Thinking About Which of Us Expresses Thanks to our SO?

[Vanessa Rose]

One of the conundrums of being in our situation and the many pitfalls of this lifestyle, not abusing the love, support and patience of our loved ones, is that we go about our way daily...


I was thinking that I need to make sure the lady, and love of my life, knows that she is the most wonderful woman in the world and how much she is appreciated. I also need to make sure that Vanessa is not the one telling her that and or is associated with that because I think that is important.


When you thank your spouse and spend time to let them know how important they are to you, are you supportive from your CD side or do you express this as your male self.


I do it from my male self. I just wanted to know how others do this. I am concerned if I do it from the Vanessa side of me, she will resent that I love her just for being able to dress fall around the house in my heels that are too tall. I am still trying to change from hardwood to carpeting floors and going down steps without the threat of bodily harm and or carpet burns but that is another story all together. I wish I liked flats..


Vanny

[Stephanie47]

If your love and affection for your spouse does not come from the heart without strings attached, the spouse will know. Maybe in the first months/years of a marriage love is blind. It really does not take too much time for a spouse to figure out you're looking for something in return. I've always interacted with my wife with absolutely no expectation of anything in return. It's not like telling a kid, if you clean you're room you can go out and play in the mud. Frankly, IMHO, if you're in a relationship where either spouse will give and receive affection based on a system of rewards, the relationship is lacking something. Basically, someone is being treated like a child.

[Vanessa Rose]

Interesting points. But that was not the intent. The question is which one of you expresses appreciation for her? This is not a post about pavlovian manipulation and using a spouse for personal gain. Lord
Put away the scoobie snack cart and back up the Mystery Machine....... SO just to make sure this is clear ..... THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT MANIPULATION OR ANYTHING....JUST about which of you thanks your wife...You as the man or you as your female side!


The point is about who? NOT!!!! how to take advantage of anyone dear. But maybe my points were not clear, so hopefully they are now.


Thanks though..


Vanny

[Beverley Sims]

I try to give love and affection whole heartedly.
There are no strings attached she is a genuine love of my life.
I do score on the menu side with food.
I give her a score of three for spaghetti or baked beans on toast, but she does get the ultimate ten for a lobster salad. :)

I must add dressing plays no part in the love and affection I have for my wife.
If you want payoffs for favors maybe there is something lacking in the marriage.
I give none and expect none.

Reading between the lines, this looks like developing into a pedantic argument.

[Caden Lane]

When my GF makes an ovation towards Caden, whether its, an idea, a purchase, a decision, even a conversation, I thank her right then. I do that for several reasons, so she knows it impacted me, that I appreciate it, so I don't forget, and so she doesn't interpret that my Love and thanks doesn't have strings. Because I use this same method of thanking her for whatever she might do or say. There is no special distinction between Caden or me in when or how I say thanks.

[Annaliese2010]

When you thank your spouse and spend time to let them know how important they are to you, are you supportive from your CD side or do you express this as your male self.... I do it from my male self... I am concerned if I do it from the Vanessa side of me, she will resent that... VannyGood point. I can just imagine someone whose well meaning but intrinsically insensitive selfish and myopic therefore expressing love and endearment while fully enfem. OMG can just imagine his wife rolling her eyes thinking to herself "you gotta be kidding!". Then... staring up to the heavens wondering "oh god why Me?". LOL...

[CDAshleyAnne]

Because my SO has not met Ashley yet, but she has bought panties for my male self, I do express how thankful I am to have married someone who is willing to buy panties and indulge that part of me because many women would not be so willing. Over time, bits of Ashley will emerge, i'm sure, and then both my male self as well as Ashley will be thanking her and often.

[TessInJxn]

Because my SO has not met Ashley yet, but she has bought panties for my male self, I do express how thankful I am to have married someone who is willing to buy panties and indulge that part of me because many women would not be so willing. Over time, bits of Ashley will emerge, i'm sure, and then both my male self as well as Ashley will be thanking her and often.

