dreamer_2.0
02-04-2014, 02:43 PM
I began my last therapy session by being pretty blunt with my therapist saying that I feel "royally f***ed" by the GD. This is something perhaps others here could agree with. It's been said more than once that we didn't choose to be TG, why would anyone want this for themselves.
Despite ongoing struggles in accepting myself and facing the GD rather than running from it, I've begun to view transitioning as a necessity, whether I want to do it or not. Most, if not all, would agree that this GD stuff isn't going to go away so what real choice do I have? I'm tired of suffering and being depressed and, frankly, of life so perhaps it's time to give the girl a chance.
A few months back I put myself onto a waiting list to speak with an endocrinologist. The wait is several months so I figured I'd use the time to:
a) figure out if I truly am TG/TS
b) try to find happiness and contentment in a male life
c) try to get myself OUT of this mess
It appears that A is the only one I've had success in. The other two don't seem possible regardless how many times I ask Google for help.
I'm still waiting to see the endocrinologist but have made my official request with my therapist for HRT. It's just a request and I know I still need to wait and see the endocrinologist first but it's official now, I am seeking HRT. My therapist helped me come to this decision by saying that I could start HRT but don't have to follow through and transition fully. So, my current plan, is to try HRT for a little while to see how I feel. I've come across a few accounts stating that if someone isn't TG then their body will reject the hormones. Is this accurate? I don't know, but want to try nonetheless as anti-depressants do nothing.
Now, I don't mean to trivialize HRT by saying I'm going to "try" it. I recognize how serious it is and don't intend to toy around with it. I just want to see how things go before changes are irreversible. This may not be the best plan but this is why I'm seeking medical assistance rather than self-medicating.
So that's update #1: The official HRT request.
The second update is that I came out to my supervisor at work. With hearing so much about people losing their jobs or facing discrimination from their employers I just had to know what would happen to me if I pursue transition. It was eating me up inside and while coming out may have been premature, I feel it was necessary.
To my surprise, my supe was extremely receptive and told me not to worry as the company would be quite supportive. In fact, she put me in contact with another transwoman who transitioned on the job in a different office. Hearing her experience was quite comforting. There were challenges, of course, but overall the experience was fairly smooth.
My last big update is that I started laser today to begin getting rid of my beard. I never did determine the "best" laser to use as there are so many out there with a diverse range of experiences so I just bit the bullet and just picked one. I called the place up, asked if they've worked with TG clients before, they said yes which was good enough for me.
Naturally I'm hoping for the best possible outcome but, considering mixed experiences, I'm not expecting much. It's a little easier to bite the bullet as I purchased a Groupon for 6 sessions (will likely need 8 though) which was $300.00 + tax. This is muuuuch better than full price which was over $1600.00. Not being a huge risk taker, I'd rather gamble with $300 instead of $1600. If it works, it works and if it doesn't, well, I intend on clearing what's left with electrolysis anyway.
How'd the experience go? The rubber band snapping on your face was a pretty accurate description. It wasn't...awful, but certainly not comfortable, particularly the chin and upper lip. I winced quite a few times which I tried hard not to do. I wanted to be tough so that she'd use a fairly high setting for maximum results. It's possible she turned the intensity down on the upper lip though despite my efforts.
Afterward my face was burning a fair bit but thanks to it being winter outside the cold air felt very nice...that is until I went into a nearby Tim Horton's for a coffee, then it felt like I got some napalm on my face. It was perhaps the only occasion I've wanted to get out of a heated building and back into the frigid weather. Come to think of it, I should've buried my face in a snowbank for little while. Maybe next time.
I was told that for the first few sessions I should come back in 4 weeks. This kind of confuses me however as research suggests waiting 6-8 weeks between sessions. She said the later sessions would be spaced out more but we'd start with 4 weeks. I think I'm going to try and schedule the next session between 5-6 weeks however to sort of compromise. We'll see what happens though.
So there we go, some pretty big updates from the depressed girl whose life is dictated by fear and laziness.
Despite ongoing struggles in accepting myself and facing the GD rather than running from it, I've begun to view transitioning as a necessity, whether I want to do it or not. Most, if not all, would agree that this GD stuff isn't going to go away so what real choice do I have? I'm tired of suffering and being depressed and, frankly, of life so perhaps it's time to give the girl a chance.
A few months back I put myself onto a waiting list to speak with an endocrinologist. The wait is several months so I figured I'd use the time to:
a) figure out if I truly am TG/TS
b) try to find happiness and contentment in a male life
c) try to get myself OUT of this mess
It appears that A is the only one I've had success in. The other two don't seem possible regardless how many times I ask Google for help.
I'm still waiting to see the endocrinologist but have made my official request with my therapist for HRT. It's just a request and I know I still need to wait and see the endocrinologist first but it's official now, I am seeking HRT. My therapist helped me come to this decision by saying that I could start HRT but don't have to follow through and transition fully. So, my current plan, is to try HRT for a little while to see how I feel. I've come across a few accounts stating that if someone isn't TG then their body will reject the hormones. Is this accurate? I don't know, but want to try nonetheless as anti-depressants do nothing.
Now, I don't mean to trivialize HRT by saying I'm going to "try" it. I recognize how serious it is and don't intend to toy around with it. I just want to see how things go before changes are irreversible. This may not be the best plan but this is why I'm seeking medical assistance rather than self-medicating.
So that's update #1: The official HRT request.
The second update is that I came out to my supervisor at work. With hearing so much about people losing their jobs or facing discrimination from their employers I just had to know what would happen to me if I pursue transition. It was eating me up inside and while coming out may have been premature, I feel it was necessary.
To my surprise, my supe was extremely receptive and told me not to worry as the company would be quite supportive. In fact, she put me in contact with another transwoman who transitioned on the job in a different office. Hearing her experience was quite comforting. There were challenges, of course, but overall the experience was fairly smooth.
My last big update is that I started laser today to begin getting rid of my beard. I never did determine the "best" laser to use as there are so many out there with a diverse range of experiences so I just bit the bullet and just picked one. I called the place up, asked if they've worked with TG clients before, they said yes which was good enough for me.
Naturally I'm hoping for the best possible outcome but, considering mixed experiences, I'm not expecting much. It's a little easier to bite the bullet as I purchased a Groupon for 6 sessions (will likely need 8 though) which was $300.00 + tax. This is muuuuch better than full price which was over $1600.00. Not being a huge risk taker, I'd rather gamble with $300 instead of $1600. If it works, it works and if it doesn't, well, I intend on clearing what's left with electrolysis anyway.
How'd the experience go? The rubber band snapping on your face was a pretty accurate description. It wasn't...awful, but certainly not comfortable, particularly the chin and upper lip. I winced quite a few times which I tried hard not to do. I wanted to be tough so that she'd use a fairly high setting for maximum results. It's possible she turned the intensity down on the upper lip though despite my efforts.
Afterward my face was burning a fair bit but thanks to it being winter outside the cold air felt very nice...that is until I went into a nearby Tim Horton's for a coffee, then it felt like I got some napalm on my face. It was perhaps the only occasion I've wanted to get out of a heated building and back into the frigid weather. Come to think of it, I should've buried my face in a snowbank for little while. Maybe next time.
I was told that for the first few sessions I should come back in 4 weeks. This kind of confuses me however as research suggests waiting 6-8 weeks between sessions. She said the later sessions would be spaced out more but we'd start with 4 weeks. I think I'm going to try and schedule the next session between 5-6 weeks however to sort of compromise. We'll see what happens though.
So there we go, some pretty big updates from the depressed girl whose life is dictated by fear and laziness.