You Are Giving Up. [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

karrisa

01-08-2006, 12:58 AM

Paula Rae

01-08-2006, 01:21 AM

Hey Karrisa,

Don't blame your insecurities on me (us).

Ricki B

terza

01-08-2006, 01:51 AM

hey, i think you are funny as hell.
i very much relate to the forum's etiquette of
"pulling punches" is a major compromise to reality.
i tend to love my close friends because they will
tell me i'm an idiot when need be.

i enjoy your rant -- no kidding, i think it is great.

p.s., i wish you and the young man, i think he is of 18 years of age,
success in your endeavors in the lifestyle(s) that gives you the most
joy and "peace of mind."

Holly

01-08-2006, 02:01 AM

Karrisa, if you are truely unhappy with this lifestye, then by all means, STOP. I wish you nothing but success in whatever you decide to do. That said, do you think it is at all possible that the reason you feel such anguish is that you have yet to understand the true you? Just what is it that you think you would be giving up or giving in to?

Deborah

01-08-2006, 02:09 AM

emmicd

01-08-2006, 02:11 AM

Karissa,

I'm glad you wrote your feelings out and in such an expressive way. You have every right to feel as you do. Crossdressing is a complicated aspect in a guys life because there are so many conflicting emotions that stem from doing it. It is very hard to embrace something that is shuned by so many. That is why so many never talk about it not even with their wife. How can someone who seemingly is living a normal life want to jeopadize everything because they like to wear dresses!

It is not something many wish to share or brag about.

However I do believe crossdressing does fall somwhere on the tg spectrum and is a legitimate part of male sexuality.

I feel most crossdressers do love and appreciate women and feel that the dressing and feminine expression is a fun and taboo thing to do. It is by our very nature a conflict. We as men are really not encouraged to share our emotions or fancy pretty clothes. We are supposed to be rugged and emotionless. We are supposed to work hard, provide for our family and always maintain a strong silence and resilency. We can only put on a front for so long.

To me crossdressing can be a little self absorbing but I have a need to do it. I admit I'm a guy and comfortable with that. I'm also very happy as a husband and father. I however could not envision myself walking away from crossdressing because it is part of me and I'm not ashamed of it.

Why should I?

emmi

DawnRodgers

01-08-2006, 02:17 AM

Well, there's no question you can start a thread about giving up the lifestyle or. indeed, go and quit and come back telling us all about how easy and revitalizing it was.
As for me, I'm an adult. Been doing this thing off and on for over forty years - fifty since I put my first dress and nylons and heels on. Gone through quite a bit a introspection, denial, purging, trying to be what society expected of me. Maybe trhat's what all of us go through - maybe not. Even outed myself to my wife.
Unfortunately I also had to continue on in life and there was so little to help me in what I was going through back then in the 50's. I did, and still, have the same conclusions. I simply love to dress up and consider myself a woman. My personality and desires change when I dress. I wish the internet was more grown up when I was young. If so, maybe I never would have married, had a family and would have lived the life I now realize I would be most comfortable in.
I try as hard as I can to be feminine. Totally hairless body, plucked brows, dress completely (when I dress), and have been told that I do look pretty good, actually quite good. But I still have resposiblities to my wife and family. Everybody else - TS. I have no resposibility to anybody else.
When I drss I feel so very comfortable, so right, so natural. My character, my personality moderates totally. As a man I am loud amd gruff and quick with a retort. As Dawn I am quieter, softer, less argumentative - just the total opposite of my male personna. Frankly I like Dawn a heck of a lot better. Actually I would rather hang out with the women then the men in any social situation. I find the typical male nowadays to be, basically, a spoiled little boy. They are mostly in an all me mode all of the time with little appreciation for the womern in their lives.
I do think that in a later time I might have transitioned. Medicine and society has, indeed, come a long way. But lacking that, I still have to be this split personality. I can no easier erase Dawn than I can erase the life that I have lived. I try to let both co-exist. It is not always easy but it is the existence that makes me the happiest at this time.
Dawn Rodgers

CharleneCD

01-08-2006, 02:22 AM

First let me start off with where I agree with you. Screwing around on your wife with a girl or guy is unacceptable. Since I am sure we are talking about the same post, I sure you also saw how most of us showed our disaproval. Also I agree with you that the smart aleck comments in the other thread were inapropriate. It was just uncalled for.

As for the rest I am curious about you critisizing us for our judgements on others while you do the same to us. If you are so unhappy with your Cd urges by all means keep trying to find a way to stop. I mean it is only common sense to want to stop something that makes you miserable. On the opposite side accepting being Transgendered and embracing Crossdressing has made my life better. I am more comfortable with myself and am finally begining to fit in socialy for the first time in all the 38 years I have been alive. Suppressing my fem side for all those years contributed towards depression, drug abuse, and me being a generaly unhappy social misfit. If a cure were offered to me I would refuse.

Yes we have alot of posts about superficial things. Have you ever sat and listened to a group of GG's talking? They do the same thing. Dana got to really see it first hand with the bra showing and discussion. Since we do the same, maybe its proof we do have a feminine side. Also for anyone taking the time. it will be seen that we also have alot of threads dealing with deep and insightful topics. We also show encouragement and support when our sisters need it. Get with the average group of guys and the dicussion will revolve around who hit more home runs in 1957. And if one of the guys is having problems the response could very well be " sucks to be you man". I will take a patyhose thread any day.

I guess my biggest question is, if you have no intention of accepting crossdressing and want a cure, why did you even register? Our purpose here is to help with acceptance.

Angela Burke

01-08-2006, 02:34 AM

Karrisa,
To be a crossdresser and have such self-loathing must be terrible.
I am truly sorry for you.

Love Angela XX

GypsyKaren

01-08-2006, 02:37 AM

I'm sorry you're having such a problem with it all, maybe you should kick back and smoke a cigarette, or something stronger, and try to get a grip.

GypsyKaren

Jenna1561

01-08-2006, 02:44 AM

Karrisa,

Long post and I hope it has made you feel a little better. I know ranting usually makes me feel better. I agree with some of your points.

First, I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor - I am just a 45 year old man who has been crossdressing since I was about 10. Many here, including me, have stopped crossdressing, only to be driven back to it by our inner self and desires. Do I want to be a crossdresser? No, not in today's world where crossdressing is largely considered an aberrant lifestyle. Do I want to deceive my wife and family and friends? No, but I don't want to hurt them either, nor do I want to lose them.

I think it would be difficult for some crossdressers to support someone's decision to quit this lifestyle. We smile and say I have been there and couldn't do it - what makes you think you can? I wish everyone who tries the best of luck and success in their endeavors to change. But this forum, at least in my opinion, is not conducive to quitting. It has only escalated my own crossdressing and I would presume that it would draw someone back into the world of crossdressing.

Each of us does indeed have to accept that crossdressing is a part of us. Were we to say we had no desire for it - that would be denial. As you say there is no known "cure" for crossdressing. We can strive to understand why we are the way we are and then blaze our own path through this life. We can accept that we can't change ourselves and continue to dress. OR we can strive to rid ourself of these desires or at least hide them away. After several attempts at quitting, I find it easier to accept my crossdressing and enjoy it as best I can without hurting those I love. So I continue to lie to my wife and family. These lies, I believe, are my greatest moral failure.

Does this lifestyle lead to moral corruption? Yes, as do all lifestyles. Many people that I know and considered morally sound with good marriages, have surprised me. Affairs (both heterosexual and homosexual) are common. Perhaps this lifestyle does lead to a higher percentage of people having affairs or maybe it's just more noticable in such an anonymous forum.

Do I fantasize? Yes. Do I ever imagine myself as a woman having sex? Yes. Do I ever imagine having sex as a man with another man? Yes. Does that make me immoral? I hope not. Will it lead me into an extramarital affair? No. Do I have feelings of guilt after masturbation? Sometimes.

Do I dream of transforming myself into a woman? Yes. Will I ever act on it? Probably not.

You say that you won't give up or give in like so many of us have; that you'll continue to look for answers. I have indeed given in to my desires and urges and will learn to cope with what this life presents me.

As I said earlier this site and other internet sites for crossdressing really aren't designed to support those wishing to stop crossdrssing. Many would suggest counseling and I agree.

I wholeheartedly support you in your attempt to "normalize" your life. I will hope and yes, pray, that you find what you are looking for. If there is anything I can ever do to help, please let me know. I really mean that.

My love and prayers,

Jake
aka
Jenna

ReginaK

01-08-2006, 02:54 AM

I’m compelled to start a thread that will un-doubtedly raise some plucked eyebrows. The banner at the top of my screen tells me that I’ve not posted in several weeks and should therefore take a few moments to become more involved. The problem is that the more I read on this forum, the less I want to be involved.

First, how many threads must we have about such superficial things as your favorite pantyhose color, brand of make-up, and figuring out your female shoe size? I mean, when you’re wondering how to urinate more like a woman, you may spending a little too much time in fantasy land. This is extremely minor compared to what else you’ll read in this post, but it just seemed to me to be worth bringing up. Is crossdressing all you think about? Is it all you want to think about?

I do agree with you there. But few of us have people we can just sit down with and chat about clothing all day, so we come here to do it.

But this is a crossdressing forum and you can't really dress without properly fitting and properly hued shoes, pantyhose, makeup, etc. So, it is necessary to discuss these things at times

Secondly, there is a complete lack of support for anyone interested in leaving the lifestyle. A recent post is from a young member wishing to leave his crossdressing behind and carry on in the male lifestyle which he felt he was intended to lead. Of all the responses, about half were from people telling him that he would fail and be back. The other half consisted of smart-ass comments about his spelling and grammar; one of which was from our moderator. Not there is any known cure but at least we could try not to crap all over him and his hopes. I guess misery loves company, right? The thing about it that really bugs me is that so many of us come on here whining about how society will not accept us and our actions. But the first opportunity some of us get, we reject someone who’s not happy in our same predicament.

I think it's more of a dose of reality, than a lack of support. There are a lot of people here who have tried to quit and know that most people come right back. Would you rather those people lie to her and say, "Hey, go for it. It's worked so many times." I agree, some of the remarks were quite crass though.

