sitting on the fence?

[sonialexis]

Hi all. I was on facebook and saw a friend vacationing, she was all dressed up having a blast, looking like a million. I was so jealous and a tad bit frustrated. I am in a place where things are really just about fun fun and I'm finding myself so boring. Don't I have it in me too just man up or woman up and hit the town?.

Then last evening I met three gurls, all dressed up and heading for a night out. One was extremely flirtatious and all of them were hot. The thing is I was trying to put on a very male front, meaning I tried so hard hiding my nails and sitting with my legs wide apart, I was just fidgety in the end. I chatted a bit, flirted back a bit with one of them, took a number and said bye. She's invited me over to her place. I found it strange when I thought about it, I mean I want to get dressed and go out so badly but I need someone to do it with. So I guess it wouldn't be such a bad idea to consider coming out to them. BUt no I wanted to be all man...probably i was just trying to be accepted cause they probably saw and wanted a man... so full of paradoxes.

I'm just so tired of being so scared, hesitant, passive, sitting on the fence...I have respect for some of the girls here who have so much clarity and courage to be themselves.

[Jackie F]

Hi Sonia
I am no one to give advice.
In my world I spent a lot of years thinking and driving my self crazy. I decided it was time to stop driving myself crazy. So now I try different things that make me happy.
I am finally happy, not quit where I want to be but I am taking the slow road!!
I hope you can find inner piece.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sonia,

To be honest sweetie, it sounds to me that you are confusing your "boy" side with your "girl" side. Not so much that you are not sure who you are but where they both fit in your life (balance). There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a "boy life" in fact I live 80% of my time "en boy" both for work and socially. I dress and act like a boy as I always have. Yes, I have a few femme characteristics (slightly longer nails, no body hair, thinner brows) but those physical changes were done slowly with little notice by others. It is my mannerisms and actions that define me as boy to those around me. Now I don't have the added worry about meeting girls "en boy" as I am married. But if I wasn't married I would be out there meeting women and looking to date "en boy". Your story you described sounded like a guy out looking to find a girl to date or just have mutual fun with. There is nothing wrong with indulging the "boy side" of you.

This does not have to be about finding a GG friend to dress up with and do "girl" things with. It can just be about being a guy. If you find the girl is likely to become a good friend over time then perhaps coming out is the way ahead. I would not recommend coming out to complete strangers as this could go bad on several levels (think about your safety sweetie).

You need to find balance between you boy and girl side the rest will follow. :)

Hugs

Isha

[Lynn Marie]

I'm confused here. What are you asking? If you want to date women, go for it. What's the big deal? If you find one you see a future with then tell her about your "pretty" side. Otherwise keep looking and enjoying the view. When I'm out with a woman, I prefer to be all man. Yeah, I really am one. I can also be out with a woman in girl mode just fine, she just has to be able to embrace that side of me!

[Jenniferathome]

Sonia, if they are friends and you want to out yourself, they can handle it. Friends do not have the same vesting of a relationship as a girlfriend or wife.

If it is a girlfriend you want to open yourself to, then you find a woman you like and when the time is right, open yourself up. You will know when "right" is, it's right when things become serious.

[Beverley Sims]

Jennifer has got it right here, I will add, if it is going to be a casual encounter, try it on them and see if they like the idea.
It happened to me in a similar way and I really had nothing to lose. We all had fun giving it a go.

[Katey888]

I too am a bit confused, Sonialexis - but perhaps that's what's coming across from you too...

Of course you can just 'woman up' as you said - but that can be a bit of a bungee jump with an uncertain length of elastic! Alright for some folk - but not for me..

I realise you are posting quite a lot here and of course you will get a lot of advice and opinion - but to me it's beginning to sound like you need to stabilise things a bit and also get some professional advice or counselling. Have you explored this option at all? I don't know how easy qualified and experienced gender counsellors are to get to in your part of the world, but you seem to be having difficulties that are running a little bit deeper than we can really plumb on this forum.. Just a thought... :)

Take care - keep calm - and be safe! :hugs:

Katey x

[sonialexis]

okay...well girls thanks, i appreciate it but i guess you gals missed a point or probably I wasn't clear enough. anyway the girls i mentioned were 'gurls' more on the flamboyant side but nonetheless guys in gals clothes. what i was saying was how it would have been a safe bet to be myself, a man with a strong feminine side, but then i was going in the opposite direction, just trying so hard not too show my feminine self. I bring this up because this is the fourth time I've done this. I always think and thought if I find a decent tgirl, i would let myself go and probably come out. I don't have issues with gg's, I've had my share and I do have a gf and I love her lot.

To an extent I am confused over a lot of things but that's something we learn and deal with as we grow with each day and no I don't go around chatting every gg and wanting to come out to them. i have a boy side which, i enjoy and indulge. its just how I meet tgirls (the closest to my breed) and its when I feel the most conscious and pushed into performing like a complete man. irony?

[Barbie Anne]

In that case dear, go be yourself. I don't think you could find a more understanding lot, and since they're already your friends........Why not. Be true to yourself hon, and enjoy :)

[Jaymees22]

Now that you clarified that the gurls were actually crossdressers, I'm more confused, it would seem like the perfect time to discuss your feminine side. Someone else suggested therapy and I think that might be a good idea for you. Hugs Jaymee