What is your most personal / private CD experience

[Vanessa Rose]

:straightface:


I was reading a post and was taking in some great comments and it dawned on me, that even though I am very open and honest about my CDing and Vanessa Rose, that I have very private/personal things that I do not like sharing or that I can't share easily, if at all.


Originally I could not let my SO (past) see me. then this morphed into they could see me but we could not talk and or feel / experience my female personality.


Now, for the love of all things good and holy, it is changing again... maybe in time there will be no personal / private side of me... but for now... I am terrified to let my SO see Vanessa Rose fully dressed because it is so personal to me that I would not want to walk out of my safe zone...


Just thinking out loud. Am I alone or do you all have things that are deeply personal and private to you that you don't share even with an understanding SO?


Vanny:daydreaming:

[Shelly Preston]

I have to ask if you are so open and honest about your CDing. Why are you so terrified to let your so see Vanessa ???

[meganmartin]

This maybe just me; Because of the secrecy in general of being a cd. Cant tell family, friend co workers etc. I love sharing details of my outings or experiences with my wife and or any others that are interested. I try to avoid secrets becasue it is a secret as it is, rather not have a secret on top of another secret....Does that make sense.

[Vanessa Rose]

dunno... maybe this makes sense...maybe not... she knows every thing I can possibly tell her about me.. and me her. My Vanessa self has clawed and scratched to survive and be alive over many years...


It is an internal thing... not sure if this will stay this way ie.. last night I tried on the new dresses that arrived... she loved them and can't wait for my wig and such to come in... but I guess vulnerable.. is the way I would describe the feeling. What if she laughs or such... I doubt it greatly, but anyway, that is what it is at the moment... and has been true in the past.


Hard to explain really.... kinda silly now that I think of it..


But, silly does not make the feeling go away...at least not for now..


V

[meganmartin]

Vanny,

I do understand what your saying and that is part of it. I believe 100% when you can be completly vulnerable with your mate that when loves really starts to blossum. Because it is all out there no net.

And she may laugh that comes with the territory. But allow her to express what she feels dont take it personal because remember she has a perception of you as a guy and your going to change that perception with the wig and makeup....She has taking a big step here you need to praise her for it. Allow her to share how she feels whatever that is.

[Jordan]

I like most here probable can't tell family or co workers wife knows though

[MsVal]

Sorry, that's personal. I do hope you understand.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Vanessa Rose]

I was waiting for that response! Ha..


but honestly, I was NOT really looking at the obvious of most of us being unable or willing to tell others...


I was more asking about when you are dressed and alone or with a supportive SO, what is / are those real personal or private things that are hard to share or that you haven't for fear of whatever...


V

[PaulaQ]

This thread didn't really go where I expected it to, but I'll play.

Before transition, when I'd CD, there were times I'd do a particular sex thing alone that I can't really talk about here on the forum and that most of you have probably never heard of anyway. I haven't really shared the details of this except with two other people - but never my wife.

I never told my wife about it because ultimately, this particular practice was the only way I really enjoyed my sex life - and telling her "well gee hon, my sex life alone is actually a LOT more fulfilling for me than my sex life with you," seemed pretty hurtful and pointless after I came out as trans. Also, even before this, telling her about it would've made her feel guilty - but nothing would've changed. (There was also a fairly high probability it would've completely freaked her out too - not as much as being trans, but still, I don't think she'd have reacted well.) Tried to talk to her constructively about our sex life many times - lots of guilt on her part for a few days, no actual benefit to me - she was happy with our sex life and that's all that mattered.

But anyway, what I did was really personal and really private...

Post script: Now that I'm in transition, I no longer do this. It's of no interest to me anymore.

[Jess West]

I'm mostly a lurker... but thought this was an interesting topic..

My wife is very open and understanding about unique people/groups. So while I tinkered with CDing I didnt really go for it until after she had me try on a dress (not becuase we'd talked about it, she was, I think, just curious how it would go). I went a little nutty after that for a while, I work from home so I'd dress almost every day (no makeup/wig, just the rest) and only occasionally do the whole deal.

We went to a halloween party as sunny and Cher around that time, and after that I found just putting some clothes on was not that fun, while trying to look my best presented a neat challenge. I worked at that, and one day I asked if she would like to see the look I'd managed. She was surprised. I mean, I'm a pretty built, broad 6 foot guy... I'd managed to make myself look like a decent feminine version of myself... but she was, I think, surprised at how well I'd done. Not what I'd done, but that I'd taken the time to learn to do make up, get curvy etc, etc...

After that, she has stayed "cool" with it, and at times seen me done up. That said, unless it's for a party (halloween) or something I think seeing I'd gotten good at trying to make myself look like a woman was maybe a little freaky to her. Originally it's "you in a dress" then it's "whoa"! :). It's funny, becuase she asks about it occasionally and it is not a road block in our relationship... but some how, the better I got at it, the more personal it became to me. So OP, I'm with you, I only rarely show off fully done in the past several years.

I'm lucky, she's cool with the fact that I dress up at times. I dont want to push her trust - becuase she gives it to me freely. And I'm happy with my cd experiences... It's for me, and it seems, it's more personal, the longer I've done it...

Interesting question to ponder...

[lovetobedani]

I wish that I had an understanding and open SO to share with.

[JennyLynn]

I hope this doesn't get slammed, but my personal secret is a private and long-lasting personal and sensual relationship with another cd. There, I said it!!

[Annaliese2010]

Just thinking out loud. Am I alone or do you all have things that are deeply personal and private...

Ummm...yeaha? But I'd get banned if I were to say it Here :o

[Vanessa Rose]

you can figure out a way to say anything within the limitations.. it is just in the wording... Ha!

[iGenny]

As I've mentioned before, I'm a late-late bloomer. I had been dressing for just under a year, and my wife went out of state to vacation with her sister for a week. That night I wore a beautiful dress I found at a yard sale, made myself a candle light dinner of mixed-greens salad, seared scallops and risotto and a nice glass of pino grigio. It was weird, like a date, but I didn't get lucky later. Funny thing is, at the end of the week (after dressing every second I wasn't at work) I thought, "There - that's out of my system" and purged. It took about 2 weeks before the feeling came back. Another two before I started over. I miss that dress.

[JennyLynn]

My deeply personal feminine side and my secret desire to be a woman, loved by a woman.

[Gabbagrl]

As I've mentioned before, I'm a late-late bloomer. I had been dressing for just under a year, and my wife went out of state to vacation with her sister for a week. That night I wore a beautiful dress I found at a yard sale, made myself a candle light dinner of mixed-greens salad, seared scallops and risotto and a nice glass of pino grigio. It was weird, like a date, but I didn't get lucky later. Funny thing is, at the end of the week (after dressing every second I wasn't at work) I thought, "There - that's out of my system" and purged. It took about 2 weeks before the feeling came back. Another two before I started over. I miss that dress.

I'm guessing your wife doesn't know. If she doesn't, you might want to tell her. If she finds the dress and the melted candles she might think you are cheating. Us GG are little crazy haha. Be careful.
~GG

[Beverley Sims]

I am sorry, I am unable to tell you.

Why?

It is personal and private. :)

If I told you here I may as tell Rupert Murdoch and News of the World.

[sandra-leigh]

For some time after my wife knew, I had trouble getting changed from male-looking clothes to obvious female clothes if she was in the room. It wasn't just her, though: the CD social club was about the only place I was comfortable being seen in-between. I was fine being seen obviously dressed in public, and I was fine being seen in male-looking clothes, but that couple of minutes of switch-over was something too private. Private, and also I was worried about being called "perverted" and being considered as a sex offender during that change-over time, but I was not worried about that once the obvious clothes were on.

This is related to my discomfort in wearing forms at work. Yes, I did that from time to time. I was not worried about being thought to have "breasts", I was worried about it being discovered that they were false breasts and that word would get around that I was doing "sexual" things while at work. When my own breasts finally started coming in, I made no attempt to hide them, and did not wear "bulky sweaters" or "minimizing bras" or the like. Because, as I said, I had no mental trouble with people thinking I had breasts, and now that they were real I could no longer be accused of using work time for "sexual play".

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Vanessa, If I tell you then it wouldn't be personal and private anymore.

[Ms. Laura]

OK, so like, who just can't stand not knowing what the hell PaulaQ was up to??? :)

Mmm, I don't think my wife quite realizes how much I long to be Laura. I choose not to be for her and my family, but I wish I was. I don't care so much about the clothes so much, I hate taking off the wig and makeup.

[Lynn Marie]

I share a similar aversion to dressing in front of women I am particularly attracted to. I'm still a man and enjoy portraying that image. Therefore I'm a little uncomfortable with what would seem a less than manly girly image when dressed. I may be a classy old broad, but way down deep I still want to be a "hunky boy" with the ladies!

[iGenny]

I'm guessing your wife doesn't know. If she doesn't, you might want to tell her. If she finds the dress and the melted candles she might think you are cheating. Us GG are little crazy haha. Be careful.
~GG

Yea, I want to, but let's just say after 25+ years together, I know how it would go. I have to do it right.

And thank you for admitting you GGs be crazy - I tell my wife that and she just gives me, well, that crazy little smile. ;)

[Katey888]

OK, so like, who just can't stand not knowing what the hell PaulaQ was up to??? :)


Probably most of us, Laura - we're just too polite to ask... (Go on - go on - ask her, ask her... nudge, nudge, wink, wink... ;) - say no more...)

Katey x

[Tara D. Rose]

Yes Katey888, I just read my friend PaulaQ's post here and it did get my curiosity up very good too. Hopefully she will share some of it with us in a pm.

[sonialexis]

Oh absolutely, though I'm not with a lot of you there, married and out in the open with your SOs, I'm somewhere in between (pun not intended). Yes I love my SO and I wouldn't want her to see me sashaying and pouting and also the rest that follows. It would be unfair on her, like Lynn Marrie says "i like to be a hunky boy for the girls" i might not succeed completely but I try, but she likes it.

[Jaymees22]

What did PaulaQ do? My secret is a sex thing too. Sometimes my Jaymee time has a happy ending or a happy middle or a happy beginning! Also something in the shower that's not a sex thing. Hugs Jaymee

[McKayla1]

I'm a virgin, have had sexual experiences at peak teen hormone season, just wasn't into it so I never took it far and always broke it off if it seemed like something to be expected, haven't dated in a long time but cding makes me feel lonely and being dressed in front of any cis-gender is a scary thought, I just want another cd to cuddle with. Not a secret on this forum but it's definitely a complicated secret I have in real life.