So here’s the best we have to go on: The theory is that there is a woman inside of you trying to get out, right? Or no, we all have a stronger than normal female persona and crossdressing is just a way for it to express itself. And my favorite part, anyone who doesn’t adhere to this theory and doesn’t totally accept themselves as a crossdresser, a “blessing” for which there is no cure, is in complete “denial.” Give me a break. I think most of us have read some of Peggy Rudd’s work. She’s a *****, cashing in on your desperation. It’s a hell of a lot easier to bury yourself in this activity and then adhere to a theory to justify your actions than it is to face the truth about yourself, what you are doing and why you are doing it. Crossdressing is denial. Crossdressing is self medicating and self deprecating. I read it all the time, “If you don’t accept your crossdressing actions, you’re lying to yourself.” Trying to change how you look to be more like the opposite sex, that’s the truth. Going on websites and submitting a female name and conversing with others as if you were a female, that’s the truth. Sneaking out in public and trying to pass as a woman, that’s the truth. Looking at transgender porn on the internet, that’s the truth. Fantasizing about being the girl when you’re having sex with your wife/GF, that’s the truth. Wearing women’s undergarments to work under your male clothes, that’s the truth. I think not. If you read any of the above lines and said to yourself, “yes, that is the truth, that’s the way God made me and my behavior is totally justified,” then you are in denial.

Now this doesn't make any sense. What is being denied by crossdressing? Very few of us are en femme 24/7, so we're not denying our manhood. Denying the fact we won't be real women? I don't think anyone here is so deluded to think they'll be a real woman one day.

As for your laundry list of other behaviors, I don't think anyone is denying those things. Most of us fess up to it. Let me be first to say I do it all except the going out in public. I don't think anyone is in denial and for the God part, that just creates a paradox: How can you be in denial about what God created? And if you say God didn't create you, you created yourself, so how can you be in denial about what you made yourself into?

Finally, I’m disgusted by the moral corruption to which this lifestyle seems to lend itself. I read a post today from a man describing his history of homosexual encounters while his wife was unaware of his crossdressing and bisexuality. This was in the context of another man whose wife had kicked him out and how guilty he had felt after crossdressing and masturbating. The respondent told him that he had learned to avoid the guilt and over time it just went away. He continued to say that he no longer felt guilty about his crossdressing or bisexuality, he only felt guilty about having to, “live this way,” referring to the secrecy from his wife. The thing I find appalling, and I know that there are at least a few out there who will agree, is that he never made reference to how he felt about having an affair on his wife. Shouldn’t he feel guilty about that? YES! Guilt comes from the knowledge that you’ve done something wrong. There are a lot of threads like this where people are asking for help with the guilt they are feeling and the advise they are being given is to desensitize themselves. Do this by staying dressed after you masturbate and eventually you won’t have the urge to strip all of your female clothes off after orgasm because you are so overwhelmed with shame and guilt. It will go away. Then maybe later on in life you’ll have the courage to get those breast implants even though you’re still in the closet or maybe you’ll work up the nerve to go out with a guy behind you wife’s back, won’t that be exciting?

This I agree with. Cheating on an S/O is a very low thing. Lying about it only makes you lower.

As for the masturbation, there shouldn't be any guilt. If a person feels guilty for masturbating in women's clothes and they ask for help here, of course we're going to tell them not be guilty. Afterall, this is a crossdresser forum. Telling them anything else would be hypocrisy.

If it seems as though I’m judging you personally, I’m not. I’ve committed many of the same acts as those of you reading this with one exception, I’ve not accepted it. I won’t give up or give in like so many of you have. Is there a cure? I don’t know but the difference is that I’m still looking for answers. So why did I post this? I don’t really know. I think part of me is looking for support. Maybe part of me is trying to help someone. And yet another part is hoping that you’ll write me back telling me how wrong I am; that will only strengthen my resolve. The only thing I’m sure of is that all of these parts are male.

I think you may have gotten turned around. You do realize by not accepting "it", you're in denial as well? So does that put you in the category with those you chastise or are you something completey different?

It's not so much giving up or giving in as it is coming to the realization you are who you are and fighting it is akin to stabbing yourself in the eye: You lose a part of who you are, it hurts a lot more than just leaving it alone, and you gain nothing but a narrow point of view.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for, but i'm sure a lot of the older members here have looked as well and probably haven't found them.

Diann

01-08-2006, 02:55 AM

Karrisa Have you turned to the dark side Luke! No don’t get me wrong, I think it a refreshing to hear a different point of view. I must assume that you’re in a time in your life that you don’t want cross-dressing in your life good for you! I know I have tried done many things bigger than life to work on my masculinity, More power tools than the next ten guys , drive a big truck then get another, yah I got two! Built my own house, have more kids than most, own lots of guns, even hunt deer. Became a work a halic Seen a shrinks a couple times purged all my girl things twice, have more GG’s in my life than I want. I have hated most of them at one time or another and guess what Diann is still here stronger than ever. My life would be so much simpler if I wasn’t like this what have I accomplished if I didn’t have to spend time dress in Diann up shopping for duds. Maybe this soft side of me is why all my kids’ thing the world of me I would hate for them to find out this other side of me this is all torment. Got a better solution? Fine clue me in. Till then I well take all the sincere and well meaning help that all my friends here can give me. Support is all that we can offer you and any one else. Who is after all are alone. I came here seeking companionship with others like me. It’s the only comfort I have found in this social suicide that I toy with everyday. Hope you find what you are looking for!

Diann

Sweet Susan

01-08-2006, 02:55 AM

Deborah

01-08-2006, 03:00 AM

I'm not sure. Maybe I didn't get it, but I think I did. If I did, several you others didn't get it. If I got it, here's what I got.

That's the way i read it too but then i'm not sure i got it. Or did I? :D

Dana

01-08-2006, 04:08 AM

I'm not sure. Maybe I didn't get it, but I think I did. If I did, several you others didn't get it. If I got it, here's what I got. Karrisa's rant wasn't because she is having a problem herself. No. Her rant had to do with the way the forum members conduct themselves in response to serious questions/threads and the too numerous threads evolving around silly, inane, stupid questions, like "what color of panties do you wear on Thursdays?"

I think her rant was good. She mentioned another example in reference to people worried about other's grammar and spelling. She might be a little sensitive there, as I noticed she has room to grow in that area. Nonetheless, I think she was pretty much on target. Particularly in regards to men feeling like they have been shorted their due because, in short, they can't date men while dressed like women.

I say, THANKS FOR THE REMINDER, Karrisa. We needed that.

What I got from it, was a lot of things~ such as more action ~ and less talk about the frivioloius of cross dressing, aka "what is your favorite color of panties do you wear"

I also got that this is someone that is still "reconcilling" and that is fighting being transgendered ~ who is still trying to come to terms with it all ~ and who is still trying to get it wrapped it around their head!

Prima Facia ~ if its legitimate for a GG to be a "Tomboy" then its legtimate for a man to be a crossdresser. If it Prima Facia for a GG to be a Tomboy ~ without necessarly being gay ~ then its Prima Facia for a male to be a crossdresser ~ without being gay.

Lying, dishonesty, infidelity is just wrong ~ regardless! If you're gay in a relationship with anothe gay person ~ its wrong! If your hetro and involved with another hetro ~ its wrong.

Ilregardless of wheather your gay, hetero, or bi is im-material! What IS material is that you need to be straight up and up front with it! From the get go, and from the start! You need to step up to the plate and say, "This is me! This is who I am! This is what I am!"

Me? I've more than have attempted to reconcile myself with societie's expectation of who and what I was born! I was the proverbial "bad boy" all through high school! I got in so many fights during high school and my first four years in the military ~ it was un-real! Me? I'm 48, the last fight I was in was when I was 22! I was in the military at the time~ and I beat the guy so bad, if he hadn't been such a dirt bag that he was ~ I was looking at a Special Court Maritial. My battalion excuative officer and my sergeant major both told me ~ that if I didn't give up fighting that I was going to end up in prison for having killed someone ~ or dead! I was too good at it! My Dad almost got sued over me beating a kid up in high school that he needed $5000 in dental work ~ and this was in 1972 dollars ~ not a small sum back then!

I did 20 years in the military ~ retired! Went through a nasty divorce, bankruptcy, troubles with the IRS. (still have those) another long term relationship with another GG that broke up over my being a crossdresser!

I've been through the mud, the blood, and the beer! I did 20 years in the Marine Corps and retired, which is the epitomy of self discipline ~ self control.

Being a cross dresser has cost me BIG TIME!

Trust me! Its not someting I've choosen! Indeed, its something that I have denied! Attempted to live down ~ to kill about myself! I tried doing it by playing sports! I've tried by doing twenty years in the Marine Corps! I've tried by being married! I've tried by being "Super Masculine" I've tried by crawling into a bottle of whiskey and drinking up to a fifth a day!

Crossdressing ~ like all HUMAN endevors ~ reach across a wide spectrum of people! And behaviors!

WHO are you! To cast judgement on me? Live the life that I've lived! Suffer as I have suffered! Pay the tax, the toll, the cost of having lived my life lived ~ and then come to the bar and speak to me of your thoughts! And, spout your opinoins to me!

Were it all about choices! Were it all about choices!

You make this all sound as though it was all about some frivilious masturbationary thing! Just another way for we as men to get our jollies! I wish that it were that simple!

Then it would be nothing more than slipping into a pair of panties ~ and "Wham! Bam! Thank you very much, Ma'am!"

I do! I do very much encourage you to quit crossdressing! All the more luck to you! It may very well be a question of self-control, self discipline! But, please, please Budda, when you've found the path to enligthenment ~ come back and share with us your wisdom! Becuase, many of us have been seeking that path for all the days of our lives!

racquel

01-08-2006, 04:53 AM

I may be wrong,probably am, but what I got from the thread?:troll:

Tvinhose

01-08-2006, 04:54 AM

I believe crossdressing is an addiction which can be broken if one chooses. I've purged myself in the past a couple of times and wished I hadden't. Pantyhose feel to great to ever stop wearing! I do not believe in liying or cheating on one's partner, that is so wrong. I've had break-ups in the past because I wanted my partner to know that I loved to crossdress. If I didn't like doing it I would leave the lifestyle! More power to people to change their lifestyle if that is truly what they wan't.

