Drag vs. Drab and incorporating them both in to your everyday attire

[Billiejosehine]

Since Nov. I have been slowly incorporating women's attire within my male clothes. I first started with underdressing, then added pants, then a shirt, and then socks. I would wear a men's shirt and jacket on top to hide the clothes underneath. I recently bought a women's jacket that looks neutral and got rid of the men's shirt on top. I'm now down to just wearing men's shoes. I'm now looking for women's shoes that look neutral so I can incorporate them. Which at that point I'll be completely dressing full time.

My question to everyone is if there is anyone else that incorporates both drab and drag attire (excluding underdressing) when going out in public or work? Do you incorporate any type if accessories within your appearance i.e. earrings, rings, braclets, necklaces, painted finger nails, etc. What kinds of reactions do you get, if there are any?

I'm looking to get my ears pierced, but feel reluctant because I don't know how it would look on me in male mode and how people would react. I would also like to paint my finger nails other then clear polish, but I'm not sure how people would react, especially work and the families I work with.

[Katey888]

Billie Jo - that's an interesting approach - fully dressed but no-one would really know... :thinking:

But I can understand why - and you are right to be sensitive to how others would perceive you, particularly in a work context. I think it's important you continue to be sensitive in that way. I've worn rings since before I was married, but never earrings, although I think studs or subtle rings would be widely accepted (3" hoops, probably not..) - and painted nails would just be a bit of a Goth look, no? As long as they weren't scarlet -something more subtle - but again, keep your sensitivity in mind. It's not worth risking a job for.
I'm on the lookout for some casual boots I could wear - perhaps just a shortish 2-3" inch heel - with jeans. I have worn heeled boots out a couple times, but only when it was dark with few people around - still a nice feeling - I'd just like something I could wear anytime.

Good luck with your search -let us know how it goes.

Katey x

[Lorileah]

I used to blend a lot of things. I had earrings, rings, bracelets, trouser socks, shoes (slip ons), Jeans

No one noticed or said a word

[teri g]

About half the time I'm in women's jeans and sometimes women's slip-on shoes (no heels). Both stealth because of work and dadt.

[Rachelakld]

been to shops after dark on occasions with leggings and boys t shirt (normally black leggings but a couple of times with leopard print) as I couldn't be bothered getting changed from what I was wearing at home.
Often wear girls skin jeans
I'm under the impression people just think I'm crazy

[Anna H]

This so-called "stealth" dressing (read that at a few other places) is
what i do these days.

Women's jeans, t-shirt and work shoes....and I'm fully dressed
everywhere i go. My ears are pierced and nobody ever notices.
My hair is long, but tied back in a ponytail, i don't stand out.

I'm in a rural area that's Not-at-all cool with anyone CD'ing...so
it must work better than i think, because nobody ever said anything
--and they would where I am.

I may wear one earring, but both...not here. I do use a pink colored
ponytail band...but if it's been noticed, i do not know.

I'm not much for jewelry when I'm out, (but I am when I'm in!) so
that doesn't add any potential problem for me.

I think you're in a far more progressive area than I am, so if it works
here...(people at McDonalds for lunch wear 14" bowie knives)...then
you're good to go as far as light accessories/pierced ears I would
think.

I'd push it a little further, but I Do need my behind intact. I don't
want to play with too much fire where I am....:ner:

[KayleeTaylor]

Here is my "drab" look. All androgynous women's clothes, but with super girly hat, gloves and scarf. Oh and my nails always have some sort of design on them.

I got more "looks" when I tried dressing really androgynous, but over-the-top girly without attempting to present female, nobody thinks twice :)

[heatherdress]

Billie - I have started doing this recently and love it.

By accident, I left on some eye makeup a few times that I thought I had removed. I missed eyeliner, both above and below my eyes. Another time I had a subtle smoky eye look from residual mascara. No one said anything and I did not know until my wife finally tipped me off. She seemed to enjoy it and was impressed that no one ever said anything - at the movies, shopping and dining out. I have recently used subtle eye makeup and blush at night - I like it - and it is fun to do.

I have started to wear my femme jeans and like the cut and feel and look and knowledge that they are made for women.

