Please give your suggestions -- Regarding shaving

[DianaWales]

Hi All,

I am a fortunate cross dresser. I told my wife of 6 years that I am cross dresser about 6-7 months back. She dint get mad (she felt bad) at me but she was very patient and asked me few questions. She said I could dress by myself but it is very difficult for her to see/help me dress.

I have a closet in my study and have slowly but steadily have added clothes in the past 6 months.

I have painted my toe and sometimes my finger nails. She is kind of OK with it, but I can feel that she does not like it that much.

Yesterday night after long though I decided to shave my hands. She dint not like it, made her sad and she said that she liked my hairy hands. She was OK after a little talk. This morning she saw my shaved hands, dint say anything.

I am really liking my shaved hands and would love to shave them more often. I love her very much and don't want to make her sad. I feel that if I talk to her some more, she would be OK and will allow me to shave more often. Can you please suggest how I should tell this to my wife? Please share your thoughts and your experiences with your wife with regards to shaving.

Hugs !!!!
Diana

[MsVal]

I believe the collective advice is to have discussions with your wife that lead to mutually agreeable limits. You're already at the point where she is well aware of the crossdressing and will talk about it. That's a point that many have yet to reach and some may never reach.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Laura912]

Mutually attainable goals. Say that to yourself multiple times. Then practice it.

[Raychel]

No real comment from my wife about shaving. She doesn't seem to care one way or the other.


But if this bothers your wife and she has accepted the rest, then I would suggest that you don't shave your hands,
that is a pretty small thing and if she prefers that you do not shave your hands, then don't, pretty simple
no sense in upsetting the misses over something that small.


Just my thoughts.

[Vanessa Rose]

Be forthright.... Take it slow and be gentle. If this is something she does not like then that sums it up. Likely not a good idea.

I don't know what is best for you to say however
Asking simple questions or making hints may offer hope. Or ask her to teach you how to do x or y
May be a decent way to start out.



Good luck

Vanny

[Beverley Sims]

Now that they are shaved she is likely to get used to the idea, to reduce hair gradually on any partof the body use depilatory cream sparingly.
This gradually reduces the hair removal process and is not as noticeable as doing it all at once.

[Marcelle]

Hi Diana,

I am with the others on this one . . . don't push too much with the shaving bit. If it is important to you then sit down with your wife and have a discussion. This thing we do is all about compromise and mutual agreement . . . it is the only way it can work in a relationship.

Hugs

Isha

[Kelly DeWinter]

Have you ever blown up a balloon ? Every time you blow into it, it gets a little larger, then larger, until it bursts. You said at least 3 times "I did this" and your wife "didn't like it" . Your relationship with your wife on this issue is like that balloon, you keep blowing, then because it did not burst, you blow again. It would be best to think about where you are going, then sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Because at some point your "action before talking" is going to prove too much . You may find that she is more open then you give her credit for.

Oh and about shaving:
1) Roses for wife once a week,
2) Do dishes every night.
3) Cook dinner at least 2 times a week
4) Electric razor daily.
5) Wet shave on Fridays.

[TGMarla]

I only shave mine when I go out. Otherwise, my wife deserves her husband. What Kelly just wrote is very sage advice. I'd follow it if I were you.

[curvious]

I started shaving my arms this winter and my hands about 2 years ago. No one has ever noticed my hands (AFAIK). My wife noticed my arms and asked me - I told her that I liked it. I shave my legs regularly for biking and I know she doesn;t care about that. But Heck, It is my body and I should be able to do whatI want to be comfortable...? PS I also started wearing a very light clear coat on my nails. She hasn't noticed and my coworkers at work haven't noticed. It isn;t a heavy shiny coat, but it doesn give a little sheen and it makes me feel wonderful.

[AmbersWife GG/SO]

There are quirky little things we all love about our mates. For me it’s the size and shape of my husband’s hands and the feel of the wiry copper hairs on his forearms. Sometimes, even if I’m upset, if I think about those things my heart softens and I feel very loving toward him. I think your hand hair may be one of your wife’s happy triggers.

If my husband really loved long hair or my signature perfume, I wouldn't change them despite the fact that my body is *mine* and I have the right to do with it as I please. I don’t think it would be loving or considerate.

Successful relationships require that we find ease within the confines of mutually defined boundaries. When my husband treats me with consideration and respects my limits, I feel loved and often times my heart opens to accept whatever new step he feels the need to take.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I only shave mine when I go out. Otherwise, my wife deserves her husband. What Kelly just wrote is very sage advice. I'd follow it if I were you.

Thanks Marla, I've always wanted to be a spice.