Ms. Laura

01-08-2006, 09:33 AM

Wow, that's quite an indictment of the community here. To begin with, looking at the title of the site above, it doesn't say tha #1 community for crossdressers that want to stop and their admirers. If there isn't much support there, it's because there isn't much support here. Maybe elsewhere.

Also, I don't see the harm in superficial discussions. There is a nice mix here. Who want's to spend all their time dwelling and brooding on all of the deep subjects?

You are absolutely right that stories of people cheating and lying are disturbing. I'm married, it doesn't matter if a hot T-Girl or Angelina Jolie throw themselves at me, I ain't going for either. Gender is irrelevant to the vows which many forget. However, it's not my place to yell at these people and condemn them unless they ask my opinion.

Guilt, yeah I feel guilty, the question is why? Is it a morally corrupt activity? If you believe in God, do you think he gives a crap about the clothing you wear in your Off time? If yes, don't dress! Honestly, the harm in this is interpreted by those around you. If they're OK then what's the big deal? The guilt comes from social conditioning because "crossdressing" screws with social order. I don't run around in a dress and thus do not screw with social order. I stay home, or talk here. And if you are in a group, there are places where it is OK. There have always been places where society says this is "OK" as long as it's here, lke Provincetown, MA, or at someone's house for a meeting. Anyway, that's my response.

Don't tell me I'm kidding myself, you don't know me. And by the way, I like purple panties on Thursday, it gets me in the mood for the weekend.

Amelia Moxon

01-08-2006, 10:02 AM

I think Karrisa, you have just opened one hell of a can of worms hun, the phrase open your mouth and insert both feet comes to mind.
Sorry Karrisa but thats my opinion.

Hugs
Amelia xxx

Nikki Dee

01-08-2006, 10:03 AM

Hi. Karissa....the only really meaningful part of your message is when you ask "why did I post this thread"...and you didn't really know...well, neither do I...and you suggest that it might be you are looking for support.?...I think so don't you.?...Ditch the anger and the frustration...and somewhere to lay the blame...look for the truth.
Nikki. x

Shelly2069

01-08-2006, 10:32 AM

What type of support would you like? Isn't humor suppose to be the best cure?

Regarding this site, I actually get a kick out of such serious topics as a 54 yr old 225 lbs. crossdresser sweating over the red or pink nail polish. I mean come on that's some funny Sh@t. I'm man enough to laugh at myself too, which I do many times.

Sometimes I come home from work all tensed up after a hard day and read a few of these topics and it de-stresses me, becasuse again it's pretty funny.

Along time ago I dropped out of the tg-scene, because I couldn't relate to many CD's. I met other xdressers with names, Hi I'm Lisa-donnna-betty La'high heel. I felt how could I possibly connect with someone like that. I realized I never could and they are a dime a dozen. I was at a TG dance/party once and there was one xdresser wearing PVC and 5in platform heels, which he could barely walk.

Recently, I've come to realize people do things for there own reasons. For the most part it has no bearing on me so I don't judge them. Who would I be anyway.

As for what CD's do in the bedroom or what porn they like it isn't your concern. I would never post pixs of myself with a 10in D*%k stuffed in my mouth, but many cd's do and so do many woman.

Take things for what they are.

Jasmine Ellis

01-08-2006, 10:37 AM

I have no complicated aspect in all I do. Why should there be any. I love dressing as a woman and won't stop. Be happy in yourself which ever it is love

wo-MAN

01-08-2006, 10:38 AM

if you hate it quit, love it stay, unsure research more. what ever you choose it reall will not effect me. i have been cross dressing since 1996 and lived in the closet untill 2005. now i have no regrets:strugglin

kathy gg

01-08-2006, 10:44 AM

Well you did not say a gg could not comment, so I am going to.

I first want to comment on your age. You are in your 20's, a time when fitting in, trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life is looming. Maybe you have family pressures from parents still, or are intending on starting a relationship and worry that whomever you decide to be with wont' accept this. Who know why you are so angry? You have only made less than ten posts, so it is hard for anyone to really know 'you'.

Also age makes a huge difference in self aceptance. Many people dont' start to embrace this part of themsevles till later in life. So for you to be having problems, still feeling crappy about being this way....well that is par for the course. Reaching out for someone going through the same feelings could have been achieved in a nicer way though. I think your maturity shows through in your post, and that is okay, you have many more years to grasp what you truly want out of your life. No one on this list can make you feel good about yourself, that has to start from within.

If you are looking for suppoprt on trying to quit crossdressing or finding a cure I think if you had just posted that, most people would be happy to either give you encouragement or at least share how their tale of quiting worked out.

I think you have instead decided to let your anger get the best of you. I am the wife of a crossdresser, so when I see posts on people cheating or looking for sympathy to condone their actions it is disturbing as well....but there are ways to address that in a less attack-like manner.

Also as for the threads on trivial things...well it is part of the lifestyle. You have to realize many people do not get to act or talk about these feelings with many people, so this is the outlet to do so. Persoanlly I could care less what brand undies everyone wears, so when I see posts that get into those topics I ignore them and look for threads of interest. THis place is just like television or the radio, if you don't like what you are seeing or reading, change the channel.

I hope that you decide to stick around and learn from people who have felt the same feelings you are going through. You have so much to learn from those who walked before you, they probably had the same fears and doubts and anger you are feeling right now.

TGMarla

01-08-2006, 10:49 AM

First of all, Karrisa (love the name, btw!), congratulations for stirring up the hornets' nest you desired. You successfully pissed off a few people and amused a few others. Some even agree with you provisionally. That's where I fall in.

Here's what I agree with: sometimes the superficial threads about how everyone pees, or whether or not they like thong underwear really toss me, too. I mean, who really cares? If that's what you really care about, you're likely immature and shallow, and since I'm not, I'll have little in common with you anyway. I rarely respond to such threads, and if I do, it's with a modecum of disdain. You are also correct in that solicitations for encouragement for leaving this lifestyle are often met here with shallow and insufficient answers, whoops and hollers, and ridicule. Many here have tried quitting. That's what purges are all about. Statistics, what there are of them, show that most that try to quit go back to it over time, and that there is no "cure" for this behavior. But that's no excuse for rudeness. And falling back on cracking someone for their lack of literacy is childish. We have many here who couldn't spell "cat" if you spotted them the "c" and the "a". Their lack of proper reading and writing skills, while morosely amusing, is none of my business. Oh, and I also agree that cheating on your SO is wrong. And I'm guessing that doing so in a homosexual relationship, while no more wrong, would probably rub salt in your SO's wounds a bit.

Okay, so let's move on. You say that you are also looking for a "cure".
...I’ve not accepted it. I won’t give up or give in like so many of you have. Is there a cure? I don’t know but the difference is that I’m still looking for answers.....hoping that you’ll write me back telling me how wrong I am; that will only strengthen my resolve. See, the term "cure" and your "resolve" to find a way to stop this imply that there is some kind of disease state in effect here, and that it's some kind of sickness. We estimate that somewhere around 5% of Western Civilization's males do this. I suspect the percentage is actually a bit higher. This is very similar to the frequency of left-handedness. Do you really think this is a sickness in need of a cure? Since the behavior of crossdressing connects itself to the libido, sexual behavior, and gratification, the resulting endorphin release causes the behavior to be somewhat addicting. Our sexual behavior blueprints are very hard to edit. Like recovering alcoholics, one is likely a crossdresser for life. Ask anyone who is "on the wagon", and they'll tell you that they are an alcoholic and cannot and will not have a drink, or they'll fall right back off the wagon. It's probably the same for crossdressing. Either you put down the pantyhose and walk away, never to put on another item of feminine apparrel, or you'll wind up in high heels again just as quick as you please.

You go on in your post about how "self-deprecating" this behavior is. That we are all in denial. Well, some of us are, there's no doubt. You also mention guilt. Guilt after masturbation. But I have no guilt, even after masurbation. I don't have this overwhelming urge to strip myself of all the feminine garb due to overwhelming guilt and shame. Sure, on one level, one could argue that this behavior is emasculating, but I think we all get just a little too caught up in all of this. Should I end my crossdressing episodes in this manner, my changing clothes is more so that I don't damage or soil them, than because of some overwhelming guilt or shame. In fact, it's more likely that YOUR response to this behavior is because of some overwhelming guilt or shame. If that's truly how you feel, then you need to seek professional help. There really isn't any reason you should beat yourself up just because you enjoy putting on some items of clothing that our society deemed is for females and masturbating for a while. I mean, so what? Why is that a reason for such self-loathing?

I dressed for a short while just yesterday. While I was dressed, I really enjoyed it. I like dressing and looking like a woman. I like it a lot. It doesn't make me less of a man, or more of a woman. It's just something I really enjoy. It felt great. Am I feeling guilty or ashamed because of it? No. I'm not. And I'll do it again when the opportunity presents itself. And when I'm done, I'll take the clothing off, put it all away, and once again, I'll feel no remorse, guilt, or shame, and life will go on. But according to you, if we don't have these feelings (like you do), we are in denial. Well, I'm not in any kind of denial here. I'm a man who enjoys wearing female clothing. What am I denying? That I'm a man, and men don't do this? Obviously that's not true, as I am a man, and I do do this.

Look, you don't have to accept it if you don't want to. No one is forcing you. But my observation is that those who have accepted this behavior in themselves are a whole lot happier and balanced than are those who have not. Less conflict, I guess. I hope that you find your balance, or your "cure". I hope that you stop hating on yourself. But I'm happy just the way I am.

letisha

01-08-2006, 11:10 AM

Quote from your post
I’ve committed many of the same acts as those of you reading this with one exception, I’ve not accepted it. I won’t give up or give in like so many of you have. Is there a cure? I don’t know but the difference is that I’m still looking for answers. So why did I post this? I don’t really know. I think part of me is looking for support. Maybe part of me is trying to help someone. And yet another part is hoping tha

My partner is a crossdresser and when we meet two years ago I knew very little about crossdressers so went on a fast research programme.
From what I learnt the need to dress up is something you are born with so therefore not cureable , just part of your makeup.
When I realised this I spoke with my partner and decided we would be upfront with family and friends.
I was amazed at how accepting they were and just accepted Steve-Letisha for who he was.My 17yo daughter goes to him for outfit advise, shopping with my mum and she asks if Steve wouldn't like this particular corset.My dad lives with me and caught us dressed up one night to go out to a party.His first comment was I didn't know you were that way inclined .His first thought was that Steve/Letisha was bi sexual.He obviously thought about it more because the next day he apologised and they had a open discussion.
All I can say is now that it is out in the open Steve/Letisha is far more comfrortable with himself and accepting of himselve.
The only problem I have is he has lost 20 kilo and pinching all my clothes.
Hope this point of view helps.

