A burning desire

[Aeslyn]

Of all the things to describe as a burning desire...
I want to have my ears pierced. Thing is, I am not "out". Only my gay room-mate is aware of my dressing. So even though I have had this desire for a year an a half now I haven't been able to act on it because how would I explain it to "normal society". To my daughter, to work, to friends? Seriously sucks.
It is not the gender/sexuality association with pierced ears that would be my problem though. The issue is that it would be so completely out of character for the male me and everyone knows it.

[Robyn-aus]

Just go and do it I did mine [both]over 6 months ago Had a few comments but who cares Robyn

[Barbara Maria]

Everything you said(except the gay room mate)applies exactly to me.I'd love to get my ears pierced,but I don't for exactly the same reason.That doesn't mean you shouldn't.

[heatherdress]

If you have a burning desire and do not act on it - you will regret it. You should just be honest with your daughter and tell her that this is something that you wanted to do. As far as the rest of the world, you don't owe any explanations. Just tell anyone who says anything you wanted to do it. Simple. After you show up for the first time, it will be ignored. You will be accepted with your ears pierced like the thousands of other "normal society" males who have pierced ears. You will have an uncomfortable few days - and then you will totally enjoy having your ears pierced without any "normal society" people saying anything again. Go for it, Aeslyn, and enjoy the experience.

[Joanne f]

Hello Aeslyn,
you mentioned the gender/sexuality association with pierced ears , to be honest I do not think that there is any association with that any more , in the past sailors use to have their ears pierced so that they could keep some gold on them safe and that was a hard life so no one would have questioned their orientation ( well not unless they wanted to be cast overboard):heehee: then you say it would be seen as out of character for you have them pierced , OK it might shock them for a short time but not always in a negative way and it is surprising how quick they soon forget about it whereas if you had them done you would then enjoy them for ever more ( not that I am putting pressure on you to have them pierced ):devil: just that it is no longer a cultural shock as some might think any more (well not where I come from) :)

[anaissa]

So many men have pierced ears that it is no longer an indicator of straight versus gay. I understand that your desire to pierce them is in conflict with your not wanting to deviate from your male self, but this burning desire you speak of is a strong indication that your feminine persona is struggling to emerge. I support you in whatever you decide, but I encourage you to be true to yourself. Hugs.

[Tracii G]

My BFF was nudging me this weekend while we were at the mall to get mine done and I really have no reason not to.
My two daughters have seen pics of me with my spring loaded hoops on so I should just go do it.

[trisha kobichenko]

I pierced my left ear about 30 years ago. My rationalization was that Sly Stallone did it as well. Which ear was important back then! My real reason was that it re-inforced my fem desires, but I didn't tell anybody about it. I am still averse to too much public exposure to my dressing desire, but am growing in my ability to share my real feelings and sexualityl

[lucy two]

Get them both pierced at the same time and if anyone says anything (you lost a bet) I did and Only had one gay comments.

[Beverley Sims]

I am a bit in a similar boat, like everyone else I say go and do it......
Just because I am too apprehensive to have it done to myself has nothing to do with it. :)

[Anna H]

I did mine one at a time....you'll need to wear the "starter" earring for
a month or so. So it's not as noticeable in public with only one. It takes
twice as long, but it doesn't stand out as much.

I wouldn't care if I did mine now, but I'm 57 and work for myself. It's easy to
not care in that case. But, I did work for people who would care when I did
them originally.

:happy:

[biggirlsarah]

Hi Aeslyn, I have had my ears pierced for many years now, in today's society it is quite common for hetro males to have their ears pierced, it isn't looked on as being overtly feminine anymore, anyway getting to my main point , you said you have a burning desire , DO IT TODAY THERE MAY NOT BE A TOMORROW. do what makes you happy, you are the only person you have to worry about. the world doesn't care anyway, love and hugs Sarah xxx

[Aeslyn]

Thanks for all the replies, kinda fires me up for doing it.
Honestly I am not too worried about "gay comments" or the like. Though I am sure there is plenty of homophobia and such where I live there is a higher level of LGBT acceptance and acceptance of "different ways" and of different cultures here in Vancouver than there is anywhere else I have been in Canada. Also, most of my life is at the University where such comments would be very inappropriate or in certain areas of downtown there there is a high level of acceptance.
I am actually more worried about people in my life viewing it as something else entirely - as some kind of fashion statement, following certain elements of pop culture *cough*justin bieber*cough*, or falling into certain other cultural or image trends (hipsters). Personally I would take more guff for presenting these images than as gay or trans.
But the loosing a bet idea... crafty :)

[Katey888]

Aeslyn,
I think having described the environment you're in I would be less worried than if you worked in some other more conservative field... A lot of good advice here about doing one, both, but much less stigma attached to male adornment nowadays. I've always worked in fairly liberal organisations, and those with any sort of piercing were normally just regarded as the 'arty' souls amongst us.

