Why DOESN'T your SO accept your CDing?

[Briana90802]

the other night I asked my wife why she accepts my crossdressing? I told her that many of my counterparts on this site have SOs that aren't accepting. She said she accepts me because when I put on the clothes I'm still the same person. My personality doesn't change. I don't act differently(except for a few mannerisms) but I am not a Jekyll and Hyde type when the clothes go on.

So have you ever asked you SO why she does or doesn't accept you as a CDer?

What did she say?

[Anna H]

Mine is the same. She has her limits. If I tried to have any sort
of "character mode"...for lack of a better word, she'd look at me funny.

It's important for me to not be much different as a person. No voice
changing or excessive swishing about...etc.

I have to be myself, just dressed up being the only real change.

There are tons of guys who are "just pretty", I think. It'd be nice
if that could work out in the real world. She just last night told
me that Johnny Depp...(she's a fan)...looks better with the pirate
eye makeup on. (she mentioned someone else right off...but i
forget who it was..)

Anyways, the key thing that keeps it working for me is not to
change to a "different person". Which works fine because I'm
the same anyway. I do feel much better and am easier to get
along with, but I do believe that to be because I have No
stress and feel Great.....so naturally, I'm going to be pleasant
to be around.

I can only say why mine 'does' accept. I wouldn't know how to
ask someone who didn't. I'd be back in the closet hiding again....

~♥~ :happy:

[Vanessa Rose]

Brianna,

I ask this of my significant other virtually daily. The only reasoning I get back is because "i love your heart." I don't have a clue why we have had such fortune with understanding women, but I do appreciate it every day, every minute and will try to always make her life beautiful.

I just don't understand why some women can love their man, and then put conditions on it. That to me is the beginning of a death sentence.... And if you were to look at my prenup... you would understand how much of a noose that would be. My SO could care less what I put in the Prenup... we are awesome together.... it is the only way I can marry another woman.

To me, a couple is not about restrictions, but opening doors with someone you trust implicitly. If not, why be with them... if they want to limit what you can put on, and it bothers no one externally, then what is the deal... it is a power thing...*%*E)$#

I am lucky and so are you... she is a keeper... Love the shit out of her every moment of every day...

Vanny

Kate you are wonderfully, simply pretty and a beautiful person... my thought is your kindness and love has earned a key to her heart, regardless of how you dress

[MWCMDarlene]

My wife of 27.5 years is not accepting of my CDing in any way, shape, form, or fashion. She knows that i do it, and has known about it for about 13-14 years when she confronted me with it and I "fessed" up, so it has become a DADT issue in our relationship. As to why she isn't accepting, quite honestly, she sees it and regards it as a sinful activity that I am involved in. She comes from a very religious background (her father is a preacher). What causes her to have a problem with it is the aforementioned facts, then add into the mix, so am I. So, when she thinks about me in CD mode, well, it completely distorts her concept of what a man, a husband, a father, and a preacher is supposed to be. Honestly, I can completely understand her thinking in that regard.

It would be my greatest of wishes that she would be tolerable/accepting of this activity of mine, but I am afraid that it will be a long, long, long time before that will happen. Do we love one another? Yes, more than you could ever know. Are we committed to one another? Yes, until death do we part. This is the way that it is and it is a tolerable situation in our marriage. But we both wish it were different. Her wish is one thing, mine another.

[Stephanie47]

She does not think it is 'manly.' Several decades ago (30 years to be exact) she told me she could understand that I love the feel of nylon (nighties and slips). but, she cannot understand why I would want to wear a bra. She pointed out a guy has nothing to pack into a bra. We haven't had any discussions for over twenty years. It's DADT which is fine with me.

Basically she feels she married a guy and not a girlfriend.

[Sallee]

thats a tough question She accepted it once for several yrs when we were much younger We went out only with other CDs and spouses or CD functions. Then one day she just grew tried of it I guess and decided it should become a DADT. Which actually keeps it more under control for me because as we all know it can be come addicting if we let it.

[Dolphin]

Very difficult to answer because her knowledge is new for both of us... some hints that she wouldn't want to see me that way. Have androgynous looks worked for anyone?

