main time that this is obvious is in relationships. In a relationship with a man, I'm very submissive and 'womanly' whereas in a relationship with a woman I'm very much in-charge and 'manly'. I act that way regardless of whether I'm dressed as a man or a woman but it takes that costume change for me to truly feel comfortable acting either way.

I've heard various terms such as bi-gender and gender fluid but I don't know if these apply to me. I'd love to hear peoples' thoughts on this and apologize for the long post :)

[Rachael Leigh]

Len I think I understand, there are times I feel the same, like what am I but eventually I do know I'm a man who just expresses a female side. It doesn't change that I'm male just means I can express myself differently

[LenGray]

Yeah :) I had one person tell me that it might help if I asked myself whether I'd want to be reborn as a male or female and I said male so quick that they looked at me weird lol But it's rather odd that I don't particularly feel like I'm one or the other...I'm hoping that as I continue to explore my masculine side more that this will eventually be answered.

[ShadowWarryor]

I've felt like that many times. Heck I've felt that way for as long as I could remember. I would feel very womanly and act like a girl in relationships with men, and a act a man with the girls. Only problem with me is regardless if I act female or male, guys seem to always be interested in me. I've had times where I would go over to their house thinking we would just chill and hang and okay video games like normal guys would. But, every time I would fail to remember I was in a girl body and they would advance on me. I don't do that shit like caught off guard and let it happen. I stop it right then and there, get pissed, and leave. That's probably just me tho. I don't exactly see why we must label ourselves under these labels when we could just be people, humans. Yet seems that's impossible when society goes out and calls you Ma'am, or Ms. Sometimes I feel I have two sides within me that fight. But the girl side never lasts that long, ever. It's like I had a random girly moment from hormones in my body or something, which does happen.
I've felt like neither sex, just an individual. But I too would be the one to quickly say I would want to be reborn a boy rather than a chick. But I noticed I felt like neither sex because I didn't want to go any father to my deeper feelings I felt. The deeper I want the more masculine I felt and the more I saw myself as a boy. I've always been the different one. Always. But it never occurred to me as to why I was different. It's very interesting though I must say XP Just be yourself, no gender roles or society labels, just be your individual self

Not sure if I helped any, but just remember you're not alone ^_^ there are always people around to help, for the most part lol

[RoryKitrick]

Have you heard the term 'agender' before? It's different from gender fluidity in the sense that, like you described, you don't really feel like either a man or a woman, whereas with gender fluidity, I believe you just switch between feeling more like a male or female depending on the day.

I'm not really sure which label I fit under, myself.

[Kate Simmons]

All of us have all of those characteristics and are capable of using them. We have learned to "act" a certain way by society in fulfilling any given role but as you say I can fulfill either role at any given time according to what I choose to do. We have a unique perspective on the human condition because of who we are and making that work for us is an acquired skill. Personally, I've found that just always being myself, appearance notwithstanding, works the best for me. Enjoy being yourself my friend. It can be an great adventure.:)

[LenGray]

Thank you all for the replies, everyone! It helps a lot to know that it's not just me! :)

Rory, I've heard the term agender before, but I don't really feel as though it applies to me since I want to be a male and female at the same time. It's not that I don't identify with a gender, it's that I find the labels of female and male too stifling and switch between them. In that way, I sound a bit more genderfluid, though I'm not sure that that's the term I'm looking for either...

Kate and Shadow, I know that I'm so new to this whole cross dressing thing that I probably should just explore it first instead of labeling myself but this was something that had been bothering me for a while. I've just got out of a relationship with a man who had been very determined that I be 'girly' and I was, even though I felt intensely frustrated about not being able to be 'manly'. Whether I'm dating a man or woman, this seems to happen a lot and it stresses me out immensely. I've decided that I don't want to be in that kind of 'all or nothing' type of relationship anymore. I want to explore who I am, whether that's as a boy or a girl or both, and make the right decision for me. All in all, though I think you are both right. I should just be me, wherever that leads :)

[ReineD]

Let me start by saying that I am not FtM. I am a hetero genetic female who fully identifies as a female. But I'd like to tell you how I feel so that you can compare, if this might be useful.

Like you, I have many preferences and personality traits that a lot of people might consider are stereotypically male. I'm not a girly girl most of the time (although I do enjoy being hot occasionally :)). In fact, I become impatient with the frou-frouness of stereotypical girly girls. lol. My left and right brains are equally dominant which means that I do well with spacial reasoning and logic. I am competitive. I love good war movies and mysteries and I also am quite good with tools and home remodeling projects. There is nothing that I feel I cannot do just because I am female. On the other hand, I have a great deal of empathy for others and am a caring and nurturing individual. I do cry easily (although privately) when I encounter something that is sad and I am not ashamed of my tears. I have and have had many friends, both male and female with whom I have bonded, in other words some guys have been able to see me as a friend rather than a sexual opportunity. :p When I look at people, their gender is not the first thing that jumps up at me. I tend to think of the people that I know as the conglomerate of their individual personality traits. I also feel that some women have a more masculine energy than other women, and some men have a more feminine energy than other men.

But despite all of this, I do solidly identify as a female and this is because I have a connection to my biological self. I feel comfortable with my body and I love what it can do, which is to bear children and nurse them. I'm perfectly OK with not having the muscle mass that men have. I'm older now but I was quite sad when I passed menopause and a new biological chapter opened in my life.

So if you have questions about your gender, you might want to ask yourself how you connect to your body and what it can do? If you do or do not feel comfortable in your physical self, then perhaps this will give you some answers?