Problems of Preception

[Aeslyn]

I decided to start this thread to discuss other problems of perception (other as in not those related with gender roles and identity).

First, about me, I am closeted but that does not mean I don't wear "female" clothing outside. The closeted part is not the clothing which, in my opinion, does not have gender. The closeted part is the desire to fulfil the complete female role in a relationship. I have been rather vocal at work and school that clothing does not have gender and that what one wears is not feminine or masculine it is our perceptions which are.

The perceptions I am worried about, however, is probably more about look or image. As I was thinking today about why I don't go out in a dress, as much as I love wearing them one reason occurred to me which I have long over looked in this context. I don't look good in a dress. I also don't look good in pink or purple (colors I do love). Many of us choose what we wear in public not based on what people will think of us but based on wanting to look good. We keep the things which do not look good but are comfortable for at home. I have a couple of pairs of pants and some sweaters from the "women's section" which I wear all the time, but they look good on me. I am not advocating wearing what looks good on you, no, I feel people should wear what they feel comfortable in. But a lot of the time in the public eye being comfortable and looking good are the same thing.

Does anyone else out there feel this way? That they don't wear that wonderful dress out in public because they just don't look good in a dress. Or they don't wear that bikini or one piece to the beach cause they just can't pull it off with their body - I can't even pull of shorts to tell the truth.

[Beverley Sims]

I wear what looks good on me and others need to perceive me as a neat dresser.

[Rachelakld]

I've seen lots of guys looking good in nice skirts.
The guys in dresses, while the style is okay, the floral pattern is not good with a 6 month old beard

[docrobbysherry]

I don't have a fem figure or face, Aeslyn. But, I don't let that stop from looking attractive in my mirror. I do whatever I need to do to look good!

I dress for me and me alone. If I look like crap? I either change the part of me I don't like, or toss that outfit! Or, BOTH!

[Aeslyn]

I've seen lots of guys looking good in nice skirts.
The guys in dresses, while the style is okay, the floral pattern is not good with a 6 month old beard

I think you miss understand me sweetie, I am not saying guys can't look good in skirt, dresses or whatever, I have seen many who do. In fact, one of the most beautiful girls in one of my classes last year who looked absolutely stunning in everything she wore was anatomically male. No no no, I am not saying that...

I am saying that I simply can't pull it off. For me, it would be a lot less of a problem to go out in a nice dress or skirt, something I would love to do especially with stocking, if I looked good enough in it. It is just not a style of clothing that I look good in.



I don't have a fem figure or face, Aeslyn. But, I don't let that stop from looking attractive in my mirror. I do whatever I need to do to look good!

I dress for me and me alone. If I look like crap? I either change the part of me I don't like, or toss that outfit! Or, BOTH!

Dressing for you is definitely the best way to go. And that is an absolutely gorgeous dress you have on there. I love it :)

[Katey888]

Aeslyn - it's very hard for us to comment as we don't know what you look like.. :)

Sometimes we can be our own harshest critics - and I speak from personal experience...

Until I discovered this gem of a place, nobody had ever seen me in a dress! :eek: To me and my mind's eye, I like dresses - I preferred them to skirts... but it took a little bravery and some experimentation to realise that I don't look bad in a skirt and top, and I personally think a lot of that is down to the archetypal male physique of broad shoulders/ narrow hips that few dresses are designed for. With a careful choice of top and skirt, hips can be faked, a waist can be accentuated and shoulders minimised. If you experiment a bit and discover combinations that work, then your confidence will grow and you might find yourself more comfortable in styles you would not have dreamed about!

Use this place as a test ground - why not? Lot's of others do - and their development is evidence that it works, I believe.. :cheer:

And I sincerely recommend not pulling off shorts on the beach or anywhere - that's the type of behaviour that gets you arrested.. :heehee:

Experiment and be damned... :D

Katey x

[noeleena]

Hi,

Perceptions of ones self or how others see you, lets start with ones body ,

is my body in keeping with who i am and age, so clothes dont come into it, no matter what i wear, so are we looking at the whole person from how others see us,or perceve who we are, is this about people in the street or friends

so your bothered about how you look or your image, im not sure about image, so ill leave that bit,

How i look, so clothes dont have gender yet they are made for who they are designed for, ether male or female my clothes are made to fit my body, i make sure of that , and ill wear them skirts blouse's and other like , theres no male clothes in this house hold,

I have a few dress's and wear them to Balls with my head wear. and they are fitted, for my body, my other clothes and are garb 1400 -1700 and i wear them over seas and around here where i live so are seen by many people,the other clothes are 1900 - 14 more period again seen by many 100's of people, and they are for women .