[Beverley Sims]

Mine has limits.
Have you thought the original reason that you got together has shifted a bit?

[Cheryl James]

My wife thinks (believes) that it is a perversion. I, also, guess that she would be embarrassed for herself should anyone find out about this part of me. Hell would feeze over before she would ever accept it.

[PaulaQ]

My wife didn't accept my CDing, because the notion of any amount of femininity (or weakness) in my personality was totally unacceptable to her. I think it's really that simple. She had serious problems any time I showed doubt or weakness. Being a girl? No freaking way!

[meganmartin]

I did ask my wife although she can not see me when i am dressed but she does accept it as something i have to do to feel complete, she gets it. Now for her the reason she has issues for seeing me relates to our times of intimacy that she can not get past the fem images she has of me. Where she is only attracted to the male side of me. Think in time this will get better.

[Jackie F]

So for ten years or so we were making very tiny baby steps with my CDing, I thought things were okay yet wanted more. So this year I talked to the SO and let her know I wanted a little more freedom and comfort with in the house. I told her I did not need to go in public yet wanted it to be okay to be enfemm more often in the house. WELL that was a bad idea, its like that conversation took us back to the beginning. I asked for openness, honesty and more conversation. What I received was she decided not to have anything to do with Jackie and everything was to stay in the back of the house out of sight and won't even talk about it. Everything else in the marriage is good, she seems happy, we don't fight and continue to do things together. all I can figure is something put her into total denial. A set back for Jackie but I trust things will work out.

[meganmartin]

And i wanted to add something else.

IT would be great if my wife went with me on my girl outings or shared more, that would be awsome.
However i am grateful we have an understanding and I am allowed the freedom to get out with others in the trans community.

As they say it could be better but it could be worse I have heard a number of others who the wife divorced over this so I am so grateful for what i have.

[Rachael Leigh]

I won't add much here other than my story is much the same, it's just not manly. I'm a man and she needs me to act like one. I told her the other day I wish you understood I too have different emotions over this and it's hard to explain.
She is now at least ok with my shaved legs and now 24/7 panty wearing

[Richelle423]

My SO is a gg with an alpha man mentality.. I remember once she showed me a pair of tights and wondered if I could use them I said no it was summer because I knew it was fuel against my CDing. Months later She found me with leggings and she freaked out and I tried to tell her it keeps me warm in the winter.God bless the SO's who accept their CD's!!!!!!!

[Vanessa5]

My wife has said only perverts and child molesters and any other sterotypes assosiated with crossdressing are the reasons to not accept. One of the things in going to counseling I found out is that she believs there is a cure-just take some pills and it will go away. Funny thing is the pills took my bi-polar away and just made me want to dress more. Go figure.

[Kristy 56]

Short answer : she just couldn't comprehend that she never knew about a major part of my life,and couldn't accept that Kristy was the same person as the one in all the family photos. Truthfully,if the shoe was on the other foot I'd probably have difficulty accepting it too. Just saying,

[Jenn0714]

I am new here but a genetic female and I adore and support cd/tg which used to include my spouse. My spouse tells people I am un-supportive and the truth is because my spouse refuses to let me be supportive and thinks I should just let him have a private life that doesn't include me or that I don't need to know about anything not even excessive spending. I am so supportive of everything related to my spouse dressing and otherwise. The only thing I asked of my spouse was honesty and to be included in his femme life which apparently was too much to ask which has broken my heart :(

[Daisy41]

My wife accepts me for the exact same reason Briana! I tell people all the time that I don't really have a "girl side", I'm the same person before and after, just my physical appearance changes and it brings me great happiness.

[Patty-Fay]

I am new here but a genetic female and I adore and support cd/tg which used to include my spouse. My spouse tells people I am un-supportive and the truth is because my spouse refuses to let me be supportive and thinks I should just let him have a private life that doesn't include me or that I don't need to know about anything not even excessive spending. I am so supportive of everything related to my spouse dressing and otherwise. The only thing I asked of my spouse was honesty and to be included in his femme life which apparently was too much to ask which has broken my heart :(
If I were single, I'd ask you to marry me.

[Jenn0714]

If I were single, I'd ask you to marry me.

That's so sweet, you just made me smile. Thank you for that :)