How do you explain it? It doesn't really need explanation - you're expressing yourself and you choose to do that anyway you want to...

The most amount of ear piercing I've ever seen on one ear was on a male IT specialist supporting a local authority revenue system... I think he just liked lots of 'em!

Normal society - as you put it - will accept ear piercings on pretty much anyone... the more I talk about it, the more I'm tempted... hmmm :thinking:

Let us know what you do - or more likely, when you do... :devil:

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Aeslyn,

If you truly want to get you ears pierced you should just do. While it may be out of character for your male self, you can probably ride the short wave with a "just trying something different". Perhaps at the same time alter your clothing style slightly to go with a more "hipster" look and just tell people you wanted a change. For the most part it will most likely be a non-event and those who notice will most likely forget quickly.

Hugs

Isha

[FemPossible]

While it may be out of character for your male self, you can probably ride the short wave with a "just trying something different".

Agreed. Recently Aeslyn you told me that if someone is bothered by your outward appearance it is their problem and not yours. Just get them pierced and don't overreact when someone asks about them. Play it cool and you'll be fine.

Also while I might not be the most social person ever, I do know for sure that guys getting both ears pierced is very common these days. My mom once dated a guy who was a wannabe tough guy and he wore two earrings all the time.

[Suzanne F]

I have had this burning desire also. My wife has finally agreed and I am going to do one at a time. Yea!
Suzanne

[Jennifer S]

I have the same situation. I'm working up the courage to do it. It's not unusual for men to have their ears pierced and you're allowed to do something out of character now and then. Male you doesn't have to be boring!

[Barbie Anne]

"I used to have them when I was in my teens and just decided to do it again. What's the big deal?".......That worked well for me because it was true.
My right one has closed up and needs re-pierced but I still wear at least the left every day.
More and more men these days have visible piercings and I'm not talking just anybody. Very successful men. Don't trip on it just do it if you want :). Just be sure to check the mirror for which set you're wearing before you go to work *Wink*.....made that mistake once and covered it well........."Lost a bet with the wife" works nicely :)

[Dawn cd]

Just tell people you life was in a rut and you needed to do something to break out of it.

[Bev06 GG]

Good answer Dawn. That's what I'd say too.

[Lorileah]

I am not getting the point here. Why are you worried about getting your ears pierced? It's no macho? Look at how many pro athletes have pierced ears. There isn't a team in the NFL who does not have players without earrings. The NBA is teh same. I have not really looked at the NHL but I would bet when they are not on the ice some do. Wrestlers do. Macho manly country singers even do now (look up Jason Aldeen, Keith Urban, Brantley Gilbert). So I am missing the point as far as not doing because of what others would think. Not doing it because it would hurt? I will tell you it doesn't but you won't believe me. As far as women not liking guys with earrings? When Keith Urban tires of Nicole Kidmann...send her here. It does not effect their money making ability
One of Manny Ramirez's $15,000 diamond earrings made the news a couple years ago when it dislodged from his lobe following a headfirst slide into third base during a rehab assignment with Red Sox Triple-A affiliate Pawtucket.

Manny delayed the ball game for several minutes as he scoured the swath of dirt around the bag hunting for his pricey piercing in vain. Intermittent attempts to find the earring between innings also turned up squat.

So what is the hold up? If your boss doesn't like them, when your ears heal you can take them out. If you play a sport, you can take them out. If the other team objects...
shortstop Omar Vizquel whined to umpires that the light glinting off former Mariners reliever Arthur Rhodes' diamond earrings was blinding him. Rhodes was told to take them off, igniting a bench clearing brouhaha.

[Shirley Anne]

Go ahead and get it done, men with pierced ears is a total non event nowadays I doubt anyone will pay any attention even if they notice at all. If anything is said are you old enough to pass it off as a mid life crisis statement.

[Laura912]

I bet you that you cannot name our cat. Well, you did not so you lost the bet and have to get your ears pierced.

[Jesse Six]

Hi Aeslyn,
You can still have your ears pierced in a less conspicuous way.

