Reality Check . . . Kind of.

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

I have been out and about now for about four months and have come to the conclusion that heck I am not fooling anyone so I don't try to pass . . . blend yes . . . pass . . . never in a million years. :)

The interesting thing is I have never really given my facial presentation any real thought. When I finish my make-up, don my wig and look in the mirror I think . . . "not bad" still a guy but no biggie" :battingeyelashes: When I am out and about, I don't normally think about my face and how it appears to others and if I do happen to catch a glimpse of myself in a store window I see the whole package and think . . . you blend.

The other day, I had a consult to have one of my wigs styled so I spent an inordinate amount of time in a chair facing myself "en femme" in a mirror with harsh lighting all around me. As the time ticked away and continued to gaze at my reflection the thought came to me "Goodness you make one homely woman" :eek:

The interesting thing is when I told the GG friend I was with about my revelation while sitting there she said "you think you are the first person to sit in a hairdressers chair picking out all the things that are bad with you . . . welcome to being a woman."

So it was a bit of a reality check in that I had to finally face that demon . . . my god I am guy wearing make-up and it is one scary sight. I truly know now I am not fooling anyone (okay I admit previously part of me secretly wished I was :battingeyelashes: ). But it is me and I continue to accept that.

Just curious if any of you girls out there have had a similar experience.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

Your friend is right Isha. When a woman goes to get her hair washed and styled after the washing, she says "What's that?" After the drying and the styling and the makeup, she feels much better and as I've heard some say feeling "human again". We are no different, so I join your friend in saying "welcome to womanhood", :battingeyelashes::)

[mykell]

ive been to a studio in "guy mode" the owner had privacy shades set up and tried on wigs and picked out some makeup.
i was amazed how comfortable i was with this, was before the reveal with my wife,
as far as harsh lighting... the camera has been that nemesis, i can have a great day dressed up take what amounts to a hundred photos,
thinking ill never be able to pick just 5 to post, download and tweak some, same results, im hideous, sooo facing that "demon" but i had a good time and the folks here are kind when i post the few pics. that i liked,
women or man i think its human nature looking at your reflection that long you'll see the good and the bad,
hard to accept what you cant improve, fun seeing the results that you can....

[Katey888]

Isha,

Of course... and one doesn't need to go out to have that experience... :cry:

Every time I have the opportunity to indulge Katey for just a few hours, reality comes at the end and more and more I don't want to wash away what I've spent so long applying - creating - and my recurring thoughts are always: "Why shouldn't I go out and make the most of this.." And there are always those moments when the façade slips and boy me peeks through - a mannerism, a look - and that's often a little jarring.
And at the end reality bites again and the makeup remover comes out - but before that there does seem to be a switch, for me. Katey recedes - gracefully, most of the time - and my other facet comes to the fore...

I suppose here is the benefit of being an unconflicted, 24/7 CDer... No need for that uncomfortable crossover and a larger opportunity for the entire personality to be comfortable in a different gender place...

Be interesting to hear what others say about that..

But if you're happy and comfortable doing what you're doing - then why not keep doing it...?

Katey x

[Anna H]

Me, I'm very bad about nearly constant reality checks....so that's kept me
from getting out in the first place.

I ask my wife often, as she's the only one who see's me. She wants to be kind
to me and not hurt my feelings, but does tell me I'm clearly a guy dressed up.
Too tall, move like a man, my arms, hands.

I ask, if I had to just walk through a mall in the middle of the day..."would you be
able to fix me well enough to not be noticed". Well, maybe she says. That assumes
nobody pays much attention, though.

I'm thinking I'm better to stay in myself. What I don't want more than anyone
laughing and pointing, is someone thinking I'm some kind of pathetic character.
That would reflect worse on my family...in my mind. I can take it, but I don't
want to cause problems for anyone else.

If I go out, it'll be with a group of us likely at a convention or something.
Then it'll be a case of it being expected and just a fun thing a crowd of
guys in dresses does when they're in town. Odd, but hey, they're not
hurting anything.

Reality is the thing I probably like the least about what we do. I'm fine
with being a 'guy-dressed-up', but I have to be careful of what that
does to anyone I care about. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for them.

[MissTee]

You nailed it, Isha. I don't do make-up other than lipstick on occasion, but it's not my face that gives me away. Physically there's no mistaking I'm a dude. Good thing I'm content staying in and being a fashion legend in my own mind :daydreaming:

[GretchenJ]

Hi Isha,

First off, I have a valid passport, so I am thinking of taking a trip up north and smacking you around a little bit.

