Metamorphosis.

[Isa]

..where to start.
I've been reading on this forum for some months now, ever since I bought my first girly clothes and wondered what the hell is wrong with me. Needless to say, that thought isn't in my mind any longer as the words you girls have written has opened my mind a bit. As a kid I used to love having my step sister dress me up and put makeup on me. My dad (a pastor) quickly taught me it was wrong and against god. Doing this made me unlovable to both him and god. As a teen, I'd buy girls jackets and cute unisex things. My mother was supportive and even let me paint my nails and do makeup(parents were divorced since I was a baby). As I got older, I thought dressing up was for gays and people who were screwed in the head. I repressed it, and was ashamed whenever I felt the need to dress up. I've always been very feminine in my gestures, stances, etc. I worked hard and became a man, changed every last thing that could make me appear womanly. I became very depressed and started with drugs, things got worse. I ended up getting straight and have been for years. Now back to a couple months ago: I see some cute socks in the girls section and really really want them. In the cart they go.. "Ohhh!" (I think to myself upon seeing a couple of pretty shirts) "these too!" After all these years of denying this part of me I just couldn't take it. I really missed it, hated putting on this man front all the time. It left my heart so weighed down. It made me so angry and cynical. Ever since that day I've slowly been going back to me. Everyone at work sees a difference and don't know what it is. I just want to thank each one of you girls so much for simply talking to each other. Reading your words helps me everyday not to be scared or try to repress it more than I already have.

-Isa

[Barbie Anne]

Welcome Isa and so glad you're happy with yourself. I know how you feel and felt. Good for you and be true to yourself, you'll be much happier :)

[Erica Marie]

Congrats Isa
First it takes alot to get straight after depression and drugs get in your life. And second I am very proud of you for coming to terms with your dressing. It is something that alot of people have a hard time doing. Stay strong and be true to yourself.

[reb.femme]

Hi Isa,

I've been here for 2 years now and came out to my wife shortly after joining. Yes, we all feel that we are the worlds only weirdo, until we make contact with sites like this, only to discover there are stacks of weirdos around. :heehee: Heart warming isn't it? Welcome to the club anyway!

Glad you are past the drug thing, as I've never seen anything but misery and other things associated with it over many years. At least girl clothes don't ruin your health, only your bank balance. We'll look forward to your updates and progression - whatever form that takes. Oh and the future pictures. :)

Rebecca

[Kate Simmons]

Being yourself takes some serious effort my friend but is well worth the effort. Just ask any "satisfied customer" on here. We are exactly who we are supposed to be. What we do with that is entirely up to us.:battingeyelashes::)

[Allisa]

Hello Isa,I know from where you come ,drugs and alcohol were my way of fighting the "shame" that haunts us all about our CDing.I know you will find a balance in your life and rid yourself of the shame, the hardest part for me, but once it was gone a whole new world opened up. I know I'm a different person now. Please keep us up to date.


Bye-Bye Lisa

[Audrey Sis]

Welcome, Isa, to a new freedom and a new happiness. I drank & drugged to the point of self-destruction due to shame, guilt, and despair over this part of me. I've still struggled lately from the "shoulds" a bit (Society Should let us be who we are...) but have been practicing acceptance. To that point, I decided not to care what anyone says about my painted toenails (jade), fingernails (just clearcoat), or smooth legs.

Years ago, for a time I wore only women's clothes, though I did try to do it on the sly, as it were. I chose clothes that, unless examined, passed as men's wear. The buttons Were on the "wrong" side of my shirts, my jeans or cords were cut differently, my socks thinner, and shoes were a little different. I also was wearing a little makeup and styling my longish hair every day.

I'm considering adding again to my every day wardrobe in that way.

All that said, I don't have to be concerned about the reactions of family and close friends, nor from my newer social group. Fam & long time friends, well, I "came out" on FB last year. I got nothing but support from everyone who bothered to comment :) In my new circle of friends there's an understanding that Everyone is accepted. That's pretty darn liberating!

Your words have helped me, too, girlfriend. Thank you.

[Beverley Sims]

Isa,
Just keep practicing metamorphosis and you will enjoy life. :)

[Glenda58]

Welcome Isa

You have just started on a long journey and with any journey you will have ups and downs. But we will be with you all the way.

[Barbara Maria]

Welcome,Isa.My metamorphosis was a major turning point in my life.I supressed my strong feminine side so many years that when I finally let go,it was like a big rock lifted off my back.When en femme,my self esteem skyrockets and I feel like living again.I'm strictly in the closet,and this forum is the one place I'm accepted and treated as a woman.It's a wonderful feeling.I think you'll like it here Barbara

[anaissa]

Isa--The name of your thread (Metamorphis) made me smile. You see, when I was younger I had enjoyed crossdressing so very much. I was, afterall, being true to myself. But like so many of us, I went through a tough period and I would eventually purged---got rid of all outward traces of my femininity.

Then, several years later, I had had enough. I needed to get back in touch with my feminine persona. I began journaling my return to crossdtessing. I ended up putting together a "dream book." In it I included pictures of cute outfits and shoes I wanted to buy. I added articles about makeup and fashio. I even included self-affirmations, goals I set for myself, and shopping lists.

The title of my dreambook? "Metamorphis: the Emergence of Anaissa." Metamorphis became a sort of mantra. Good luck with your emergence. You have my love, support and admiration. Hugs.

[Isa]

Thank you all so much for your support and kind words. Also for the stories some of you girls have shared. :3

[Marcelle]

Hi Isa,

We share a common root name and a common story. I was exactly where you were several months ago . . . angry, confused and depressed. I had spent so much time repressing the "femme" side of me that when Isha finally came crashing through the door at breakneck speed, I could do nothing be accept and integrate her into my life. It has been a bit of a wild ride but one which I would not trade away for all the money in the world. My wife has seen a huge "metamorphosis" in me in that I smile again, love life and am the man she fell in love with years ago.

Breaking out of the cocoon may be hard but once you spread your wings and accept you for who you are, the world becomes a happier place.

Hugs

Isha

[Mollyanne]

There is an old saying-------"FREEDOM IS WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE"

Molly

[Tina B.]

Sounds like an old story around here, many of us have been down that path, But drugs, and Alcohol never did replace that gnawing need to dress in women's clothes.
It might have helped get me through the day, but then the need was still there in the morning. Giving up that fight to be the man my dad thought I should be, and starting to be the person I wanted to be, got me back in the normal flow of life, it's made me a happier, there for better person to be around, and I don't feel shame, for being what I was born to be. If your God didn't want you to wear those clothes, why did he make you need it so bad, he must have some sense of humor.
I've never understood how something that feels so good, harms no one, doesn't hurt your body like drugs or Alcohol, how can this be so bad?

[Tracii G]

Welcome Isa glad you found us.
You sound like 99% of us here in the beginning.Self acceptance is the fist thing.
You are not weird just different.Dressing doesn't mean you are gay and it won't make you gay LOL
Search the forum for the term "pink fog" so you can recognize it when you feel it.
Again welcome and I wish you all the best.

[CarlaWestin]

Hi Isa. And welcome. Well, it appears as though you've opened the secret door that your spiritual guilt conditioning was supposed to keep you from finding. It is OK to feel good about yourself. It is OK to experience any gender you want. Truth to yourself is so liberating. Interesting, you may find that it's just as much fun doing uber male stuff wearing panties and painted toenails. It's not just switching from A to B but rather an omnigender encompassment. It's all about having fun and living life predominately on the happy side. And what could be happier than being a girl?