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View Full Version : Apologizing to my spouse.



Kevyn53
02-13-2014, 12:09 AM
When I first joined CD I put out there that my other half wasn't supportive of my crossdressing. It turns out that this was an impression I took on from a conversation we had years ago. She wasn't stopping me or negating my need to crossdress, she was just trying to point out that if I wasn't careful, I could get hurt, physically, emotionally and financially. Well the issue came up again a couple of months ago and I got a whole new perspective on my relationship with my wife. She's not only supportive, she's been helping me shop and trying to make sure my crossdressing isn't shame-based. She's even the one who found me a wig. Thank you to my loving wife for all the support I wasn't sharp enough to realize was right in front of me.

Rachael Leigh
02-13-2014, 12:13 AM
Welcome to the group and your wife is very special indeed. Many here don't have that kind of support me included.
My wife is aware but just doesn't want any part of it.
Enjoy the group

LenGray
02-13-2014, 12:23 AM
The important thing is that you know now! I can only imagine what a load off of your mind that is!

It sounds like she's very down-to-earth and I'm so glad that it's all working out for the best :)

Rachelakld
02-13-2014, 01:12 AM
I think a lot of people associate CD with the hookers on the street corner and other sleaze.

I hope that just going out as a normal girl, doing normal girl stuff, their impressions of us will change, but it's a matter of getting out and meeting people to let them know

Stephanie47
02-13-2014, 02:47 AM
I think many wives evolve after the initial shock that her husband is a cross dresser. You're sixty. I may be making an incorrect assumption that you have been married for many years. A solid marriage of many years gives both spouses ample opportunity to reflect and realize the positive attributes of the other spouse. My personal opinion is many women are too concerned about what others may think if the husband's cross dressing becomes common knowledge. "Yuck! How can she stay married to him? What's wrong with HER!" I think DADT works in a marriage if both spouse's adhere to the rules, limitations and expectations. I'm glad your wife's concern was based on protecting you. I still think it took her awhile to digest that new twist in your marriage.

devida
02-13-2014, 03:15 AM
Maybe, Stephanie, most wives are concerned about what their friends might think about an out cross dresser or transgender husband. Mine has been encouraging me to come out as transgender to our friends. That may be partly that she gets tired of my constant going on about transgender issues but I actually think she's also kind of proud that at my age I can be in a new and exciting exploration of gender.

MsVal
02-13-2014, 09:54 AM
You have a wonderful wife, TroublesGalore, but you already know that, don't you?

Congratulations on your fantastic marriage and incredible wife.

Best wishes
MsVal

avant1465
02-13-2014, 09:58 AM
A supportive/accepting/encouraging wife, Girlfriend or other "significant other" is a Godsend!!!! Count your Blessings....

Christina Kay
02-13-2014, 10:05 AM
I am glad things have worked out so well. And yes I believe that there is an evolution in acceptance at times to our CDing. I see a changing landscape with my spouse and I in that respect. Hugs:battingeyelashes:

Beverley Sims
02-13-2014, 10:14 AM
Sometimes as men we are really slow grasping at what is offered. :)

carhill2mn
02-13-2014, 02:54 PM
What a great Valentines Day gift she has given you! Now you need to be sure that she knows how much you appreciate it!

ginafaye
02-13-2014, 05:50 PM
that's a gift money can't buy....glad my wife suports me too

Laura Collette
02-13-2014, 06:23 PM
My wife knows about Laura and even went to Tri-Ess with her once long ago. Laura however is now in the closet except to her wife who tolerates but doesn't encourage her. I think the fear my wife has is that someone we know might see me and then SHE would have to field questions about me in my absence. Also her birth family is quite homophobic and rigid. So Laura plays the indoor game and hasn't been out in a long time (and then only at night). A big Valentine's Thank You to my wife anyway for her own flexibility and love.

Patty F
02-13-2014, 07:03 PM
My wife too is supportive but she is concerned about other friends finding out.

S. Lisa Smith
02-13-2014, 09:09 PM
That is so wonderful!!!

MissTee
02-13-2014, 10:14 PM
An understanding and supportive spouse will really help you blossom. So happy for you!

Kevyn53
02-16-2014, 04:13 PM
It's Sunday, and my wife and I aren't going anywhere with THE SNOW and cold, so I'm fully dressed in the house around her for the first time. and she's less nervous about this than I am. I had this situation SO blown out of proportions in my head. AND she wanted to take pictures! My new avatar photo is one of them!

Tina B.
02-17-2014, 11:34 AM
Troubles, what a great start to the new year! So it took a little time for you to figure out she is on your side, but now that you know, life will change, and that change will be for the better. Like others have said, my wife worries about what the world at large thinks, but then so am I. I've never been comfortable trying to go out, so staying in is easy. And in keeping her comfortable with it, it's been a great 39 years since I came out to her. At home I wear whatever suits me, and the wife loves to shop for Tina, as Tina shows such great appreciation for whatever she gets. Over the years, I think the wife has learned it not so bad sharing the house with a part time female, that cleans, cooks and does laundry. It also give her someone to watch "Chick Flicks", Red Carpet events, and Award shows just for the fashion, and things like Project Runway, she loves that I like these things and can talk about them just as knowledgeable as she is.
Recently my Mother has been here, and we where watching an award show, I make a remark about one of the Actresses outfit, and mom looked at me and said " What do you know about it, that's woman stuff." I just smiled and said "More than you might think", and left it at that. I don't think I want to explain Tina To a 95 year old woman.

Kristy 56
02-17-2014, 11:51 AM
You have a wonderful wife,and better yet,you now realize it and apologized. I'd say a perfect match. :)

Kristyn Hill
02-17-2014, 12:04 PM
I have the same thing with my wife. She supports me and this is all we could ever ask for. Congrats to you and your awesome wife.

kimdl93
02-18-2014, 06:02 PM
Isn't communication a funny thing. You likely heard what you expected or feared, rather than what she meant. And isn't it wonderful once you truly understand one another.

Tina_gm
02-18-2014, 06:27 PM
I know that sometimes I will wonder and think that any discomfort my wife has about CDing is 1st and foremost what I do. And yes, there are times where what I do does discomfort her. But what she has told me on a few occasions which has bothered her the most, and has caused her the hardest time to get over, is that I did not confide my desires. I hid them from her. I did not tell all as she told all to me. The breach of trust that came from that is 1st and foremost her greatest difficulty. She struggles with that far more than my actual feminine side. My feminine side as is is actually her 3rd issue, her second one would be what happens in the future. She does worry that someday I may want to be more than just a CDer.