ChristineRenee

01-08-2006, 11:10 AM

You are what you are...we are what we are. If you unhappy with the person you are...by all means...take the steps that you need to affect that change. Many of us have spent decades trying to find out who we are...why we are the way we are. It hasn't been a joyride for most of us I can tell you that. I also don't believe that the majority of us would have chosen to be the way we are necessarily...had we have had that choice to begin with. But we have learned to understand the person that we are...and made the decision to accept that which we have come to realize over many years of self-denial, shame, and feelings of lack of self-esteem and self-worth, that which we cannot change...and finally...to embrace the person we are...the human being that we are...and learn to love ourselves for WHO we are...so that we can in turn love others as we do ourselves without those feelings of prejudice or moral superiority that many "normal" people seem to enjoy throwing in our faces.

It isn't an easy lifestyle to live....and one even tougher to give up...and don't think that the majority of us who have been this way for a long, long time haven't tried to either. It is a significant part of who we are...and we chose to make the best of it and look at it in a positive way rather than in a negative one. Sorry if you can't understand this concept or want to view it as simply a defense mechanism or another form of denial...but for many of us in this life...it works...be it a coping mechanism or not...it works. And it's a damn sight better than living a life consumed by fear of discovery, self-incrimination...and perhaps at it's very extreme...one filled with suicidal thoughts and tendencies.

A little food for thought for you my friend...from someone who has lived this life for 42 of his 54 years on this planet!

jennifer easton

01-08-2006, 11:15 AM

ah, oh never mind! the sisters have spoken,Karissa you have some good points, Ilove this forum!! it gives me an outlet, love my sisters,thanks!
xoxoxJennifer

uknowhoo

01-08-2006, 11:21 AM

WOW, great thread Karrisa.

I too agree with several of your points, and it's good to have an open airing of such things from time to time. I won't go on with all my feelings on the matter as they've already been reflected in well thought-out posts by Chrissie Bear, Laura, Jenna, Dana and many others.

I would like to offer one additional thought to you, a fundamental tenent of my own personal philosophy. God loves and accepts each of us, 100%, unconditionally, guaranteed, period (yeah, God!!), AND calls us to do the same. What with being human and all, this is a rather tall order. So all we can do is do the best we can, forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, and accept our fellow man and their shortcomings as well.

I bid you good luck with your internal conflicts.

Hugs,

Tammi

Laura Jane

01-08-2006, 11:28 AM

I’m compelled to start a thread that will un-doubtedly raise some plucked eyebrows.

First, how many threads must we have about such superficial things as your favorite pantyhose color, brand of make-up, and figuring out your female shoe size? I mean, when you’re wondering how to urinate more like a woman, you may spending a little too much time in fantasy land.

Secondly, there is a complete lack of support for anyone interested in leaving the lifestyle. A recent post is from a young member wishing to leave his crossdressing behind and carry on in the male lifestyle which he felt he was intended to lead. Of all the responses, about half were from people telling him that he would fail and be back.

Finally, I’m disgusted by the moral corruption to which this lifestyle seems to lend itself. I read a post today from a man describing his history of homosexual encounters while his wife was unaware of his crossdressing and bisexuality.

If it seems as though I’m judging you personally, I’m not. I’ve committed many of the same acts as those of you reading this with one exception, I’ve not accepted it. I won’t give up or give in like so many of you have. Is there a cure? I don’t know but the difference is that I’m still looking for answers.

So why did I post this? I don’t really know. I think part of me is looking for support. Maybe part of me is trying to help someone. And yet another part is hoping that you’ll write me back telling me how wrong I am; that will only strengthen my resolve. The only thing I’m sure of is that all of these parts are male.

karrisa,

I'm happy that you have tried to put your wide-ranging thoughts about this forum and crossdressing in general into a provocative post for us.

You first rail against superficial things that are discussed on here. Of course its nice to have serious discussions, but I think you will realise that most crossdresser being in the closet, their only chance to discuss everything crossdressing-wise under the sun is on a forum like this and hence it will include the trivial. Part of this trivial banter is cd's egging each other on to be a bit more daring and out there and this is precisely what most posters on here want.

As for stopping, well if someone has stopped, they probably ain’t going to be still posting on here and falling into temptation! You don't asking a smoker how to stop smoking, a drinker how to abstain or an obese person how to diet, so why expect a CDer to be any good at telling someone how to stop!

As for moral corruption, well that’s a tricky one. People have different morals. An armed robbery might be a loving husband who never cheats on his wife and a serial adulterer might be as honest as the day is long.

You touch on guilt and there are certainly some actions you can do that you should feel guilty about, but why extend that to putting on a skirt or a bra? The Church has for centuries made us (the congregation) feel guilty about masturbation, but it turns out to have been mainly about projecting their own guilt onto us. I think you are very close to doing that about your own hang-ups about crossdressing.

KathrynW

01-08-2006, 12:14 PM

First, how many threads must we have about such superficial things as your favorite pantyhose color, brand of make-up, and figuring out your female shoe size? I mean, when you’re wondering how to urinate more like a woman, you may spending a little too much time in fantasy land.
There are many cd/tg forums on the internet. If you've visited any of the others, I believe you'd know this certainly isn't the most superficial out there. If you're interested in more challenging discussions visit the tg rocket scientists over at myhusbandbetty.com. :censor: Or if you really want to see extreme superficiality, visit the Cross Dressers Discussion Forum.
Sometimes it gets on my nerves too when it seems like all folks want to talk about is panties, but I just skip those threads. ;)

Secondly, there is a complete lack of support for anyone interested in leaving the lifestyle. A recent post is from a young member wishing to leave his crossdressing behind and carry on in the male lifestyle which he felt he was intended to lead. Of all the responses, about half were from people telling him that he would fail and be back.
Well, this is pretty accurate. I've been a cd for approx. 40 yrs. and the reality of this situation is that it's essentially impossible to simply "stop" being a cd.
Yes, people do quit dressing for long periods of time, but seldom forever. That's just the way it is. ;)

Finally, I’m disgusted by the moral corruption to which this lifestyle seems to lend itself. I read a post today from a man describing his history of homosexual encounters while his wife was unaware of his crossdressing and bisexuality.
I'll agree with you 100% on this point. This kind of thing also disgusts me big time. Lying & cheating on a spouse/SO is totally unquestionably unacceptable. :nono:

Stephanie Brooks

01-08-2006, 12:24 PM

Hi Karissa!

Are we all the same?

It's funny, you think you're the only one looking for answers, but I'd offer the suggestion many others are looking too. For once we who are different genderwise have a venue for communication. We can share experiences, and we can learn.

You talk of moral corruption through a few posts. I'd say look at what we've achieved! In this place, we are learning how to be better citizens, and we are not standing for garbage from members. Woe to the member who is proud of cheating on his wife, husband, or SO.

You've made 10 posts. Grand. You've been here since last February. How often have you visited? What have you seen? This is a big place with roughly 3400 active members. I was raised in a little town of around 3000 people. Would you judge such a town by the first 30 people you see in one short period of time? Would you know the town by spending 30 minutes in one of the local grocery stores?

What have you seen over the last 11 months? Has it gotten better or worse, and why? How can you tell?

Here's an opportunity for you, Karissa. You can post. You can respond to threads, you can start threads. You can challenge ideas, you can show what you think is a better way by living your life your way and telling us about it.

Be careful about what you say, however. This thread is titled, "You Are Giving Up". To whom did you address it?

MsJanessa

01-08-2006, 12:55 PM

I've purged twice in My adult life and both times I've come back--the last time was for 6 years---purging doesn't work for Me---when I did it I retreated into complete fantasy and was completely unhappy--My sense is now that purging is what I did as a young person to try to make Myself into something that was "socially acceptable"---at this stage of My life, I'm more concerned with My own self-expression rather than trying to fit in. One piece of advice though, if you are really serious about trying to stop dressing, the first step, after throwing away all your clothes(bty if you are a size 10-12 let Me know--I might buy them from you) is to stop going to this and other TG related websites---trust Me, it(and Us) will just tempt you. Good luck---MsJanessa:dom:

Sharon

01-08-2006, 01:14 PM

Julie York

01-08-2006, 01:36 PM

The other half consisted of smart-ass comments about his spelling and grammar;

You raise some very good points and I agree with most of them. However, I have no guilt whatsoever about taking the piss out of someone so dumb and annoying As To Use Capitals For Every Word and completely lack the courtesy of writing in a way that can be understood.

Sod 'em.

Alison Michelle

01-08-2006, 02:57 PM

:angry: :angry: FLAMES to Follow:angry: :angry:

OK not realy.

Karissa,

I don't seem to read much of flaming coming back at you. I do say you have a lot of valid points. I'l skip the quotes but many others have backed you up on most of them.

We all deal with life differently and may not see eye to eye on things.
If I have a problem with how I am, I want to understand it. With understanding only then can I draw a plan of action to address it. If I had a stroke and lost use of part of an arm I would work around it.

You want to stop these feelings of crossdressing, how are you going to do it. Identify them, quantify them, understand them, then you can try to suppress them. It might work, it may not. Having them does not make you less of a man.

Good luck in your in your quest! Post here if you need, take what helps and ignore the rest.

Christina Nicole

01-08-2006, 04:03 PM

Karrisa,

I think you made a good many valid points. Thanks for posting. I think the part about self-acceptance is good but somewhat underdeveloped. I don't see a problem with someone accepting him(her)self as a cross-dresser, as that is what he(she) is. It's not much of a logical extension to accept oneself then, as an impression, impersonation, facsimile, portrayal, or image of a woman. Call it what you will. When I'm dressed up, I am portraying a woman and showing image of one. I certainly don't think that when I'm dressed up I am a woman and when I'm not I'm a man. That sounds like a multiple personality disorder, which I understand is quite rare. Therefore, that idea is probably self-delusional, I think.