Second, you were nose to nose to an angry man in a truck that had no problem yelling at a woman who was taking his parking spot until you spoke in guy mode.

Third, very few of us are going to win any beauty contests anytime soon. But guess what, the same would be true if we were GG at our age.

But you know what, you are pretty when I see you as Isha. And Gretchen would much rather hang out with Isha than someone who was drop dead gorgeous.

I HATE looking at myself in the mirror, and that goes for me in guy mode as well. I lack self confidence and hopelessly shy, but is like presenting as Gretchen, and as long as no one is snickering behind my back, all is very good in the world.

And yes, here comes that inner beauty BS bit, but this virtual village as I like to call it has been blessed in the past 4 months with a beautiful woman who has the personality to match, who I can tell would give her left arm to help a fellow girl here. You have nothing to worry about (aboot) sorry for another Canadian jab - but I am form NJ so accents are not something I should be talking smack about :). It is all part of the package of being a woman my friend, our wife's are always complaining on their appearance.

Think of it as a home improvement project or a car restoration that will never be complete, but is a work of love, that you will always work on in your spare time. Now let go out and get a drink

Your friend
Gretch

[Rhonda Darling]

Your friend is right Isha. When a woman goes to get her hair washed and styled after the washing, she says "What's that?" After the drying and the styling and the makeup, she feels much better and as I've heard some say feeling "human again". We are no different, so I join your friend in saying "welcome to womanhood", :battingeyelashes::)

So I finish reading Isha's post and move down to Kate's comments and har new avatar. Great juxtaposition - first a post about our reality that looking lire a real woman is difficult, and for some neigh onto impossible, and then on to Kate's new avatar of a georgeous GG - epitomizing our desire to look and be other than what we are.

Love it.

Bottom line for this aging girl is that I do the best I can, and then go about my business when out and about. Not really caring what others think, so long as they don't hassle me, I'm being all the woman can be and loving it. Mirrors be damned.

Rhonda

[Ms. Laura]

My wife will often say, "Well, you look good for a guy in women's clothes."

Makes me feel great, really. And isn't it even more mortifying in front of the mirror when they take the wig off to adjust it or something? Yeesh, makeup and no wig.

Oh well, you feel good, right? I think we're just asking the world to open up this third category of trans for us rather than hoping to fool everyone completely. Maybe with enough surgical intervention.....

[Cheryl T]

I was just thinking about that same thing this morning.
As I was dressing I thought about all the pressure society places on women to look good, to be the right shape, to wear the right clothes. I thought about how men in general don't have all that pressure and can't understand how a woman feels under it's weight and yet here I am feeling that same pressure and more. Not only feeling the desire to look good, but understanding and feeling it from the feminine view point. I've always wished I could "pass", go undetected in the world as a woman and deep inside I know that no matter how hard I may try, no matter how good I look it just won't happen. I'm not the size the world expects a woman to be, I'm not the weight, I don't have the high cheekbones and soft skin.
The reality is that I am me. I am not that ideal image and neither are perhaps 95% of the women in the world. That and the fact that I have accepted myself allow me to "blend" and not be concerned with "passing". I am happy being me! I do my best to present myself in all my feminine glory and I also accept that probably no one truly sees me as a woman and many may "read me".


I just don't care anymore. It's more important for me to be me than to be concerned with what everyone else thinks.

[Bria]

Yesterday my wife bought a new makeup mirror, one of those two faced ones with a light on both sides. I checked it out when I got home last night as was making dinner for her. When I tried the concave side that magnifies I saw more than I ever wanted to know about my face/skin/saggy chin/etc.

Damn, guess I need new rose colored glasses or something.

Hugs Bria

[Gigi9]

Hello Isha, You look great judging by your avatar & other posts. I wish I looked as good as you do whichever mode you present in. Don't be too hard on yourself!
Gigi

[Angie G]

Whenever I look In a mirror hun.:hugs:
Angie

[melissakozak]

We all kinda get hung up on appearances as human beings don't we? As trans people, even more so to some degree...we are who we are, as long as we have self acceptance, all of the good things from this reality soon follow, and so we march on....genetic women are hard on themselves, each other, etc. How many GGs are happy about their bodies, their own self reflection...it is shockingly low.....so we have great company....and NO ONE IS PERFECT, YEAH!!! :) :)

[Beverley Sims]

Isha,
When you realise it as you have, you can get on with life and trim all the bad bits a little and you will pass with that air of confidence that you have built up.

Never forget your limitations and stay between the lines.