Most of the clothes iv brought are what i know suits my body shape and looks nice on me, why because im in the pubic eye i meet many people and well known, so how do i look after all that, okay body shape good clothes quite nice some are plain, nice colours quite smart, and fit well, head wear similar to my aviata, i like my skrits as i can mix and match,

I can allso go down the street in my work clothes skirt top head wear or sun hat and work at our Museum .

this image detail i dont have one that i have to keep or look a certain way if thats implyed, im just myself just noeleena to every one,

( dont wear a dress because of.... oh i dont look right, ) sorry not in my case ill wear my dress going down the road to our meetings or any of my clothes, and talk to people on the way, as for bathing clothes no issue there .

im not ashamed of my body not ashamed of who i am ether, This is about confidence and knowing who you are, im a very confident woman, make no mistake on that, if your ashamed of your self it makes no difference what you wear, it wont change who you are, my clothes allow myself to express who i am yet really do they, they can open some doors for you yet i can express myself to others and clothes dont come into it at all because they know me,

I think a better way to say it is on the phone as we talk those im talking to dont know what im wearing do they and yet they know who i am my voice is how they know its me, they cant even see me so perception by clothes alone is not what this is about,. i said confident, because the botton line is are you confident in your self, ?? this is the real issue,

...noeleena...

[CarlaWestin]

Clothing does not have gender. You are correct with this statement. But, your appearance and presentation will transmit visual information. As we analyse what we see, we compare to our historical internal database to determine what is in our immediate environment. A lot gets ignored or quickly discarded because it's just the norm. There are times when I go out wearing jeans and a sweater and running shoes. All very generic but with a large bra and forms. (I just love the feeling of having large breasts) Most don't even notice. The public eye actually has tunnel vision. When I'm fully en femme, a labor intensive process, I am highly concerned about perception. That's the hard part, trying to present perfectly female but not overdone as to stand out in the venue. You gotta love Halloween! Anyway, the full acceptance of everyone wearing anything with no gender perception is just utopian nonsense. Besides, if it didn't have that exciting element of controversy, would it be as much fun?

[Kate Simmons]

I don't give two hoots what the publics thinks of what I wear. If I like it, it's good enough for me. Besides they don't pay my salary. ;):)

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

As I have started getting older (and looking more like a fire plug) I haven't been wearing dresses or skirts when out, but do wear sweaters and jeans. I have to be careful working in a "good-ol-boy job not to seem too far out there as i have security clearances to worry about so I just play it down a bit. If I wear makeup, I wear neutral shades and keep my nails polished in clear,shiny hardener. A few people have mentioned the nails but i tell them the truth. Yup, it's nail polish but i have very brittle nails.

[Teresa]

Hi Aeslyn,
You don't say when you're dressed if you wear makeup and a wig, if you don't you will always worry about your perception. You can feel good dressed, I often do house work dressed and just lipstick, if I catch myself in a mirror I look down to catch the movement of the clothes and see how good your body looks.

[Stephanie47]

I'm probably going to be on thin ice with my judgmental response. Me? I'm six foot even right now. I'm wearing a size 18 dress. I wear a size 42C bra. I have a 38 inch waist and slightly larger hips. I think my look given my height is fine. I dress stylish and only wear dresses when en femme. Of course, its heels and hosiery. I do need a wig as my genetics have taken its toll on my hair. I am very comfortable wearing a dress WHEN my mindset is in the female mode. If Stephanie does not want to become dominant, then I do not get en femme.

