Some observations from my latest outing

[Ms. Laura]

Hi y'all!

So, I went to First Event in MA this year. Only for 1 night, stayed at a hotel and spent the day at the conference. I met at least one member from here which was nice.

Wow, it was quite an experience. I went to the fashion show they have and then to the bar for drinks and dancing. The next day I attended several presentations on various topics from life as a crossdresser, to makeup, and hormone replacement therapy. (Just went with some other girls who were interested.)

First, there is SUCH a diversity in our TG community. I mean, you know it, but until you observe it in person, you don't really know it. There is just 1 of every type there. The TS girls, the girls who try to present like GGs, the girls who dress like drag queens, the half and halfers, the total skanks(no offense here, you know what I mean), the people with the WORST fashion sense you can imagine, the FTM gang, the CD admirers, the GG girlfriends, and so on. ***I'm not trying to offend anyone, just observing here.

It really is fascinating. I was a little overwhelmed, thankfully I had some sisters there. The dance floor could get pretty scary. Some people have a way of taking over the whole thing and flailing about and trying to bump and grind with anyone. Not my thing, really, but hey, good for them. No one was rude to me in any way shape of form, so it was all good.

So all these models of folks sort of left me wondering, where do I fit in. This was the longest I ever spent in Laura mode. I generally try to present as a woman of my age would present. I'm kind of a preppie I guess, like Marcia Brady all grown up. I also felt myself intensely jealous of those who identified themselves as full time. This doesn't mean I would be full time, but I was definitely jealous of them.

Also, people will often ponder, why do I dress, why do the clothes matter? I noticed that while presenting as female, for whatever reason, that drumbeat on my psyche stops. It's like a noise turns off. Like when a fan is ON, and annoying you but you get used to it, then it turns off and you're like "Ah, it's quiet!" The rest of the time, there is always this constant pull on your heart and your mind, and spending the whole 24 hours as Laura, it just faded away.

It's back now, it comes and it goes in strength, but it's there.

Can't wait 'til next year!

Anyone else experience that drumbeat phenomena?

And please, if you like really skimpy outfits, don't be offended, I'm not passing a value judgement. Hey, there are times and places for it, and that was one of them!

[kimdl93]

That observation about your psychological and perhaps physiological response to being dressed says a lot about why of you and many others. The peace of mind, the quiet, may be the absence of the dissonance achieved only when one is dressed in a manner that resonates with who you are inside.

Your sense of style, your presentation are consistent with a woman of your age and upbringing. You may not need to express that part of yourself full time, but it's clearly a real and substantial part of who you are. That is a good thing, because it suits you perfectly!

[Beverley Sims]

Laura,
Skimpy outfits?
Some just want to show off their bods.
The rest of them are as unique as you are, that's why you fit in.

[Chickhe]

I know exatly what you mean...so many different people, at first I found it hard to digest...but, people are people, they are different and that's what makes the world a great place. The only people I don't get along with are ones who are selfish. How someone looks I can get used to. I try to remember people are much more than the 5 seconds I experience.

[Vanessa Rose]

Laura,

Great post by the way. Lots to consider and also lots for a person who has not been there to take in as well.

These experiences in my mind are half what you think they will be vs the actual experience and half take a ways from the actual event. That said, what I came away with was that if I had not read this, I may not have been prepared for the diversity. Part and some others. That may have put me off with the scope of folks there.

I think one of the challenges indiscussed with my beautious girlfriend tonight was that TG folks are all over the map and kind of like a spectrum. A wide and crazy spectrum.

Lots going through my mind lately. Lots about all this stuff.

I just wanted to say thanks for your post because it is exactly the stimulation, intriguer and pondering a that will help move me to where I want to be.