The most fun has been my shoes. My wife actually encouraged me to wear a pair of my female boots with jeans when we went to the movies one night. I wore a longer pair of boot cut jeans and my boots were not noticeable. I then wore a higher stacked heel, almost 3 inches, spent hours in a mall, running errands, dining out, pumping gas. Felt great. We actually went into Nine West at the mall and bought a pair of black boots to wear en drab.

No seems to notice or care - except me. My drab attire is spiced up - maybe drab plus or Heather-lite.

[njcddresser]

I'm incorporating more and more feminine clothes into my drab wardrobe. Take today for example...

Underdressed with a cute pair of panties. Wore size 8 skinny jeans and a gray woman's turtle neck. Went out shopping and to get my oil changed. A little eye shadow and mascara finished the outfit. I hardly ever wear guy jeans anymore and seem to be wearing more and more women's tops as well.

So much fun!

[ChristinaK]

Over the last several months I have gone out many times in various outfits. A couple of times with stuffed bra and womens jacket, but mostly with light eye makeup, blush, light colored lipstick, eyebrow liner. Womens tops that present fairly androgynous, like mock turtleneck sweaters, polo's, even if they are girly colors and khaki or white ladies Dockers. I've had a few looks, but wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not. Twice I went through a drive through with filled bra, crew neck sweater with large horizontal stripes and a cardigan on top and didn't even get a strange look. But, one time I did that in normal makeup. My male hair was the only male presentation. When I got to the window I was greeted by three teenage girl workers that stared and giggled. I just giggled back. It didn't really bother me and I was as amused as they were. I think that unless it is really glaring, most people don't notice. I have been so surprised to go out in a filled bra under a sweater, wearing an androgynous ladies jacket, even open a few inches and the only person that seemed to notice was a male SA, who gazed at my chest, then gave me a knowing smile as he gave me a receipt. It's just so thrilling and fun!

[prettytoes]

Panties 24/7. I only wear women's jeans-low rise bootcut, knee high socks...bright neon or cute patterns, shaved legs and armpits, women's sneakers, and I just discovered how comfortable it is to wear a cami under my shirt (have to buy more of those!) Oh yeah, Secret deodorant and an occasional spritz of perfume or VS body spray.

[Tracii G]

Been doing that for quite a few years and no real problems.
You think everyone will notice but they don't or just don't care.
If you do it step by step your friends will get so used to it it makes no difference.

[KayleeTaylor]

Yeah, just do it already. It's so awesome :) You will feel a lot of relief and happiness. Get out of your rut, be true to yourself. :)

[DorothyElizabeth]

Being a civil engineer, the "uniform" is khakis, oxford cloth blue shirt and Navy blazer or a down vest. I buy all my khakis from Lands End Women's clothing, and the same with oxford cloth shirts and my down vest. No one has ever noticed that the buttons, snaps and fly are all fastened the "wrong" way. My vest is black, and except for the snaps being opposite from men's, and the slight darts around the body, looks just like male clothing. For shoes, because of OSHA regs, and because I often have to go out on work sites on short notice, I (and, for that matter all the GG women in the office) wear standard heavy work boots or safety toe oxfords. IN the summer, I substitute polo shirts for the oxford cloth long sleeved ones. Women's shirts, for the most part have no breast pocket, but that does not matter. I started carrying a coach leather bag when I was in college, and a pipe smoker, and have never bothered to switch. The only difference is what is in munine now. - Which makes me think I should start a new thread - What's in your purse,. and what kind do you carry?

[Rachel Morley]

Yep ... me too. All of my clothes in boy mode are women's but they are subtle in style and color so that they don't stand out too much as too girly. A typical outfit for me is underdressing with bra and panties, women's fitted jeans, a slightly scooped tee or long sleeved tee in a neutral color, a plain colored hoodie, girly ankle socks, and white tennis shoes. I wear all of these to work and no one has said anything to me. Outside of work I change the color of my tee to be more girly and I usually wear a hoodie that has a somewhat girly pattern on it. I also add a quasi girly baseball cap and gold stud earrings.

I enjoy presenting as a girly guy as I think I'd go insane if I had to wear only men's clothes. I have a supportive wife who is ok with the way I dress. :)

[RebeccaLynne]

I would also like to paint my finger nails other then clear polish, but I'm not sure how people would react, especially work and the families I work with.