I don't see a problem in cross-dressing as long as one can maintain perspective. Responsible adults know their responsibilities are first to God and secondly to family, friends, and everyone else with whom we share this world. Self comes last. It's not a good idea to do things that will cause harm or pain to one's family. If one can cross dress without violating one's marriage commitment, and without causing grief to family, then it probably is ok. On the other hand, if one is breaking one's marriage vows, or one's wife or children suffers, then cross-dressing is not ok.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

Sarahgurl371

01-08-2006, 04:53 PM

Karrisa, Are you even reading this????????? Or did we all get hooked into a troll again?

First point: NOT EVERYBODY IS LIKE YOU. We live in a world full of diversity. And It amazes me that a person who IS different that the majority of the population, is not accepting of diversity. Talk about moral corruption, what about love thy neighbor?

First, how many threads must we have about such superficial things as your favorite pantyhose color, brand of make-up, and figuring out your female shoe size? .

You know what, I really don't like these threads either. So I have a choice, I do not read them or post in them, unless of course I am looking for a lighter conversation.

Secondly, there is a complete lack of support for anyone interested in leaving the lifestyle. A recent post is from a young member wishing to leave his crossdressing behind and carry on in the male lifestyle which he felt he was intended to lead. Of all the responses, about half were from people telling him that he would fail and be back. .

Good point. You know what I was told when I called a local CD support group. They are not there to offer support in quitting or looking for a cure. Guess if I disagree with that, I won't join them.

I also agree that sometimes the responses are kinda poking fun at members. While I do not choose to do that, some do. OK, If i do not like the reply, I do not read it. And as far as spelling goes, come on. If your are veiwing this forum, you are on a computer, and if you can't spell, use the spell check.

So if you want to quit this stuff, sure say good bye to us. And some will wish you well, others will tell you its impossible, some may even ridicule. Thats the way it goes in a community. Also , I see that you are in your 20's. While I am not the much older than you, I could tell you of all the crap I went thru in my teens and 20's regarding CDing. Its enough to say that I have been were you are at. I have decided to move on. I do not think its going away, and its tearing me up inside. MY decision - read, learn, study, contemplate, compromise, look deep into myself, try to find a balance. I couldn't live the old way anymore. Just my opinion, but it seems to be working.

Crossdressing is denial. Crossdressing is self medicating and self deprecating. I read it all the time, “If you don’t accept your crossdressing actions, you’re lying to yourself.” Trying to change how you look to be more like the opposite sex, that’s the truth. Going on websites and submitting a female name and conversing with others as if you were a female, that’s the truth. Sneaking out in public and trying to pass as a woman, that’s the truth. Looking at transgender porn on the internet, that’s the truth. Fantasizing about being the girl when you’re having sex with your wife/GF, that’s the truth. Wearing women’s undergarments to work under your male clothes, that’s the truth. I think not. If you read any of the above lines and said to yourself, “yes, that is the truth, that’s the way God made me and my behavior is totally justified,” then you are in denial. .

Yep, I can relate to much of that. Guess what, I have been in therapy, I have questioned myself, I can only come up with one response - I am who I am, and I like what I like.

As far as being in denial, I most certainlly have deliberated long and hard about addiction / compulsion, vs. identity. All I can say is that for me this started when I was 6 or 7. But I will concede that maybe I was avoiding something, if I was, it has been last to time and forgetfulness. I do not recall anyone hurting me, or forcing me. It just spoke to me. How many alcoholics or drug addicts can say that? Of course I do not know as I am not either. In the end, I feel that If CDing costs me my marraige or friends, that it is meant to be. I most certainlly wouldn't say that about alcohol or drugs. I am who I am.

Denial - Yep. lived thru that most of my adolescence and adult life. Wondered why I felt guilty and ashamed. Know what? Because I was hiding who I was. I wasn't being truthful to myself. My thoughts on the feelings of guilt,shame and self loathing - they are your mind's way of getting you to face up to your feelings, and be true to yourself.

The way God made me - To thine own self be true. Sounds about right to me. I would never say that the above phrase entitles me or anyone else to just do what they want and take what they will. But I do not think CD/TG/TS, Homo/Hetero/Bi, are the same thing as stealing, cheating, lying, raping or murdering. There is a right and wrong way to live. And sometimes we all agree that something is wrong. Sometimes we do not. In the end the only one who should judge me or you is ourselves and God.

Finally, I’m disgusted by the moral corruption to which this lifestyle seems to lend itself. I read a post today from a man describing his history of homosexual encounters while his wife was unaware of his crossdressing and bisexuality. .

Moral corruption - yes, I would agree that cheating on your spouse with anyone is a corrupt moral. That is my opinion, that works for my life. I would never do it, ever. I made a commitment. But others have a different sense of morlality.

As far as advising a person on relieving guilt after a sexual experience. There are many phsycological reasons that a person feels guilt after a sexual encounter. I know people who lie, cheat, and steal everday from the company, who NEVER feel guilty. I know people who hide money from thier spouses, and NEVER guilty about it. I know people who hate on the basis of race, sex, gender, sexuality, political affiliation, and NEVER feel guilty about it. These things offend my sense of morality, but not thiers. So some people are clearly breaking an accepted moral code, but I do not here many chastizing them. I have yet to hear themselves describing a overwhelming sense of guilt and remorse.

But society, at least here in the US, has always tried to make those who have alternate sexualities feel guilty and ashamed for them. I wonder why the pornagraphy industry makes billions of dollars a year if there is a clear majority of straight laced heterosexual people? Who is looking at all this porn. How about another corrupt moral - lying to yourself, and those around you. While I agree that it is none of anyone's business what I, you, or anyone does or doesn't do in thier home between consenting adults, wouldn't lying about ones sexuality to oneself and SO be a corrupt moral? So I guess that accepting my gender identity and sexuality has actually made me a better person right? Because now I have owned up to my feelings, and told my SO about my likes and dislikes. It has made me more honest. That's a good thing, right?

Hey in the end, we are all just people. People trying to get by until we die and God judges us and gives us the answers. If you don't like yourself, change yourself. You are the only one who can.;)

Sophia Rearen

01-08-2006, 06:39 PM

Karrisa, you're more woman than I and alot of others here. I've never had PMS like that before.

Aileen

01-08-2006, 06:51 PM

It's true that when someone posts about wanting to quit, no one here gives him much encouragement. But you have to understand that crossdressing is not like alchoholism. It won't ruin your life. It might end your marriage, but so could spending too much time on the golf course. I think most people here give good advice, which is: don't get rid of your pretty dresses. Because most people here who have tried to quit have not been able to, and it costs a lot to replace your wardrobe.

Some here think of themselves as women, and some think of themselves as just playing at being a woman. I think I'm just playing, which is why I stick to my male name ( and by the way, everybody, stop telling me to change it ). For those who feel that they need to have the operation, I think we can give them a break and say that they are not just playing and that being a woman is the truth for them, because it's too much to go through to be considered just a game. For a crossdresser who can't quit, I don't think he's being true to himself exactly; I think he's just enjoying something he can't live without. The same as an actor might say to his wife: I am always going to continue to act; I will never give up my dream of being an actor, and I won't let you change that part of me.

So, quit if you want to quit. But if you don't, the world will keep on turning.

karrisa

01-08-2006, 08:04 PM

Thank you. I’m surprised and impressed by the restraint most of you have shown; I wouldn’t have. Let me elaborate on a few points of interest.

First, when I talk about leaving the lifestyle, I’m not talking about purging. I’ve tried as most of you have and know exactly what it’s like. I’m talking about getting to the root of the issue. I make reference to crossdressing as if it were a disease because it is. Contrary to popular belief here, it is not normal. You cannot equate it to a woman wearing men’s clothing because it’s not for the same reasons. There is a reason we are like this. Finding what the reason is and how to reconcile it are my goals and I believe are the pathway to true enlightenment and happiness. How many of us have issues with our fathers or mothers? Is it fair to gloss over everything that has happened in our lives and say, “this is just the way God made me?” I think if God wanted us to wear the clothes we want to wear, he’d have given us tits and hips.

I’ll catch hell for this analogy also, but murderers don’t choose to be murderers. God made them, and then they murder people, which is wrong. Should they have tried to not be murderers before they murdered someone, or should they have just said, “well, God made me a murderer and so I guess its okay?” We live in a “if it feels good do it” society. It might feel good for a murderer to murder someone but does that make it right? Now, before you flip your lid, I don’t equate crossdressing with murder nor do I think they are in any way related nor should they be lumped together in any way, just trying to illustrate.

Of course, it’s not about the clothing at all. It’s about the thought process, the fantasies, the desires, and sometimes the actions that aren’t moral or pure. If you think everything that goes through your head is good, then good for you. It just seems such a shallow lifestyle to me. I read the threads (and I’ve actually read probably close to 80% since my join date in February) and so many people are spending so much time trying to look more like women and act more like women and find more time to indulge in crossdressing. It takes over your life. Is this God’s plan for us? Does God want you to lock yourself in your bedroom, dress like a woman, masturbate, and then NOT feel guilty about it? I’m not purging so I’m therefore an active member of the crossdressing community; that’s why I thought there may be some interest. These are issues every one of us has or had at some point. The best response I’ve read was, “It won’t ruin your life. It might end your marriage…” referring to crossdressing. Please think about that. It may be time to re-evaluate some priorities.

Oh by the way, I’m 28 years old. I have a wife and three kids. I’m in therapy and plan to resolve my issues before I’m too old and tired and just “give up.”

Sharon

01-08-2006, 08:14 PM

If you're serious and not just flaming the fires (as indicated by your first sentences), then I think you are full of self-loathing and should seriously consider getting better help -- help that is beyond the capability of a forum in providing you.

Butterfly Bill

01-08-2006, 08:48 PM

It all started back in junior high school with liking girls so much I wanted to be one, and wondering if the forbidden was really so dangerous after all, but now at 58 it is mostly liking the feel of a rayon dress sliding over my bod on a warm and breezy summer day, and other similar sensations. I really do like the feel of the stuff better than stuff like denim jeans and really do like the colors better. Of course I don't do construction work in my best dress (or anything with a skirt to it), for a lot of non-social reasons. When the pants come off, that means the working day is done and I am in my relaxing clothes.