However, don't go to the mall and get it done on the cheap in a costume jewellery shop. They usually stick you with a pair of shiny, obvious starter studs, which you have to keep in for 6 weeks+ (wearing those to work - the horror!).

Instead go to an actual tattoo / piercing parlor, and ask for more discreet starter hardware. Tattoo parlors have other options (google "glass piercing retainer"), which are much harder to notice. Of course, you still have to keep 'em in until your ears heal.

Also, just simply ASK the tattoo artist about hiding your piercing effectively. Apparently they get many requests for this - think about all the kids with pierced eyebrows, noses, lips... they all have to go to work on Monday too.

[Barbie Anne]

Another option. I have a set I use sometimes to show support for breast cancer awareness. The pink ribbon. Very small ones but still. Heck NFL players routinely wear pink because of this and I've seen them wear even more flamboyant ear bling.

[cdterri]

Come on people, I pierced my ears back in the sixties, no one and I mean no one has ever said a thing about it, and I wear most any type of earrings I want to.I personaly know many men with pierced ears. Bikers (I am one) and sailors (my late brother was one) come to mind.

[anonymousinmaryland]

To me, it's like wanting a tatoo. Wait a year, and then see how you feel about it. THEN make your decision.

[Aeslyn]

The main issue for me isn't really perception but doing something out of character. In male form I am that stalwart never changing guy and people might worry that something is wrong with me (mentally or emotionally) if I did do something out of character. But maybe that is just what I should do, something different for the sake of doing something different. Might actually be just what my life needs. So I definitely think I will get it done soon as I can find a place and time. I know there are plenty of tattoo parlours in Vancouver, so place isn't a big problem.
Thanks

[Jesse Six]

I am actually more worried about people in my life viewing it as something else entirely - as some kind of fashion statement, following certain elements of pop culture *cough*justin bieber*cough*, or falling into certain other cultural or image trends (hipsters).

Aaah... I missed this comment the first time. The "that thing I wanted to do for a long time has become trendy, so now I can't do it anymore" problem. Don't you find people that enforce those kinds of expectations to be more insufferable than the trendy masses they ridicule?

It's really just another form of conformism, but with a heaping spoonful of hypocrisy ("Those are the sheep, and we're the non-conformists. Oh, you're not exactly like us? You must not be cool.").

You know what's really cool? Having passion for something. If you feel it, live it. The hell with the peanut gallery.

[Barbie Anne]

So glad I didn't Get a tribal sleave tattoo in the 90s like all my friends were getting.

[LovelyGeek]

I agree with Joanne and others - the stigma of piercings being "girly" or "feminine" or "gay" is not really there anymore.
I have had my ears pierced for 7 years now, and have only been out to my wife for a few weeks.
That is the best part about ear-rings, they can be both masculine and femme.
You can find a good pair that works for both, or have multiple pairs.
Take the plunge - you will realize that it isn't as bad as you think it was - and that people are more accepting than you think they will be.
Hugs!
-CJ

[TrishaMarie]

Aeslyn, I am a business owner and an insurance agent and I fought this for 10 years. Terrified of what my clients would think, terrified of what my kids would think. Well I have had them pierced for going on 3 years now and while people will say, "when did you get your ears pierced?" or "hey I didn't know you had them pierced." Most everyone hasn't even reacted to it. I will admit I do take them out for my most conservative client meetings, but that is more for me, you can still see where they are pierced, just takes away from my personal anxiety. I am happy I went for it. All I know is that it helped me be happy and feel more feminine. You have to do what is right for you.

[Lynn Marie]

Yeah, go for it. Get your ears pierced, pluck those eyebrows, and wear those shorts and tee shirts after shaving. Hey, nobody will notice. BS! People notice, they just don't know what to say so they say nothing. Your friends? You bet they'll notice.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

I have had mine pierced for nearly 30 years and wear them when driving but remove them when going into a customer. Most people don't say anything but i do catch some "guff " from some people if i forget before going into the terminal. But I work in a mainly male business and some men think women shouldn't be driving. Many years ago my daughter would see some cute earrings that she had to get for daddy (imagine a 5'9" 250 lb guy with pink teddy bears LOL) Had a lot of fun and now my wife buys many of my earrings. You just have to be ready for people and stand for yourself. Own it as they say.

[Jennifer S]

Because of this thread I went out today and got mine done! I am so happy that I finally did it. Go for it, Aeslyn you will not regret it :)

Jenn

[Nadine Spirit]

The issue is that it would be so completely out of character for the male me and everyone knows it.