Funny you mentioned that particular subject. My crew, one male, one female, and myself (kinda straddling that gender line) discussed the topic of nail length today. Longer nails appearing feminine, while short nails were decidedly masculine.

I merely said, "Well, it's not the length that matters... it's whether or not they're wearing nail polish". :heehee:

[Jaylyn]

I don't do any outside the body wearing of the women's clothing when out side the farm.. I do under dress a lot. It's usually though panties, hose and painted toe nails. I do have a few silky tops that I get away with by wearing them under my regular work shirts of course they also help in the colder weather. I have painted my finger nails from dressing in the mornings and not wanting to have to remove it went to the farm. I would keep my leather work gloves on the dash board of my pickup to grab and put on if I saw any one driving that way. I can always grab a set of fencing pliers or throw a few bales of hay with the gloves if someone should drive up and they would never suspect my nails are painted if I was out working. This is about all I ever do on the outside unless I go on the back porch of our house which I have fully dressed but neighbors are a long way away. Being near a smaller town I must remain a closeted but adventurous cd.

[queenie]

Funny that you should post this because that's what I've been doing over the years. I've been looking more androgynous and my friends chalk it up to me being "metro" for the most part. Some tease me a little about it, but it doesn't bother me in the least. Except for work where I have to wear a traditional suit, I wear relatively little men's clothing these days.

[JennyMarie]

You know, after reading through this thread I suddenly remembered a comment my ex-wife made a couple times while her and I were together:
"What's with all the guys wearing women's jeans, lately? It's like a new fashion trend or something..."

Hmm....

[Lynn Marie]

Being happily unattached allows me to dress any time and go anywhere I like. So that really takes the compulsion and obsession out of CDing. When I want to be exotic and erotic, I get dressed enfemme. Otherwise boy clothes are comfortable and just fine!

[Dana L]

Oh yea, been doing that for quite some time now. I'm slowly phasing out men's clothes all together. I always underdress and all my jeans and shorts are women's. A lot of my tops are now women's and most of my shoes too. People don't even seem to notice that most everything I wear is from the women's department. I've even worn capri's and flats and still nothing.

[Billiejosehine]

After a long day at work I got to see my kids for a little bit at the ice cream shop today. I was in full women attire except my shoes when my ex walked in to the ice cream shop with the kids. As soon as she sat down she kep staring at me and did not say a word. After a minute or so the first thing she ask was if I was wearing makeup, which I was not and proceeded to tell her I was not. She kept staring at me and asked if I was having problems at work and that it was obvious I was wearing eyeliner. Now I did put on eye liner yesterday, but I washed it before going to a men's group and took a shower this morning. So if there was any residue no one has said anything to me and no one was staring at me either. She had to also make a comment about me wearing clear nail polish and women's pants. Her comments did not phase me and she is the only person that is having issues with what I wear.

[JazmyneCD]

I'm looking to get my ears pierced, but feel reluctant because I don't know how it would look on me in male mode and how people would react. I would also like to paint my finger nails other then clear polish, but I'm not sure how people would react, especially work and the families I work with.

I had mine pierced long ago after deciding I needed a new look in guy mode. It was in the middle of the mall at a small booth, done by a teenage girl. I'm quite sure people looked but I didn't care. Once I did it, my wife told me how she had been trying to convince me to do it for years. Strangely, I didn't recall her doing so and never hesitates when I mention I need a new pair.

As it stands, they aren't an issue when in drab. In fact I like wearing them most of the time. If you are concerned about the reaction to them in male mode, I guess it depends on where you live: it's not an issue and nobody would think twice about it where I'm at. I can even wear them at the job I will be starting soon. My family doesn't seem to care, either. They know it's still me.

You definitely won't regret it if you get it done :)

[pretty boy]

I usually underdress with panties and sometimes a bra. Once in a while I'll wear a skirt but mostly women's jeans. Sometimes I'll wear heels as well, but not often and I always have my toe nails done. I usually don't wear a wig unless I'm wearing makeup and all women's clothing.

[Beverley Sims]

Billie,
Looking at where you are located I don't think any one would care.
I have been dressed androgynously a lot there, and people do not bat an eyelid.

