False impressions

[Maria 60]

Last week my wife had bought a few new dresses and asked me to model them for her, so since I was all dolled up and modelling I asked her to take some pictures and I tried on the new dresses and she asked me to try on some of her older ones. There was one dress she said looked really good and that I could have it. Thursday night we were going out and I was wearing tights under my jeans and I would look down at my feet and think to myself that I have sexy feet, then I walk by a mirror and I see my feet are so big and they don't look sexy at all, and they look nothing like women's feet. Later that night I finally had some time to download those pictures to a secure memory card and when I started looking at those pictures I couldn't believe how bad I looked in them, I tell my wife, why is it that when I look down at myself I think I look so good and then I look at a picture I look gross, my stomach out and told her I couldn't believe she thought I looked hot in that dress when I thought it was ugly. So I ask her the big question, how she feels when she looks at me dressed, if she is just being polite or is she being honest when she says I look good or does it gross her out but she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. She told me that no matter what I do I am a man and built a man and that I have many women qualities like my legs are unbelievable, women could only wish for legs like that, but my upper body is all man and it doesn't gross her out when i am dressed. She says it all worth it when she sees how happy and excited I am when i am dressed or when she buys me something that I am like a little kid in a candy store. She says for me to look down at myself and in the mirror and see what ever I want to see because to her I look beautiful dressed as a women even if I don't look 100% like one, and whatever makes me happy make her happy. Well after she had me in tears a little, I still told her I can't believe the false impression I get when I am dresses I really thought I looked better or more like a women. Did anyone else here put on a dress or think you look better and then see a picture or in the mirror and think what they thought looked good really didn't?

[mykell]

happens all the time, but i dont live in front of the mirror, or camera,
so if i feel good wearing things about the house i put most of the emphasis on "feeling" not "looking",
as for the mrs. we are DADT, and i dont venture out, so it works for me,
i do try harder than ever since joining the group to perfect my look all i can.....

[Marcelle]

Hi Maria,

Firstly . . . your wife is such a sweetie and you can certainly tell she loves you very much.

I sometimes wonder when I post pictures and others say "you look great" . . . "you look hot" if that is just them being kind or is it true. I will look at myself in the mirror dressed complete and think . . . you could be taken for a woman. I then look at a picture and think . . . my goodness "creepy old guy in drag".

I asked my wife one day about this and she like your wife said, while you can pass to a degree (height and weight is good, slightly finer features than guy) you are still a guy and it is noticeable . . . I love my wife for her bluntness. :)

I think we are own worse critics and when looking in the mirror we have the luxury of seeing ourselves with the added benefit of movement and relaxed gestures. This is what and how people see us. However, pictures we are trying to pose, trying to force a relaxed smile (even though we seldom do) and when we look at the final product we go "Yikes" :eek: We can also be more critical of pictures because it is static and we can pick out the flaws easier whereas a live moving mirror image we focus on the whole visual not just details.


Funny, I do the same thing in guy mode, I look in the mirror and think " Looks good" but a picture always gives me pause for thought.

Hugs

Isha

[Katey888]

Maria - you have a wonderful wife - celebrate and treasure her! (I'm sure you do already...:))

Your experience is the same as many here I'm sure - whatever oxytocins or endorphins are released when we dress, I think some of them go straight to our visual cortex and enables a kind of virtual makeover in our minds - so looking in a mirror looks great; photos afterwards - OMG! Sometimes one can get the look just right, the posture just so, and then just a hint of manipulation afterwards helps.. :devil:

But the more you do it the more you are able to learn that the woman you are in your mind is sometimes quite different from the one in reality - and practice makes... just better, by increments! :)

Enjoy your time as Maria - and your legs do look pretty darn good from here! :D

Katey x

[Helen Grandeis]

Rigid DADT is my future with stolen femme-in and femme-out time as my only outlet.

[Tina B.]

I love the way I look in pictures, that is about 1 out of a hundred pictures. The first 99 can be anything from too fat, too tall, too wide in the shoulders, great dress looks like crap on me, lights to harsh and face looks to masculine, but just once and a while I get a picture that I love, and can't wait to share. But then when I look down at myself, (look in a mirror) I don't see a beautiful woman, I just see that same old guy with a big smile on his face.

[Anna H]

I had a good long thread with lots of good input about this. I wish
I could bring it all here, but what I came away with was that pictures
will look different from real life, so you/we are seeing something
in between very often. Not as bad as the pictures....and much closer
to what we 'think' we see in the mirror.

The camera flattens an image and the colors may not be exactly what
they seem to be. Lighting, background colors/reflections, angles, all
sorts of things affect it....as we all know.

I know one girl who looks Great. Her trick is doing video and picking
out stills. She's definitely one you just know looks Fabulous in person,
but some of her still shots look terrible.