Most of my emotional conflicts were worked out by coming out, and that means out a a male, not as a stealth woman, and seeing how people really react -- which is indeed not a universal acceptance, but a general one. Lots of people like the honesty of a man declaring his independence from the gender game. I think I get far more approval that way than someone trying to do the whole passing trip.

I don't remember if you have told us whether you are out. Are you?

melissacd

01-08-2006, 08:59 PM

Karrisa,

First, thanks for sharing how you feel. You have made many excellent points and given all of us things to ponder. It is important that we have tolerance and acceptance for all points of view.

I also thank and congratulate the members of the forum for their great understanding and kindness. Many groups would have been completely outraged by this expression and I feel it is a credit to who we all are that most of us can feel empathy, compassion, understanding, care enough to respond intelligently.

Each and every one of us has had some level of struggle with cross dressing and cross dressing related issues. Some have a very small struggle, some have a very big struggle. All of us have a choice, to fight it or to accept and enjoy it in whatever fashion that may take. The important thing here is to recognize that all of us have a choice and all of us choose to deal with it in our own way. We also change over time and so do our choices. At this point in your life you have very strong negative feelings about having cross dressing tendancies and that is okay. That is where you are today. You have a desire to find a way to stop your cross dressing desires and that too is okay. You have to make a choice that best fits where you are now, that is your choice. I support that choice and I feel that there is nothing wrong with you still participating in this forum for support in helping you to end cross dressing in your life if that is what you want. If that remains your choice for the rest of your life I applaud you for attaining your goal. If later you decide that it is no longer the correct choice I will be the first one to welcome you back. I accept you no matter your choice.

We are all humans on this small planet each trying to find our own way. In each moment of each day we make choices, we change, we create ourselves anew. We do not know what the future holds and all we can do is find the best choices for ourselves. The choices that make each and everyone of us happy. We do not have to justify our choices, we just have to come to terms with them. If they turn out to be bad choices then hopefully we can learn and move on to better choices for us.

I suppose that the only thing that I ask of you is that you accept and respect and do not judge the choices that each and everyone of us has made about our lives. I do not judge you and hope for the same consideration in return. If you still feel a need to judge me, us, our choices, that too is your choice. I will still accept it, I will still accept and care about you. I will still support your right to choose.

I wish you all the best and I hope that you will be able to find your way to happiness whatever path that may take. I am here to cheer you on and I am available if you want to chat about this further.

Take Care Karrisa,

Melissa

Stephanie Brooks

01-08-2006, 09:14 PM

karrisa,

How dare you come in here and spew such rubbish! How in the world do you think you can understand why we're like this when you don't have a clue as to what we are?! Don't you dare come at us with some "holier than thou" attitude just because you think your situation is better than everyone else's.

You have no idea what people on these forums do to support each other. You have no idea what we do as individuals to function in a world that is hostile to transgenderism. We have families - parents, spouses, SOs, children, and other outside relations - to whom we have responsibilities and who shut us out for something that we are. And yet we still function. There are lots of heroes in this place, and I'll be damned if I'll stand for your garbage. How dare you!

I hope you take your garbage elsewhere!

kwebb

01-08-2006, 09:48 PM

Sounds like you are in a fight with it. Trying to snuf it but at the same time, can't turn it aloose maybe. There are an awful lot of us who felt and/or are feeling some guilt over it. Most I'd say. Hats off to the one's who have mastered that part of it.

Don't take this the wrong way, but your anger in itself is proof you haven't yet accepted it. When I was in my 20's I had alot of that same anger, even thru most of my thirties and now at 40, I still feel it sometimes. Self-acceptance can be a lifelong search for some. For others the time comes when they begin to learn to not to think of it as such a big burden and a big deal anymore and simply enjoy it. Its something they enjoy doing and period.

Societal views about it can have a more subliminally negative influence over you than you are sometimes willing to admit.

I find that most CDers have also been through some of the pain, agony and anger that CDing can at times, and often does bring. At some point in their life journey.
At different points in my life, I have said some of the same things you said in your post and another one of your posts about finding/making "peace" with it.

As for the books you have read about it, I find that the Rudd material opened my mind to alot of different possibilites and potenitialites within the behaviour. How I could make certain choices and develop it beyond just the erotic part. But it takes time for you to see this, and in your 20s I'd be suprised if you did not go thru more agonizing over it.

May I suggest an old book by JJ Allen called the Man in the Red Velvet Dress. He really dealt the cards out straight up in there. You will not agree with everything he says but it sure was a thought-provoker for me. It may open your mind to some new choices for you.

CDing can be a blessing and/or curse or both. Some men are able to incorporate it successfully into their lives in a positive way that works for them and those around them, others allow it to cause them to crash & burn. Me, I'm still somewhere in between the two, but am choosing to go to a higher level of living with it, whatever that may be.

TGMarla

01-08-2006, 11:01 PM

I make reference to crossdressing as if it were a disease because it is.....Finding what the reason is and how to reconcile it are my goals and I believe are the pathway to true enlightenment and happiness.....Of course, it’s not about the clothing at all. It’s about the thought process, the fantasies, the desires, and sometimes the actions that aren’t moral or pure.

You are in search of purity and happiness through enlightenment?

If yoy study those who have studied enlightenment, the great masters have shown over and over that balance of the Yin and the Yang is the true path towards true happiness and enlightenment, not repression of your inner soul. This inner soul to you represents a disease state? And why do you find this to be so? Is it because you're not like everyone else? If any two people are exactly the same, one becomes unnecessary. There is no disease in realizing that there is more to a being than what is visible simply by looking for the first time. And who is the one to say what actions are not moral or pure? Who has set the level where being becomes amoral or impure? Why do you hold yourself to a standard you do not understand? Exploration and love of the self is neither amoral nor impure; it simply is. How is one to find love in the world if it does not start from within. When love of self, and all facets of being, flows freely from within you, that is the road to true enlightenment.

kwebb

01-08-2006, 11:09 PM

Is this God’s plan for us? Does God want you to lock yourself in your bedroom, dress like a woman, masturbate, and then NOT feel guilty about it?

My mom used to get at me with this one. When I'd tell her I thought this was how God made me, she'd just start laughing.

Janice Ann

01-09-2006, 12:35 AM

I quit smoking a year ago and not a day goes by that I not think about smoking-- now if I was to stop crossdressing (again) I might be able to do it- and also as time goes by - the more I learn about crossdressing , the more I realize I don't know-- be 65 in March and am not going to give everything up.
Live and let live unless this is hurting some one.
Janice Ann

Rebecca Petersen

01-09-2006, 12:40 AM

Do you feel any better? If we all agreed with you, would it make it any better?
Let me clarify. When I was 28 I felt exactly as you do today. The guilt, trying to live up to societies expectations, and the "search" to find out why I crossdressed. That Damn "Search." And oh yes, the moral and religious issues. Just when would I be cast to Hell for my actions?
Like you, I too had a wife and three kids at 28 and was seeing some well meaning therapist that, to put it bluntly, didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.
Well, I'm not 28 any longer. (golly, sometimes I wish I were) Over thirty years has passed and I'm going to share with you what I've learned. Before I do however, I understand that you probably won't believe me and that's okay. Do take into consideration however, that I'm old enough to be your Mot...Older sister, and have figured out a few things in all these years. (Not necessarily smarter, just older)
Let's start with the big stuff first. If you are so egotistical and full of yourself that you would think "God" would be concerned as to what you are wearing, you need to go back and examine your faith, and please understand that I'm not advocating any formal religion here.
If you are masturbating while dressed and feel guilty, it's probably not the dressing. Do you feel masturbating while looking at a Playboy mag is more manly, so therefore more correct? Hey, a "Rose By Any Other Name..."
You spoke of "Adultery." I'm sure everyone on this forum is in agreement that Adultery is a "no-no." With another woman, someone that looks like a woman, a man, or even small woodland creatures. I also believe that you will find that the ratio of transgendered people that commit adultery is no greater than the non-transgendered. Crossdressing does not make you more apt to commit adultery, nor is it advocated on this forum. Your own moral values are what we are talking about. (Sorry, bad sentence structure there, and I know that's also one of your gripes)
I could be wrong here, but your second post leads me to believe, you are in reality just looking for that illusive answer to the question, "Why do I do what I do." Well, good luck. The experts have always been divided as to cause. There have been many books on the subject written by notable authors, some of which are just plain wrong.
It would appear by reading the posts on this forum that we are obsessed with crossdressing. Take into consideration that most are not spending every waking moment here discussing what their favorite color panties are. They may only be here for minutes in any given day. Some posts, yes are frivolous, but some are seeking answers to questions that are as important as yours.
Anyway, this "reply" is becoming way too long. To conclude, you are at a point in life where loved ones and society in general have convinced you that you are not "normal." You probably feel that if you knew the answer as to why you crossdress, then you could do something about it. Hate to break it to you, but it probably wouldn't do any good. I spent the better part of my life trying to find an answer, believing that if I had the answer I could change things and become "normal." So I wasted all that time to find out that I actually am "Normal." How did I find this out? I lived and got older. I discovered that the definition of "normal" is how "we" perceive it. Think about this for a second. A short time ago all of the psychological journals in existance listed Homosexuals and Transvestites - just to name two - as a mental disorder. Today they are no longer listed. Why?
This is not to say that society is ready to welcome you with open arms, for that matter they may never accept us, but the point is, how do you perceive yourself. Hate to sound like a broken record here and reiterate what so many have said on this forum before me, but "Self acceptance" is the answer. Without self acceptance you will always be at conflict with yourself. I'm not saying, "Give in" and join us, this isn't a religious cult, I'm only saying that you can save yourself decades of heartache and huge sums of money by accepting who you are.
Good luck and thank you for your insightful post.
Rebecca

Sweet Susan

01-09-2006, 12:49 AM

Karrisa,
You lost me on the God bless the murderers thing, but you cut my life line when you got on the "is this God's plan" thing. I've come to the conclusion, and please don't murder me if I'm wrong and ask God for forgiveness afterward, but I think you might be a troll. I mean why start up all this nonsense, find that more than half of the people probably agree with your premise, even pontificate on your thesis, and turn around and start the God thing? What's your real point? You wanting to save us?