[Amyy]

I'm working on this as well. I've got shoulder length hair and I'm gradually trying more feminine styles. I want to try and incorporate more feminine things into my everyday, but I live at home with conservative parents that I'm not out to so everything I do has to be very gradual to not rock the boat.

[MsVal]

There are a lot of good suggestions here. For example, I've wanted to carry a bag of some sort for quite some time. I wonder what I can find that is inexpensive enough for a proof-of-concept, and not obviously girly?

Thanks for the ideas.

Best wishes

[Linda St. John]

I'm surprised someone before MsVal hasn't bought up bags/ purses up to now ! With all this talk of wearing girl pants...surely someone found out - the pockets are minimal and really just for show !
You can buy a medium size bag for laptops etc . for under $30 at Target..I got a decent faux leather "saddle bag" with all sorts of pockets and I take it everywhere. Lot of them being worn by students and execs here in Toronto !!
Now ,I need a larger size ....us girls lug a lot of stuff around..:battingeyelashes:
Linda

[Billiejosehine]

Having worn women's past for the past few weeks, I'm finding that With some brands I can't use the pockets to hold everything. Luckily I do have a laptop bag from work that I can use. I also often wondered why GG's always put their cell phones in their back pockets, now I know why.

[Brenn]

Oh yea, been doing that for quite some time now. I'm slowly phasing out men's clothes all together. I always underdress and all my jeans and shorts are women's. A lot of my tops are now women's and most of my shoes too. People don't even seem to notice that most everything I wear is from the women's department. I've even worn capri's and flats and still nothing.

This sounds a lot like how I dress. I find women's tops sometimes hard to fit, but I wear women's jeans all the time and my shorts are all women's. I even wear nylons with the shorts sometimes. For shoes, Bass pennyloafers are very unisex, but I also wear ballet flats and mary-janes. Never had any issues.

[joan47]

I have totally incorportaed the female /male look. I have very very few male clothing. I shave all over, pierced ears with small hoops, lip gloss, thin arched waxed eyebrows, arylic nails with a light pink varnish. I wear skinny or, boot cut very tight junior size jeans, or jeggings or leggings or yoga pants in male mode, of course, panties, bra, ankle braclet, wear girly perfume.

[Barbie Anne]

I do this a lot. Helps me to maintain a bit of sanity actually. I also live in a smaller town and have to be careful with it though.
Just recently we made a trip to town with me in my Gloria Vanderbilt bell bottomed skin tight jeans and a woman's tshirt in neutral color. hanes her way no show ankle socks complete with that pink stripe at the toes and a pair of nike slides. Hair down and brushed out. Slowing losing the baseball cap and pony tail look here :)

Nobody noticed at all.

I just have to be careful not to go too far and my wife is constantly helpful, checking me on the way out the door to make sure there's nothing to overt lol. We're making a trip to a larger city for the day in a couple months and I already have plans to show my toenails and color NOT CLEAR my fingernails. Maybe my girl slides instead of my mens.......She's cool with me being myself, it's just that where I live it's a lot like Kate.....small rural town, and while I don't care, I want to spare my wife the grief of being taunted or possible violence from the redne**s here.

Oh also I've started carrying my national guard cammouflage book bag as a purse :)

[samantha rogers]

Bags designed for men are all over the stores now, ostenibly for laptops, but with pads and tablets taking over many of the bags are now getting much smaller. Calvin Klein stores carry a large selection, as do most designers. DSW shoe stores always have them, and as mentioned before, Target has a line of inexpensive messenger type bags that are great. I saw one there yesterday that was obviously designed for a pad, but was indistinguishable from a purse. I have several that I use almost daily, from a wonderful leather bag fir my laptop to a tiny canvas one I use with a mini ipad. I love my bags...tee hee.:battingeyelashes:

[MsVal]

[...] DSW shoe stores always have them, and as mentioned before, Target has a line of inexpensive messenger type bags that are great. I saw one there yesterday that was obviously designed for a pad, but was indistinguishable from a purse.[...]

Thanks for the lead Samantha. I believe a weekend shopping trip is in my future.

Best wishes
MsVal

[samantha rogers]

Anytime, Val. If it helps, the small ones I sae were at the Target in Troy by Crooks and Maple. Good luck!