Coincidentally, we also talked tonight whilst out eating that I need to get over my fears going out and that we should go get cocktails. Nice huh. But you did it and survived. As we all will if we are safe. Thanks so much for your post

Vanny

[Marcelle]

Hi Laura,

Great post and it sounds like you had a great experience out and about as Laura. While we (TG community) tend to be a bit more different than the vanilla population we are still representative of the whole population, just a stratified sample. So it is not surprising we would be all over the map. Look at the vanilla population around you and you have a very similar sampling (albeit not dressed as the opposite gender - but you still have a wide diversity). It just demonstrates how close we truly are to the vanilla world we just dress differently. :battingeyelashes:

I hear you about the fan noise. For awhile my mind was full of chaos and was not able to make sense of things. I remember seeing a prettily dressed girl at a gas station (she was wearing a nice dress, leggings, boots, coat) and walking toward the store to pay for her gas . . . my mind was a awash with thoughts of just wanting to be dressed like that and paying for my gas. Now I do these things and it centers me, cuts out the noise and I feel complete. The interesting thing is as I do these normal things en femme more and more, I find the noise disappearing from my "boy self" as well. Just last week I was a prettily dressed girl paying for my gas at that same gas bar and yesterday I stopped there "en boy" and saw another prettily dressed girl getting gas and I thought to myself "That was me a week ago . . . but you know what . . . no noise just happiness that I could be who I need to be, boy or girl.

Hugs

Isha

[Katey888]

Laura,

That is a really interesting and thought provoking series of observations: of the CD scene; how you and we all fit; and the drumbeat - yes, yes, that strikes a chord - anyone remember this...

And the sun drips down bedding heavy behind the front of your dress all shadowy lined
And the droning engine throbs in time with your beating heart..

I get that droning and beating... and for a few hours this morning I also had some peace.... and did I not want that feeling to stop...? OMG - nooo...!

Great experience for you Laura, thank you for sharing it and I'm sure you did us proud! :cheer:

And as for preppie, I think I may just stick with skimpy while I can :battingeyelashes: - and always in the best possible taste...

Katey x

[MeDeanna]

Being a science buff I take a Darwin view of culture. I truly think diversity is the worlds natural state. I don't see right and wrong in behaviors, I just notice how they are different from what I know. I feel that we are getting better at acceptance.

I want that peaceful state of mind for myself and all others.
Call me an optimist . . . . .

[Tina B.]

Laura, very well put. while I found your description of First Event, fascinating and just about what I though it would be like, it was your thoughts on that noise in your head.
I've had the opportunity, to dress and stay dressed for a full week at a time, done it a few times. At first I didn't notice it was gone, then it hit me, my mind was in a place it had never found before, total peace, no buzzing, no inter turmoil, and it lasted long after I had gone back to the male role.
Short times help keep the mind a ease, but a good long run puts you in a whole other place.

[Rogina B]

A couple of other First Event based thoughts for Laura..Did you notice the lack of male admirer's..and the same on the dance floor? Not so many girls have participating partners,and for the single girls,there isn't a room full of eager males OR females to hook up with..And yes,the dancefloor is crowded by humans that tend to take up a little more space than average couples..lol So,were there any "bearded ladies" there this year? lol You may have felt overwhelmed as it is a lot of scene to take in,but you are headed back next time..aren't you?

[Nicole Erin]

It is just cause people dress for different reasons.
As much as some TG would like to believe the way they do things is the correct and only way, it is not.
Once you have been around TG people more, you begin to not even notice the differences that seem to be obvious right now.

[LenGray]

That sounds like a wonderful experience! And I think you look wonderfully mature and competent with your dressing :) I admit that I feel a bit jealous when I see the members of our community that are FtM and taking T shots because I want to be that confident in myself and don't think that I have the courage to do so even if I decided on having said inclination. I'd love to meet some TG people here in Missouri but no luck so far :(

I completely understand what you mean about the drumbeat! When I'm a female it's like everything is liquid and shifting. I'm constantly doubting myself and wondering what to do. Then when I dress as a man, I feel so in charge and know exactly what to do and how to do it :) It's like my brain goes 'Ah! Now I can concentrate!' lol

[julia marie]

Laura. I was only there for a couple hours because of travel limitations, but it was so great hearing the stories of others. And, it really was interesting seeing all of the other styles and levels of dressing. The best part is that everyone could be comfortable with themselves, even in a "shared" environment where there were "non-T" guests walking the same hallways and lobbies. I wasn't there long enough for the dancing, etc., but my dancefloor talent is non-existent anyway. It was great to hear from the folks from the Triess chapter. It sounds like a great way to keep meeting people of like minds.

