Rambling

[Princess Grandpa]

Tomorrow is our 30th wedding anniversary. Tonight Rita and Julie celebrate at Tgirl Tuesday at Hamburger Mary's. Tomorrow we are off to Vegas. We are going with two sisters and their SO's. I can't believe how wonderful this group of ladies are. Never before have I entered into a new social situation and felt so welcome and included.

Preparing for Vegas today is very different than it was going last February. It used to be easy to pack. First of all Julie did most of the work. She would pack my suit (not likely to get worn but just in case) grab some jeans (doesn't matter which they're all the same) and I'm ready to go. We have spent the past three weeks discussing which matching dresses we should bring (in case I work up the courage to let Rita out) i spent several hours choosing which tops to bring. I have four pair of jeans so t hey all have to go. I never cared what I wore as long as I had something to wear.

Since coming to understand/accept who I am last may (was it really only nine months ago?) things have been amazing. I have gone from feeling like some creepy perv (I prefer creatively amorous) who likes to wear women's underwear (at home) to feeling unashamed, happy, and truly enjoying life. No longer a socially awkward introvert with no desire to meet new people. Now I'm... Ok I'm still socially awkward *giggle* but the people I have met are amazing and wonderful and I am so happy when we are out as Rita and Julie.

Frankly had it not been for Julie, I would have been content running around here like corporal Klinger. All hairy and #%\* in some pretty dress. It was Julie who convinced me to get a wig (I really would like a real hair wig) forms and to use make up. Clearly my version would NEVER have left the house. There never would have been a Rita. Just me in a dress.

Since last July Rita and Julie have gone out between two and six times a month. Almost always to a "safe place". The tgirl parties at Hamburger Mary's and club shine at the Oxwood. I relax I have fun. Julie is even teaching me to dance. I'm still amazingly uncomfortable out in public though. We have gone out a few times with the SoCal fun girls group and I spent most of the evenings seriously uncomfortable.

We have taken several matching dresses. It will be interesting to see if I let Rita out of the room. I thought it would be easier with other girls. My discomfort in public really confuses me. I can walk up to the dressing room with skirts or dresses with very little difficulty. I have little problem letting strangers know I wear women's clothes but the thought of being seen is a very different matter.

I originally thought and still wonder if this is a sign that I don't truly accept myself. I feel like I do. But then again I spent almost 50 years not realizing I needed to do this. I feel joy in being Rita. Why does being out in the general populace freak me out so badly?

Hug
Rita

[CONSUELO]

Given the great changes that you have already gone through, I have no doubt that you will find the courage to go the next steps. You seem to have come a long way very quickly, so don't be too anxious.
I wish you every happiness and best wishes. Have a wonderful time in Vegas. I wish I were there with you.

[Vanessa Rose]

Tomorrow is our 30th wedding anniversary......

We have taken several matching dresses. It will be interesting to see if I let Rita out of the room. I thought it would be easier with other girls. My discomfort in public really confuses me. I can walk up to the dressing room with skirts or dresses with very little difficulty. I have little problem letting strangers know I wear women's clothes but the thought of being seen is a very different matter.

I originally thought and still wonder if this is a sign that I don't truly accept myself. I feel like I do. But then again I spent almost 50 years not realizing I needed to do this. I feel joy in being Rita. Why does being out in the general populace freak me out so badly?

Hug
Rita


nope... not that at all. interesting though isn't it. For the love of all things good and holy, I can't get out the door anymore either. Perhaps it is the threat of discovery?


I had a conversation with my SO. I said " you know, I can't wait to get the privacy up around the place, so I can walk around all dressed." She looked at me and stated, Why would you need to do that."


I picked up my teeth and carried on with the conversation. We have similar situations. When you figure it out, I would like to know what you come up with. For this event though, go for it. (as I sit here all safe and sound).


Have a blast no matter what... we will all wait to hear back from you and yes we want selfies. What happens in Vegas needs to be shown here...


V

[PaulaQ]

Why does being out in the general populace freak me out so badly?


Because it is scary at first. Look - you grew up in a generation that told you that these desires were those of a creepy perv (your words). You had a whole world telling you that what you desired to do - just be yourself and express your gender, was wrong, and not just "oh you shouldn't jaywalk" wrong, but wrong like "don't molest children" wrong. That's a powerful message to overcome. No doubt you internalized some of it - quite a bit of it I'd imagine.

And the truth is - there are still people out there who'll confront you or mock you. Not very many - most people just don't want a confrontation, but there are a few. In Vegas though, hell, even if you went full-on drag queen and showed up for the buffet at 6am, you wouldn't be the most unusual thing most people there will see in a day... So you should be pretty safe.

I want to commend you on your progress towards self-acceptance. You are doing GREAT! I remember when you first joined, and it's been a joy to watch your progress. The acceptance of your spouse, and your friendships with others is just absolutely wonderful, and I am so happy for you, Rita! So just keep doing what you are doing - it gets easier.


I had a conversation with my SO. I said " you know, I can't wait to get the privacy up around the place, so I can walk around all dressed." She looked at me and stated, Why would you need to do that."

Because a girl needs her freedom! Seriously, the feminine part of you is alive too - and she wants to see the world. And why wouldn't she? What's the fun in being all dressed up with no where to go? That isn't fun - it's depressing! Being out in the world en femme is one of the most liberating experiences you can have. THAT'S WHY.

[Beverley Sims]

It takes time to get into the groove, I think you are doing very well.
Again..... Don't push it too quickly.
Like GG's have to get used to you, you have to get used to yourself also.

[Katey888]

Rita - I think you're doing wonderfully well! :)

You' re doing this in a nicely progressive way, with the support of your wonderful wife, and now some understanding friends too. You've got some great venues to go to - safe and in Vegas, as Paula rightly says, few people will bat an eyelid (other than you will be drop dead stunning, obviously... :o)

Set your own pace - if you feel comfortable do it, if not - raid the minibar, and then do it! :devil: You're just getting first night jitters - Vegas would be a fantastic place to do it - I wish I could!

Have a great time! :hugs:

Katey x