I told my wife (then girlfriend) about Tess, and the first thing she did was buy me panties. It melted my heart -- to be accepted and loved after having laid this quite unexpected bomb at her feet. I can always do better about being thankful and appreciative. And, I do so both as Tess and as my male self. However, I think, like others have noted, that I do so more as my male self.

Tess

[kendra_gurl]

Vanessa she needs to hear your thanks from both of you but for different reasons at different times. That way she will love both of you in return

[MsVal]

For years, decades actually, I've told everyone that will listen how wonderful my wife is, and she says the same about me. I tell them that I got the better part of the deal when we married and says that she belives it is actually her that is benefitting more. We are constantly trying to match the other's act of kindness. We are in love. We tell each other and we demonstrate it daily.

When I disclosed my desire to crossdress it hurt her. She cried, and I was the reason for her sadness. Hurting her in turn hurt me.

The disclosure and subsequent sorrow did little to quash the desire, but gave me even more shame to feel that way.

She still says and demonstrates her love for me on a daily basis. In addition to telling how much I love her, I now thank her for tolerating me.

[michelle.foster]

I think a lot of younger couples don't understand this concept. I once was in the company of two others, an older gentleman and a younger. The older had just lost his wife of over 50 years the year before. The younger had a rocky marriage of only a couple years. The younger asked what his secrete was for having such a sucessful relationship. His advice has been spoken here. He thanked his wife daily, for everything, cleaning the house, making dinner, washing his clothes, patted her on the butt occationally, but he was always showing her, telling her how much he appreicated her and the things she did for him. I have used this, I have even thanked my wife for allowing me to dress.
There is a book entitled "the five languages of Love" which discusses how people feel loved. How do you feel loved? How does your SO feel loved? Are you feeding hers? Is she feeding yours?

[Vanessa Rose]

All,


I want to thank you for sharing such beautiful thoughts and personal stories about what works for you, and considerations we need to be aware of...


I loved reading your ideas and hope others continue to add to this. When I met my SO, I told her my only job in life, outside of helping my kids be solid contributors to society as best possible, is to make her life beautiful everyday. I have fallen short of that, because I am human, however each and everyday I am with her, I am amazed about how much love she has for me, to understand me and I haven't even touched on all the other ridiculousness involved with the gender issues, dressing etc. This woman loves me unconditionally and I plan to try to out love her, whenever possible. That is just me ... because I just love the shit out of this woman and she is beauteous! very beauteous in every way.


humbly,


Vanny

[Marcelle]

Even before I accepted who I was and came out to my wife, I told here I loved her everyday. In fact given the nature of my job, we have a safety deposit box which contains a letter to her . . . my final words should I not return (I know a bit morbid but it is fact of life in my job).

When I came out to my wife and we integrated Isha into our lives I still tell my wife I love and appreciate her but it is me not the "boy" me or the "girl" me . . . just plain old me. She loves me for who I am and I love here for who she is. So who expresses thanks to my SO . . . simple . . . ME :)

Hugs

Isha

[TokyoLily]

Since my fiance has seen me in both drab and drag, she simply knows that I am a multifaceted person. There is no "side" or "persona" that gives thanks to her for being her. Any love or thanks I show her comes from this one walking, talking, breathing human being. The clothing I wear when I express how I feel (which includes huge helpings of love, appreciation, and feeling downright lucky to be with a woman who was okay with Veronica from the get-go) doesn't matter. What matters is that I want to show her love back all the more.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Both sides it depends on when, where and the situation. Of course out in public it's all male side expressing the love and appreciation although it's just not as affectionate. Inside fem side shows most of the love affection, is more romantic and I guess because I prefer being en-femme shows far more love, affection, and intimacy.

[PretzelGirl]

I make sure she gets it with both barrels. My love is not gender specific but comes from inside. These days there is far less of him then her, so she gets it more from her, but that is okay. And when we go out and she misgenders me, I just give her a hug and smile. She is with me period and the rest is noise.

[bridget thronton]

I agree expressing thanks and love can never be over done

[Cheryl T]

I make sure that she is aware of what she means to me all the time. I thank her for standing by me and supporting me in EVERYTHING that I do. It's because of her that I am able to be me.