I took the plunge and told

[Rebekah_uk]

After years of denial and the reading of many threads on this site about coming out, i took the plunge and told my wife about my need to dress. I told her how it started at a late age, for me being my late teens. Fast forward to now and how the feelings lately have been getting stronger and eating me up inside to a point where i have been miserable and depressed and taking it out on my family. My wife said thank you for telling her but i don't understand, after that we went to bed. The following day i sent my wife a bunch of flowers and said thank you for listening. She said thank you for trusting her and that she needed time to understand and i replied that is fine and i will be open and honest by answering any and all questions she may pose.

[KayleeTaylor]

Congrats! :D

[heatherdress]

Good for you, and your wife, Rebekah. Hopefully your discussions will bring you even closer together.

[Jenniferathome]

Confusion is natural. No woman is equipped to "understand" this. Hell, WE don't understand it. She will come to terms with it. Open discussion is the best way for the best outcome. Best of luck

[Amy R Lynn]

This is a tough stage. Try not to press the issue too much. She may need time to think about things. Of course, answer any questions she has, but give her some space and time to think about things. Its so easy to just open the flood gates and let the pink fog flow and take over when you finally let this secret out of the bag. Give it time. This very well could bring you closer together. However, you also have to keep in mind that she may not accept this life style. Give her space, and time. We are all here and rooting for you hun! Keep us posted. We all love to help when we can.

[Katey888]

Well done Rebekah - that takes an awful lot of courage - for you, you have done the right thing! :hugs:

Take some time and check out the many threads here that deal with these revelations - there's lots of good advice - the principal one being to give your wife time and space and not to want to accelerate the discovery too quickly.

You sound like you've made an excellent beginning - I sincerely wish you well...

Katey x

[Caden Lane]

And certainly try not to dress around her while she comes to terms. I've known too many CDs who took their reveal as carte blanche to dress as they please. Go slow and easy for her.

[Vanessa Rose]

Rebekah,

Nice... you took a huge step and now the advice that has been offered here can hopefully, over time, add to the relationship.

Just go slow...

Vanessa

[Marcelle]

Hi Rebekah,

The hard part is now over ... now the work begins. As others have said, go slow, let her come to you with questions. However, if a few weeks have gone by and she has said nothing, you may want to bring the subject up just in case she is waiting for you to engage first. Communication is now the key.

Hugs

Isha

[Helen Grandeis]

Good luck! The key is to be a value added husband and to convince your wife that you love her and that in spite of the reality of cd, she wouldn't want to live without you.

[Beverley Sims]

I like Helen's reply here, the rest is sage advice.
Go slow, don't smother her, don't ask her opinion on how you look when dressed, and a lot of other dont's as well.

Do answer her truthfully, do give her all your love and affection, do accede to her requests and you will eventually make progress.

It will not be overnight. :)

[kimdl93]

You did well. Now time, patience, continued honesty and affection will do the rest.

[Jordan]

Congrats hope all works out well for you

[Tina B.]

Good luck, at this point it is just the start, she will have questions she hasn't thought of yet, and her feeling may swing back and forth from acceptance, to fear. Stay positive, be patient and give her time to come to grips with this new information, you have just rocked the foundation of civilization as far as the rest of the world goes!

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Rebekah

You might want to suggest this forum to your wife. I know all the Genetic Girls will be only too happy to help with questions she may have.

I wish you both the best of luck in your discussions

[docrobbysherry]

Anyone that describes their teens as, "---late in life", must be VERY YOUNG, Rebekah? Of course, age is relative.

I started dressing late in life, too. In my 50's.

If u r as young as I think, u and your wife will have many issues to deal with. Your dressing will simply be one in the long list that will grow over the years.

Try to communicate honestly and compromise fairly. Then, if u both really desire to stay together, u will!

[MsVal]

Hello Rebekah,

First, welcome to the forum. This is a good place to get information and share experiences. I hope you choose to take advantage of all that applies.

I'm pretty sure that you read reports of disclosures that went very well and others that were tragic. Due to the very real possibility that a disclosure will significantly damage their relationship, many on this forum have yet to take that giant step, and others that never will. They are aware that once the words have been said, and the wife (mis)understands whatever she may, there is no going back. What you did took a LOT of courage. Congratulations.

I respect and admire Isha, and look forward to her many thoughtful posts. I disagree that the hard part is behind you, but agree that a lot of work lies ahead. While it may take quite some time to develop the courage to make a disclosure, acting on it takes only minutes. The consequences of the disclosure may last for months or years. These may be some of the hardest times in your relationship. This is not a time for pride or proving you are right. Your patience will be tried as much as her tolerance will be tested.

