Has anyone thats come out at work, work in a restaurant type setting?

[StephiefromSyr]

Im thinking of coming out at work which is a fast food/fast casual type place. I have about 12-13 employees. Im an assistant manager. Any advice in this situation?

[vetobob9]

It depends on the city and state you work in. In California there are state laws that protect you. In Texas there are no state laws protecting you.

In my experience when I worked at a restaurant in Texas, I was a shift supervisor which practically meant night manager. When my coworkers found out I was transsexual, some of them were ok with it but the kitchen manager and a server from the morning shift would often harrass me and tell the employees on my shift not to follow any directions I gave them.

What is interesting is that the owner made me the night shift supervisor about a month after everyone found out I was trans. The kitchen manager and her friend refused to accept I was the supervisor for the evening shift. It got to where they kept trying to frame me for stealing money from the register, a review of the video showed the kitchen manager having her cousin go into the register to take out the money and then take it to the kitchen to give to her at which point she would leave with it. All caught on tape.

As if that was not enough, at one point she yanked my shirt up, exposing my bra for everyone to see and demanded I remove it.

The morning waitress would yell at me and call me names like "mentally retarded" in front of a restaurant full of customers. One time, when I was not on the clock, I showed up in fem to grab my check on the way to Austin. There were two tables. The nearest was two older ladies and the other was in the back and behind the walls and could not see anything. The waitress who was friends with the kitchen manager went to the kitchen, without talking to the two ladies and told the owner that customers were upset there was a guy in women's clothes in his restaurant and were leaving as a result. A blatant lie.

So he calls me over and says that customers complained when I came in like that. Mind you I was not on the clock. But he insisted I go all the way home and change then come back and then I would get my check. I went to the truck, grabbed a shirt that I threw over the shirt I was wearing because, customers were complaining that the shirt I was wearing made me look like a girl. He then said I had to dress and act like a guy or he would fire me.

Then the waitress who started the whole thing yelled her head off about calling the police on me if I ever came back to the restaurant dressed like a girl again. They had the gall to say that if they saw me anywhere dressed as a woman they would terminate my employment.

Unfortunately there was not much I could do because Texas does not accept transsexuals as a group needing protections. There are protections under Title IX of federal law but I found out too late that you only have 6 days to file a civil rights complaint under federal law because the time limit is different depending on the state.

The interesting thing is that many customers already knew I was trans and were ok with it. It was the immigrants in the kitchen who were not ok with it. Long story short, the kitchen manager was fired later on.

This may not necessarily happen to you. The best advice I would give you, is first find out if your state has any protections for you. Also, expect each employee to have a different reaction. One of the employees I came out to had a cousin who was transgender.

Hope for the best but expect one or two bad apples who will attempt to make your job more difficult.

[Cheyenne Skye]

I work as a cook in a casual dining restaurant. It is part of a very large corporate chain. Their corporate headquarters are in Dallas,Tx but I work in Maryland. However, they do have a diversity statement including gender and gender expression that can be found easily on their website. And as of January 2013, the group health insurance covers trans procedures including therapy and surgery (top and bottom). I am nervously attempting to contact HR about coming out at work. Even with company backing, I am scared as to what my co-workers will say and do. Over the past couple of years, I have grown my hair out and changed the color, come to work with my nails done and changed into girls pants after my shift before I leave. I got a few comments at first, but now I suppose they all regard it as the norm. When I discuss this with my therapist, he says that they likely know but don't really "know". And that when I make an official announcement, the most common response will be "That explains a lot". But a couple of the guys I work with are dyed in the wool rednecks. These are the ones I'm most concerned about. One in particular is very vocal about his extreme right wing views and believes in the NRA. The other big issue is how to explain it to the Mexican immigrants who don't always have a strong grasp of the English language. And then there is the bathroom issue. Employees use the same restrooms as the customers. As it stands now, I get plenty of sideways looks when I use the men's room. I imagine it would be worse if I use the ladies room. And the servers are made to encourage customers to do an online survey at the end of the meal. I don't want to be the subject of negative customer comments either.

I've been at this job for close to 11 years and make top tier pay in my area. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my job. That's why I'm approaching this with such trepidation.

I hope everything works out for the OP. I'll keep you apprised of any progress I make.

[Starling]

Stephie, this is for both you and Vetobob. Being true to one's real gender creates so much more job trouble for relatively low-paid working people than for upper middle class professionals, to say nothing of the relegation of out-front TS folk to those tougher jobs in the first place. My heart goes out to you both, and everyone else whose very being makes them targets of bigotry and discrimination. Good luck.

:) Lallie

[LeaP]

There are protections under Title IX of federal law but I found out too late that you only have 6 days to file a civil rights complaint under federal law because the time limit is different depending on the state.

Title IX relates to education-related discrimination.

Title VII of the Civil Rights Act covers employment. Gender and gender identity discrimination has now been definitively ruled as sex discrimination by the EEOC (which enforces Title VII).

See http://www.eeoc.gov/federal/directives/lgbt_complaint_processing.cfm

You have 180 days to file.

[StephiefromSyr]

Starling

Thanks, being in management, im not exactly on the lower pay scale side, I'm just worried about how to handle people.

[Starling]

Sorry for the misunderstanding, Stephie. I'm happy to hear you're doing well. May we all.

:) Lallie

[Briana90802]

I haven't been in your situation, however my stepmom had one of their coworkers come out as transgendered. Before that though they all went to a "retraining" about sexual harassment and gender things. I think it helped prevent the stuff that vetobob experienced. It also helps prevent any lawsuits against the company for not taking proper preventative action. I think the best thing to do is telling your HR rep before just coming out. The other thing I recommend is to transfer to a different store(if possible) and then just show up as the gender you're transitioning to.

[annaaustintx]

It depends on the city and state you work in. In California there are state laws that protect you. In Texas there are no state laws protecting you.In Texas in general, yes. However, the City of Austin's City Codes include an explicit clause against discrimination on the basis of "race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, age, or disability": Chapter 5.4, Section 5.3.1 A & B (http://www.amlegal.com/nxt/gateway.dll/Texas/austin/title5civilrights/chapter5-3discriminationinemploymentgene?f=templates$fn=doc ument-frameset.htm$q=[field%20folio-desti
nation-name:'Chapter%205-3']$x=Advanced#JD_Chapter5-3).