Can't you just begin to redefine who the male you is?

[Alice B]

In this modern age having pierced ears implies nothing. Go for it. I did mine several years ago, in fact before I started dressing. Have never had anything but positive comments, even from those that asked "why". I simply said it is something I enjoy and have always wanted to do. That was it.

[Nadina]

I have had both of my ears pierced for more than half my life, I don't think that a guy with pierced ears is any more odd than a guy with a beard these days. JMHO ;)

[Aeslyn]

Because of this thread I went out today and got mine done! I am so happy that I finally did it. Go for it, Aeslyn you will not regret it :)

Jenn

Yeah, because of these responses (and thank you everyone, great advice) I think I will go for it. Now it is just about timing. So... a couple of questions for those of you in the know:
Is it ok to get it done in winter when the whether is cold? I mean, when they are new you can't take them out if it is cold and what does it feel like in the winter with them in? (I also can't stand my ears covered so that is not an option.)
And, during the first few weeks when you have to leave them in can you change them to do you have to keep the same pair in constantly? I am looking forward to having and enjoying a variety of ear rings.


I have had both of my ears pierced for more than half my life, I don't think that a guy with pierced ears is any more odd than a guy with a beard these days. JMHO ;)

Personally, I hate beard lol. I think I'd rather see a guy with pierced ears than with a beard.

[Barbie Anne]

You keep the same pair in for a couple weeks, but any proffessional piercer will give you a small bottle of wash made for cleaning it while the earrings are in. cotton ball.....you get it.

Unless it goes horribly wrong you wont need a bandaid :) No need to cover it unless you don't want to somebody seeing them. Go for something less flamboyant for your starters. I chose 2mm zircon on surgical steel studs. Gotta get my right redone but will go with same style.

Above all though......Have fun with it! ;)

[Caden Lane]

Just excuse it as trying to look or feel younger, trying something different, or blame it on a midlife crisis. If nothing else just say you are thinking of getting a tattoo next( but for Gods sake don't do it... Lol) but they are your ears... Adorn away!

Don't they make flesh colored posts you can put in instead of earrings?!?

I was right, they do make flesh colored retainers for piercings.

http://www.bodyjewelrypiercing.com/labret-studs/flesh-color-labret-stud-lip-and-ear.html

[juliana]

Just do it. So many men's have their ears pierced and honestly don't think that nobody would really care that much.

[weekend woman]

I had my first holes done at 55. Second holes 3 months later. My excuse, mid-life crisis. It was a lot cheaper than a sports car!!! No one said anything, a few strange looks, but not one negative word. So JUST DO IT!!!

[Glenda58]

Got mine done 10 years ago still working at the time and was the boss of 25. Had one who said something about it. Then had a young lady give me some hoop earrings to wear just to upset him. And yes you have to keep them in for 6 weeks turning them and keeping them clean. After that you can do anything the hardest thing is learning where the holes are and putting on the backs.

[Barbra P]

Had mine pierced three years ago come Father’s Day. I’ve never been asked why my ears are pierced or why I pierced my ears. My mechanic noticed my earrings, almost a year after I had them pierced, and commented that my earrings sure were a lot cheaper than buying a Porsche – have to assume it was in reference to having a mid-life crisis. The cashier in Rite Aid commented on my earrings, told me how much she liked them and were they Hopi or Navaho? They are silver with a Southwestern Turquois and Coral design; I don’t think they are either Hopi or Navaho as I bought them off Amazon for less than $10. I don’t know how things are in Vancouver but here a men with pierced ears is quite common. It’s against military regulations but I see both Sailors and Marines with pierced ears.

You do know that unlike tattoos ear piercings tend to heal and go away? It is important to leave the starter studs as it is easy to damage the hole when attempting to put the posts back in. It’s only six weeks so why take the chance? I started with small (3mm I think) gold balls, gold is a masculine color and the gold balls were too small to attract much attention; pewter (not real pewter but pewter colored), stainless steel, silver, dark gray, black are other possible choices. I sometimes think that trying to hide the fact that you pierced your ears might draw more attention than just being open about it. On the off chance that someone does actually ask you can always come back with “yeah, I had my ears pierced, aren’t they great? I’m thinking maybe I should get some diamond studs like all the professional jocks wear. Say, you ought to get yours done, I can recommend a great place.”

My only regret is that I waited so long before having it done