[Laura Collette]

Isha, for all your self-doubt, to me you look terrific judging by your avatars. And I love your beautiful smile, a warm breeze from north of the border.

[Kristy 56]

Well I think that you look great Isha. And I think that when it comes to ourselves we're probably our worst critics anyway. :)

[Tracii G]

Sure I think we all feel that way.

[deebra]

Why not get a professional opinion on how to apply makeup to look your best feminine self, not necessarily from Macy's but maybe someone that works with actors and movies. Also get an opinion from a plastic surgeon that has experience in facial gender transformation and see what he might suggest, starting with the least expensive or the one procedure that would give a more feminine face or more bang for the buck. You might get "more for your money" doing this than a vacation or new car. Four hip pad panty, corset, low heels, clothes that would make your appearance more female, etc. could help. All or some of this could make a big and self rewarding difference. Look into it, this could be the next chapter in your CD journal.

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks much for your kind replies and observations. The thread in no way lessens my resolve to go out in public or interact with those around me. To be honest I am still very happy with who I am and how I look. As I have always maintained I am fooling nobody and as such I am who I am to those around me. This was more an epiphany moment for me as I have never really given my look that much consideration until I faced with her for about 40 minutes. I still love being Isha and always will and changing her is not my intention . . . this was more of another growth period along the pathway to self acceptance. I might not be pretty to everyone I meet but I still like me.

Hugs

Isha

[sonialexis]

Ah...Isha one of my favorite girls here. I say favorite because of that absolutely beautiful, disarming, infectious, confident smile. i wish I could smile in my pictures. one reason I probably can't do it naturally is because I haven't learnt to smile like a girl and I'm not talking about the aesthetics. I can't because, I fear I would smile like a guy and it would look goofy. so i try too hard smiling like a girl would, i nail it only when I'm not aware of it all. I wish i had your level of comfort and acceptance.

Isha you are a beautiful woman, I for one love you.

[Hell on Heels]

Every time Isha, After getting all dolled up and spending time as Kristyn, having so much fun, and then one quick look in a mirror and BAM, SMACK, POW! You've just got to fight back and smile a little bigger.
You look fabulous dear, and your attitude carries that even further. Keep smilin"sweetie!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Stephanie47]

As an in-home cross dresser, who infrequently ventures out into the real world, I know I do not pass. Blend? From a distance I guess a six foot, 190 pound guy blends from fifty feet on a dark night. I have six to seven hours a day that I can be fully attired. I do not use makeup in the home because the time consumed from those six hours is a waste. One look in the mirror and Shazam! It's a guy! So I chose to not get close to any mirrors in the house. I look very stylish. My dresses are age appropriate. I love emulating June Cleaver as I do domestic chores or using personal times to leisurely sit and read.

Maybe part of the "problem" is many women my age have the same perceived faults I have. I remember not liking the kisses from my eighty year old grandmother because of the stubble above her lip.

[Adriana Moretti]

i think you are very pretty

[Kate Simmons]

Thinking out loud always raises a lot of questions. Just be yourself and have fun with it. I do and I never take myself that seriously. How many people these days can really say they are happy? We are some of the favored few my friend.:)

[Jilmac]

Yes Isha, I can certainly relate to blending in. I have never considered myself as passable in the sense that I was fooling anybody, however if I keep my mouth shut so my baritone voice isn't heard, I look much like all the other women.

[kimdl93]

I totally agree with your friend.

[Hell on Heels]

I've been dressed now for the past 8 hours or so and have been taking photos, having fun, only a quick look in the mirror between wardrobe changes. No WTF am I thinkin' ?'s running through my little pea brain, yet!
Maybe too much wine?..... No.... that could never happen. This is so much fun, it really should be illegal.
Thank god, or anyone else involved, it isn't!
Don't be afraid to punch the mirror!!!

[Teresa]

Hi Isha,
When I first came to this forum I thought a GG had actually greeted me, you have such a natural look and smile I can't see you have a problem, don't change a thing just keep enjoying it. ( Don't mention the stretch marks !)

[Tiffanyselkoe]

Hi Isha! I see my guy face every time I look at Tiffany in the mirror but have found I don't mind too much. I am finally accepting myself and have a lovely wife and family who have been there for me. By the way, I think you look very pretty in your avatar and have grown very fond of reading your posts.

