strange thoughts

[rah]

i m not a regular cd i rarely do it and its been a very long time since i did it, but now a very strong urge which im finding hard to control wanting to crossdress, but the much bigger problem are the gay fantasies im having. i'm straight and i don't even consider my self to be bisexual. watching gay videos and these fantasies give strange sensation. i really want these thought to go away but idk how

[Katey888]

Rah,
I can understand the urge to CD - I definitely have that as I count days to the weekend...! Nothing unusual there (from our perspective..:))

Gay fantasies I don't feel qualified to comment on - it may just be a phase of curiosity you're passing through. Might be associated with the urge to CD if you also haven't indulged for a while...?

If the sensations are too disturbing you might want to find a professional you could speak to?

Not much help - sorry... :hugs:

Katey x

[kelly10]

Rah, try to accept your reality as it is. Knowing yourself comes first and that means allowing yourself to simply be aware of everything about yourself. It's not a battle unless you turn it into one by denying your awareness. Reality will not be denied. Work more on simply being aware of what you feel first.Then as Katey says, if you simply find your feelings and thoughts too disturbing and you find yourself unable to just observe your feelings and thoughts without acceptance of where you are right now, then speaking with a specialist in gender dysphoria may help you with some of your fears.

[Jenniferathome]

...watching gay videos ...

but you are straight? i don't think so.

[Beverley Sims]

Rah,
Just try and occupy your mind on something else more erotic.
This is a natural feeling a lot of people get from time to time.
It should go away after a while.

[darla_g]

Rah,

just because you watch a video of two guys getting it on or two girls, or whatever and find that stimulating that is normal. I think everyone can find a bit of eroticism in human sexuality of all forms. The real question comes down to whether you would ever act on those feelings (would you ever really want to be in the place of the things that you see?). You seem very tortured by your thoughts but i would say much of that is the innate conditioning that comes from society. Porn or erotica whichever you prefer to call it is very available in most of the US today and certainly on the Internet, but you have to assume this is something they are very comfortable with -or- they are getting paid to do what they are doing.

[ttacitus]

I would say don't be afraid of learning more about yourself. Just watching a video or having a fantasy doesn't make you gay or straight. I think keeping things pent up will only make you obsess more about it. For me anyways it seems when I don't dress up for a long time is when it starts taking over my thoughts. Moderation is good, keeps things in balance.

[kimdl93]

The real answer is that most young heterosexual men, and many older ones, sometimes indulge in homosexual fantasies. It's quite common and oddly, has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

[Alice Torn]

I wpould say stop watching sex videos. They can have powerful negative influences on anyone. I wish the things were never invented. They have had very bad effects on relationships and marriages. I would stay away from those videos. I consider myself straight, but when dressed as a beautiful clsssy lady, i do often have desires to be with a gentleman, treated like a lady, but not going all the way.

[Vanessa Rose]

I wonder,


under the perfect circumstances, with no risk of disease, no guilt, no risk of getting caught, etc. etc.. if all of a sudden, the lines of where most people who say they would never do this or that with a man or a woman, would disappear. I believe they would.


Additionally, fantasy is fantasy and reality is reality. I would beg to differ that watching a gay video means you are gay or that you would actually do the act you watch. I see sexuality as beautiful regardless of genre, gender or act. If you like it, and you are not hurting someone, fine.


You are experiencing new feelings. These are based on many factors. Perhaps, if you are feeling poorly about this, see a counselor. Contact any number of your local area gender support groups and POOF, you will be put in touch with some great resources.


Welcome, and don't be a stranger. You are not alone regarding your feelings, wonders and or questions.


Vanny

[Rachelakld]

If your single, I recommend visiting a gay spa.
Some here are really nice (with pool, gym, sauna, spa etc), some are scary.
then decide if you want to play or not.

If your in a relationship, fantasies are normal, take up more sports / hobbies

[DivineMissAmber]

There's nothing wrong with exploring your feelings, thoughts, and emotions. (Acting on them? Well, that may be different. It would depend on your situation and what you plan on doing.) Anyway, I'm with Kelly on this. It is about self-awareness and understanding.
We all fall somewhere on the Kinsey scale. It's not a bad thing if you don't identify as strictly heterosexual. To me, it just means that you're a little more complex than someone who does. It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, asexual, or bisexual. What matters is that this is your life. You can live it however you choose, so long as you're not hurting anyone.