[oliviall]

I was there for the full event as I was able to combine the travel with some other obligations I had the following week, and if you were there for the Fashion Show I am sure you saw me at least... well 3 times :) Glad to hear you had a good time!

[jessicajohn1955]

Hi
What you said makes a lot of sense I hadn't though about it like that but your right. Being there with every one just made all the noise as you put it just leave my body. For once in my life I felt at peace with my innersole. It lite a fire in my heart to be more true to myself. I liken it to a solder going to war there is no way that person won't be changed. I was able to stay for all 4 days it was the most incredible experience of my life. We went to the mall just to walk around with the general public was amazing I know people looked at us but no one ran away in horror. Talk about a confidence builder that was go's with out question. And yes I do know Laura and she looked damn hot if I do say so myself. And I to can't wait till next year and I hope that some of you will think about coming next year it WILL change your life in ways you never thought possible I'm not kidding.
Jessica

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've gone to the Keystone Conference for the last two years and it's quite similar. Everyting from girls so hot they make your knees weak, to girl next door types to girls wearing dresses way too short or blouses showing way too much, to girls that are just barely there, whether by choice or necessity. Every year there's one night that you can go to the casino with 60 other girls, another night you can go to a restaurant and then a disco bar. The last night is a gala ball with the girls wearing everything from cocktail dresses to classic gowns, to gowns with hoop skirts that would look more at home in a Disney movie or Gone with the Wind.

Last year, I woke up the first moring to find out that my razor, of all things, decided not to come. Not one to waste an opportunity, I got dressed en femme and walked over to Target to pick up a new one.

[Bobbie Taylor]

I was able to get to Fisrt Event some years ago 2002 - a long time ago!! But found the same feelings of being dressed for the full weekend plus was a great experience. I've been able to do some traveling EnFemm since and still find it exciting. Love to be able to attend another Conference soon.

[Robinsinclair]

Interesting comments about the "quiet" and lack of drumbeat while dressed.

For me it's more a sense of things being as they should be. Not sure why that is - although if I knew "why", many other things would become clear.

[Ms. Laura]

UGH! I can't believe it's taken me a week to get some time on the forum!

Thank you all for commenting adn sharing your thoughts as well. I find it interesting and reassuring to hear about other's "noises" in their head. (NOT voices mind you.)

Oh, there were admirers Rogina. One of my sisters got hassled by one who, as bad luck would have it, was staying in the room next to hers and kept knocking and calling the room! Apparently he apologized on Sun. I think.

Yes, I WILL be going back, AND planning a slinkier outfit, as well, yes, I do have the body for it. :)
Maybe I'll try to be with you on the runway Olivia!

How awesome to hear from one of our FtM members LenGray. You know, the transguys in the fashion show were WAY better in general presenting and moving as men than the girls. We all thought they had it down. I actually was made to feel inadequate as a woman AND a man. LOL

I really am fascinated by the colorful tapestry we all make. I think it's great. I'm also looking forward to shutting off that fan again, soon!

[sissy2_amberlee]

yes, Laura, matter of fact, I experienced that fading away just yesterday, after a full day dressed for the first time in years. Late in the day, I noticed that the tug of my garters was no longer as intense on my psyche. But, like you, I also noticed that I was settling into the norm, which, after only one day, was to be dressed. I liked it, because it meant that I was at last, at peace. I was no longer Thomas, I was actually amberlee. normal women, they have no excitement attached to their stockings, as we do. they only worry whether they have a a run in their stockings.

thanks to : Kimdl93 for this profound statement:

"The peace of mind, the quiet, may be the absence of the dissonance achieved only when one is dressed in a manner that resonates with who you are inside."

well said, in far fewer words than mine.

[Kristy 56]

Hi Laura,thank you for the very detailed report. Like most here I suppose,I 've never been to an event,but often wondered what it's like. I guess in life there's all different varieties among a group. Very interesting and insightful observations. Thanks for sharing !

[bimini1]

No one size fits all narrative and that is the fascinating part of it. A million different perspectives and experiences on it. Gotta get out to one of these. Thought about Keystone but waited too late to start planning finances for it maybe next year.