[Felicia Dee]

Ooh. Good post! Generally speaking, in my day-to-day, my attire is a mish mosh of men's and women's clothes and accessories. It helps being a "punk" and working in the arts -- there's alot of gender blurring. Recently, I have some pads that round out my lower body and have gone out with them on, just to see how it would go... My head is shaved, but I had an oversized knit hat on and some light foundation to conceal my 5 o'clock shadow... it was an exhilarating experiment! some people interacted with me as though I was female, while others treated me as a somewhat femm guy... I definitely plan on doing this more often!

[Jordan]

I have not tried any of that but would love to some day in the near future

[Krististeph]

You can find matte finish topcoat, google or ebay. Few people notice nails, and it is quite okay for men to get manicures, if it is a little un-masculine.

Earrings are fine. Leave the left (or right) one in in male mode, add the other in female. If anyone says anything about both being pierced, I offer this advice: " So what? "

I love wearing my female ski suits when I go out to use the snowblower: At night, 1-2 hours in wearing them outside.

[mechamoose]

This was one of the main reasons I wanted to join the forum.. to find out more about this very thing.

I'm a big dude.. 6'2", 240#. Beard. I will *never* pass.. but I still love women's clothing. Its so much more interesting than men's clothing.

Under my pants & shirt at work I have been wearing panties, funky socks, & a camisole. I have pierced ears, do nail polish and use mascara. I wear skirts around the house because I like them. I don't usually wear those outside, though.

I have 'dolled up' more when my wife & I are going out to a concert or something, but I'm still treading the line between the gender identities. I can't see myself going all the way over.

I feel like a woman in a *nice* male body.

[Tina_gm]

I think more people notice than what some here may think, but I do think that most do not care, or have anything to say about it. They are likely afraid of the answer, and as many have stated it is a neutral style, so they may think you are wearing women's clothes and are not sure, so they may also be afraid to ask out of fear of offending you. In the larger cities, nah, no one gives a crap, they have seen it all already.

[devida]

Hey Billie: In public I usually wear women's pants (3/4 length and tighter than men's or way looser) - at home I wear skirts and dresses. I wear make up that is obviously there if you want to look but is actually quite subtle. I wear mascara, lipstick, blush, a tinted moisturizer and I do my eyebrows. I do my nails with clear varnish. I wear my hair long or in a bun. I often wear women's blouses. I wear tights and stockings and, of course, panties or shape wear and a bra. I have piercings and tattoos. I'm not trying to pass as a woman. I'm not trying to pass as a man. I am wearing clothes that reflect the way I feel, which is non-binary or genderqueer or just plain queer. I am constantly amazed by how very little people care how I present myself. People take whatever cue they perceive and make an unconscious judgment about gender. Every now and then people think I am a woman because of the way I dress or because of the way I talk and act but mostly they use male pronouns when they describe me or talk to me. I suppose I would rather they did not identify me by gender at all but I understand how ingrained this is and hard it is for people to just look at each other as people or just the gender we present or don't at the moment. That's OK. The way I see myself has very little to do with the way other people see me. I've never been so happy as I am since I stopped trying to be what I thought other people wanted me to be. Wear whatever makes you happy! Most people could really not care less what you look like. And if they think you are funny, weird, ridiculous or a scandal, well that's their problem, isn't it?

[Krisi]

I had my ears pierced but I wear "male" earrings in public. I wear women's panties most of the time and I wear women's jeans when jeans are called for in male mode. Not the skinny jeans or the ones with designs on them, just plain jeans but from the women's section of the store. They don't look different than men's jeans except they stretch and fit a little better.

There's a point where wearing obviously women's clothes or jewelry will have people wondering if you are gay or something else. That may bother you, it may not. It may hurt you in your career or it may not. Each of us has different circumstances.

[daviolin]

I pretty much dress like that all the time now. Wife approves, which is a plus. I also get complements on my attire from men and women alike. I even dress like that at church, and we go to a pretty conservative church. Daviolin

[Billiejosehine]

Since writing this thread, I have been making subtle changes each day and I pretty much wear women's attire that is gender neutral all the time. I have also gotten rid of all my men's clothes except a few items. Most people haven't noticed and if they have have not said anything. Those that do, don't have a problem and are supportive. I actually got both ears pierced and wear earrings in both all the time even at work and have not gotten any problems. The only person who has a problem is my soon to be ex wife.

