Me, my dressing and my SO

[sonialexis]

I've been in a steady live in relationship for about close to 3 years now. I love her a lot and she me. Now before we moved in together I would often, usually after a drink or two would talk to her on the phone imitating a woman. I would say i'm Sonia, your bf's gay friend. I would usually be dressed at this time. She would play along and talk girly with me. After a few months I came out and told her, I used to play dress up as a child, she was very accommodating and accepting of it. I left it at that, some time later I told her I've done it a few times as an adult too and again she said probably you just like the female form and its okay as long as you're not gay.
So we moved in together after 5 months I was wearing her clothes too. Now our relationship is cute and sweet and for a while when not working I played the role of the sit at home bf, did the laundry, cooked, received her home, dressed also. We never talked of my dressing, she did ask me once if I was wearing eyeliner when she got home. So anyway life went on and so did my dressing up in her absence. We were once on a weekend getaway and all my boxers were wet (yes, because we were on the beach) so anyway casually she tells me I can wear her shorts, which btw is satin, lace trimmed and light purplish pink. I reluctantly gave in (ahem ahem, yea right) that night was an extremely sensuous night with her, i loved it. Now again no mention of it. A year or so later she comes home and probably wants to check her facebook on my laptop, she does so. when I notice she's a little upset i probe, and she says "who's sonialexis" gosh I had forgotten to log off. Nevertheless I still had to answer her question, it was an emotional experience I broke down, felt ashamed, guilty all that.
We do love each other a lot and do plan to marry too, we have not had sex (puritans?), the thrill and excitement of having an SO to dress up with is not very strong as it used to be when I was 20. I would be very selfish to want her to be intimate with me made up, in my lingerie and stockings. She would, want a "man" at the same time I have to fantasise I'm dressed when i want to be intimate with her. i use her make up, her clothes and lingerie, I go shop with her and I love it, I tell her what to wear what not to. I even suggest nail paints, shoes, she knows I love women in stockings and from what I've told her to what she's seen on my facebook I know I've been outed, but I still don't have the guts to talk to her about it and tell her the extent of it, because i don't want to lose her. wow this is getting to be long. I don't have a question but the dillemma and inner conflict is there. I see a lot of the gals talking about how accepting their wives are gosh how I wish I could be open too. I'm sitting here in my lacy panties, black nylon ankle socks painted nails, legs shaved, and a white tank top, would she like that, I wonder and shudder at the same time. Oh and I'm on a vacation, without her so i get to live a full on girly life here. wow damn I'm living it.

[Vanessa Rose]

Man if that works for you great. Pretty much sounds like in the long term that would be the equivalent of putting sand in wet underwear (undies - from a previous post). Whatever works I guess. I am happy for you, but is this sustainable?

Only you know that however if my partner did that, I would duct tape them to a back of a UPS truck and take off the tracking code.

Just my 2 cents.

Vanny

[Jenniferathome]

I'm lost here. She KNOWS. Talking about this is easy. Your problem is that you are doing a slow leak of the information and allowing her to reach our own conclusions or invent issues. Get it all out all out, one time. You'll both be better for it.

[Caden Lane]

After reading that, im trying to figure out what it is that she doesnr know about. It sounds like she is aware of everything.

[Requal Jo]

Open and honest communication makes a strong relationship Alexis. Sounds as if you GF knows all but you are afraid to communicate with her. Are you afraid that you maybe having transition feelings? If so talk to her about it. It will hurt you more to hold things in when the avenue to express feelings appears to be already open.

[Laura912]

As Pogo said, "We have met the enemy and she is us!"

[sonialexis]

i guess going through the long thread is a little confusing but i guess as you say Requal JO, maybe I'm afraid to communicate openly when she asks me "why do you dress up? what do you do, when dressed up? i guess i'm afraid of the fact that when i do dress up i like sensual, glamorous make up and sexy clothes and move around in an extremely feminine way and she's seen me in tees and jeans, so I honestly don't know how to put it across. She did say in that moment though when she found out "i will always have to compete with that alter ego of yours, the idea of your ideal woman will always be you dressed up" it made sense, cause i do have standards. thanks all for you inputs, appreciate it.


After reading that, im trying to figure out what it is that she doesnr know about. It sounds like she is aware of everything.

well she is very perceptive and I know deep down she knows a lot more than I give her credit for. But she doesn't know I change my voice, my walk, my mannerisms, my tastes in movies and music, hell you know the deal. So for a shy introvert like me it gets conflicting at times.

[Beverley Sims]

Sonia,
You may be off to a good start but all things in moderation and there is nothing wrong with your moral stance either.

[Katey888]

Sonia (is it OK to call you that?)

I'm going to pat Jennifer on the head for her succinct and direct opinion on this one - you have so much out in the open, if you don't find the courage to talk about it now, how do you expect this relationship to develop fully and richly in the future? Surely you should be able to begin to talk openly about what you each find sensual - if not, time to start it now.

Carpe diem! :D

Katey x

[Caden Lane]

Sweety, like katey said, you have so much in the open, it's a shame not to just make that last surge towards the truth,and be able to enjoy full openness.

We enjoy all the trappings of femininity. We want our illusion to be satisfying and complete. So it only makes sense for you to do those things. If you explain it like that, perhaps it'd be easier for her to grasp.

[Marcelle]

Sweetie, I can only echo what others have said . . . "Sit this lady down and tell her everything" She already knows and has not run for the hills. Open and frank conversation is the only way forward and be honest in what you expect. You may have to play a bit of "give and take" but in the end, you will have an understanding and most likely supportive SO.

Hugs

Isha

[finallyout]

I finally told my wife after 30 years of hiding
I still don't know that our new sex life will be
But I'm not afraid
It may never be together but separate
i hope there"s somehow to enjoy each other

[sonialexis]

thanks for all of your honest inputs, i guess there are no two ways about it and rather than her finding a pic of mine where i'm fully made up and dressed sexy, i guess i should talk to her it will be less shocking. love you all.