[Anna H]

There are tons of places to get to know gay/bi people in real
life and see them as real people....not some imaginary thing
to be avoided at all costs.

If I were to go out dressed, the first place I'd go would be to
a gay bar. I think I'd be 100x more scared in a straight bar.

Fantasies are just fantasy, but if you worry or wonder about
whatever your 'real' orientation may be, the best way to
put it to rest is associating with real people. You'd know in
a short time if it was real feelings or just a fantasy thing.

I Love gay people. They're very friendly and more accepting
than the general population...who i never know what will do
next...

They don't care if you're straight...and they don't bite.
They don't try to force any change on anyone...or pressure
them. If they know someone is straight, they're fine with it
and I've always ended up with long time friends that I trust
and care about.

No big deal if it turned out that someone actually were gay,
bi or whatever. It'd be a step toward getting on with life
and one more thing finally resolved. But the point is...hang out
with them and you'll surely have a Very good time. Sex or
no sex....they're Great, fun, caring, real people regardless.

[Deedee Skyblue]

You don't need to answer this online, but something to consider - there are some medications that 'disinhibit' some people. You feel urges more strongly, and the will to 'honor' your inhibitions is less strong. They don't turn someone into a crossdresser. but they may help you feel better about your existing urge to dress - and make it harder to resist the urge.

If you just recently started taking a new med, or changed your med levels, that is something you might consider.

I'm not a doctor, I found this information via google, look up "wellbutrin crossdressing"

Deedee

[Marcelle]

Rah . . . I read from your profile you are quite young (well to me you are anyway). I will venture a guess that parts of your sexuality are just beginning to be explored as you find yourself dabbling in CDing again. This is not to say you are gay or you are not, it is your psyche examining aspects you find intriguing and interesting. There is a lot of good advice here, if this is not doing you emotional harm, then explore these feelings a bit more and you may find they dissipate or they may not. In either case you will have your answer. If you are feeling distress then yes by all means seek a qualified counsellor to discuss.

Hugs

Isha

[Adriana Moretti]

maybe you are bi? I am bi...... I diddnt figure that one out till i was 30.....

[Katy120]

Cross dressing possesses the power to unleash a torrent of emotional/sexual responses. I wouldn't read too much into the fantasies you are now having.

[Jaylyn]

Rah I wouldn't worry too much about if you are gay or not. Probably if you just quit watching the gay videos you might stop have any sexual fantasies about it. Sometimes we are attracted to things we have not experienced or should I say attracted to. It's like the old song Kicks Just Keep Getting Harder To Find. If you stay away from that kick a while and find yourself returning to it then you may very well be moving in that direction. When I was a youngster I always thought when I would sneak into my moms hose and girdles that I couldn't do that and didn't want to do that. I would walk away from it for a while but always came back to it at a latter time sometimes one week sometimes years. I was only fooling myself and finally admitted I enjoy dressing. If you don't want to be gay then you really need get away from it for a while and see if that feeling comes back later in life. JMHO

[Taylor Ray]

Lots of personal opinions and perspectives in this thread, all of which are valid to the individuals expressing them. My point of view? Find a way to safely explore your sexual fantasy. It's like trying a new kind of food: you won't know until you try it.

If you don't try it out in real life, you will be caught in the realm of fantasy, which in itself can become strange and disconnected.

There is nothing at all "strange" about gay or bisexual fantasies.

[NathalieX66]

Can't speak for myself but gay/crossdressing fantasies are a dime a dozen.......pretty ordinary, actually. The thought of being a lady swept off her feet by a handsome gentleman is a pretty common narrative here.

[Sarah21]

Opening the window to your fantasies most often gives an indication of who you really are inside.
A lot of people don't act on them, a lot don't.
You need to figure out what you want, without any labels.

[PaulaQ]

Watching gay porn does not make you gay. Contrary to some opinions.

You are likely just expressing another cross gender behavior - attraction to men. Some small part of you, perhaps, thinks it's a straight woman.

These really are pretty common fantasies.

If you find yourself in gay bars, or cruising craigslist m4m, that's a different story.

Is the pornography interesting to you when you are dressed in drab, or mostly when you are en femme?

[Bryn]

I think if you were more open to the idea then it would help you figure out what you really want. You say you're straight, but are you sure about that? I'm not saying that watching gay porn automatically makes you gay, but if you were sure of your sexuality I don't think you'd be feeling this way.

I guess I'm trying to say, keep yourself open to any possible outcome. You still have a lot of time left to think about it.