Some of us are photogenic. They can take pix anywhere, any time with
any sort of camera. Some of us are not.

I look exactly like Betty Davis...as she is at this very moment...if I take
a picture out in the sunlight.....with my camera i have now. Not Good!
But I do know I don't look anywhere near that bad in real life. So the
camera doesn't always get it 'right'.

In real life, light is always moving and our eyes see things in depth.
We do look better in person than what the camera is telling us.

I've chosen pictures I thought were truer and had my wife tell me
which looked closer to what I look like to her. That proved it to
me....anyone can try that.

I still have to do 100 pictures to get 2-3-4 that I like. Sometimes
more, sometimes less.....

:happy: ♥

[KimberlyJean]

Sometimes I think my mirrors are shaped wrong. I put a full length mirror in my shop and purchased a cheap one. From a distance it makes me look like I have superhero shoulders no matter what I wear. I have another mirror in the bathroom that I love but I am sure it makes me look thinner than I really am. I have been out and seen my reflection in windows and store mirrors and I don't think I look bad but still sometimes I get that "I am not fooling anyone feeling" when I am out. I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that I don't pass as well as I thought but most people aren't rude enough to make an issue out of it.

[Vanessa Rose]

I think what Kate said. The problem is that most people show too many pictures and the last few, make them look like a guy in a dress.

That is my take. I have repeatedly found this to be true...

1) look at a persons pictures and you are on the 5th one or so and they look great, then the "picture" shows up or two "pictures" show up and BAM!!!! "That is a dude in a dress."
2) don't be a dude in a dress because you are not discerning enough to really be choosy.
3) if this does not apply to you because you always look good when dressed (then this does not apply to you). I am not a therapy couch....

My point then, you are your brand...be choosy be beautiful, and make sure you portray yourself correctly... and yes I get it that we all have bad days but Lord if your wig is on sideways and your shoes are on the wrong foot and you have 5 oclock shadow, then perhaps this applies...

Vanny

[CarlaWestin]

I know one girl who looks Great. Her trick is doing video and picking
out stills. She's definitely one you just know looks Fabulous in person,
but some of her still shots look terrible.

This could be me. My profile shot is a still grab from video and I believe that's where the gems are. In the actual footage I appear to be a gorilla in drag marching around the pool with a broom. But, that profile shot came out better than I ever expected. Later, I tried some still poses, with the apron I had forgotten to include earlier and, none really came out good. (see attached) So, stop worrying about looking perfect. Go to the mall and see how much better you look than quite a few women. And then look at the unfortunate men that are stuck in their boring mono-gender existence.

[CarlaWestin]

Sometimes I think my mirrors are shaped wrong. I put a full length mirror in my shop and purchased a cheap one. From a distance it makes me look like I have superhero shoulders no matter what I wear. I have another mirror in the bathroom that I love but I am sure it makes me look thinner than I really am.
Hmm? I always suspected that mirrors were liars! Damn them! In my bathroom mirror, the flood of light makes all the wrinkles (canyons) on my face virtually disappear. But in real downlighting, I look much older. Damn it!

[Angie G]

When I dress and now and then put on some make-up I won't pass at all but in the mirror I think not bad but in a pic from a camera it's like OMG no way do I come close to not bad. That's why I keepit in the house. And my wife is a sweet lady and won't sat I'm ugly as a woman.:hugs:
Angie

[Tracii G]

I kind of feel that way in a dress too.Just don't think I look good at all and jealous of all the ladies here that can wear a dress and look fab.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Maria, I feel much the way you do. Like you, I feel my legs are objectively decent and look fairly feminine with heels and hose. But above the waist? Forget it. My wife is very polite when she sees me in dresses or women's tops, but once in a while she'll joke about me needing to lose some weight so as to not look "pregnant". I don't mind; it's all in good fun. She makes me feel good when she listens to my opinions about what she should wear, and I especially love it when she sees a pair of heels I have purchased for myself, and asks me to buy her the same pair in her size.

I look ridiculous in my pics above the waist. My favorite feature in iPhoto is "Crop"! But I still enjoy dressing as a woman, and especially when I can share those moments with my wife. Of course I would love to look fully like a convincing attractive woman, but that's not in the cards right now. I'd also like to be a billionaire and travel to Mars. Life is full of compromises.

[AllieSF]

Yes, it happens to me too. There are a lot of good replies here already. I think it is a combination of all of them plus a lot of unconscious processing by our own minds. First, we usually pick the best pictures to share with others, whether en femme or male mode. So, we are just seeing and remembering those few select good shots. Then you have the real facts about lighting, in pictures, in reflections in store windows and in mirrors, all affected by the ambient lighting. Then we have our wonderful minds that helps us understand what we see, helps us do that quickly, i.e. the mind quickly defines what we see based on past similar visions, and then fools us at the same time.

