Great feeling

[Angela Campbell]

Many of you have experienced the change that comes from beginning hormones. Fairly soon after beginning there was a sense of "right" it was hard to describe but it was big and you liked it. Remember that?

I have just felt the same thing all over again. Going full time, changing the name, changing gender, changing it everywhere.....

The first week or so I was so completely busy with so many chores associated with the process that I didn't notice it so much, but as things have settled down a bit and some amount of normalcy has returned, such as going to work, I am feeling that satisfaction all over again.

I had forgotten what it was like, but this feels exactly the same. It is like things are finally going as they should.

[LeaP]

I do remember it and still have it. I'm me - no more out of body, dissociative "contact" with the rest of the world.

If transition adds more of that, spectacular!

[anaissa]

I admire you and am sending you the most positive energy I can muster. Keep us posted!

[Janice Ashton]

Angela
I remember that first feeling at the start of hormones as you mention, that ''Fwaaahhhhh'' !!!! (can't express exactly in words) and it continues to do so. So I am looking forward to going full time later this year, Good luck for the future I hope all goes really well

[arbon]

Very happy for you. it is a big deal being able to shed that old identity and just be yourself. For me it was a much more rewarding feeling then anything else I have done in transition, and it was when the stress really decreased and began feeling better about myself.

[Persephone]

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

Enjoy!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Good for you Angela!!!

I know the feeling and thanks for sharing!

[LeaP]

Thinking about your phrasing, Angie, I would distinguish between the feelings I had soon after starting hormones from those that have developed over time. I did feel right about the decision itself, and still recall how I felt driving away from my doctor's office after she wrote the first prescription. That sense of rightness, which I attribute to getting over the psychological barriers, was amazing, and remains an important milestone event for me.

Much of the initial calm and happiness that followed, however, was attributable to euphoria. I felt great for months, but eventually hit the GD wall again - very differently, but just as strongly. I've had a mini-crisis or two also, uncomfortable reminders of just how bad it was at one time. But the sense of rightness remains.

I really like your point about normalcy. That sense continues to develop and deepen even through - and this is the point - the onslaught of issues, fallout, and gender-related dysmorphia continues. The emotional and psychological issues lumped under GD are symptoms, not causes, and the symptoms are pretty much gone, but for the behavior-patterned reaction here and there. I.e., I can feel good about myself, and normal, even though the world is threatening to fall apart around me. Arriving at that was a combination of hormones and time with feet on the ground under their influence but I would say it became well-established about 12-14 months in.

Extending that thinking into your situation makes sense. You are 2+ months full-time, if I recall correctly. Long enough that some daily things once novel or anxiety-provoking are subsiding into familiarity, comfort, and fit. I hope and expect that will continue and deepen, not as the first blush of hormones' influence, but as the riches of the earth returning from ground long ago plowed and planted.

[Jorja]

I have known that feeling for over 30 years now. Each morning when I wake up I still get it.

[I Am Paula]

It has only been in the last few weeks that it has really sunk in for me. One feeling is realizing that the euphoria of being a woman doesn't go away. The other is that I am finally ME, not some schmuck pretending to be a girl.
When I started on this journey I hoped to feel better. I never imagined how much better.

[Emjay]

That's so awesome Angela, I can't tell you how happy I am for you!

[Angela Campbell]

In thinking about it, I am not sure it can really be called euphoria. I think instead it is more like the absence of something I had become so used to I didn't feel it anymore. It is not what I expected. And yes Lea I do not think it is so much the newness, although there is some newness I am experiencing, it is something ......different.

[Marleena]

Nice to hear it's going well for you Angela. I'm envious of you girls that are progressing nicely through your transitions.:)

[Eryn]

I'm also happy that you're experiencing the feelings you desire.

I often wonder if male hormones are actually designed to keep us mentally "on edge" in order to be prepared for conflict. The female hormone mix seems to be designed to promote calm in order to better perform cooperative activities. That may be why folks on HRT describe themselves as being more centered, calm, fulfilled, etc.

[Rianna Humble]

That is an interesting idea. My own unqualified take on the question is that the sense of calm comes from removing an internal conflict between who we are and who the hormones want us to be. I seem to recall an FtM member describing the same feeling of calm, but then again I could be wrong again.

[Angela Campbell]

I think it may have to do with not hiding anymore. Exposed. No longer having the burden of a secret or the worry of being found out. Or maybe just being closer to complete. Will there be another change like this after SRS?

[I Am Paula]

Perhaps the word Euphoric is not perfect. Compared to how I felt as a guy, compared to how I feel now, it's pretty close. I'll agree that I set the bar pretty low as a guy.

[Rachel Smith]

Yes Angela I remember that feeling well and the sense of right. As most here know I started my HRT in March of 2013. What I cannot get over to this day is the happiness I feel daily as compared to the depression I felt before. It's like living a life with feeling completely opposite of what used to be normal for me. I wish you all as much success. When I jumped off the proverbial cliff I was expecting a big crash at the bottom but all I hit was the biggest fluffiest pillow in the world.