"I’ll catch hell for this analogy also, but murderers don’t choose to be murderers. God made them, and then they murder people, which is wrong."

And, yes, the murderer analogy was just plain stupid. God doesn't create murderers. You could have used a dozen similar analogies, and they would all have been just as stupid. Discussions, Karrisa, are about depth, not breadth.

Deborah

01-09-2006, 01:14 AM

And, yes, the murderer analogy was just plain stupid. God doesn't create murderers. You could have used a dozen similar analogies, and they would all have been just as stupid. Discussions, Karrisa, are about depth, not breadth.

Murderers are born yes according to my psychology teacher. Something to do with the frontal lobe and all that. If you really want to know more i'll add what the text book says but i can't recall it all right now.
I wouldn't say God made them though.

Dana

01-09-2006, 01:49 AM

:troll:

Deborah

01-09-2006, 02:05 AM

:troll:

But the poor little dears are starving. What sort of people are we to let them go like that? :D

elle_dee75

01-09-2006, 02:23 AM

i think your confused dear , if you relax and stop purging your self youll be far happier , i like who i am , and since ive been on mone i definitly like it even better i wouldnt "go back" for the world

Sweet Susan

01-09-2006, 02:32 AM

Murderers are born yes according to my psychology teacher. Something to do with the frontal lobe and all that. If you really want to know more i'll add what the text book says but i can't recall it all right now.
I wouldn't say God made them though.

I've had pyschology 101, 102, and 201, and I've read about the frontal lobe theories, as well as the theories that expound that people are born with chemical makeup to allow them to commit murders. It is, however, a theory. It's like the chocolate and sex theory. Theories are good. I like theories. God is not a theory. God is a belief, and beliefs are only good for people who believe them. Generally, theories are good for all people. All Gods are not good for all people. All people do not believe in the same God. Many people don't believe in God, but they are still affected by the pscychology 101 murderer theory.

elle_dee75

01-09-2006, 02:35 AM

what a wonderful ly thought out reply rebecca i agree with you all the way i recently saw the movie "alexander" and transexualism was apparently accepted way back then ,.of course if a person isnt "happy" being a transexual or transvestite then obviosly they arent "true " transexuals because it isnt a matter of choice

Deborah

01-09-2006, 02:39 AM

I've had pyschology 101, 102, and 201, and I've read about the frontal lobe theories, as well as the theories that expound that people are born with chemical makeup to allow them to commit murders. It is, however, a theory. It's like the chocolate and sex theory. Theories are good. I like theories. God is not a theory. God is a belief, and beliefs are only good for people who believe them. Generally, theories are good for all people. All Gods are not good for all people. All people do not believe in the same God. Many people don't believe in God, but they are still affected by the pscychology 101 murderer theory.

Theories yes. I wasn't trying to say it was fact. Sorry if anyone got that impression.
I only had psychology 201....great stuff. :D

Lisa Golightly

01-09-2006, 03:04 AM

lol... Welcome to the 19th century.

Dana

01-09-2006, 03:54 AM

I'll try and be cordial here, but in my honest opinion, either you're a Troll trying to come on here, and stir things up just to get some sick perverted pleasure out of ~ or you’re a cross-dresser ~ who is wrestling with guilt, shame, remorse issues both externally and internally induced.

If the later is the case, I believe that you got busted by your wife ~ and from your post she convinced you that "you're sick" and that being a cross-dresser isn't "normal!" (Whatever the Hell that is?)

How whatever a person wears or doesn't wear became a moral or ethical issue ~ is beyond my basic comprehension. All the more so as to how it became a theological question?

The prohibition in the Holy Bible against a man dressing in women's clothes, has very little to do with anything moral, ethical, nor even sexual. What it did have to do was the sitting in which the "people" that the Hebrews found themselves surrounded by worshipers goddesses, and part of that ritual worship, involved cross-dressing.

But if you really want to start splitting hairs, in the Gospel of Thomas there's a passage that states that unless a man becomes a woman, and a woman a man ~ they cannot pass into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Now, I realize that the Gospel of Thomas is certainly not included into the King James Version of the Bible, nor the Catholic Bible ~ this being primarily because it was eradicated by the Church, as was the Gospel of Mary Madeleine. As was the Book of Enoch.

Lets take the Book of Enoch for starters. Do you even know who he was?
He was the Grandfather of Noah. In his book he tells of the revolt of Lucifer, and a third of the host of Heaven ~ against God, and Saint Michael waged a war against him in which he was defeated and Lucifer and hist host were cast down upon the earth.

This is the book that describes the "War" that took place Lucifer and God.

I could go on and on and on, for pages about all of this, but for you to come on here and state so knowingly ~ so diligently ~ to know the mind and thinking of God ~ is absurd! If you know so much about what God knows, thinks, feels, comprehends ~ then we are truly in the presence of August company! You need to get on the phone yesterday ~ and give the Pope and all the religious leaders of the world a call ~ because you've certainly have got some news they could use!

For you to insinuate that my cross-dressing is nothing more than my going slinking behind locked doors, dressing in women's clothes and masturbating is insulting! For you to insinuate that I'm an adulterer, a fornicator ~ is insulting!
For you to insinuate that I'm immoral, corrupt, un-ethical is insulting!

Gay men, lesbians, bi-sexual men, "straight" bi-sexual men, "straight" bi-sexual women, "lipstick" lesbians, male to female ~ otherwise "straight"~heterosexual men, and female to male "otherwise "straight"~heterosexual (Tomboys) women, transsexuals, are a reality! Perhaps not in your mind ~ perhaps not in your world ~ but in the real world they are.

Finally, you hear about gays, lesbians, transvestites, transsexuals ~ and they're all living in denial ~ just out to get their jollies ~ and that they're not of God ~ then do me a favor ~ will you! Explain me people that are Intersexed! Born with BOTH sex organs or at least one of each. or some variation! Ref: http://www.isna.org/

You think you've got problems!

I believe you got you hand caught in the wive's panty drawer ~ and now she conviced you that you're sick, and is putting you through the routine, and you're angry, wrought with shame and guilt ~ more so for having gotten caught ~ and now you're trying to become a "born again" straight, heterosexual, all American masculine male, never to transgressed again into the world of femininie finery.

I think your angry at having gotten caught! I think your angry at catching hell from the wife, I think your angry for being made to go to therpy ~ especially when you KNOW there's nothing wrong with you ~ excpet you refusal to ACCEPT who and what you are. I think you're angry that you have to give up what you are! I think your angry that you scared for your marriage! I think your angry becuase your scared for your family ~ that you'll be outed.

How do I know this? Becuase I've lived it!

Its like when you were a kid, and your parents would always catch you doing something they told you not to do, or not doing something they told you to do! You know how they knew? Becuase they use to be kids to! And they had parents to!

It would be one thing for you to come on here and say, "I've having problems with being a crossdresser!" And, everyone on the board would have been all over you, saying "I'm here for you!" "We're here for you!" "email me!" "IM me!" "PM me!"

But, you didn't do that! Instead you came on here, and comdemmed us all to eternal Hell and damination ~ judged us! And equated us all to perverted men that get off slinking off behind locked doors and masturbating. Feeling guilty for having done so ~ and if not ~ then we're suppose to feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty? What's up with that!

You say that we're all in denial! Well you've got part of that right! Crossdressing and denial go hand in hand. For most of us ~ we've lived the sum total of our lives in denial thus far to date. Denial that yes, I'm an otherwise "normal" male that has a desire to dress in women's clothes, makeup, jewelry.

Do you think you're the first one that's gone through this? Do you think that you're the only one that's gone through this. Do you think you're the only one that's gone through this? Do you think you're the only one that's beaten themselves up over this? Has gone through a divorce over this? Been humilitated! Caught pure, absolute living HELL from the very woman they love more dearly than life itself over this? Become a drunk over this! Gotten addictied to drugs over this~ over the guilt ~the remorse!

You're right! You're absolutely right! I choose to be a crossdresser! I' chose to trash my marriage, my family, custody of my children, go through financial ruin, lose everything I've worked for since I was 18, all but face a military court martial, loose my carrer, my retirement, my benefits, and 15 years inside of a bottle DENYING that I was a cross-dresser. I choose that!
Just so I can come home to an empty apratment, slink behind close (don't forget locked) with the blinds turned down, and the cutains pulled, dress in a pair of panties and masturbate! Whooooohoooooooooo!! Sign me up for a lifetime of that! Ain't nothing but a good time!!!!!

I tell you've what I've choose! I've chosed to accept myself for who and what I am, as I am! I'm not living in denial anymore! I've chose not to live my life according to the frivilious whims, expectations of society! I've chose not to live my life in misery! I've chose to live my life as I am, what I am, and as I am! I've chose to decided that if society, others, have a problem with that, that's what it is ~ they're problem!

You want to evoke God ~ into the issue~ that's fine! Go and get a PhD in theology, and study all the religions of the world, and then get a PhD in archeology, and anthropology, and history, and then stick your finger into and turn it into wine, and then I might ~ just might belive that your so freaking tuned into God ~ that your part of the inner circle! I might for a second or a moment belive that you and God have each other on speed~dial!
Until then! Don't go spouting to me about who God is and what God is about!

What two consenting adults do behind closed doors isn't anyone's business! What any given individual does within their marriage ~ isn't anyone's business! That's between those individuals ~ a God, in so however they choose to preceive them.

If you're truly a crossdresser ~ my heart goes out to you! It really does! You're going through what many here have gone through! We know all too well your pain! We really do! If you're a troll ~we have no sympanthy for you, and so you need to think your next post very carefully!

If you're truly a crossdresser, then YES, you can overcome the temptation of it, the allure of it, but its the same thing as overcoming anything else ~ you're going to have to crawl your butt out of bed everyday for the rest of your life and the first thing your going to have to say to yourself ~ is, "Today! I'm not going to do this! Today! I'm not going to go there!"

And, that's going to be everyday for the rest of your life!

Good luck!

karrisa

01-09-2006, 08:34 AM

Dana,

I'm only half way through your reply but I had to pause to respond. My wife knew about my crossdressing before we were married; I told her. I knew I couldn't live in secret from the one I love. She's spent a great deal of time trying to convince me that I should dress because she doesn't know any better. She's even taken me shopping. She's incredibly supportive so take your theory down another path please. I look forward to hearing it.