Samantha: for my current job I have a laptop bag for my work computer. But I'm going to now check out the the places you mentioned to find what other bags I can use that look better. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Lainie]

I underdress with bra & panties all the time, keep my legs shaved. I'm working half-time & in drab there. Other days I usually try for completely feminine clothing. I wear women's flip-flops to the shower in the men's locker room at the gym, wrap a towel like a skirt for shaving my chin. Pull on black or white panties under the towel, then women's jeans or pull-on pants. I put a sports bra inside a woman's polo shirt--sometimes with 3/4 length sleeves--& pull them on together in the locker room. Maybe nylon or unisex socks,& women's trainers. In cold weather sometimes a grey cashmere hoodie that looks like a sweatshirt, or a women's zip-up windbreaker. If I'm wearing black shoes, I keep all my gear--wallet, keys, pills, &c--in a grey canvas cross-body bag just big enough for my iPad mini. With brown shoes, I carry a larger 2-tone brown canvas American Eagle cross-body bag that's just big enough for a 15" laptop. From the locker room I go to the cafeteria for lunch & wi-fi. Always fish my credit card out of the inner zip pocket of the purse, & zip it back when I'm done. Have done this about twice a week for a couple of years, no problem.

Away from the gym, I prefer conventional bras, and have several that are unobtrusive under loose men's sport shirts or polos.
Often carry one of the purses to church, especially when using the iPad for audiovisual support in our morning discussion group. I may get a hug at church, so don't wear conventional bras unless I also wear a blazer. Wouldn't want to shock a nice old lady.

Always sporting a big handlebar mustache, don't wear make-up at all, except sometimes nail polish with skirts or dresses.
I have no qualms about wearing women's pants anywhere but work, but I'm a little squeamish about girl-side buttons on shirts when I go to the zoo or museum, & might meet someone I know. Also I don't want to antagonize my wife, who knows, doesn't accept, prefers to remain unaware. I do wear my least-obvious women's tops when she's around sometimes.

But I find women's pants unsatisfying. Skirts & dresses are much more fun!

[Nikki A.]

Funny thing but I was at work yesterday and realized that everything I was wearing was female. Nothing too obvious, but black venezia flare leg slacks, cotton button up blouse and a white cable sweater and low heel wedge ankle boots. I've worn a stud earrings (usually one in each ear) for a long time and never really been questioned.
There are a lot of things you can get away with just as long as it isn't way over the top. Makeup is tricky, most people do notice but most will say nothing. I wear a little bronzer some times and I've had some female customers ask where I got my "tan", don't think you're fooling many women, they can tell. I'll laugh it off as windburn or it's just my mediterranian affinty to the sun.

[Sweetsandra]

Currently I only wear clear nail polish. Although my gf did pickup use polish for me to wear out in guy mode. Te only person who has noticed was my old partner at work. I told her I lost a bet. I've been trying to keep my nails nice and trimmed and recently got clear mascara and some powder makeup to wear out to nice places even in guy mode. As far as the earrings. I've seen a lot of guys recently with both ears pierced. I doubt anyone will say anything.

[Helen Grandeis]

Penny loafers or wing tips (perhaps two tone) might be nice femme styles that could pass. Ballet slippers also.

[Paulacder]

the Adrogynous look is something I have ben doing for several years. Lady's jeans, with a top, depending on the weather, maby a sweater. Female shoes, loaffers, panty hose. Jewelry consist of anklet, bracelet on one wrist, female watch on other, neckless, ear rings, with a light make-up. Never have had a rude remark or encounter, however I notice that the younger girls do look and stare, but who cares. There are more things in this world to concern ourselves with than what kind or type of cloths a person is wearing.......

[Marcelle]

I don't mix and match my gender expressions. When I am girl I am girl when I am boy I am boy. I guess the closest I get is when I am decide to be Isha at home but don't bother with make-up (too time intensive). However when I am "boy me" it is boy clothes.

Hugs

Isha

[flatlander_48]

Once again, there is no universal formula as what we do (or don't) is very context sensitive. What might be totally under the radar in a social setting can be noticeably over the top in a work or professional setting. Unless you are consciously attempting to push boundaries and don't care about possible negative consequences, it is important to be mindful of the environment around you.