Okay, I've given you a pat-on-the-back and a kick-in-the-butt; now for some advice.

Pay close attention to the teachings of those that have gone before you. There is a great deal of wisdom in their words. In my reading, it appears that the cause for the greatest number of sleepless nights and anxious days is the failure to respect the wife's feelings by proceeding faster than her comfortable pace. Even though this is all about you and your desires, avoid the appearance of selfishness or narcissism.

Best wishes
MsVal

[MsDanii]

Just take time with her. You have done the first step. But remember its a 2 way street.
Make sure you continue to love her and cater for her needs.
They are important as always, and should always be too.

[Fortuneta]

Very well planned and executed. TTT, Things Take Time, and I believe you both will be happy.

[DonnaT]

Hopefully, her time trying to understand won't be from consulting negative spaces on the Internet, etc.

Good luck.

[PaulaQ]

Best of luck hon. Don't be surprised if your relationship is a little bit of a roller coaster for a while. People's first reaction to something like this - especially the reactions of a spouse or SO, are often not the same as their ultimate feelings about the matter. She may be in a state of denial, and not really sure WHAT to think. Maybe she'll decide "meh - it's just clothes, no biggie", or maybe she'll decide "OMG - my husband is becoming a woman!" She may waffle back and forth between extremes, be sympathetic at times, angry at others, and confused plenty of the time.

Don't be surprised, angry, or defensive if any of that happens. It's pretty normal, and it doesn't mean she won't ultimately be accepting of you.

Best of luck, and please do reach out here on the forum if you have issues - many of us have been through these same things. Some with positive results, some with really negative results.

[Tina_gm]

I echo what others have said. Take it SLOW, real slow. And even then, what will seem slow won't to her. I told my wife a little over a year ago. There have been (and will be still) some rough patches. What has kept her with me, and she has said this to me, is that I have shown her that she comes 1st. So long as that happens and I remain the person deep down that I have always been, along with remaining as a male overall, she does not plan on leaving me. She still has her days of struggle confusion, anger and sadness, but she also feels lucky to have found me still. I have offered up a lot of compromise, but that is still way better than the life I had before. Good luck.

[mykell]

congratulations,
hardest thing i have ever done, were in a DADT,
seems your SO took it o.k., i showed my wife that im still that guy,
got some of the chores about the house that were lingering done during the uncomfortable silent weekends,
but it took a while to get comfortable with daily life for a while, best advise i remember getting was continue to be yourself.

she doesnt ask and i dont tell or show as she doesnt want to see.
i told now after losing my dad, every body goes threw your things.
didnt want her to find my "stuff" and assume things if i pass before her, moved everything from hiding places and gave myself a large suitcase that i lock up in case my son finds it. been about 4 weeks now.
one thing i feel is im not out of the woods for the rest of my time, she can always find she doesnt like it at anytime,
sooo once the box is open it cant be closed back up....

[Lexi_83]

I echo what others have said. Take it SLOW, real slow. And even then, what will seem slow won't to her.//This!

We've been learning about crossdressing for years, the idea is completely new to them, they have all kinds of preconceived notions and rumors to sort through, and they worry about what others will think, while for you it's a huge release. So it does take time.

[Annaliese2010]

Poor girl. Both of you. Must be hard though I must confess I don't relate.

[Rebekah_uk]

Hi there

Thank you for all the wonderful advice that you have all given me, i am taking things slowly and we have had some discussions since, some with tears and some without. I will end ever to keep you posted on how things are progressing.

Rebekah

[samantha rogers]

Rebekah, Having just last week gone through the same conversation, I feel for you so deeply. Best of luck to you. The advice that has been given is all good and sound. If I can add anything, it is to say that even if you lose her, what you have done is right. It is small comfort...and believe me because I know. But I hope it may be some comfort, none the less.
Congratulations, honey. You are not alone.
Hugs

[Alice B]

A very big step and well done.Let us know how it goes.

[tfguy]

If I can add anything, it is to say that even if you lose her, what you have done is right. It is small comfort...and believe me because I know. But I hope it may be some comfort, none the less.

Rebekah, Congrats and I agree with Samantha. I only told my wife when I was forced to tell her. I will always regret not being strong enough to tell her, but I was too scared that I would lose her, that she couldn't love the part of me that I hated. Again, congrats and good luck.

[MissTee]

Welcome, Rebekah, and congratulations on taking accountability and telling the truth. ONce you work through this your relationship will be so much stronger. Just don't push it. There's a lot for her to absorb and process.