MsJanessa

01-09-2006, 09:07 AM

Karissa---I guess I don't really understand what your point is---if you are not interested in "purging" or leaving the lifestyle(if you could call it a lifestyle that you lead) what is it you want to do? When you figure that out Darling, come back and tell Us if you still want Our input. Better yet come back 10 years from now, assuming the forum is still active, and let Us know what happened to you. BTY I'm at a loss to describe how God feels about anything---when I was younger My parents and priest would tell Me. The older I got the more confused I became on the issue---I sense you are saying that God doesn't want Me to crossdress---hhmmm

Bettylicious

01-09-2006, 09:31 AM

Beware thar be trolls!!!!

Lotte L

01-09-2006, 09:55 AM

Karissa,

I'm with Sharon and Stephany Brooks. You need real professional help.
Your exchange of abuse is the result of your own shortcoming. And what God has to do with this I realy do'nt understand.

Lotte L

KathrynW

01-09-2006, 11:46 AM

You should get some family members to grab your feet and pull your head out of the clouds.
Not sure I could have been so eloquent in stating where the head needs to be extracted from... ;)

Guilt? Thats for OJ.
WHAT??? OJ was on the golf course!!! You know that!!!!
dammit...I suppose you'll bad mouth Robert Blake next??? ;)

What's your favorite color lipstick. Mine is Nasty Red! Lancome of course!
Yes, I'm twisted...I like that Covergirl Outlast gloss that's just darn near impossible to get off.... :bs:

Aileen

01-09-2006, 12:54 PM

I have suggested elsewhere that a good way to not crossdress is to get lots of crossdressing pornography. Use the pornography, and let that substitute for the crossdressing experience.

suanne

01-09-2006, 01:37 PM

1. Answer a fool according to his folly and you will be just like him. (Don't even bother to respond, your not going to get any where with this one.)

2. Answer a fool according to his folly or he will be wise in his own eyes. (Don't let this one get away with this!)

To my fellow forum members. #1 seems good to me.

Suanne

kittypw GG

01-09-2006, 02:18 PM

Karrissa,
I think that you are a forward thinker and what you have said is what I have been trying to express to my husband. I hope he reads all of this. I believe you are just trying to fid a way to have balance and be the best person you can be. Crossdressing can be harmful, it has been in my life. I don't hate it nor do I want my husband to go without it (which is what he believes) I have enjoyed it in the past but it is NOT WHAT I LIVE FOR. The men who (like you are married) want acceptance from their spouses but take up the attitude that it is crossdressing or the highway will get nothing but distain from their spouses and it makes it harder to accept. I knew about the crossdressing in the begining of my relationship with my husband and I enjoyed pleasing him with lingerie and special dressup nights but instead of equality, I got more indulgence. His words and actions do not match and that feels like betrayal to me and makes me only mistrust him. I have seen some of the pictures that these supposed hetersexual men have put out their for everyone to see and I recoil in discust. I wounder what would be the purpose? Would these men want to see their wives post their sexy lingerie clad pictures on the internet for other men to oggle at and respond back? IF you want acceptance from your spouse then you need to discover what it is to you so you can be honest about it and give your wife a chance to discover where she fits or not in the picture. I have found that the more my husband looks like a girl the less I am attracted to him so it he wants to look more like a girl then should I be bound to live an unhappy life? When I ask him to tell me just what it is he gets out of the crossdressing act he really does not have a good answer so.........why in hell am I wasting a lot of my time and energy either thinking aobut it or fighting about if you can't come up with something more than just following an impluse. It seems so shallow to me and I have better things to think about and devote my energies to. Thanks so very much for your comments. It gives me hope that one can have a good marriage with a crosssdresser and I think that your marriage just may survive.

Thank you. I’m surprised and impressed by the restraint most of you have shown; I wouldn’t have. Let me elaborate on a few points of interest.

First, when I talk about leaving the lifestyle, I’m not talking about purging. I’ve tried as most of you have and know exactly what it’s like. I’m talking about getting to the root of the issue. I make reference to crossdressing as if it were a disease because it is. Contrary to popular belief here, it is not normal. You cannot equate it to a woman wearing men’s clothing because it’s not for the same reasons. There is a reason we are like this. Finding what the reason is and how to reconcile it are my goals and I believe are the pathway to true enlightenment and happiness. How many of us have issues with our fathers or mothers? Is it fair to gloss over everything that has happened in our lives and say, “this is just the way God made me?” I think if God wanted us to wear the clothes we want to wear, he’d have given us tits and hips.

I’ll catch hell for this analogy also, but murderers don’t choose to be murderers. God made them, and then they murder people, which is wrong. Should they have tried to not be murderers before they murdered someone, or should they have just said, “well, God made me a murderer and so I guess its okay?” We live in a “if it feels good do it” society. It might feel good for a murderer to murder someone but does that make it right? Now, before you flip your lid, I don’t equate crossdressing with murder nor do I think they are in any way related nor should they be lumped together in any way, just trying to illustrate.

Of course, it’s not about the clothing at all. It’s about the thought process, the fantasies, the desires, and sometimes the actions that aren’t moral or pure. If you think everything that goes through your head is good, then good for you. It just seems such a shallow lifestyle to me. I read the threads (and I’ve actually read probably close to 80% since my join date in February) and so many people are spending so much time trying to look more like women and act more like women and find more time to indulge in crossdressing. It takes over your life. Is this God’s plan for us? Does God want you to lock yourself in your bedroom, dress like a woman, masturbate, and then NOT feel guilty about it? I’m not purging so I’m therefore an active member of the crossdressing community; that’s why I thought there may be some interest. These are issues every one of us has or had at some point. The best response I’ve read was, “It won’t ruin your life. It might end your marriage…” referring to crossdressing. Please think about that. It may be time to re-evaluate some priorities.

Oh by the way, I’m 28 years old. I have a wife and three kids. I’m in therapy and plan to resolve my issues before I’m too old and tired and just “give up.”

Bonnie D

01-09-2006, 03:38 PM

Karrisa,

I take it this is your male name. If it isn't it's not helping your cause.

Firstly, I'm an older cd and like many others try to save the younger ones from a long struggle. (A wife comes home early and finds her husband wearing her clothes. After a big argument he finally agrees to go for therapy. Many sessions later he tells his wife that he is cured and life goes on. Some time later she comes home early and finds her husband dressed in her clothes again. "I thought you said you were cured," she said. His reply, "I am, I no longer feel guilty about it.") This may not be funny to some but I think it makes a good point.

Secondly, I never said that I was proud of cheating on my wife, I just stopped feeling guilty about it even though I am well aware of how wrong it is. I don't expect anyone to agree with it. I am not a monster, I know I should not have gotten married but I did. I don't know why I couldn't have been stronger and told her the truth about myself. I do know that I have two beautiful, wonderful children. But at what cost, I don't know. Why don't I just stop cheating, I don't know.

Thirdly, here's another dangerous subject. Who and what is God? I don't know. I believe God is both male and female. I won't say more.

I have struggled with crossdressing and bisexuality all my life. I like this site whether the topic is what style and colour your panties are to this very serious topic. I am not offended or angry about anything you've said and your personal attack on me (and I'm well aware that I'm revealing that I'm the cheater to those who hadn't read the post you're referring to). Freedom is important to me and I've given up a lot of it throughout my life. People should say what they want and then we can discuss it. I or we don't have to agree with it but I or we should try to understand why someone is saying whatever they're saying. Instilling fear and hated, which you are not doing, is dangerous but do we stop it or do we find out why it's being said and then educate everyone to protect them. If you are not content with this site you might think about starting your own. I'm sure there are others who think along the same lines as you and you could support each other in your hopefully successful attempt to stop crossdressing.

To everyone else on this site, I am in minority within a minority. I do not wish to start my own site and hope that I can remain here without being shunned. I do not promote cheating on ones SO and I do not promote keeping crossdressing a secret, but I do understand it.

Bonnie

Christina Nicole

01-09-2006, 03:56 PM

Dana,

Considering the entire set of posting in this thread, yours most appears to be from a troll. Why else would you throw out such nonsense as the books of Thomas and Enoch? The so-called gospel of Thomas is a well-refuted Gnostics text that has very little to do with Christianity. It’s actually anti-Christianity in many ways. Perhaps that is why you are fond of it? Enoch is similarly not inspired. Scripture writers quoted Enoch since it was widely known text at the time that the scriptural authors wrote. It would be appropriate to consider their references to Enoch to have as much significance as someone today quoting Arthur Miller.

The entire section of which these two paragraphs are of a tone that indicates that your rage is with yourself, not Karrisa. Her posting was strong, but it wasn't an emotional rant. The continuous use of exclamation points certainly makes it appear that you are ranting and "shouting" at Karrisa.

You're right! You're absolutely right! I choose to be a crossdresser! I' chose to trash my marriage, my family, custody of my children, go through financial ruin, lose everything I've worked for since I was 18, all but face a military court martial, loose my carrer, my retirement, my benefits, and 15 years inside of a bottle DENYING that I was a cross-dresser. I choose that!
Just so I can come home to an empty apratment, slink behind close (don't forget locked) with the blinds turned down, and the cutains pulled, dress in a pair of panties and masturbate! Whooooohoooooooooo!! Sign me up for a lifetime of that! Ain't nothing but a good time!!!!!

I tell you've what I've choose! I've chosed to accept myself for who and what I am, as I am! I'm not living in denial anymore! I've chose not to live my life according to the frivilious whims, expectations of society! I've chose not to live my life in misery! I've chose to live my life as I am, what I am, and as I am! I've chose to decided that if society, others, have a problem with that, that's what it is ~ they're problem!

[errors in original - CN]

Karrisa is trying to work out a problem. In doing so she has pointed out a lot of problems that are attributed to cross dressers. Many of these attributes are confirmed by the postings and actions of other cross dressers. You can argue with they way they were presented, but it is hard to argue with most of the substance of Karrisa's posting.

Whatever your issues, they are not Karrisa's, or anyone else's doing. If you are going to accuse someone of trolling, it's poor form to be guilty of worse trolling in the same thread. It does not reflect well.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole