Is it just luck?

[Nadine Spirit]

For those of us that have shared our gender variances with others has acceptance or rejection been due to just luck?

Many people seem to indicate that those of us who have been accepted should be very thankful for our good luck. I tend to question that line of reasoning as it dismisses our involvement in the situation and places all power in the other persons hands.

I kind of view life like this:

“I'm a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it”
― Thomas Jefferson

[Beverley Sims]

Nadine,
Your last line is a great philosophy

[AllieSF]

What you say is very true. However, I think that when people state that here, they already realize it, but wish that their own extra efforts would bring some of that good fortune their way. Also, there are many good people here that also have wonderful wives who none the less want nothing to do with their crossdressing side, to the point for some that it becomes a taboo subject and activity grounds for divorce. That is totally understandable, especially if the SO is finding out after the marriage commitment has been made and finalized. So, to me those that have SO's the tolerate, accept and even participate in their partner's other side, are truly rare. That being said, that person has had their own type of luck to be blessed with an SO like that.

[Vanessa5]

After dating many women, I have not been lucky enough to find one that would accept me as a crossdresser. On the other hand I may be lucky my wife didn't divorce me for cding.

[Katey888]

It's a good point Nadine - and I've been one of those who does always remind folk of their good fortune or luck - but you (and Mr Jefferson :)) are right. It's not only luck, as many here I'm sure will attest. Planning, preparing, thinking it through, and the right way of engaging with one's SO will play a part.

But there is still a lot of power in the SOs hands... even up to a full veto in the worst case. So having a bit of luck along the way can only help. :D As Napoleon said (paraphrasing): "He might be a good general, but is he lucky...?"

Katey x

[Rachelakld]

I'm always lucky - yes I work hard for it and it takes a long time
Each day, I put a pebble in to the ocean of my life, and overtime I'm rewarded with beautiful islands.

[lingerieLiz]

I don't know if it is luck or acceptance of one's self. My wife would rather I didn't wear women's clothes primarily because she feels life would be easier. On the other hand she accepts that I do and I understand her preferences and fears. We enjoy shopping and have fun finding great buys. We shop with several women friends who are aware of my preferences in clothes and accept that I am buying for myself. Their husbands know I'm sure but never bring it up when they are around me. It is sometimes sad when I hear about husbands that are absorbed in addictive habits or ignore their wives and families to pursue other things whether it's CDing, golf, or whatever.

Over the years, I've always been helpful to people and I think it gets returned in acceptance.

[LenGray]

Hm...I feel as though luck is created through what you make of events. I've had a rough life I'll admit, but a lucky one, as well. Most people who hear about my life ask me how I can be so optimistic and cheerful all the time and I tell them that I have horrible luck but in the luckiest way lol :) For example:

I was homeless, but I saw beautiful things and got so much stronger as a person
I was abused, but I learned how to use my strength to protect the weak instead of hurt them
I've never had a true home, but I've traveled a lot and seen things most people wouldn't believe
I don't have many friends, but the ones I have love me

Perhaps one day I'll be able to say that I've experienced heartbreak, but found a truly amazing person to love :)
Thinking that way, I don't really feel there is any bad luck at all...

[Vanessa Rose]

I like your Philosophy Nadine!... I can't help but think that there are many elements involved. Why have I found multiple partners that have accepted.. and not rejected me? I don't know...


I am confident, very much so... I own my needs and do not apologize for speaking directly about my expectations and needs. Perhaps wrong, perhaps not your style, or perhaps so.. I don't know...


I am grateful, but I am worth what I put into a relationship. I put in more than I take out... and I do it willingly.. I want to be valued... and express value and love back.


Maybe this is not what we are getting at... but if it were just up to luck .... I don't believe it. If Luck were part of It, then I am in.


Vanny

[Shy_Confusion]

Just my theory:

Any time you destroy someone's perceptions, they're not going to be happy. You have to chip it away. Twist endings are great in movies, but in real life people sort of want a warning, hint or clue. Otherwise it's a complete shock to the system that people aren't ready to deal with, and often times reject it simply because it doesn't fit in with how they thought it should be/go.

I hope that made sense, and be careful out there.

[heatherdress]

Acceptance or rejection is not simply due to luck. There are so many factors involved with acceptance and rejection. We can, however, consider ourselves to be fortunate when we are accepted, or befriended, or liked, or loved.

[sandra-leigh]

None of the Canadian women I asked out agreed to go on a date with me (well, other than one bad flop of a date through the Classifieds when I was 33.) The only girlfriends I have ever had, came from other continents.

Would I have had more dates if I had been out actively doing something like formal dancing? Possibly, possibly not. Maybe if I had moved to Silicon Valley, where nerds are more common.

[Jenniferathome]

From the outside looking in, it's luck. From the inside, it's the quality of the relationship.

[PaulaQ]

You literally have no power over another person's feelings about you or their reactions to you.

So I'm gonna go with "luck".

[bridget thronton]

I think the people most likely to accept you are those who already care about you.

[Cheryl T]

I don't think it's luck...I think it's love.
The love my SO and I share is what has been her strength to accept me. It's not that I feel I am lucky, but I certainly feel I am loved.

[Angela Campbell]

perhaps it has something to do with who you chose to be associated with to begin with. Of course family not included here, we do not choose them.

[Aprilrain]

My wife would have stayed with me through transition, "luckily" I had had enough of our sick relationship and refused. She only wanted to stay with me to server her own codependent self interest. Had I stayed with her it would have been out of fear of the unknown. I see a lot of sick relationships out there and people think they are lucky to have them, go figure?

[natcrys]

I would say partially luck and partially knowing your friends a little bit... but in the end, you never know for a 100% how they will react.

Most of my friends are highly educated (MSc, PhD), quite liberal (even for the Netherlands), non-or-not-actively-religious and pretty easy-going.. so in my case, I knew that telling them would not lead to any real negative responses or reactions. Sure, some were surprised, confused even.. and some of them had lots of questions. But none of them rejected me!

Sure, there is luck involved, but I like to think that they are my friends exactly because they are like that... even if I wasn't a CD.

Now, don't get me wrong.. I do think that religious, traditional people with non-academic backgrounds (such as my parents) can be very accepting.. but from where I'm standing.. I'd be much more hesitant if more than 75% of my friends were like that.

[Marcelle]

I believe when people use the term "luck" or "lucky" they mean it as a general statement not so much that "wow you are lucky you were accepted so relish that luck and treat that person like a god/dess for having the good graces to bless you with their acceptance" . . . sorry not being facetious it was just the best way I could explain my idea.

I for one will tell people about Isha, if they accept I am happy and count them as a continued friend. If they reject . . . that is their prerogative and they can go forth and enjoy their life without my friendship.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nadine, All women have their own opinions of us some positive and some negative.

[Amanda M]

It's not just hard work, or cleverness or luck. It's about the other person's perception. That's it. Their perception may change over time, but maybe not.

Sure good planning and presentation lead to a higher chance of success, but only that. As for luck - I have GG friend in the UK. She is beautiful, talented, hard working, and has had both breasts remove in an attempt to stem the advance of genetic breast cancer. It has, after four remissions, all of them fought hard, metastasized considerably.

Throughout it all, sh has benn role model for many other cancer patients and a loving mother and a wonderful daughter to her parents.

Her daughter, who is mid teens but with an IQ of about 11 has the gene too. Enough said