As to the male side? Well, at my age my height and weight are proportional and fine. Of course, a little more hair would work nicely. However at six foot even, there are not too many people who are going to look down on the top of my head. I dress up nicely as a male. I am not sloppy. I do not have that "male pregnant look" caused by too many beers and Big Mac's.

When I am out in male mode I have been the recipient of nice comments. As a male I have aged well, at least out the outside. Out and about as a woman will not work due to other people perception. If my face were to be obscured I think I would be perceived as a tastefully attired woman. To be identified as a male will negate my womanly look because of THEIR perception of what a male should look like.

Sure, clothing does not have gender. Society dictates norms and expectations. I would think I would do great on Halloween. I think I would raise the in the viewer's mind that "He looks a little to nice. I bet he wear women's clothing all the time."

In my case I have to take into consideration what cross dressing does for me. Being en femme brings peace and tranquility. It is an escape mechanism. Cross dressing is not injurious to my health. To escape into alcohol or drugs would be injurious. To be ridiculed or judged in public will negate the peace and tranquility. The public would view me as less of a man than I truly am. And, of course, the public would never consider me to be a woman.

Perception of self and perception by the public is important. I guess I have rambled on too long. I may even have gotten off point? Sorry.

[kimdl93]

Honestly, I do everything within my power to look the best that I can. If and when I'm read, I'd like to think the reaction might be, "that's a guy! ....but what a cute outfit!"

[DeeArel]

When purchasing any item of clothing it has to meet the following criteria.

1. It must feel good on the inside.
2. Flatter my figure.
3. Look good

[Marcelle]

Hi Aeslyn,

I tend to wear clothes which I feel look good on me and are age appropriate. For me I prefer to blend when out among the "vanilla world" so wearing a dress that looks like a sack on me would only draw attention to where I don't want it.

Hugs

Isha

[Ms. Laura]

Yah, I mean we all have this inner sense of "This is good, or this is bad." Some are just better at it than others! :)

There are so many factors, age appropriate, venue appropriate, body type appropriate, day or eve., yada yada. Otherwise we'd all wear ball gowns to WALMART, or PJs. Well, you do see a lot of PJs.

[noeleena]

Hi,

This week end we have had 3 get to gethers for our Edwardian group. The heading out of Africa, so our venue was displayed to suit im involved with the displys ,
friday night was our High tea 55 came ,

This morning / afternoon we had our Promenade or picnic in the park, of cause all dressed up it went well and a few children were there as well .

This evening we had about 65 come we had one chap who did some miming and that was a lot of laugh's and fun the tables are set to an English setting .
a full evening meal 4 couse meal and presented very well we had two others one african chap play the drums and his friend as well i happen to know this chap . we had two do a skit of a lady and gent of the times 1900 to 1914 in Africa so all in all was a lovely evening . i was incharge of takeing photos some 600 shots,

Now to perceptions ,

Of cause this is the backdrop. of my evening, now most every one knows me from cooks to those who took part in many of the aspects of what we do,

I was dressed in my ball gown of royal blue with a see through black lace that covers the dress, long sleaved black high heeled shoes 2 / 1/2 in , and very little makeup though did do a light gray pink eye lid shadow eye brow liner and lippy and perfume.

and i thought id wear my long wig of lighter autumn colours . plus my heavy neckless of a cross and black beads with antique metal colour and earing's, well my surprise was many of my friends said to me how lovely and so different i looked, and my wig really set it off several looked harder at me as they thought whos this, so took them a bit longer to work out oh it is noeleena.

well i can tell you i never expected this so i had many lovely comments so now the perception has changed totaly for me now as to how people see me, so this a bit rough maybe tomboy look im more comfortable in with my apperance means i now have a dress code i will have to maintain with our groups, , one friend i work with i told her you know im more comfortable in my other clothes my work skirt and overalls, she said i know....... oh heck.

i'v been so used to just being plain jane so now iv steped away unwitingly to they see my femaleness is showing with my way of dressing, so this is another part of my growing as a woman being shown so i now have to look at myself differently,

You know it maybe a simple act of a change and i steped to an other level in my walk as a woman, im a little apprehencive yet its part of my growth . a very different evening for myself, yet quite a lovely one, yes pretty neat....

...noeleena...