I started shaving my arms this winter and my hands about 2 years ago. No one has ever noticed my hands (AFAIK). My wife noticed my arms and asked me - I told her that I liked it. I shave my legs regularly for biking and I know she doesn;t care about that. But Heck, It is my body and I should be able to do whatI want to be comfortable...? PS I also started wearing a very light clear coat on my nails. She hasn't noticed and my coworkers at work haven't noticed. It isn;t a heavy shiny coat, but it doesn give a little sheen and it makes me feel wonderful.

Oh ?!? Your wife and co-workers have noticed ... :) People notice anything a bit shiny :) They have just been polite to you . :)


There are quirky little things we all love about our mates. For me it’s the size and shape of my husband’s hands and the feel of the wiry copper hairs on his forearms. Sometimes, even if I’m upset, if I think about those things my heart softens and I feel very loving toward him. I think your hand hair may be one of your wife’s happy triggers.

If my husband really loved long hair or my signature perfume, I wouldn't change them despite the fact that my body is *mine* and I have the right to do with it as I please. I don’t think it would be loving or considerate.

Successful relationships require that we find ease within the confines of mutually defined boundaries. When my husband treats me with consideration and respects my limits, I feel loved and often times my heart opens to accept whatever new step he feels the need to take.

Well Said :)

[Eryn]

I think that discussion in advance is important to maintaining harmony in a relationship. Surprises are not fun in this case.

That said, I will say that your personal grooming is your own business. If a man were to forbid his spouse to make a variation on personal grooming that she desires he would be considered to be controlling or abusive. I see no difference when it's a woman making the edict. As with any GG, our hair is our own to do with as we wish.

I also suggest that you pay attention to being the best husband that you can be. Perfection may not be possible, but being more helpful, considerate, etc. goes a long way.

[DianaWales]

Thanks all for your valuable Suggestions/Inputs. I think I will talk out with her and see if we can come up with a way which would work for both of us. I really love her very much and know that she also loves me a lot :)

[devida]

I'm lucky that my wife fully supports any kind of gender exploration I want to pursue. But pretty much anything I want or want to do I ask her opinion first. If she doesn't like it or thinks I look silly she says so and I don't pursue it. Mostly. I do think her taste in clothes and make up is far superior to mine. I wonder if you and your wife hold hands much. Not feeling your hairy hands could be more destabilizing than you know. I don't think I'd push it. Find something less threatening to expand your zone of security with her. Everything takes time and you are also in a process of self revelation. What may seem like a sticking point today may seem not so important in a week or so.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Diana, My wife finally got over me shaving my body.

[Tina_gm]

Body modifications are always more tricky. Even the temporary ones like shaving, plucking, or nail growth. Clothes can come on and off in seconds, and she doesn't have to see it or be a part of it. When you change something about your body, then it stays with you and makes her a part of it too. Yes, temporary so the change can be undone, but still, it is a real change that she must now be a part of.

As Ambers wife said, she likes certain masculine things about her husband. Because it is him. She fell in love with him and all he came with. In reality, how much arm or hand hair a guy has probably is not all that important or high on the list of needs for most women, but, what they are are yours, so when you have whatever you have, they fall in love with you, and what you have. Then, you want to at least temporarily change that. So that is why she is struggling with your changes. She doesn't miss hand hair, she misses YOUR hand hair. I am not saying that these things cannot be worked out, I shave most of my body and my wife, while probably not a preference for it, is ok with it and has accepted these changes. They can be undone, and maybe from time to time they should be, should she request some time to know it is still there and you are still you.

[sonialexis]

You have things going for you with her knowing about it and you also being able to 'talk' about things. Definitely do not push it, give her time and space. I haven't met my gf for over a month as I'm on a vacation. My whole body is shaved, I have long painted nails (which I can cut, before I am with her again). I'm in somewhat similar waters and I don't know what to say or tell her, when she's last seen a boy with hair on his legs. I always waxed my kind of sparse chest hair openly (my excuse was it's neither heavy nor smooth), little hair on my arms, the legs she will definitely notice. She knows about my dressing to a degree but I know fibbing casually, about why my legs are shaved will be difficult. I might come clean or awkwardly have some bullcrap ready.

[meganmartin]

Diana

You received some good solid advice from what i have read.
Just remember she is learning this and making alot of adjustments. Early on my wife had some of the same issues.
After time we had kept the dialog open and i explain to her that it was all part of the presentation. She has slowly gotten used to my legs, arms, chest and hands being shaved. Don't get me wrong she may never get over it but give her some time to adjust and the re approach the topic down the road.

Baby steps!

[manemami]

i have kept it secret i do depletion on intervals so that she doesnt notice the change, i keep on promoting male movie heros who they do laser to get rid of body hair, it helps me continue with clean and smooth skin i like much and she is ok