Mini Rant

[ms.rita]

I'm tired...just tired of not being able to just be myself. I'm happy with me and honestly I'm beginning not to care if anyone looks at me weird. I haven't been able to date in a while because I feel like it's my duty to be honest and upfront about things but if potential girlfriends are going to be judgmental and weirded out then I might as well resign myself to a life of single-hood, right? I hate how judgmental the world is...

[VS Fan]

Yeah - I hear you! I go through phases like this also where I am just plain tired of "boundaries"... too many reasons hold me back from breaking them however. In some ways I'm envious that you're in the position you are - able to actually make these choices when you're single. Anyway, best of luck to you in your journey!

[lingerieLiz]

Being honest about who you are does not require you to shout it out before someone gets to know you. A hunter doesn't go through the woods yelling, Here I come. Why would you tell a potential SO, hey you probably won't like me. Why would they want to know more?

I don't know much about your lifestyle. If you are 24/7 fem then women will know as soon as they meet you. On the other hand if you dress part time or even underdress full-time you have no requirement to tell anyone until you decide they have a need to know. You do owe it to someone before the relationship goes monogamous and especially marriage.

[Adriana Moretti]

yes being is single is a good thing.....enjoy your freedom...I Do!!!.....Nobody stops you from flying!....

[LenGray]

I can definitely understand your frustration, I imagine that a lot of us here can.

If you're happy with you, that's what counts, right? That's what your heart tells you and yet there doesn't seem to be a single decent human being around you that can accept that. It's tough when you feel that way. But the important thing is that YOU are happy.

As far as girlfriends go, yes, it's your duty to be upfront but if they can't accept you you're better off not dating them. This doesn't mean signing a Certificate of Singledom, but rather being willing to wait for the right type of person to come along.

I have had a hard time with SO's not accepting my dual nature, some even get frightened by it and feels like it reflects on them...But even so, I haven't given up simply because the odds are in my favor. Out of all the people in the world, I am the way I am. That means in order for nature to not be unbalanced, there must be someone who not only accepts me for who I am but adores me for being myself :) I'm positive that the same is true for you Rita!

There's not much we can do around here except say that we understand, but if you ever need a sympathetic ear or virtual shoulder to cry on, send me a PM. Even if the world is judgmental, I'm not and I'll always be happy to hear from you :)

[ms.rita]

Haha...deep down somewhere I'm acknowledging you are more than partially right. It's just that sometimes one does get lonely. There's nothing wrong in wanting someone who you can confide in and who has your back is there?


I can definitely understand your frustration, I imagine that a lot of us here can.

If you're happy with you, that's what counts, right? That's what your heart tells you and yet there doesn't seem to be a single decent human being around you that can accept that. It's tough when you feel that way. But the important thing is that YOU are happy.

As far as girlfriends go, yes, it's your duty to be upfront but if they can't accept you you're better off not dating them. This doesn't mean signing a Certificate of Singledom, but rather being willing to wait for the right type of person to come along.

I have had a hard time with SO's not accepting my dual nature, some even get frightened by it and feels like it reflects on them...But even so, I haven't given up simply because the odds are in my favor. Out of all the people in the world, I am the way I am. That means in order for nature to not be unbalanced, there must be someone who not only accepts me for who I am but adores me for being myself :) I'm positive that the same is true for you Rita!

There's not much we can do around here except say that we understand, but if you ever need a sympathetic ear or virtual shoulder to cry on, send me a PM. Even if the world is judgmental, I'm not and I'll always be happy to hear from you :)


I think that part of the complication arises because many of us are compelled to have this dual existence. Regular folk get threatened by this. I do agree though, there has to be someone out there who accepts and adores me the way I know I should be. It's just one of those nights I guess which is why it's a mini-rant. Still I'll keep your offer in mind. I'll be in touch. Thanks much. xx

Thanks :)

[Adriana Moretti]

we will go out....get you over that real quick LOL !

[ms.rita]

Yes, ma'am :)

[LenGray]

we will go out....get you over that real quick LOL !

Haha, is that a 'girls only' type thing or can I come along to, Adriana? The night the lights, and having a lovely lady on each arm...:daydreaming: ;p

[Vanessa Rose]

Not trying to be trite about this...


Control what you can...take ownership of it and make it the best possible for you. In my life, trying to control all the things I could not, drove me nuts. Just my two cents...


By the way I do get the point you are making and understand... but If I was single, lord I would BE SINGLE in a big way.


Vanny

[Erica Marie]

Amen sister,Im with ya 110%

[ShelbyDawn]

I am there with you.
I am actually very comfortable with where I am in my dressing.
It is a part of me and my life is pretty balanced but sometimes I just can't stand that "life" wont let me wear a skirt and cute shoes whenever I want or get "real" breasts or wear makeup in public...
(young kids, family pressures and job, you all know the reasons)
I mean just once, I want to get a mani/pedi and have my fingers painted the same color instead of just clear coat - and keep them painted for more than just a few hours.

In fact, just thinking about this has gotten me so upset that I am going to go takle a bubble bath and shave my legs. :)

:hugs:

Shelby

[PaulaQ]

I think that part of the complication arises because many of us are compelled to have this dual existence.

What sucks is that you are forced to choose between whatever is the lesser of two evils:
- stay in the closet, and be miserable
- come out, but risk sometimes awful stigma and social consequences

It's a very difficult situation to be in.

Of course the part that really sucks? You never chose to be this way. :/

There are women out there though who can love you as you are. I know it's hard to find them. I worried that I'd never find anyone after I came out as trans - and I did. You can find someone who will accept your CDing.

[Jenniferathome]

... if potential girlfriends are going to be judgmental and weirded out then I might as well resign myself to a life of single-hood, right? I hate how judgmental the world is...

So you are not going to try because a woman MIGHT be "weirded out?" What a waste.

[ms.rita]

I have tried. Twice I lost people that I had taken the liberty of assuming would understand or at least try to.

[PaulaQ]

You are liable to have to try a whole bunch of times hon. It's difficult to find the right person for anyone. All you can really tell yourself, and I know it's cold consolation, is "their loss."

[KristyE]

You miss 100% of shots not taken.
Love KristyE

[Marcelle]

Hi Rita,

Unfortunately people are going to be judgemental as it goes with the territory and I think your stance of just being yourself is the best approach. However, that doesn't mean you have to come right out and blurt "Nice dress by the way I own a similar one". I don't see an issue with getting to know the person for awhile to see if the relationship grows and has potential. If it does then you can come clean if you desire to do so. IMHO unless the gal in question is a self-professed "I have no issues with being in a CD relationship" she will need time to get to know the person you are without the visual of you dressed in women's lingerie. Some here may say this is "selling a false bill of goods" however, I believe it is pragmatic. If she cannot handle the CDing bit after she has got to know you then she will most likely never be able to do so.

My 2 cents

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rita, One of these days Mrs. right will come into your life and you both will live happily ever after.

[Beverley Sims]

Rita,
Have patience!
As Orchid says Mrs Wright, or even better Miss Wright, will come along and she will be the right one for you. :)