[samantha rogers]

Ooooh, I know that feeling exactly, and let me tell you, it only gets worse with age...LOL. as much as the mirror can love us it can hate us too. I have learned every trick I can to fix every little problem I can, and I can now, with a lot of work, face my own face. But, I will never ever even approach donning a wig now before I have spent a long time preparing the canvas...tee hee...the alternative would likely give me a heart attack.:heehee:
I would never, at least as I feel now, even think about going out dressed into the real world. At six three my height alone would draw way too much unwanted attention and scrutiny let alone my tired old face. But, ironically, right after sharing that same thought with my SO, we were at the local mall (me in guy mode) and we encountered not one but two different GG's each attractive and each of identical height to me, without heels! I was floored. I wondered if there was a women's basketball team in the mall. LOL.
But I do look forward to the day, soon I hope (now that I have allowed my SO to know about Sammie) to joining in some kind of event where I can dress among others like us. And I look forward, almost giddily, to one day having the courage to attend a big event for a multi day outing that seems to me like some kind of heaven.
Day by day. :heehee:
Hugs

PS if I looked half way as good as you, Isha, I would be giddy with happiness, sweetheart!

[Helen Grandeis]

I really wish that I could be out and about more and not wait for stolen moments. You have absolutely the right attitude, a wonderful personality and a very happy presentation. A happy person is welcome many places just because happiness is infectious. I love the joy that you bring to us.

[GenieGirl]

I feel the same way every other time that I look in the mirror....on those alternate times I feel like one hott girl. No matter what though I'm happy being me and don't care anymore if anyone knows im a guy. I talk to everyone that i come in contact with, dont care if it gives me away or if they already know. I've never had a negative reaction. Everyone has always been friendly :)

[Chrissy52]

At 62 looking into the mirror, it is what it is after putting on make up I know I will not pass but that is ok. Do we dress to please others or for ourselves or both. I dont have the face or figure many of you girls have but I still enjoy dressing for me the feeling is wonderful If you want to go out in public than accept what you receive.

[suzanne]

From the look of your avatar, I would say you pass ten times better than I do. Bottom line is, I don't even try to. When I want to go out enfemme, I just put on a dress and go. I make every effort to put together a believably tasteful outfit, but no boobs, makeup or wig. I am totally a large, bald man in a dress and the very worst reaction I have received is that someone takes a quick look and avoids me. No actual negative comments. The women who do comment are VERY supportive and the sales assistants I deal with are amazing! I am trying, as tastefully as possible, to claim the right to publicly express my femininity and I'm finding it's going well. And OMG, I feel amazing every time I do.

[Julie Martin]

Isha,

I get the blending/passing thing completely. After years of work, lots of trickery and illusion, a great transformation artist, and finally getting a usable female voice, I've had brushes with passing ..I think..but I no longer care if I do or not! For me, it's fun to try, but the fun is in the challenge, not the result.
As for seeing the guy in the mirror..I absolutely do, no matter how much positive feedback I get. This CD thing has messed with my head for 40 years, and though I do enjoy the challenge of trying to pull off the illusion, it is what it is, and that's fine.

We all have to manage this part of us on our own terms. I think you have a very healthy attitude about it, and you look great!

Best, Julie

[Lynn Marie]

Yes, I do understand that I make a homely woman. Therefore my only recourse is to offset that fact by sheer force of personality and a huge smile!

[Suzanne F]

Isha
First of all you look great. Your look has improved since this began. We do pick ourselves apart as we become more feminine. It used to drive me crazy about my wife but now I am the same way. However I now try to concentrate on that beautiful feeling I have inside and not the image in the mirror. I try to blend also but I think my smile and poise to along way. Thanks so much for the beautiful person that you are on the inside!
Suzanne

[Martha G]

Isha,

I really think that you look great! You always look so happy in your avatar.

I do a reality check from time to time.

Dressed as a woman I look 180 degrees different than my male self. I also look 20 years younger.

However, I do have a pretty, non wrinkled face which gives me the youthful look. With the right makeup I actually look pretty.

However with my walk, stance, and demeanor I really can't fool anybody. That is why I am working on all of that now.

I do have a voice that sounds like a woman ( that's a great asset in itself) and working towards developing a woman's voice will eventually produce perfection.

Being 200 lbs doesn't help either. If I could get my weight down to what it should be (between 146 - 150 lbs) I would look a lot better, wear sexier looking clothes and would be able to cross my legs properly. I would really love to be able to cross my legs again and wear those sexy looking skirts and dresses. This would help for health reasons as well.

Practicing with my walk and developing feminine traits will all pay off one day. Practcie! practice! And more practice!

So I do look at myself and see what progress I have made and what corrections I need to do further.