I know what I look like, a man in sheep's clothing with the male features showing through. However, the final result after doing all the preparation work still is more than a major change from what I started with. This is where my mind games come into play. Once I get to that point where I put on that final touch, lipstick for me (don't want it to rub off on the clothes when I am getting dressed), I already know that with my nice smile looking back at me from the mirror, I am good to go. I am satisfied with that look, even though it is still that male me covered up with feminine attire and cosmetic covering and highlights.

So, to me replying to this topic, I have accepted myself with the improvements to my looks when all made up, and automatically ignore the true not so pretty nor convincing true view of myself in the mirror or picture that maybe everyone else sees when I do not. My quick glance in the mirror before walking out the door is to see that great smile (makes me feel really good to see that looking back at me) and to check for any major faults that I may have missed getting ready. I hardly ever look at the details at that moment.

One of the good things about seeing those unwanted frowns, sagging belly, bad positioned wig, or mis-applied makeup in those unforgiving pictures is that we now can clearly see our short falls and specific areas for improvement. Sagging belly, we can learn how to unconsciously suck it in all the time, do more sit ups, or like I do, wear shapewear to keep it all in place for you. Bad makeup, I can practice more or get some third party advice. Too serious facial expressions, I can lighten up my attitude and try to smile or grin a lot more. The main thing is to accept our visual faults and love ourselves all the same and do not let those faults detract from that love and enjoyment of life.

[Beverley Sims]

I think we all have "beauty in the eye of the beholder syndrome."

Otherwise we would not carry on like we do.

Some of us have the foresight to realise that we are not all that we seem to be and work around it.

Some are not blessed with anything and I sympathise with them.

They can still live with their imagination and dreams and hope for a better day.

Above all we should all be able to enjoy ourselves and what we see and read on cross dressers, should stay here.

Good or bad.

I consider this is a discussion forum for all of us to grind our words, not mince about. :)

[suchacutie]

Even before that wonderful day that I was finally able to present Tina completely, my wife made it very cclear that I would never be a small girl. That meant working with what I had and never losing track of reality. My wife is a tough critic but that has helped to shape my wardrobe and my expectations.

P.S. There are a lot of times when I catch myself in a mirror and am unhappy about something, and when it's something I thought I was good with I can be really annoyed. If I can't fix it I bring the issue to my wife fir her perspective and expertise. She always helps me fix it or show me why I' ve overreacted

[Jaylyn]

I think I look better in male mode but feel better in female mode. I look at my pictures and some I like some I think what the heck am I doing. I still think then well at least I can enjoy the feelings more than the looks. Just stay away from mirrors and take only pictures that show the good parts... It's hard fooling yourself but really a lot of us are too critical of ourselves. We are males that enjoy wearing women's apparel so just enjoy it.

[Christen]

Absolutely! Happens all the time. My bad points are my hands, large man hands; forearms, scarred from MTB crashes and too hairy; oh, and my head. Oh well.
Your legs do look great! And your wife's a gem.

Christen X

[Vanessa Rose]

The point is, that no matter what you present as, if you are human, will never be enough, or good enough.....at least for a majority of us.

Reality is however, that you should celebrate what you are and your beautious changes for the better than gloat over what you are not.

Vanny

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, Your mirror and camera can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

[Tiffanie]

First, I'm too scared to take a picture of myself in femme, fearing that it would most likely be found by someone. Secondly, being a tall and "large" male, I don't tend to look in the mirror after I'm done trying to put makeup on. People that have seen me dressed haven't gone screaming for the hills, so I guess that's a good thing.

[Annaliese2010]

No I love how I look whether I'm staring at myself in a mirror in real time or if ooking at pics of myself on my PC. There are some pics I really really like and others not so much. It varies depending on whats going on at the time. Whether I'm happy and relaxed, feeling sexy inside vs if I'm worried or stressed at the moment. But that's true for almost everyone I guess including normal gendered people.

I can say this - you DO have lovely wonderful legs Maria. Wow girl. Also, you have a really cool wife. Easy to see she's truly in love with you. Be rest-assured I think she's being honest not just saying what she thinks you want to hear. You not only have a wife, you have a girlfriend in her, one whose opinion you can trust.

It's obvious by how you worry so, that you are truly and essentially feminine inside. And in outside physical ways too. Maybe it helps to keep in mind nobody's perfect. We all have our own physical qualities that are feminine and pretty as your wife pointed out about you. And we all wish we looked 100% GG. VERY very few among us are THAT lucky though.

That's ok. Because there's nothing more lovely and attractive than when you're relaxed and allow that pretty woman in you to shine through.

[Vanessa Rose]

Anna....

Beautifully said