When to come out at work

[Billiejosehine]

Being that this a new year, my marriage is over, I'm getting my life together, and take steps to begin transition (I'll start my my Hrt once I give the endo the letter). I looking at creating a plan and my possible time line in when I would like to achieve certain things. Mine thing I'm looking at is conning out at work. I have worked at my job since last July, so about 7 months. At this point only 4 people know that I consider myself a TS and are supportive and have given me a lot of references to help me. Since my job is my lively hood, especially now that I'm separated and getting back on my feet, I want to be careful in not loosing it. The good thing is that when I do transition at work, I can be taken off my current case load and placed on new case load, since we are always getting new clients to work with. That will be one less thing to worry about in telling current families and kids that know me as a guy. Especially since it can create more behavioral problems then what they already exhibit.

Anyway, I know that the best thing I need to do is approach HR to iron out all the details, but how much time should I give myself to come out at work. I was thinking by the end of the year, but I know the divorce won't be finalized for another or so. So should wait till the divorce is final?

[chelyann]

i would quietly look into company policy and not get in a big hurry.
if you trying to back on your feet it is not a good time to get fired,there is no need to get in a big rush, because it could end bad or turn out great.
just my 2 cents :)

[Billiejosehine]

This is the best job I've had and really enjoy what I do. So I don't want to mess it up by rushing things. I am going to take my time and was thinking of transitioning at work a year or so from now.

[celeste26]

Probably before it becomes obvious to anyone but after you start on the hormones. Having the backing of a couple of health care professionals prior to telling the boss will mean: 1) you are serious about it 2) it is not merely your own idea and 3) it shows a commitment to the process.

I would suggest having electrolysis done as soon as you can afford it because there is nothing at all worse than someone going through transition with a beard and secondly going through the pain of electrolysis seals that commitment. It will take awhile and cost a lot of money but there is nothing better for the ego than looking at a beard free face in the AM.

[mikiSJ]

Reading between the lines regarding casework, it seems you work for a governmental agency. This is good, and being in California is even better as we have gender discrimination laws that protect girls like us.

I would suggest you start a daily contemporaneous journal detailing your activities and encounters at work so if someone wants to make an issue down the road, you have a record of your good work.

[stefan37]

You can easily work on facial hair removal, grow out your hair and be on hormones for a very long time without needing to spill the beans, Breast growth probably won't become apparent until at least 6-12 months. Breast growth can easily be hidden with proper clothing selection.

I wouldn't consider coming out at work until your face has been substantially cleared. That puts it at 18-24 months from now.

Assuming 6- 8 months to start HRT. Facial hair can be started while waiting for hrt, as well as voice therapy, etc.

[Emily83]

My wife has just 'finished' coming out at work. The whole process took roughly 3 weeks, although it seemed much longer.

She has been on HRT for nearly 9 months now. Before she came out at work, she grew her hair & finger nails out & started lazer hair removal treatments. I gave her a couple of pairs of my black work pants & she started wearing those with her hair out. She still wore the mens business shirts though. Her breasts started to become noticeable at around 4 months. So I guess the change from mens to womens shirts wasn't a really big deal when it came time. Everyones been pretty cool about it. Seemingly no issues.

She approached HR and they got it all happening. It helps that our national discrimination laws protect trans people too. So even if her job place didn't like it, they have to suck it up.

I agree that you might just want to chill and not rush anything. You've been through alot. Get the ball rolling with HRT, lazer & clothes, but don't put too much preassure on yourself with timeframes.

Good luck & enjoy

[Vanessa Rose]

Billy,


I hope you take my comments well. My goodness you have a lot going on. I do wish the best for you. But you are stuffing the entire arc of animals into a 3lb gunny sac.


Life is very fast for you right now. From the outside, I would like to offer some thoughts. Ignore them if inappropriate;


1) breath - focus on completing some things in your life before running into everything all at once. The world is not going to go away, and your ability to transition is not going to disappear if you don't do that now!


2) focus on getting through your divorce first and put all your energy into your children. They need you more than ever...


3) if you are not in counseling, please talk to someone, anyone that is trained to help decode all that is going on in your life. PLEASE!


4) if you do go to this counseling person and they agree with you that is ok, but I believe you need additional perspective, pause and most importantly to prioritize the activities that you are seemingly taking on all at one time.


You mention you have almost lost it and such in other posts, and the struggles have just begun. Take it easy Billie. We are here to help but in my humble opinion, you are taking on too much.


I don't want you to get hurt or have issues Billie... You have tough times ahead.. God Speed


Vanny

[Angela Campbell]

Slow it down a little. Transition takes a long time. Yes it can be sped up a bit - as I did - but that took a lot of planning and a lot of money. I was also a fairly long time employee at my company. (7 years) and a 30 year veteran in the business. I am well respected to begin with at work.

Seven months is a new hire. I would not spring this on them for quite a while, and not until I have all my ducks in a row. There is a lot to do, and it all takes a long time.

Do your research, decide on what you really want the end result to be and then find out what it will take to get that result, THEN begin planning a timeline.

[Aprilrain]

What (HRT) letter? You don't even have a therapist?